Techie's SPICY Smokin' Toasted Self-Roasted Reviews #29: [Shattered Rainbow]! · 8:56pm Nov 2nd, 2019
Hmm, a story that has its lore based on some kind of tragic event that happened to the main character that results in them thinking they've been in Equestria all this time before they ultimately wake up in a completely different world? Now where have I heard of that?
Unfortunately, given how the Equestria that this story took place in was also the same one that Equestrian Human took place in, when that story ran out of steam and was ultimately shelved, it took this story down with it. 
Oh well. I don't really have all that much to roast here either, so I'll do the good ol' chapter-by-chapter commentary again.
Let's get things started.
The prologue opens with me trying to do one of those dictionary definition-style prologues where it defines a word with something related to the story itself. I still have no idea if I pulled it off correctly.
Just dipping my toes into a less comedic/sci-fi genre to write. Any constructive criticism is gladly accepted.
Fast forward a couple years and now that's all I write.
A quadruple rainboom.
All at once, her body rocketed downwards, plummeting faster and faster as she folded her wings in to streamline herself. The whispering sounds of the wind filled her ears, and the air graciously tore through her mane as it was strewn free in the air.
One rainboom.
Two.
The ground drew closer and closer by the second, and as it did so, Rainbow rapidly changed her trajectory, opting to instead glide for the rest of the way.
The cheering of the crowd pushed her onwards, and though the increased drag from the redirection had slowed her, she continued to gain momentum.
Three rainbooms.
Four.
This story was also the first time I started referencing the number 4 a lot as a sign of potential trouble.
At last, her lungs began to feel as if they were alit with flame. There simply wasn't enough oxygen left to breathe. Her breathing intensified, her lungs trying with all their might to draw in more air by the second. Soon enough, however, a soothing sensation began to wash over the mare, who had finally stopped to enjoy the fulfillment of the strange urge to soar higher.
But then, the sensation turned to dizziness. Dizzyness to downright nausea. Her mind began to become fuzzy, and all over she had become numb. She felt her wings seize for the final moments of consciousness, and she plummeted.
And then she woke.
What's she gonna wake up on?
For Rainbow, it wasn't much of a surprise. With her routine crashes, it wasn't too uncommon for her to wake up in a hospital room, a bandage wrapped about her head or wings. On a couple of occasions she ended up with a cast, but that hadn't happened for years.
Waddya know, it's a hospital!
Streams of foggy memories passed through her mind, and yet she still couldn't remember the last time she had been awake.
For minutes, Rainbow stayed silent, her brain attempting to process what could've brought her there.
Crash? Late night drunkenness?
A combination of the two?
She turned back to face the wall in front of her. It was lined with various medical devices, blinking and beeping in sync with each other as they monitored her vitals. The room was already growing dark with the sun vanishing beneath the horizon. Rainbow's eyes set upon a calendar hanging on the wall.
How long had it been? Hours? Days?
Guess what?
It had been nearly seventeen years since she had been admitted.
O O F
Fluttershy burst into the main office in a flurry, sending papers flying with the gust of wind created by the door. "Rainbow Dash's awake!"
Several ponies raised their brow, including the patients.
"Are you sure?" The receptionist asked, "That mare's been in a coma for years now. I doubt that she'd wake anytime soon." she opened a nearby filing cabinet, and revealed a folder. "Seventeen years," she continued, "Admitted to the CUH for traumatic brain injuries, a shredded wing, and multiple fractured vertebrae." She looked back up from the file at Fluttershy.
Oh geez, that's serious.
"What's going on?" Rainbow asked, "Fluttershy, where are the girls? I want to see Twilight."
"Twilight?" Fluttershy repeated softly, "Twilight who?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, TWILIGHT WHO?!" Rainbow screamed. She recoiled immediately after hitting herself on the IV rack.
Somepony's not taking this well.
Fluttershy frowned. "Rainbow, I don't know of anypony named 'Twilight'. You've been in a coma for years now following the crash. What are you talking about?"
Rainbow's eyes widened. "Y-you mean..."
"Yes, Rainbow, you've been here since you were a filly. I personally flew you here when you crashed."
THE PLOT THICKENS.
"Yes, Rainbow," Fluttershy replied, cutting off her patient, "Those dreams were likely a byproduct of drugs that were injected into your bloodstream in attempt to hasten your mental recovery." She paused for a moment, before continuing, "Though, it did take seventeen years or so until now..."
The duo remained silent as Fluttershy arrived at Rainbow's room.
There's a lot to take in for a single chapter.
Fluttershy shook her head. "We were friends a long time ago," she began, "but... after you fell, and I caught you... I began to try every way I could to bring back the mare that stood up for me."
Aww.
Fluttershy nodded, sitting down beside Rainbow. "They know," she replied, "but they've moved on quite a while ago. When they were told that you may never wake up, they were crushed..."
"And?"
"They had another foal, to... replace you. Spectral Glider, if I remember correctly. I haven't seen the filly for a while now though."
Oof x2
Fluttershy cleared her throat. "Rainbow, have you looked at your wings yet?"
Rainbow quickly whirled around, her eyes setting in horror upon the stump that was once her right wing.
Oof x3
"It's a smartphone," Fluttershy replied, handing the device to her patient, "They were invented a couple years after you fell."
Where's pony Steve Jobs?
"And so, when her parents flew down to bring her back up, she forgave me, since I was trying to prove her bullies wrong. She told me that she fell into a small town that Cloudsdale was floating over called 'Ponyville', and that there were a lot of nice animals. She then showed me her cutie mark, which she got after she found out that she could talk to animals." Rainbow abruptly stopped, sighing as she turned back to Swift Strokes. "But it's probably not like that in real life, is it?"
Swift Strokes shook his head. "No, Dash. Fluttershy got her mark in pony anatomy at school the year after you crashed. She's been in the top of her class, too. In fact, that mare's actually been interning here for the past three months!"
Obvious AU is obvious.
"Rainbow." Swift deadpanned, "Sweet Apple Acres is a large-scale plantation company that now specializes in the manufacturing of farming machinery. They haven't done any farming for years now."
Whoops.
Rainbow's gaze dropped to her hooves. "Um... I was just wondering..." she began, "I was friends with you in my dreams. Do you think that we could be friends now too?"
Fluttershy smiled. "Of course, Rainbow. After all, I've been ordered to stay by your side while you recover out in the real world. I'm sure that you'd like somepony to stay by your side."
^This. Just. This. I liek.
The filly was rather stunted for her age, being quite slow compared to her older sister. In addition to this, she hardly, if ever, joined any groups with other foals, be it in school, or simply in parks and events.
>TFW AU Scootaloo?¿?¿?⁈‽
"What if they disown me?!" Rainbow asked, "What if they don't want a flightless pegasus in the family? Wha--"
"Shhh..." Fluttershy reassured the nervous mare, "Trust me, Dash, they won't."
I don't feel like poking fun at this. That's one of the problems with my self-roast reviews. The closer I get to my current stories, the more attached I get to whatever it is that I'm reviewing.
Rainbow silently shuffled the papers to the most recent articles, an unblinking stare gazing down upon each word that passed her eyes.
Fluttershy, former Wonderbolt trainer, leaves show biz for medical institute upon hearing of friend’s potential recovery.
She trained the Wonderbolts?!
Rainbow flipped the page, presenting to herself names, events, and ponies that she never knew existed.
The Wonderbolts held a charity fund for me? she thought, her eyes skimming the relevant article.
What else is there that I don't know yet?
You sweet, sweet summer child. You have no idea what's about to go down in this story.
"Flight competitions." Rainbow answered, "You used to constantly take first, remember? And then... well, I might've overtaken you..." she looked down to her stump that was once a wing. "Not that I'll be doing that anymore..."
Derpy gasped. "Dashie?!" she exclaimed, gripping the mare in a tight hug, "I thought you were dead!"
Someone find me a pic of this! Please?
Derpy is eternal. Derpy is forever. Derpy is polyuniversally derp.
Also, mild RainbowDerp ship is mild.
And then it was never mentioned again in the story.
Rainbow groaned, lifting herself onto her hooves and trudging towards the door. For a moment, the mare froze, a flurry of thoughts entering her mind.
What would she think of suddenly having an older sister?
How would she react to me missing a wing?
How cool does she think I am?
Classic RD being RD.
"Come on," Spectral Glider whined to her sister, "I wanna fly again!"
Rainbow groaned, squatting down yet again for the younger sister to scamper onto her back.
"Wheee!" the filly giggled, stretching out her tiny wings as her sister ran about the yard, "Look mommy, I'm touching the sky!"
"Yes, dear." Windy Whistles chimed from the doorway, "Don't forget to give your sister a break though, I'm sure she's getting tired by now."
Given how I only knew the canon names Rainbow's parents back when this story was active, holy heck did I get their personalities off. Then again, who would they go crazy over if Rainbow Dash was never really there to win any awards?
"Easy does it," Rainbow murmured, watching as her little sister leapt from the makeshift platform of yard toys, "Yup, just flap-flap your wings just like that, sis."
Spectral Glider hovered ever so cautiously, her tiny wings almost buzzing at their current speed.
Scootaloo?
Rainbow smiled as her sister wrecklessly struggled to maneuver mid-air, quickly tumbling back to the ground in the moments immediately after.
Just like Scootaloo...
Scootaloo.
"Sis?" Rainbow began, "Can you promise me something?"
Spectral hesitated for a moment. "Yeah?" She soon answered, unsure of what would come next.
"When you can fly better--" Rainbow continued, "Can you touch the sky for me?"
I still think this might be my best line in this story.
Anyways, prepare for a monarch busting into Rainbow Dash's room to talk about some random stuff.
My author's notes have been breaking story moods since forever, haven't they?
The knocking began again, slightly stronger this time. Yawning a second time, Bow crawled lazily out of bed, stumbling towards the direction of the door that the noise emanated from. He ran a hoof through his mangy tangles of bed-hair, and opened the door.
Only to find Celestia herself, the recently-coronated Queen of Equestria, holding a gift-wrapped package.
Pakidge.
For the umpteenth time, Rainbow Dash leapt off the same platform her sister did the day prior, only to be met with the return of unceremoniously flopping to the ground--again. Gritting her teeth in irritation, Rainbow glared at the prosthetic that hung limp from the wing-stump it mounted to.
"Maybe try jumping higher?" Spectral Glider called from the sidelines, "Ooh! Or flap harder like I did!"
I've always liked writing positive sibling relationships.
"Hello?" the voice called distantly from the front of the house, "Anybody home?"
"Coming!" Windy Whistle's voice chimed as she opened the door, "Oh... oh my."
And here's the first obvious point of crossover with Equestrian Human!
The girl turned towards Rainbow. "You're Rainbow Dash, right?" she began, "Element of Loyalty? Wonderbolt? Savior of Equestria alongside your friends?"
Rainbow frowned. "No... I'm none of those..." the mare said sadly, "I honestly don't know what I am anymore..."
Way to go, Gadget. Right in the self-confidence.
The stallion nodded, and took a step forward. "Allow me to introduce myself," he began, "I am Professor Delmar, Macrophysicist, Theoretical Physicist, and Astronomer." he winced a moment after receiving another bump from the girl, "And as of late, Unprofessional Chemist and Restaurant Dishwasher."
What a fall.
"Thanks!" Gadget cheered, turning to leave. She abruptly paused, however, and walked back towards Rainbow Dash, pulling a small, silvery disc from her backpack.
"Keep it," she began calmly, "If you really think your dream was real."
The human girl and the stallion set off into the distance. Windy Whistles rushed back into the house upon hearing a loud crash from the backyard, leaving Rainbow Dash alone, the strange object resting in her hooves.
Now where did Gadget get a DVD of MLP?
Nothing but more reflective surface. And a smudge.
Because of course.
Spectral crinkled her muzzle. "No." she objected, "And you can't either, Dashie, your wing is gone!"
Rainbow smirked as she pulled the open box that held the prosthetic from under her bed.
"Yeah, but I'm still here."
Yes, yes you are indeed still here.
"Sis," she began quietly, "Ever slept on a treetop before?"
Spectral Glider shook her head.
Rainbow Dash landed on a tree with a heavy thud. "Come on!" she continued, rustling some leaves with a hoof, "Try it!"
Rainbow Dash being Rainbow Dash.
"AY!" A faraway voice screamed, "WHAT'RE Y'ALL DOIN' ON THIS HERE PROPERTY OF THE APPLE FAMILY?!"
"Uh oh." Was all Rainbow said before lifting from the tree. She turned to Spectral, who was still rubbing her forehead with a hoof.
"Go." Rainbow mouthed, before a loud bang echoed through the trees.
Spectral watched in horror as her sister flailed towards the ground.
O snap
Rainbow grunted as she slowly lifted herself from the ground. She glanced at the now-shredded prosthetic that hung limp at her side. Luckily, it was the prosthetic, rather than her, that was now riddled with holes.
"STAY RIGHT WHERE YA ARE!" the voice began, a flickering light shining on Rainbow. "Dangit, how many agents do them Flim-Flam brothers even have?"
All of them.
"She heard that Celestia was gone!" Spectral Glider shouted from the treetop.
Reacting to the voice, the first pony immediately aimed the shotgun towards the origin of the voice.
"NO!" Rainbow cried out, "THAT'S MY SISTER!"
Spectral stuck her head out from the leaves and grinned cheekily, waving at her sister with a hoof.
The first pony sighed, and lowered the weapon. "Alright," she sighed, "Ah never was the sorta pony ta hurt a filly. Come with me, y'all."
Good job, nobody died.
"That's my sister, Rainbow Dash!" Spectral Glider replied for her sister, "She was sleeping in the hospital before I was even born!"
Apple Bloom nodded. "So ah assumed, given yer sister's antics. She the filly who fell from the sky?"
"Whuh?" Rainbow suddenly replied, breaking from her daze. "Uhm... yeah. By the way, where's Applejack?"
The earth pony frowned at Rainbow's remark. "That's the second time somebody's asked about this Applejack gal. Ne'er heard of her. And ah'm an Apple myself, y'know. We tend to know each other quite well."
In what way? ( ͡• ͜ʖ ͡• )
"Um, hello?" Rainbow cut in, breaking the conversation, "What about my wing? I kinda need to get back home for my mom and dad find out. Same goes for lil' Glider here."
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes with a mischievous smirk. "Don't worry. We Apples ain't just some farmin' family, y'know."
*Apple, inc. intensifies*
"Oka--oh no!" Spectral gasped, pointing a hoof towards her sister's prosthetic, "Won't mom and dad see the broken wing?"
"Shh." Rainbow hushed, before turning to face the window. "ALRIGHT, TRY AGAIN NOW," she yelled, "HOLD YOUR WINGS STEADY THIS TIME, OKAY?"
'Cause that's totally believable.
Honestly, I think I might've left that chapter partially unfinished and just went ahead and published it. It feels pretty cut short, and doesn't really have anything to do with the title of it.
Honestly, I still like this story quite a bit. Maybe when I wrap up some other stories I'll eventually return to this one. 
Yeah, this looks like a story that I would love to see finished one day
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Yeah.
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That was a really fast reply
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You've seen me grumbling about my habit of rapid-fire refreshing pages waiting for something interesting to pop up.