I Am Not Okay. · 11:41pm Sep 30th, 2019
I'm safe. I'm not suicidal or anything. This is just a vent blog. I'm trying to help 4 different homeless friends right now in various ways, but
I owe $50 of late fees on this month's rent and my phone will stop working tomorrow since I have no money to pay my bill, and I'm out of food except for extremely stale chips and I can't find my rice. So I'll need to start hitting up food banks tomorrow. I need to sign up for food stamps again but haven't had the spoons/have been too lazy/depressed to do so.
I need to sign up for health insurance so I can get the therapy and medication I truly need, but have to finish taxes first to show I don't make much money which I keep putting off because taxes are scary and cause anxiety so I act like a petulant shithead and avoid them instead of being a fucking grown up.
and I have to clean up my studio which is a mess but I dont' have the drive to do so.
And today alone, over eight thousand children will die of starvation, and there's absolutely nothing I can directly do about it.
I'm not doing so hot. But so many billions are doing even worse. Count your blessings, I guess?
I'm sorry I can't help more right now.
I'm not sure what to do to help the constant dumpster fire you live within, except to say you probably should focus on helping yourself before you try to help others. You are not the right person to help other people. Those people you help aren't well-served by leaning on you until you fracture.
There's someone in your life who is in dire need of assistance, perhaps in some ways more dire than the homeless people you mention. Look in the mirror, and help him. Or better yet, find some other people who can help him. You are barely functioning and you need immediate assistance.
5130702
I don't know how to care about myself as much as I do other people.
The best advice I can give is just get up and do the stuff you mentioned you didn't want to do. Things won't get better by just moping around and being lazy.
Other people being worse off than you doesn't mean you aren't suffering, nor does it mean it's wrong to look out for yourself.
I wish I knew how to make it happen, but I hope things get better for you.
You can't help anyone else if you're not in a good place to begin with.
Take care of yourself, cuz it looks like no one else is gonna do it for you. :(
5130713
Then find someone -- preferably someone who has their shit together -- who cares about you and wants to help. I've mentioned turning to your parents before, but if you have some friends who have some stability in their lives, that works too. Someone where you can say "hey, can I bring my tax stuff by and do it there?" knowing that they'll understand how important it is, keep you on track, and help push through anxiety. Someone who will message you and say "hey, did you send in the stuff for foodstamps?" and when you say no they'll say "well, do that. I'll check back later."
I've never been quite as bad off as you are, but I do have serious anxiety that seems to be of a similar sort, and one thing I know from experience: when I'm trying to deal with it alone, it ruins my life. When I have someone there for support, I can manage it. In my case, it's my mom, so that's where I recommend people start unless there are serious problems there.
I have to agree with the other commentators. Once you're in a stable position yourself, you'll be in a better spot to help someone else. Furthermore, I feel your mood will likely improve once you feel like you're taking care of yourself better, as it will be a better source of self-respect and feeling of self-sufficiency.
You have something in you that's truly selfless and good. Don't ever lose that. But like the show has said in many episodes, and others on this post, take care of yourself first. Don't invalidate your needs and feelings because others are worse off. Someone will always be better or worse off if you compare yourself to others.
Start every day by making your bed. It's a task to complete. An accomplishment. Accomplishments motivate people to complete more accomplishments. The task of making your bed can make other tasks seem more manageable. And at the end of the day, if things don't go your wqy, at least you come home to a made bed.
I don't know how exactly to help, but good luck to you; I hope things work out somehow.
Heres an idea:
Get off FIMFICTION and GET A JOB
5130961
Have a heart and maybe dont pick on people having a rough time in life. Dont be a dick and leave super trampoline alone, and maybe get a life.
5130713
And the way I get me to help myself is by remembering that when I get better I can help so many more people! It's like, I gotta help me so that I can help them better
5130961
I have a job. They cut my hours. Thatâs a large part of why Iâm struggling.
5130844
I sleep on a futon, so âmaking my bedâ entails stuffing all my pillows and blankets back behind it and returning it to couch configuration. Which I generally do.
5131049
I do have a heart. And I have a life. I have 2 full time jobs, a volunteer job and a wonderful son and husband.
And sorry, but I cant sympathize with ANYONE who .. And i quote, supports the " bashing in of skulls of Nazi Trump supporters"
Because hes an entitled, priveledged little bitch.
5131152
Wouldnât it be great if you didnât have to work two full-time jobs just to survive?
I donât know why you deleted your perfectly fine comment (which I can still see via email). If you love both of your jobs and they both do indeed sound like very enjoyable jobs, then great. But I firmly feel that working two jobs should be an option, not a necessity like it is for millions of Americans.
5131152
5131115
Then find an equivalent.
I answered a previous blog on this topic with some advice, and I'll stick by that.
That said, as others have mentioned: In an emergency on a plane, you are supposed to secure your own air mask before helping anyone else with theirs.
In EMS, we're taught to keep ourselves safe first and foremost.
Get to a stable position in your own life. Best wishes.
5131152
Look, I agree that Tramp's beliefs on politics are garbage-tier. I think if his ideas on economics and social policies were implemented there would be thousands, perhaps millions of deaths not too long after (as is usual with socialist regimes). You'll hear no disagreement from me on that. Still, we don't change anyone's mind by being an asshole (though I'mma be real witchu, I struggle with this one sometimes. Snark is king.), and we certainly don't garner sympathy for our side by kicking people when they're down.
Please stop.
5130713
I often feel the exact same way, but I have come to realize that if I can't function, in a way that makes my own life stable, then there is no way I can help others. We need to be stable to give, otherwise we fall and are unable to help others. Take some time to fortify yourself, and make a well thought through plan on how to help others the most effectively. Its what I am trying to do.
5131672
For me to give a fuck about your opinion would also mean Id have to value it
5133368
I feel bad for your kid.
5133429
Iâve got the perfect reaction pic.
5133368
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/411/312/e6d.jpeg
5133462
...I'm stealing that.
Capitalism has the innate issue that basic human decency is unprofitable. Of course, not even the US has tried running pure capitalism, because even they aren't so far gone as to think that's a good idea.
Of course, every system has the innate issue that the Venn diagram of "people who can be trusted with power" and "people who want power" doesn't have any real or potential people in the overlap...