the fickle muse · 10:26am Nov 14th, 2019
apparently the muse has been around long enough for me to whip out a couple paragraphs on random things, but won't stick around for me to actually work on one of my projects. oy.
i was very briefly inspired for a new one shot, but by the time i'd tracked down a photo the muse had gone. i'm all but ready to just brute force the second chapter for land of dreams because it's bugging the crap out of me that i haven't finished it yet.
probably doesn't help that we're getting really close to when my grandpa was diagnosed with his cancer last year, and only two months from the anniversary of his death. even with all the complicated feelings about him before and after he was gone, in the light of things he'd said and done before i showed up and made them all eat crow just still eats away at me. he died knowing i'd fixed my life to the best of my ability, but his legacy is that even when he was dying, he saw fit to hurt me because of my cousin.
basically, i have a cousin who's done everything wrong in life, begged for help and abused it, and they (my family) constantly compare me to her despite me never having done what she has. i have a lot of pain and hatred, and even after nearly a year it hasn't really abated because these bastards haven't changed in the slightest. can't beg to see me, then turn around and talk shit about me behind my back.
anyways. writing is my solace still, but i guess the silver lining is at least i'm writing something? even if it's random story snippets?
