Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXXVIII · 8:20pm Oct 3rd, 2019
As I write this, I have been awake for 25 straight hours. The last few days have been a little hectic as I run around Hell’s half-acre trying to find the right car to replace the one I’ve lost. I finally found one at a good enough deal to warrant purchase yesterday. But after that and going out to eat with my dad (who was my chauffeur the whole time), I don’t make it back to my apartment until ~10 PM. Naturally, the first thing I do is go to register the car with my apartment complex so the towing company won’t nab my car in the middle of the night. Lo and behold, the apartment complex’s resident portal has suddenly stopped recognizing me as a resident, and as such I’m not allowed to go in and register my vehicle.
So yeah, I stayed up all night just to make sure the car I just bought didn’t get towed for not being registered in the system. Fun times. And now I’m going to work from home for two or three hours until my boss logs in on his desktop in the office, tell him exactly what’s going on, then crash. This blog likely won’t be posted until after I’ve awoken from said crash.
But eh, I’m really not feeling all that bad about this. Heck, I’m downright positive. I’ve got a new car, I didn’t lose any work time save for the day it kicked the bucket and today, and I’m riding my second wind. This afternoon I’ll get the insurance and other such things settled, and tomorrow I’ll take my car on a road trip to visit my parents. And when my insurance kicks in at last, I’ll have all that money to knock down the premium a bit. All in all, I’m not facing any real problems, other than knowing that a crash is coming and all this mess has prevented me from getting any writing done.
Alright, enough yammering. Let’s get these reviews out there.
Oh, and no reviews next week, folks. I’m on break. Which is good, because I kinda need one right now.
Stories for This Week:
A Second Chance in Summer by Idsertian
Love, Or Something Like It by CoffeeMinion
Not A Piece of Cake by Twinkletail
Triggered by Summer Dancer
Colorless by The DJ Rainbow Dash
The Symphony of Dawn by Ice Star
Vinyl Scratch Drinks Tea by NeonGreenTiger
Shadows Watching by SaltyJustice
Twilight, Soldier of War by DR-Fluffy
Episode 3: Mageismoiras by mr lovecolt
Total Word Count: 195,893
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 4
Worth It: 6
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
A Second Chance in Summer
11,410 Words
By Idsertian
Twenty years ago, the romantic relationship between Rainbow Dash and Applejack ended in an explosion of anger and betrayal. Now, for the first time since, all the Mane Six have gotten together for the big Summer Sun Celebration in Ponyville. As nice as it is being with her friends again, Rainbow spends all her time trying to work up the courage to apologize to Applejack for her behavior. She finally gets the opportunity… but it turns out that Applejack has some things she’s been meaning to say, too.
Make no bones about it, this is a romance. But it’s also a drama, as Rainbow and Applejack gradually catch up with everything they’ve missed in the last two decades. It’s a story about mending a broken relationship by finally airing all the grievances and guilts. Idsertian did a good job mixing show and tell to keep things vivid when necessary and vague when appropriate.
The story is well-written, pleasantly atmospheric, and somehow manages to keep going strong. Honestly, when I was about ⅕ through it I was wondering “okay, the main topic is done, so how is the author gonna stretch this even further and keep it interesting?” And they do. They do wonderfully. Turns out that Idsertian understands there’s more to these moments than just apologies, and where most authors would have called it quits or rushed to the inevitable conclusion, this one made sure to tackle the full scenario.
This will appeal strongly to the romance fans, but there’s enough in there to appeal to a general audience. It’s a solid story all-around. Certainly, it’s way better than I anticipated.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Love, Or Something Like It
2,088 Words
By CoffeeMinion
After so many years of pining, Rarity has finally opened her heart to Spike. Except that’s wrong. Spike knows it’s wrong. He just can’t place his finger on why.
I am, as is so often the case, confronted with mixed emotions. CoffeeMinion labels this one as a horror, and I suppose it qualifies, but it never felt like a horror to me. I think my problem with it is that the story makes clear things are off more or less instantly. It doesn’t bother with gradual reveals and a steady buildup to the horrifying conclusion, but jumps right in. There’s no time to get into Spike’s head and feel the eerie wrongness of the situation.
I can’t say, objectively, that CoffeeMinion’s approach is a bad one. I can say that it demands a certain expectation on the reader’s part, a need for the reader to go in wanting to be frightened and disturbed from the beginning. What is happening to Spike is indeed unpleasant, but there’s no attempt to enhance the scenario through atmosphere, and to me a strong atmosphere is critical to the success of a story such as this.
There’s a great in-story example of how the style of the story fails its overarching purpose: the last line. Princess Luna is weeping. Why is princess Luna weeping? No, seriously, why? We’ve had zero indication throughout this story that she has any reason to do so. Oh, sure, she meets Spike at the end and gives him some advice, but since CoffeeMinion offers up zero atmosphere, that’s all it seems to be: a wise, concerned friend making a suggestion. And then, suddenly, she’s crying? Huh? Where did that come from? I had to stop and re-read the entire encounter to realize that, okay, contextually speaking this could be a scenario of guilt and defeat and failed responsibilities piling up on her. But since I had no narrative guidance, how was I supposed to realize that until – surprise! – Luna starts crying? Now the entire conversation has a completely different air from before, but it’s too late as I already read it the wrong way.
This is why dialogue needs emotive assistance from the narrative.
As a story and a concept, it’s not bad overall. But for a story meant to be disturbing or frightening, I’m afraid this one didn’t make the jump.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A Dinky Little Problem — Pretty Good
Baby Limestone Rides to War — Pretty Good
Heavy Rock — Pretty Good
Results May Vary — Pretty Good
Not A Piece of Cake
3,482 Words
By Twinkletail
Eight-year-old Cotton Candy, daughter of Pinkie Pie and Pokey Pierce, has a serious problem on her hooves. Her mother is super-pregnant (her own words) and has been restricted from doing anything active. This means she can’t bake, because Pinkie gets very active while baking. But Pinkie’s birthday is coming up, and Cotton Candy wants — no, needs — to make her mother the perfect birthday cake! If only she weren’t crummy at baking. Maybe Papa Pokey can give her some advice?
Set in the delightful universe of kilala97’s Next Generation series, this story focuses on a bonding moment between father and daughter. Plus Pinkie being the Best Mom Ever™, despite making little more than a cameo.
My favorite part in this is how clear it is that Cotton Candy is the daughter of Pinkie Pie. While she seems far more ‘normal’, if you will, compared to her mother, there are a number of little quirks and mannerisms that make her biological origins clear as day. In particular, her tendency while thinking to add little tangents that are silly, and yet make sense in context. I also liked her habit of quoting the exact definitions of bigger words whenever someone utters them, her ability to imitate her mother perfectly when she wants to, and her desire for cleanliness and organization (which I’m sure makes her mother drive her crazy at times). Put simply, Cotton Candy is a character, and a fun filly to watch.
This was an entartaining little story with healthy doses of Learning and D’awww. It reminds me of why I enjoy kilala97’s universe and characters so much, and the fact that kilala helped with this story makes it that much better. Well done, Twinkletail. This easily qualifies as the best I’ve read by you so far.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Rise of Lunchtime Luster — Pretty Good
A Canterlot Invasion — Worth It
Rainbow Rocks — Needs Work
Triggered
4,572 Words
By Summer Dancer
With the Crystal Empire’s royal family on vacation, Sunburst decides to visit at Twilight’s castle. Which is great for Starlight. Wonderful, even! Until she notices Twilight getting a little too… close. It’s only a matter of time before Starlight’s temper gets the better of her.
This was a simple little story about one mare’s jealousy and her attempts to determine if there might be something going on between her best friend and mentor. On top of that, it addresses, if only briefly, Starlight’s relationship with Spike and the potential consequences of Sunburst’s role as Flurry Heart’s regular attendant.
Watching ponies being jealous is one of my guilty pleasures, so of course I enjoyed this. Outside my… ‘baser’ interests, I was particularly curious about Sunburst’s situation. It’s not given much detail, but I can easily see someone in the future making it into a story of its own. Even so, this story clearly has one purpose, and that is Jealous Starlight confronting Oblivious Twilight before putting something resembling The Moves on Innocent Sunburst.
If that sounds like your cup of tea, then by all means dive in. I’m looking forward to the sequel.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Colorless
3,561 Words
By The DJ Rainbow Dash
Scientists have discovered a way to make color—yes, color—into a power source. This is lauded as an economic and environmental success and soon adopted across Equestria. But then colors start fading from the world. With colors goes happiness, pleasure, satisfaction, health. A depression pandemic is spreading, and not even the indomitable Twilight Sparkle can find a way to stop it. But things really get bad for her when her love, Rainbow Dash, is hit by it.
Presumably an allegory for depression, the story uses a fairly unique premise in an attempt to inject hope into hopelessness. I think it did a pretty solid job of it. I like the way it emphasizes Twilight’s selfishness as she faces her own depression, only to turn around and have her try and overcome that too. And Rainbow, being Rainbow, is ever the loyal marefriend even when her life is, for all intents and purposes, devoid of meaning.
An interesting story. An entirely unexpected story. A story that makes the reader think. Even the fact that it is written almost 100% as exposition doesn’t significantly hinder its atmospheric manner and overarching effectiveness. Not a bad start, DJ.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The Symphony of Dawn
2,634 Words
By Ice Star
A while back (probably over a year ago now), I went on a kick of “early stories”, picking out stories that were written extremely early in authors’ careers on FIMFiction. This is almost certainly a victim of that brief urge. The Symphony of Dawn, only Ice Star’s second story on the site, is about an aged Clover the Clever’s final moments. Why is this among her final moments? Because she broke one of her own rules.
To be honest, I’m not sure what Ice Star was going for with this one beyond a general bittersweet atmosphere. It features a brief bit of friendly banter with an equally aged Princess Platinum, but mostly focuses on the eternally anxious Clover’s being lost in the woods on the mountainside of the Canterhorn. Her obsession with rules is at the forefront, a curious element to her thought processes that makes one wonder where they came from. The ending is mildly surprising, and leads to questions of whether or not this is a worldbuilding concept that happens to all particularly powerful unicorns or if Clover is somehow unique in this aspect, and why.
Grammatically and stylistically speaking, it is easy to see that this is a very early piece in Ice Star’s career. The number of mistakes and bits of quirky writing are consistent and consistently distracting. It is good to know that the more recent works don’t have the same problem.
An interesting piece, to be sure. I only wish I knew what the purpose was. Is there some deeper point being made? Is it just an old pony’s final days, nothing more? Is it an attempt at worldbuilding? All three and more? I cannot say. But it is still a curious tale, one which may appeal to those seeking more experimental or unusual works.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Autophobia — Pretty Good
Tear the Sky Asunder — Pretty Good
All That Lingers — Worth It
Bathophobia — Worth It
Defining Features — Worth It
Vinyl Scratch Drinks Tea
1,170 Words
By NeonGreenTiger
Octavia is going to perform at the Grand Galloping Gala tonight, and Vinyl Scratch is determined to be there. She has to support her wife, after all. Octavia’s just worried Vinyl’s going to cause some kind of disaster.
I’d forgotten that NeonGreenTiger is the one who asked to use my “Vanilla von Scratchington” name for Vinyl in a story. That’s probably the reason this was on my RiL in the first place. It was a nice surprise.
The story itself is very simple. It may also be the first time I’ve seen the phrase “What could go wrong?” used without something actually going wrong. It is, simply put, Vinyl Scratch being on her absolute best behavior for her wife, even going so far as to dress up and act like the noble she secretly is.
On the one hand, this is a sweet story about how Vinyl is willing to go to great personal strides for the sake of her wife. The catch is that this story has no conflict. If there’s any challenge to what Vinyl’s doing, she’s not showing it. Thus the story appeals strictly to those looking for a quick, sweet story and nothing else. Fans of Scratchtavia/OctaScratch will enjoy it, for sure.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Shadows Watching
57,328 Words
By SaltyJustice
Mi Amore Miamore Cadenza, known as Cadance Cadence to her friends, is a fairly typical teenage unicorn in Canterlot. She lacks skill at pretty much anything except history and has no big plans for her future. So when she is obligated by her parents to get a summer job, said job ends up being house sitting and foalsitting. Joy. But then, one out of nowhere, Cadance Cadence starts having visions. Disturbing visions. Visions of the past. Visions of monsters. Visions of death. She’d give anything to make them stop… but figuring out what they mean would at least be a plus.
This is an origin story for Princess Cadance, and the first thing you have to do to read it is forget everything you ever knew about Princess Cadance. The story is set in a blatant AU where all the traditional truths of Cadance are thrown out the window in favor of recreating her history from whole cloth. To be fair to the writer, it’s very possible this story was written before any such truths were known. Many other things are off, too, from the misspelling of Cadance’s name to the fact that Twilight’s parents have completely different names, but I’m willing to assume that these, too, were not known at the time.
At any rate, the story is told entirely from the perspective of Cadance as she struggles to understand the visions she’s been having and the strange threat that keeps appearing out of nowhere. The end result is one third teenager slice-of-life, one third adventure, and one third mystery, all covered in a blanket of worldbuilding. The end result is far better than I expected, if a little rough around the edges.
This is a story about a princess who chose to go through eternity in a manner very different from Celestia and Luna’s method of simply always being there. She’s less cunning, less scheming, and far more “go with the flow”. It might be said that she’s dumber in terms of facts and planning, but smarter in terms of emotion and quick thinking. I found that I enjoyed this Cadance; her character accentuates her in-show manner, from the apparent less royal nature to her status as the ‘social’ princess. And yes, even her image as the “lesser” princess is alluded to in some ways. It’s a nicely complete picture and SaltyJustice did a wonderful job making her an endearing figure.
I enjoyed this one, and I’m looking forward to the sequel. I imagine there’ll be a lot less mystery to it. That said, pain is very likely given the full prophecy Cadance relates in the epilogue.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Effigy of Anarchy — Pretty Good
Twilight, Soldier of War
72,479 Words
By DR-Fluffy
Requested by DR-Fluffy
When Twilight discovers a portal mirror beneath her castle, not unlike the one that leads to the Equestria Girls world, she realizes she can use the two mirrors as teleporters to one another. After much research and successful trials using inanimate objects, she decides to personally test them. But instead of going to the Crystal Empire, she finds herself in a war-torn, futuristic human world as a human herself. She returns three years later, ten years older and, strangely, still human.
This is a story about PTSD, but also a retelling of what happened while Twilight was in the human world. To be specific, she joined the war effort and spent ten human-world-years defending her new home from some rather ruthless foes. The chapters alternate between the now, with Twilight struggling with drug abuse and post-war trauma, and her time in the war.
DR-Fluffy made some curious decisions here. The first is completely skipping the scene everyone wants to see, namely Twilight’s realization and gradual acceptance that she’s somehow lost in a new, wartorn world. Instead, we jump straight to Twilight already being in the Osanen military and being ready to lay down her life for the war effort. For the record, I don’t think this was a bad decision, although it may miff some readers. It’s a little jarring, true, but it skips a lot of material that we can already imagine easily enough given this kind of thing happens a lot in fanfiction.
The author does a good job keeping both sides interesting. In the flashbacks we get to watch intense battles with sci-fi tech, mostly in the form of urban warfare and increasingly desperate odds for the Osanen military and Twilight’s little team. In the present, we get to watch as Twilight’s friends and family struggle to get through to her and help her cope with some terrible events they can’t hope to understand. Adding the desperation of abusing a drug that Twilight has only a limited amount of and which can’t be reproduced in Equestria only heightens the ongoing tension.
Then there’s Twilight’s new friends in the human world, fellow soldiers with their own personality quirks. I feel as though these weren’t so easy to distinguish, but a few certainly stood out. Nadia in particular was highly entertaining. DR-Fluffy did well with what little time they gave themselves.
Which is another thing I approve of: for being a mere 70k words in length, the author does an excellent job covering a lot of ground in a mostly smooth manner that is easy to follow and never lets things slow down. Very good pacing. There are a lot of extreme time jumps—to the tune of years, in fact—but I never felt as though I was missing anything of particular importance.
Then we get to the issues. There’s the climax, which felt… anti-climactic. That may have been intentional, a message about how the end of war isn’t some glorious moment as there are still issues to resolve. But even if that were the case, it doesn’t work well for the story’s purposes. The final scene with Luna doesn’t feel even remotely like an ending, and then… wait, we’re at the epilogue? What? But there’s so much more to do! Why are we stopping now?
Then there’s that alternate ending, which… I don’t know. I have a thing about alternate endings. They ruin the point of each other and lessen the value of the story as a whole. “What lesson are we to take from the story?” “Well, the lesson of the ending you prefer, I suppose.” Weak. Pick your ending, author. Stick to it. Ignore the complaints, this is how it is. Give your story meaning instead of giving it no meaning. If you’re having trouble deciding on one, that’s understandable, but don’t throw both out there like this.
Then there’s the errors. I strongly suspect that DR-Fluffy used the spellchecker with wild abandon here, because while there doesn't appear to be any misspelled words, there are a ton of incorrect words. For example, nobody in this story ever “sits” at a table, or on a chair, or on the ground. They always “set” at a table, or “set” on a chair, or “set” on the ground. This is the one I saw the most, as it happens at least once a chapter, usually much more than that. But there are a ton of other instances with other words. There are words with incorrect tenses, singular when they should be plural and vice versa, and homophones galore. The word usage in this story is a mess, and I’m not sure if the author legit doesn’t know they’re doing it (ESL?) or simply spammed the spellchecker without actually reading the results. Either way, it is continuously jarring and frequently kills the mood.
There are three plot complaints I have, the first being that Twilight isn’t really Twilight in some ways. Now, towards the end of the war and during the present, that makes perfect sense. But why is it that after only three months in the human world Twilight has apparently lost all her curiosity? She has zero interest in theories and ideas and exploring the concepts of the advanced technologies all around her. I don’t care that she’s suddenly in a war zone, Twilight is Twilight, and she wouldn’t lose those habits after such a short time. A few years? Okay, maybe. But three months? Yeah, no. Plus there’s the three month period where she’s a test subject for a friendly scientist trying to find a way to bring her home, and during that time she shows no interest whatsoever in exploring these concepts and helping him out? Something weird’s going on here.
Second, when she learns that the scientist has found a way to make teleportation work, what is Twilight's reaction? “Let’s do this!” Uh, no, I don’t think so. The last time Twilight went through a teleporter, she ended up in an entirely different world in an entirely different body and nearly being killed. And she’s just supposed to do it again without so much as a “Are you sure it’s going to work?” How does she trust this so easily when she’s already had it fail catastrophically once before?
Third involves perspective. The flashbacks are Twilight’s memories, Twilight’s views, Twilight’s history. So why is it that some of these flashback scenes are told from the perspectives of her fellow soldiers, and even one from the enemy? Twilight could not know these events. We should not be seeing these events. It’s all the more jarring when we’re supposed to be in Twilight’s memories directly as Luna viewing them from the outside. Did Twilight develop some kind of universal telepathy and never knew it?
Overall, I enjoyed the story. It has a lot of issues that prevent it from rising above, but also a lot of strengths that keep it interesting and worth going through. I like DR-Fluffy’s overall approach but have a number of complaints. It’s adventurous, at times intense, with great battle scenes and character interactions, and I have nothing at all to complain about with the scenes set in the present (that lackluster climax aside). The story is good. Just not quite… there. With some tweaking and fixes to the author’s writing, we could see some real gems in the future.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Predictable — Needs Work
Episode 3: Mageismoiras
37,169 Words
By mr lovecolt
Sequel to Episode 2: The Return to Flatts
And so we return to mr lovecolt’s Episode series. This one begins somewhere near the end of the previous story, though it’s apparent they overlap a little.
Fluttershy is dead. Celestia and Luna have declared her death, and the nature of it, a secret of the greatest urgency. But Twilight Sparkle can’t accept her friend’s death, because to her there was a lot more to Fluttershy than mere friendship. Thankfully, Discord has given her the tools she needs to rectify the situation. Meanwhile, Rarity is dating Big McIntosh. That last bit probably doesn’t seem that important to you. You’ll change your mind before the end.
This may be, in my opinion, the best story yet in this series. It features a great many problems all colliding at the same time, from Twilight having an epic freakout to walking undead abominations settling old grudges. Before the story is over there will be friendships broken, new questions brought to light, and at least one more Element Bearer in the grave. And Celestia, Luna, and Discord, being little more than players of a giant chess game, continue to let things happen.
There are some definite oddities in this. For one, Celestia and Luna issue orders that nopony can know about Fluttershy’s death. Which is stupid and ridiculous. How she died? Okay, fine. But the fact that she’s dead at all? How are you supposed to hide that? Especially considering you’re leaving the body where it was found with no indication that you ever intend for it to be moved or buried and leaving a single guard at the front door to keep ponies away, a guard who doesn’t even know he’s guarding a dead body. And then the princesses have the gall to accuse the guard of incompetence.
I have no idea what Celestia and Luna are doing here. It’s almost as if they don’t care at all about the Mane Six.
So yes, there are some definite quirks. And the writing, while definitely improved from the previous entry, still has problems. The best example of those problems comes when Rarity and Twilight see a random yellow pony and have a serious moment involving said yellow pony because important events are happening involving said, unnamed yellow pony…
Oh, wait. It’s just Applejack. Okay then.
Wait, since when was Applejack yellow? Do you have any idea how much more serious this scene would have seemed had we been given correct clues? Now I’m just confused. Is mr lovecolt colorblind? If so, why didn’t he go to easily accessible sources, such as the MLP wiki, to learn for sure?
Oh, and let’s not forget that an Element Bearer—another one—is dead. And one’s in the hospital suffering form some kind of mental break. And the other is MIA (she only shows up for one chapter then disappears). Does Twilight care? Apparently… not. She shows five seconds of grief for the dead one, then moves on. She all but ignores the one in the hospital unless she just so happens to be in the area for other things. And the one who disappeared apparently did so not only from the story, but from the collective characters’ minds. Oh, and Twilight actively arranged for a pony to be murdered.
Like I said. Problems.
But the story is still vastly superior to its predecessor. The emotions are intense at times, and I particularly approve of how there is no set villain in the piece. The story takes its cues from Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein in that it was never the creature that was the problem (although it’s hard not to feel for poor Cheerilee, whose fate is never so much as mentioned after it happens). The story has problems but still manages to be interesting from beginning to end. I only wish mr lovecolt had continued this series, as it is clear that a continuation was planned but never came to fruition.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Stallions of Equestria: Adam's Apple — Pretty Good
Episode 1: Nightmares and Lunascapes — Worth It
Episode 2: The Return to Flatts — Needs Work
Stories for Next Week:
All About Rarity by Wellspring
Daring Do and the Gryphon's Quest by De Writer
Late Fees by MrNumbers
Rules of Engagement by Craine
I Will Follow by Yip
Dear Princess Celestia by Damaged
Fallout: Equestria. We're no Heroes by otherunicorn
The Hound of Ponyville by Thanqol
Getting Back In The Swing Of Things by avidreader07
In Your Dreams: Luna's Farewell by SilverMuse
Recent Review Map:
Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXXIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXXIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXXV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXXVI
Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXXVII
You Are Here
Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXXXI
Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXXXII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXXXIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXXXIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXXXV
That kinda sucks, but at least you're feeling okay. What kind of car did you pick out?
Ouch. I have stayed up that long exactly once, and it pretty much wrecked me. Nice to hear your outlook’s so positive, though
Hope you get back to writing lots soon!
I can't do that. I stayed up on an all-nighter for a programming assignment once, and determined that everything I did after Midnight was trash. I've reached the age now where I hit a particular point at night and that's it, no more, pull over and swap drivers or let me sleep an hour because I'm going to sleep, and it's probably better to do that while stationary than driving. Friend of mine was on an exercise as a Air Force SP doing MILES fire defending a location for 24 hours, said around 4am they were firing at trees and shouting really odd things.
Go to bed.
I've been waiting all day for this review.
I do have a problem with climaxes, I can never get the impact of what I imagine into the scene I write, as was the case with this story. Luna was suppose to confront Twilight about the reality of the situation and Twilight was suppose to take the first takes in moving on, but it all come out kind of... flat.
Just to note, the alternate ending to the story is the non-canon ending, just something to show another idea I had for the ending. The first two plot complaints are things that completely slipped past me while writing, but the third one was intentional. I wanted to give more insight into the human conflict and those around Twilight, which was hard to do while still being under Twilight's POV. Looking back on it now, however, I definitely went the wrong way about it. I think a lot of that came from writing fatigue.
Oh and yeah, my grammar was really bad when I wrote that, still is honestly. But while I've improved my grammar, I've been too lazy to go back and edit the story. Anyway, thanks for the review. It's good to know my story wasn't as much of a scattered mess as my mind was telling me.
"The Symphony of Dawn" is the only one I've read, and agree that it was full of strange editing mistakes and awkward phrasings that the author is more capable of avoiding now.
Ya stinkin' purist...
Anyway, two is these sound real awesome, so cool! And I'm very glad you found a workable car.
I'm glad you enjoyed Not A Piece of Cake! It's probably one of my favorite things I've written. I'd been thinking about doing a reading of it for fun, but was worried that it would come off a bit self-indulgent haha.
Thanks for the review!
I was mystified by the positive reception that Love, Or Something Like It received after its debut. I figured people would hate it because of the nature of its central scenario, as well as the absolute anticlimax that it ends on. Strangely enough, it gave me my second-ever trip to the feature box, and it's held on pretty well as a "popular" story of mine since then.
I suppose it's been a good long while since I've looked at it with a critical eye; I tend to remember it more through the lens that others have put on it. And I can't deny that it wants the reader to approach it with a certain feels-bad sensibility already baked in. I can imagine what it would take to write through that limitation, but there were limits to how deeply I wanted to take the scenario. Frankly I'd rather not write this kind of subject matter to start with, as for me it does push into horror without getting any deeper or more visceral--but then this was also written before I'd had much of a taste for horror at all. At risk of being melodramatic, it was more a story that I needed to write than one I wanted to write per se.
Thank you for the review.
5131941
A Honda Fit. I was going for the Sports model, but then a dealer called and told me, in not so many words, hat they'd sell me an EX model for practically the same price as a Sport and I'm all "heck, yes, I'll buy that!"
5131944
I don't think it's my first time, and it was actually pretty easy so long as I kept myself distracted through video games. That said, I was glad to finally crash at around 6:30 that morning.
5131990
My scenario wasn't near as stressful, as there was nobody needing anything from me and I could spend the evening playing video games. Tried reading for reviews, but only got one story in before I realized that was going to kill me in terms of staying awake, so I abandoned it.
I did eventually go to bed though, once I was certain my car was safe and had explained to my boss the situation.
Honestly, props for the subtle burn there.
It's just one of those little cluttery bits of expanded universe things, where someone going into it blind would (likely) see Clover as senile and peculiar in how she acts and thinks. Another reader more tempted to go through every little word I write might enjoy how it goes with my other stuff that only elaborated on Clover so much. That's about it, I think. Thank you for the review.
Holy crap, do NOT do that to yourself!!
Wait.. Oct 3rd, 2019.....
Nevermind.