Techie's SPICY Smokin' Toasted Self-Roasted Reviews #34: [Equestrian Human]! · 7:25am Nov 8th, 2019
Oh neat, another old flagship!
A bit of background on this: Before Pony-Me, I intended for the Lab Horse series to last indefinitely, and so every individual story in the series was meant to end with an open-ended cliffhanger to serve as a jumping point for the next story. Pony-Me kinda killed off that whole dynamic with the writing style shift. Then again, it probably wouldn't've been a good idea to keep writing Lab Horse forever. I was starting to get a little bit of that Original Fiction itch already at this point, after all, and the Lab Horse series was too firmly based in MLP to reasonably be adapted like I'm doing with Pony-Me.
Anyway, onto the story!
As for the rest? Well, I’m suddenly a brunette now, judging by the locks of hair dangling in front of my eyes. Delmar’s just this lump underneath a pile of our emergency gear, which apparently got scrambled by the landing.
For one, yeah, I wanted to kill the Smurf Horse joke. It was getting old and the only way I could get rid of it back then was to bring back the old brown hair of Zoey from Wielder of the Orb.
Also, can we get an F in the comments for Delmar?
In front of me wasn’t the light-teal hoof I was used to for my entire life, but... a hand. Complete with fingers. Attached to an arm. Which in turn, is attached to me.
Finally, I looked down over myself, which, surprisingly, I didn’t do earlier. Yup. I’ve got the whole deal. No fluffy patch of blue anywhere. Just me, and the clothes that I apparently now have.
I wonder if that means that Delmar’s a pony?
You can bet he is!
Ranell's text color in the chat is still annoying to see in dark mode. I'm just gonna ignore it.
I’m frankly surprised that my DNA is still the same at all. Not to mention the fact that I’m apparently a human now.
Doncha know? MLP equines and humans share 99.99% of each other's DNA! How else could you have an advanced horse civilization and peopleperson-level smarts?
Wait, what?
Twilight S.
What.
WAT.
W0T.
*brainfart noises*
Why? Well, apparently, according to her, it was “inheritance money” from whatever my biological parents had. Also, child protection services. Though, strangely, they did say that they’re both still alive, so... Idunno. I’m not into the legal things and stuff like that.
>That moment when you're pummeled to death by a sack full of child support money
But seriously, Gadget's reaction is half fitting, half understated. She needs more freakout.
“Eh? New customers?” a gruff voice asked from behind the counter. The man it belonged to (and yes, by now I’m aware that there’s apparently humans here along with the ponies,) stepped out from behind the counter drying a pot. “Y’aller lost ‘r somethin’?”
Welcome to my Equestria AU.
“Nah, it’s free.” the man replied, “Name’s Stanley, by the way. I ‘eard of ya in the papers his mornin’.”
“Papers?” I asked, raising a brow.
Stanley shrugged. “Says here y’all were found alive after gettin’ tossed out years ago.”
Well, I can certainly say that news spreads rather quickly here.
THE PLOT THICKENS.
Log 4145.5: Back again
I genuinely think this might be the last story I ever used partial chapters in. These days instead of going the lazy route and publishing whatever the heck I have written just for the heck of it, I actually build out the chapter before posting. Keep in mind that I'm referring to my non-comedy stories here. Yeah, the Lab Horse series is tagged with comedy, but unlike the reboot, comedy isn't the main focus here.
A man wearing a really formal tuxedo began,
You know, for a place populated with candy-colored horses, there's an awful lot of regular humans out and about.
"Where's your sister?" I asked, looking around for a sign of an orange Earth Pony.
"Ah ain't have no sister." she replied, "Just me an' mah brother runnin' the place."
So apparently, in this Equestria, Apple Bloom takes the place of Applejack. Of whom doesn't exist. Maybe.
...Maybe.
And now, to address a biggie: We need to somehow manage to get Equestria to want to trade with Earth. Or at least, with people. It'd get a bit awkward if somebody tried to open up trade with wild horses or something.
This is the part where people try to sell actual horses to Equestria. Actually, that'd be a pretty interesting premise for a story.
These logs don't exactly follow a day-by-day timeline anymore. They're just kinda made based on what's going on.
AKA Techie lost track of how many days had gone by in the story and just gave up at that point.
While Gadget heads off to find a possible place to work, I've personally set off for some house hunting. Throughout the years, I believe the last time I even considered the idea of moving was... Twenty? Twenty-five years?
I honestly don't remember quite well, but with a copy of Gadget's inheritance in hand, I'll likely be spending a few days roaming the streets for a viable place to stay.
As for Gadget, I've already since notified her of what I'm currently doing. I shouldn't take long.
In addition, I have yet to figure out how I'm able to access the neuropathic link from such a long distance.
Alright there, buckaroo. You don't just switch perspectives out of the blue. What is this, a bad writing class? Psh, you know better than that!
In all honesty though at first I thought that was some kind of weird author's note until I read the "Twenty? Twenty-five years?" part.
Hrm. Even banks in Equestria don't have anything interesting in their magazine piles. At least they've got hot choco--oh. It's coffee. Of course.
...
Oh wait, there is hot chocolate!
One of the few universal traits that every version of Zoey (Gadget included) has is that they all love hot chocolate.
Also, Delmar still seems a bit squeemish from having to let the teller get a clear view of his flank. 'Cause apparently he's got a cutie mark now for whatever reason. I guess that's just another way of ID-ing in Equestria, though honestly, I'm a bit curious on what they'd do if he didn't have a mark.
HONEY, GET OUT THE BRANDING IRON!
Hrm. I need to figure out a way to advance the plot a bit faster. I've probably done enough worldbuilding for a while.
Interesting way to say that the majority of the series was filler material since the end goal of reaching Equestria was planned right from the beginning.
Which means that it's time to get to business.
LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS, TO DEFEAT, THE HU-- *smack*
"Inmate number 6601, Michael Rowe Wayve, please report to the visitor's center."
Ayy lmao, here's the joke character! Mr. Mike Rowe Wayve himself!
...no. I am not gonna make this weird.
No. As an author, it is my duty to make this weird.
My biological father's shortened name is literally pronounced "Mike Rowe Wayve", or, when said out loud, Microwave. No wonder why he seems so crabby. ANYWAYS...
"I-I'm your daughter, Gadg--I mean, Zoey." I stammered on, "I... came back."
"You're supposed to be dead." my dad snapped back, "You destroyed my reputation, my business. You destroyed my life."
And in the next flagship that came after this, the parents just aren't there at all!
Between the suddenness of Delmar plopping me onto his back and literally pony-back-riding me out of the place, and the fact that I had just met the guy who once tried to kill me, I'd have to say that I'm pretty much as confused as I've ever been. I mean, what did I even do?
A lot of Pony-Me's old style of putting first-person thoughts in italics comes from here. I don't really do that very much at all anymore though.
Delmar idly whistled as he dried some dishes in The Soup Can, Stanley flitting between the tables with a rag.
Soup Can Stan is a great character and he is a wholesome lil' hecker.
Gonna skip ahead some chapters here.
I smirked. "Since when did you suddenly know so much about Equestria?"
Celestia made a face, playfully jabbing me lightly in the side. "I said I never listened to lectures. I still pay attention to what's around me, doofus."
I like writing this Celestia.
Shorter chapter is short.
Bold words coming from the guy whose average chapter length is probably tanked because of the sheer number of What If chapters he's written with <300 words.
The following chapters, this one and the previous one included, are likely gonna be relatively short, given that the story's entered a new story arc focusing more on character dialogue and vague location descriptions.
Neat. Almost forgot that this series introduced story arcs to my flagships.
Well, I guess now's a better time than ever for a nap.
That came out of nowhere.
Sorry for the shorter chapter today.
You keep saying that. Stop saying that! We get it, you weren't good with writing longer chapters back then! Stop making excuses!
"She's probably much older than she looks."
Are you suggesting she's a loli?
"Yup." the guide answered as we turned a corner, "After the only factory that was built here closed down, many of us resorted to self-sufficiency simply due to how remote our location is."
Self-sufficiency and being a tourist attraction.
Worldbuilding!
And then that town is never seen again and would have absolutely no significance to the plot in any way.
I don't particularly look forward to fall break given how my internet issues worsen during school breaks from more people being online all day.
*Pony-Me looms in the corner*
My earlier prediction of this lasting well into next year only counts if I doubled the chapter counts with extra filler chapters
Hold on, extra?
...So now apparently Celestia's gonna have Apaches. Okay.
Honestly, I kinda find the mental image of a Celestia screaming bloody murder from an Apache kinda funny. Just add a pair of sunglasses, a tiny but immensely frustrating being or object like a stale cake or something, and just have her firing round upon round into the thing.
pew pew
Probably one of the last chapters before we're back in Equestria.
Actually, one of the last chapters before the story died in a hole.
I nodded as I shoved Delmar back through the portal. Again.
Ok.
"Yeah," I agreed. "Also, why did you want helicopters from Earth, anyways? It's not like you don't have your own already."
"Because they're cool!" Celestia squealed into a pillow on her throne, "My mom wouldn't've ever let me get one for myself, but..." I watched as her grin quickly drooped. "I guess, now that she's gone, I may do whatever I wish..."
Celestia here has more enthusiasm for helicopters than I do for writing fully-MLP-based fanfics.
Aight. That's all for this round!
Back then?
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pew pew
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Pew pew
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Bang bang
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BOOM BOOM
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