A Halt from the Killing Pace · 7:05pm Nov 5th, 2019
I am back.
I spent the past month and a half mostly ignoring my profile on this website because I couldn't bear to let myself on it, for fear of getting so absorbed that it would harm my studies. I wonder if it would have really mattered.
I took LTAM on the 25th and can expect results back around the 13th of next month. I'll let you all know how I scored; however, my hopes are not high. While I performed great on the multiple choice portion of the exam, there were some I simply guessed and skipped. The written answer portion of the exam constitutes the major half of the score on the exam, and, while you must do well on the multiple choice in order to have written answers graded, I did not even get to address over half of that section.
In other words, I believe my ceiling, as far as possible scores I could get on the exam, is only somewhat above what is likely the pass mark. While I think I did well for what I could answer, I place a good chance on having to take the exam again.
In better news, I just returned from another trip to Florida to visit family, accompanied by my grandparents this time. We spent half our time with my cousins and their parents near Inverness and the other half with my great-aunt and -uncle in Indiatlantic. It was actually boring. We did very little. This was calming, after weeks of tension, but I have returned home ravenous to do things I couldn't get done while away from my computer and things.
While I say it was a boring time, good use was made of it. Of note is that I gained the idea, from playing cards with Aunt Jan, to start gauging interest in forming a card club with some friends since I'm still in town.
Of potential interest to you all is that I managed to read a fair deal from my H.P. Lovecraft book and gauge my interest in voicing sometime the following stories:
Dagon
The Doom that Came to Sarnath
The Terrible Old Man
Celephaïs
The Picture in the House
Nyarlathotep
The Quest of Iranon
Azathoth
Herbert West -- Reanimator
Hypnos
What the Moon Brings
Cool Air
The Call of Cthulhu
Pickman's Model
The Strange High House in the Mist
The Descendant
History of the Necronomicon
The Dunwich Horror
The Book
I have not yet heard back from the DoD about my interview with them a couple weeks ago. While I am starting to get the urge to voice something again, I would still be better satisfied with scratching the itch of securing employment. I have also come to realize that it's probably best for my sanity if I don't attempt exam PA this December and save exam preparation for when I know either it or STAM will next be offered, provided they're offered before the next LTAM exam. If I must take it again, I am, to my own surprise, looking forward to taking my next swing at it.
I hope you passed anyway.
5150997
Thank you, Dainn. I do, as well. There was a lot of time put in, and the cost of the exams bites right now since I'm still unemployed.
I hope you passed too!
Ooooh, Lovecraft... Hearing The Terrible Old Man, Herbert West, and Cool Air would be nice. I really liked those stories, personally.
I've heard many of the other stories read before though. Have you read The Cats of Ulthar? I am biased because I'm a cat person, but I really enjoyed that one.
Hello! Your absence was felt, good sir. Perhaps, as you've mentioned before, not scoring terribly high will be to your advantage?
5151042
Thank you, NineCaliber.
The Terrible Old Man you and I agree on. Herbert West, while enjoyable, in my copy is split into several sections that read like a serial. Wherein, the start of each after the first kind of recounts the events of the previous, which creates a lot of redundancy if one reads it all in one go, as I did. It was also longer than I typically like and left me sore when I read it aloud to myself. It would leave me with a choice of either editing the redundant bits out of attempting the story in bits so as to be listened to as a miniseries. If I do it, it will be a good ways down the road.
Cool Air was good for what it was but held no surprises for me. I did not like it as much.
I've not read that one yet, no. Looks like it's on the shorter side, which is a plus. I will see about reading it soon for myself.
5151135
As I felt the absence of everyone on here I'd cut off for the while. Returning has already warmed me.
That's fair. I dare to say that, possibly, a failing grade on this exam and my continuing onward without stumbling might show employers that I can withstand failure, as infrequent as it may find me.
Hope you do well!!
5151416
It's a big journey.
Hi, Shia! Thank you.
5151969
YO
I can imagine it'll be. Good luck anyways 😂
5152526
How have you been, by the way?
5154489
Eh, Comme ci, comme ça (like this like that) really. It's been here and there but it's all been okay, thanks!
How about you? How have you been?
5156045
I hope Corn has been okay, too.
Glad to hear you're mostly well.
5157798
I hope she's okay, because we're in different places and because I'm a bit packed on the paper work I haven't actually had much time to talk to her, I hope she's alright though.
Awe it was?? Happy belated birthday!!! I hope things turn out okay for you, life really does like tof shove problems in our faces but oh well. I'm here to talk to if need be, 'Kay?
5157881
I see. I might drop her a line soon.
I appreciate it, Shia! Mainly, my frustrations deal with trying to reconcile how I don't yet have a job in my profession despite having (not to brag) great credentials. It makes me question all the effort I've put in up to this point and what my actual worth is when it's obvious to me, my friends, and my family that I would be an asset, but how that's not the case to prospective employers.
5159569
Its hard getting a job, it will likely come in time. I'm quite nervous to actually finish my course, terrified, actually. But oh well 😅 and eh, you have to confidence and the knowedge you're good at what you do, I don't see that as a bad thing unless it gets to your head 😂😂 which I don't see you doing so.
5159615
I do hope it does come in time. It's hard to see it as an eventuality, though, with how discouraging my job search has been.
Why does it intimidate you? Is it the anticipation of the final exam or what comes after your course, or something else?
I appreciate your vote of confidence in my knowledge, ability, and humility. I'm just feeling sorry because I feel like it's not good enough.
5161987
It tends to be a little hard sometimes. My brother had the exact same problem, you've just got to be stubborn about it, is all.
It will come, in its own time.
Oh no the exam is just annoying, 20 hours is far too long to do anything. I have expirience in my work, and the faith I can do it (mostly 😂) the problem is, I'm so used to studying only, I have no idea what to do otherwise. The uni course I'd like to attend reccomends a little more experience in my field, it's not needed, I'm sure I'd still be accepted into said course without it (maybe), but if it helps everything click in better then I'm going to try to get some proper work expirience done. But the idea of no longer studying for three or five or ten years is terrifying, because studying is all I've ever done.
😅😅
I know the feeling, of it not being enough. I'm sure it is enough though . Maybe it's just your area? Opportunities aren't equal everywhere, unfortunately.
5162286
I suppose. I really do need to be more resilient than the situation.
You know, that's an interesting remark. I'll be stuck studying for exams for a few more years, even once I get my job, so I don't really have a sense of no longer having to do exams anymore for a long time. Since I've taken a break from exams for a couple months, I kind of wish I could put them behind me and be assessed by something I can actually do.
I'm afraid I'm in one of the best areas for this. I think my choice of occupation and poor timeliness are the problem.
5165648
We all do, it's a hard situation for anyone to be in. You've my support though, okay?
A lot of people are saying that, most of my course are aching to get out and actually do something. Studying is all I know how to do, as soon as I stepped into secondary school (or high school, I think, you'll know it as) I've always studied, or learned. Having to leave that to do actual things is terrifying because I can't make mistakes, not anymore. There's also no one to point me in the right direction if I'm completely lost, I kinda have to figure it all out and then I have to talk to people, and just ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
honestly I'll never know what to do with myself 😂😂😂
Poor timelines??????
5165847
I appreciate your support.
I meant timeliness. Timely-ness. I think I entered my job at just the right time for the labor market in my field to become really competitive. I think that's probably why these companies aren't interviewing me and aren't hiring me on. They have too many better or more familiar candidates than I am.
5170154
I have a hard time letting myself make mistakes to be honest with ya, it's hard. The tutors are strict with us for a good reason, but it's still hella hard
😂😂😂
OHHHHHH that makes so much more sense, ITS ALL GOOD NOW
5170412
Merry Christmas, Shia!
Yes, I feel like I'm treading glass everywhere I go, and of course, it doesn't help that every other night I recall some mistake, embarrassment, or possibly mistaken or embarrassing thing I've done or said which I didn't realize I had forgotten but wish I had.
Yus.
5175683
MERRY CHRISTMAS LIKE, YESTERDAY BUT HAVE IT ANYWAYS
Ohhhhhhhh I get that, anytime anything im about to do that doesn't settle right in my comfort zone, thoughts and memories come up
It's actually really annoying. Sometimes ye just wanna forget yaknow? 
5175733
Been busy with family for a while.
And a happy new year to you!
Yes, it's good, though, that we humans don't have a button to press on some memories to get rid of them. Sometimes, there's something worth remembering we wouldn't have thought at the time was truly.
5180367
Ohhhhhhhh sentiment returned! Hope your new year was fantastic!!! Hope you had fun too!
There's usually a positive to even a negative memory though. Usually. Ye live and ye learn
5180562
I hope your year has been nicer since the turn of the year than mine.
It was nice, but it's returned to the usual slog now.
5185276
Oh it's been horrible, but I'm sure it'll sort itself out, if not then apparently I have another 82 years to do so
😂😂😂
Again, I'm sure it'll sort itself out. But until then I'm here if you need an ear or two
Has it been that bad?