Hap Reviews: Contest Entries 2 · 1:10pm Nov 13th, 2019
Hello again. Trying to get back into the swing of regular reading and stuff, since I'm out of practice. Last time I had finished two short stories, both okay and worth a look if they were of the sort that tickles your fancy. Today we have two more, also hopefully good. First up is the highest rated story in the Peace category of the contest, so that's pretty exciting, and then a story about Luna, and everybody likes Luna.
These'll just be my thoughts, and hopefully as usual shine a spotlight on some stories whilst I'm about it. Nothing complex, honestly. I start with general Hap thoughts (usually the grumpy portion of the review, since I'm rather hard to please...) and then I try to recommend it to folks who I think might enjoy it.
First up is A Trolley Problem Named Desire, by MagnetBolt
This story is a comedy clocking in at just over 6K words about Chrysalis trying to trick and deceive her way around the Crystal Empire, but also not really. As it's a comedy, it doesn't put any effort into trying to make you take the premise seriously, which is just as well, since I'm not 100% sure I'm actually able to list all the things wrong with Chrysalis's plan to trick the ponies of the Crystal Empire by overtly declaring herself to them and appearing to be the very image of untrustworthy...
It's not an unfamiliar premise, where Big Bad Guy has to live with the good guys and hilarity ensues. I feel the first half is predictable enough, but competently put together, so it reads pretty damn well. It's also likely to get a few laughs, since I cracked half a smile at two occasions throughout the story (which is the best most stories get...). If I had a complaint it's that the story messes with the characters a bit, trying to make them heavily comedic by squeezing them into OOC territory a bit (particularly Chrysalis), which I'd normally not be too bitter about, but then the story tries to backflip back into something a bit more heavy. I feel that making Chrysalis heavily lean on comedy of the sort we don't see her go for, such as arguing in favour of pineapple on pizza (I stand with Chryssi by the way) and sex jokes reduces the impact of any character-driven arc.
The ending arc is also heavily telegraphed and predictable, but again, I'm not inclined to hold this against the story too much since it's put together well. Just because I know beat-for-beat what's going to happen doesn't mean the beats are bad.
I've probably sounded quite negative so far, so it's worth bringing up that I believe that this story stands quite tall compared to other comedic stories of its length and type. It features a complete arc for its characters (multiple! Not just Chrysalis, Cadence also has a tangible arc, I feel), it doesn't lean on cheap memey jokes, it uses all its characters well, paces itself nicely, and offers a strong resolution. The story didn't need to go this hard, certainly for the amount of words it has, but it did anyway, which is deserving of some respect, I think.
Who would enjoy this? Anyone looking for a comedy one shot likely won't come away from this one disappointed, and I'd also recommend this story to folks looking for a more well-rounded story that simply leans on comedy as well. Fans of the old 'Chrysalis redemption' thing will be happy to see this too, especially now that the show has kind of smothered that particular arc (for at least 1000 years in canon...). Someone looking for something serious, or a more character-accurate portrayal might come away a little disappointed, but I think anyone clicking on a story that says 'comedy' on it should know what to expect here...
Waning Crescent, by iisaw
Not sure this one worked well for me, to be honest... It's always a struggle with crossovers that I don't get what they're about, and on top of that it's also about the end of the world, so ages away from anything I'd consider familiar about MLP. Not a great start for me, unfortunately...
The story goes for the atmospheric feel, which I'm down for, but without much to latch onto I spend the first half of the story kinda just wondering what was going on. This becomes clearer later on, at least, and then the atmospheric deal works a bit better for me, which is nice. The story itself is about the end of the world, so super happy times all around, yeahhh.
Probably a good thing the story is melancholic. The end of the world is usually a bit of a downer affair, and this story doesn't sugarcoat it, which is nice. I did like the contrast between Twilight and Luna, where Luna seems more prepared to embrace the endless night once the sun and moon die out, whereas Twilight seems to make an ark of sorts, but pyramid shaped. I dig it. I think the story also does a pretty good job of setting up more the concept of places and events rather than explicitly describing what they are through their names and how the characters (Luna, mostly...) react to them. It's neat stuff.
Who would enjoy this? Not sure. Probably folks who have read The Night Land and The Inferno will likely have better luck than I, although anyone looking for an atmospheric slice of existential end-of-the-world melancholy should also find a good time too. Certainly, if that sounds like your bag, don't let grumpy old me get in the way.
That's all from me today. Should just be three more entries in the Peace category, then I can move onto other categories, time willing. It's pretty nice taking some time to read stuff now and then. Since there was a lot of them, I may struggle to get through them all though...
Thanks for the review!
5156946 Welcome.
I feel I was a bit if a poor candidate to review yours, though... it's generally better to know what someone is crossovering with when you're trying to look at it critically, so I do feel I did a bit of a poor job...
I did like how the story worked with the atmosphere and stuff though, which was nice.
5156950
No worries! It was the atmosphere that was important anyway, not the details. (Completely unlike most of my stories, too!)
5156965 Ooh!
It's pretty impressive that you managed to convey what you were going for, even to someone who was utterly uninitiated to the context of the story, then.
Nice!