Retrospect · 2:15am Oct 4th, 2019
When you take so long to get back to writing you tend to look back at your past work severely displeased with those achievements, and you also look back at all your unfinished work with shame and a niggling little bit of hope that you can bring yourself to finish it one day.
I think the last time I'd posted anything here was before I had a breakdown that got me sent to a mental hospital for a month. I was more unwell than I realized at the time, and I'm still unwell but in an entirely different fashion. I believe I may to afraid to pull my life back as I could once again end up screwing things up in a manner entirely out of my control.
I haven't watched MLP since maybe Season 4, I feel I may have outgrown it, or perhaps it's changed in a subtle yet major way that made it loose it's appeal. However, the community is still so strong and I can always manage to find a new story or comic or song that captivates me. I don't think I am a MLP fan anymore, instead I am a MLP fan fan.
I want to use this place as my creative outlet and contribute to this community, and I know I am smart and capable, but it seems with any creative endeavor as of late my mind gets completely scrambled and after only an hour of work I lose my confidence once more.
Perhaps it would be healthier if I moved on, or perhaps it'd be healthier if I tried my darnedest to revive my creative spirit and finish at least one damn story worthy of being on this site.
I don't know. I'm certainly being rather melodramatic, I'm not in a poor mood or anything, just a retrospective one. I use to have so many ideas but now my mind is a blank slate and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm not putting myself in situations that allow me to become inspired. I'm just existing.
Alright, I think I wanna give this whole story writing thing one last try. I won't publish a single damn word until I've reached at least 50,000 words. If I write a thousand words a day, than I'd at least be at the first draft stage by the end of the second month. I've already written an outline with all the story's major beats, now I just gotta hammer out the details.
My previous blog posts are nauseating me for some reason, so please excuse their deletion.
Glad to see you’re well. Don’t force yourself to write if you don’t have the passion for it, because then you’ll just be wasting your time making no progress. But if you do have the passion, then go for it!