I Wrote That?! #2: TOPP: Chapter 2 - Courage Comes In Many Forms · 11:56pm Oct 26th, 2019
Oh my god this soooo fun! Let's just dive right into this!
...
Rise.
...
Stand, my subject.
What's going on? Some sort of dream?
Listen to me.
Is it talking to me? I tested it.
"Are you talking to me?"
Of course I am, foolish one.
I look at myself. Still a pony, I see. Goddamn it. I address him: "No need to be rude. You're the omnipotent being here."
Shut up and listen to me. You must listen and follow everything that I am about to tell you.
sdghioasdfhsdfhio That's me banging my head on my keyboard for how poorly I wrote that character. Fuck me, that hurt to read. I stole this concept and tried to make it unique, but, well, it's in plain sight...
I wasn't about to take orders from some mysterious talking voice: "Why should I?"
You will remain like this for the rest of your life.
That got my attention. "Wait, you're controlling this? Who are you?"
Stop asking questions. They'll be answered soon enough.
"So," I began reluctantly, and after a small pause, ask: "what is it that I have to do?"
You will meet six others. Your first objective is to befriend them.
"Well, what if they don't want to befriend me?" I ask him.
That's your mind and fear working against you.
He does have a good point. Maybe I don't allow people to enter my circle because I'm afraid.
No, people are scum.
"So, if I accomplish this task," I start, wondering what else was necessary to get me out of this hell, "Is this all over?"
A cold snicker.
Well, this will be a pain in the ass.
I told you that this was your first. Your second one will come later. How many steps does this guy have planned though? I could be here for an eternity! When we meet again, I will inform of your second step.
"Why can't you just tell me it now?" I ask him.
He laughs. Because that would be too easy.
Of course. I hang my head down and look around and try to debunk this experience one last time.
"How will I know that this is real? I could be dreaming right now."
I can assure you that everything you have and will experience is all too real. The white void grows black and the last words I think pass through my mind.
I'm trapped.
Before it all goes away, I ask this thing a question. "Before I regain consciousness, tell me who you are." Like hell he's going to tell me about himself. What's he going to do? Tell me his life story?
Nothing. "Or a name at least."
A long pause occurs before he utters the infamous pseudonym I will now refer to him as.
...
Tormentor.
...
OH MY GOD THIS IS AWFUL HOLY SHIT AAAAAGAHGH! Not only did I rip this concept off outright, but I made it vastly inferior by writing him in the style reminscent of r/iamverysmart, which means that you're a tryhard edgelord. Second, enough with fucking ellipses, wow. Third, the plot convenience and bullshit explanation are just plain bad and lazy writing. Fourth, Tormentor. Enough with the Slayer references, you overdramatic edgy teenager. You aren't cool just because you like metal.
What line do I hate specifically? Umm... everything it says to me. The "befriend six ponies" this and "you will remain like this forever" that. I don't know how I managed to explain everything and nothing at the same time.
I'll admit I still pull out some bullshit plot excuse from time to time (even in one of my better stories. That one scene in "SDGAF" about the woodworking class and the stage, the weakest part to me. I'll call myself out...). I aim to get better, though.
One question comes to my mind, interrupting my original train of thought: How did I get out of the forest that night? I don't remember much. The last place I remember was some mud pit in the forest, about to get consumed by timberwolves, and then it stopped. Then, I kept blacking out. Well, that doesn't help.
You know what? Forget that for right now: Where the hell am I? A nice room. Two windows. Wood floor. Bookshelves. Not my room. I'm not much of a reader. Some pony's room, possibly? Whose is it though? That question would have irked me for some time until the figure is revealed in the doorway.
The amnesia card works wonders. Also: "That question would have irked me..." There are multiple questions, dipshit. Pay attention. Also, gee, I wonder who it is?
"Feeling better?" the pony started around the corner. "You were certainly in awful shape, and I couldn't just leave you there," she finished as she walked into view. I rubbed my eyes to get a clearer picture of the blur in front of me. I was still a bit disoriented.
At first, I couldn't believe it, but then it all hit me. The flash images raced through my mind again.
One shadowed figure… coming towards me. The stone… is getting…. further away. Am I… moving? The sky is… becoming visible. The… moon. Night. Something, I think… was dragging me...
Something… It all made sense now.
Alright, I'll admit that this was going to be a long, drawn-out story that would eventually have me shipped with Fluttershy. I won't deny it. I know better though. Because Applejack is best pony.
Ok, ok. In all seriousness, and nothing against those stories by the way (because there are some good OC x Canon character stories such as this and this), shipping yourself with a main character looks a bit pathetic and desperate.
"So, what were you doing in the forest? Everypony knows it's a dangerous place to be, especially after sunset," she asks me.
Oh boy...
I simultaneously lied and spoke the truth: "I'm… not from here."
"Oh, OK. Where are you from, then?" she asked, and then in typical Fluttershy fashion adds, "If you don't mind telling me that is…"
Oh, just pick a place from Earth. "I'm from a faraway land called, uh, Sweden."
She paused, "I've never heard of that place before."
Then some half-assed explanation why she shouldn't. "And you shouldn't. This, uh, very small island was founded by King… well, I won't go too deep into history." Maybe that helps increase this validity. But long story short, I left that island for many reasons. Unfortunately, being unacquainted with your land, I found myself lost in the forest, unknown of the dangers that lurked in there."
"So, you wandered in accidentally, not knowing where you were?" she asked, basically summarizing everything into one sentence.
"Exactly," I answered. That response was a lie. I knew what the place was, but I wasn't sure until I found that Poison Joke.
What's that? Do I hear the plot convenience wagon rolling into town? Why, yes I do! In fact, it's not gently coasting; it's going full speed right into LA-ZCon with the onlookers sighing and shaking their heads.
"OK, so, what's your name?" she asked.
OK, smart one, lie. Now. I had to come up with something. Fast. How about the pseudonym you use for games? Yeah, that'll work. "Zenith," I responded. To she had a strange look on her face. "It's a Swedish name."
Hot damn! He's a gamer, ladies! Line right the fuck up!
"Oh, OK. I'm Fluttershy. I take care of my animals in my cottage," she responded.
I knew that though, I thought sarcastically, but replied back with, "Fluttershy. OK," I started, then with some quick thinking, added, "Again, thanks for saving me. I would have been dinner to those timberwolves if you didn't intervene." Hopefully, this will catch her off guard. Mission accomplished. She hid beneath her pink hair, obviously growing red from my expressions of gratitude. "Oh, um, you're welcome. I always want to help other ponies out when they need it," she told me.
Enough to risk your own life? That's thoughtful and considerate, but very foolish. Death wouldn't have been worth it just to save me. If only she knew who she just saved…
Oh no, not the cringe catapult! Oh no, a big chunk is being launched right at my story!
Also, what does last line mean? Anyone? I've got nothing.
"Oh, it's fine. I enjoy having someone to talk to." But that's not true in the slightest. I hate talking to people. But I have no choice; I need to figure out where I am, where the others are, and how the hell I got here. "I do want to ask you a few questions, though," I added.
Antisocial. Another fat checkmark on the bad OC list.
"Where are we now?" I knew this, but it makes me sound less strange. I can't look like I know everything.
"In my cottage, near the Everfree Forest."
"Why were you out in the forest? You just said it was a very dangerous place to be in at night."
"Well, I went to check on some of the animals I take care of, and once I got outside, I thought I heard somepony yelling for help inside the forest," she started. Well, yelling in pain, but that makes sense as to why she came in. "I was very scared of what it could be, but I gathered all the courage I had and ran in and found that those timberwolves were hurting you, so I stopped them. I couldn't let that happen to some poor, defenseless pony like you," she said as she patted my head at the end of her explanation.
Saved by the, in conjunction with her name, shyest pony in all of Equestria. Not the best start for me. But, I realized something; that was abnormally brave of her. She could have been in my place: basically on a dinner plate for three timberwolves.
In a way, I owe her my life.
Ship them. Now. Please. Fall in love with my OC. I dare you.
Lol seriously, you should have let him die.
Let me write an alternate ending.
*Ahem*
Zenith groaned quietly in pain as the timberwolves snarled, the drool pooling around his almost lifeless body.
"This is what I get..." he said, "...for trying to be cool..." He took one last breath and exhaled, rattling.
The lead wolf raised his snout the sky, howled to the moon, and had a delicious meal of poorly-written OC. The two other wolves followed suit and tore the appendages off the now dead Zenith. The lead swallowed his serving and bit his neck, tearing the flesh and beheading the laughable character. While the others cleaned the meat from the bones, the lead wolf walked away with the reward for the kill.
Oh, wow... Jesus, that got dark. Shit, maybe I should write grimdark or horror stories.
Also, I'm sorry. Back to the real story.
"What day is it?" I asked. Hopefully, this gets a response that will help me.
"Today will be one week before the Summer Sun Celebration," she tells me.
"Sounds like some sort of party," I reply.
"It is," she told me. "I was supposed to make and rehearse some music for yesterday, but I wanted to make sure you were okay first." Great, one day in and I've already delayed her activities in this whatever-the-hell event she just mentioned.
"That's kind of you," I tell her. Putting my life at the top of her list, I'm not used to that where I come from.
Ok, I just want to commend myself for allowing that to be published instead of the alternate. I had acknowledged that I was in first season after she gave a slight hint of the SSC, which was incredibly lazy. This could have been worse.
"Fluttershy?"
She turned around and looked at me again.
"Thanks again for saving me," I started and then added, "I'm grateful for your kindness and hospitality."
Her face reddened, again, "Oh, uh, you're welcome." Seriously, that's making me feel awkward. She then smiled, walked out of the room, and began to take care of the many other animals here. Two words enter my mind: "amazed" and "confused". Incautious, yet extraordinarily brave. Overly gracious and kind. Excellent housekeeper; full of animals and she manages to keep in under control. I take a sip out of the cup again. And she knows how to make a damn good cup of tea. If she hadn't had intervened, I'd be dead. If she failed to lure them away, we'd both be dead. Everything could have gone wrong, but she did it anyway. There's got to be some way to repay her.
There two words entering my mind right now: "illiterate author". Oh, um, how about: "fuck this"?
"Fluttershy?" I asked from the bed, her being in another room.
"Yes?" she replied, not too far away from here.
"Sorry to interrupt you again, but perhaps I get better before this, uh, party. If that were to happen, would you mind if I tag along with you?" I ask her.
"Oh no, I don't mind. Of course. I would love the company," she answered back.
Well, that was easy. "All right, that's all. No more. Thanks," I called back. And now I have a guide around town. I leaned my head on the pillow and told myself something. If I'm stuck here, I might as well make it a bit more interesting.
And the plot convenience for the next chapter strikes again! An excuse to follow her around!
Oh, thank God, it's finally over. Now, I covered the shit I hated, but if you hated anything more than that, and if you want to, don't hesitate to rip tight into me (a completely irrelevant author whose sole purpose is to waste time by not working on his stories)! I want to improve!
And hey, if you read this far, have a cookie.
Way to convey information! Not indirectly or spead out over time, but NOOO! Let's have some raggedy-Anne-and-Andy pony goddess tell him now!
Ooooh, we've got an edgy thirteen-year-old in here now! I just KNOW this story is gonna be GREAT!
PEWDIEPIE would like to: KNOW YOUR LOCATION
First off, two different characters talking in the same paragraph? BIIIIIG no-no.
Second, this guy's pride is bigger than that of an anime villain's. He even SOUNDS like an anime villain! His edgy pride is even bigger than my pp!
...Which isn't saying much, but still!
I mean, it's well-written! Certainly a much better ending than other fics I know that just drag on and on with no end in sight because there's no such thing as a plot in the first place. At least here, the reader is rewarded.
Uh oh! White knight alert! We've got a white knight alert! Even I'm not this bad at praising a single character! What a frickin' loser! HA!
And THIS, ladies and germs, is how you make a reader uninterested in your work! By implementing the word interesting onto the end of a chapter to supposedly "build hype" for the next one, which'll DEFINITELY come out in the next... six months...
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Seeing seven notifications from you in my feed, I knew you wouldn't disappoint. Thank you. Again. Your insults are amazing!
All in all, I'd rather listen to Lil Pump than read this. Both are horrific crimes against humanity, but at least Lil Pump mumbles his words so I can't understand them! Here, I have to read every. Single. Word.
Imma let y'all know right now about the OC: I really HATE this lanky piece of crap. This balloon-head lolipop-face-lookin' BRAT does nothing for the story except gain sympathy points and "Crazy shenanigans!!!" And he only decided to go after Fluttershy because we all know about her thiccness. And it's all natural, too! Ain't nothing worse than some cement cheeks! I mean, I like Fluttershy too... I may or may not have a total crush on a cartoon...
I once used to be jealous of Fluttershy's hairline!
THAT HAIRLINE! I KNOW! So you know already that my taste in women is messed up.
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Ooh, that Lil Pump line was solid. Nice.
Hey, crushing ain't a problem. There are a lot of things that are worse than that.
This writing makes me want to shoot myself in the balls so I'll never have children who get exposed to this.
You'll never have kids because you're ugly and gay.
Oh. Oh, right...
*heavy sweating*
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Man, you'll be driven crazy further on in the story (if you chose to view the blog posts when they come up again), the sympathy and craziness (and plot convenience) are off the charts!
You are my favorite user on the site. Hands down.
5146115
I guess I'm not the only one who thought about this. Isn't Fluttershy kind of...balding?
previews.123rf.com/images/chutimakuanamon/chutimakuanamon1705/chutimakuanamon170500258/79121844-fluttershy-pony-illustration-fairytale.jpg
She covers up her receding hairline with a clever combover so that she doesn't look like Jojo Siwa.
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Even so, she's Best Pony.