My Movie Review/Extreme Rant on Noah (2014) · 2:57pm Sep 26th, 2019
I'd like to be honest with you guys. This is likely not the prettiest way to be making my 67th film review, but hey...as they say, not everything is all sunshine and rainbows.
This movie that I'm giving you all an analysis on today...IS OF THE VERY WORST ADAPTION OF A BIBLICAL STORY I'VE EVER SEEN:
"Noah (2014)"
Considering how much of a travesty this movie is, I'm not even going to bother starting off with a summary other than saying that this is an "adaption" of the Biblical story of Noah, directed by Darren Aronofsky, written by him and Ari Handel, and starring Russell Crowe as the title character.
The first time I saw this movie was a long time ago with my family, and we hated it so much. I hated it enough that I left in the middle of it, so many thoughts about it running through my mind. Then, I saw it again for the 2nd time recently in preparation for making my review on this film, and now that I have...my thoughts on why I disliked it became clearer.
The story and direction of the film was pretty much a dump every step of the way. It was not only completely unfaithful to the actual story, but the dark, dramatic, and depressing tone it had was so overwhelming it made things far from fun. It was too overbalanced from all three of those descriptions. Not only that, but the film seemed to lean too much on environmentalist values, especially because of the emphasis of animal value over humans.
For those who think that the action sequences are the most sluggish and uneventful ever seen in a film, I very much agree. Even though the characters were obviously fighting, they lacked energy and liveliness.
The CGI that was used in this movie was also something that I found to be cheesy. Much more than "The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor", if I may add. Every effect that was used in this film had so many obvious signs that they were done by computer, right down to the flood waters.
On the subject of the acting, I definitely don't doubt the abilities of its cast. They were okay. However, their talents and abilities were completely wasted by the film's script and direction, like they were as drowned as the wicked people in the flood. It doesn't help that the dialogue they were given for their characters was as forgettable as a forgotten memory, that's for sure.
The character development overall didn't even signify much of a great growth for each character, particularly because it wasn't clear on if the commitment of Noah and his family was diminished or not. It was almost even like saying we should throw our faith and trust in the Lord away like garbage.
In conclusion, this film is an absolute disaster. Not only due to the waste of talent, but for having too much Hollywood and too little Bible.
So, I rate "Noah (2014)" zero out of five stars. Move over "Zoolander", you've got company.
It is total garbage
Not to mention that the liberties they take with the characters and the plot make no sense at all.
And then, they made the Watchers the heroes of the movie!! Saying how they’ve “redeemed” themselves by “dying” in battle. WHAT?!!!
But that’s a whole other rant.
I had already heard this wasn’t very good, but I might still watch this anyway someday.
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This is another one of those films that I got feedback about from my mom. She didn't like it either, to say the least. :)
I never even bothered going to see this atrocity of a film.
You took the words right outta my mouth buddy!
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Nice to see that I’m not the only one around here who thinks this film is atrocious.
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Thanks! I also doubt that the one who directed Noah was even a Christian.
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I only saw about 3 minutes of it because my dad rented and watched it out of curiosity. For some reason, Noah was screaming at God after he found out he was going to be a grandfather. One, why? Two, WHYYYYYYYYY?
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don't. you're just wasting your time.
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It’s your choice. But, I definitely wouldn’t go see the film if I were you.
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Tell me about it.
The movie also didn't get it right about Fallen Angels. Fallen Angels are not 'Guardians of Earth', they're supposed to be evil.
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You are correct. Another reason why this movie’s a disaster, because they’re making the bad seem and look good, and the good seem and look bad.
I got the vibe when this first came out that there was a deliberate effort to treat the biblical events as mythology.
Judging by this review: my first impression was spot on.
I've not seen the film since Aronofsky's filmmaking gives me a headache (mother comes to mind). I think the only film of his I've wanted to see is Requiem For a Dream. I'm just too lazy to see it.
Also, if you really want a biblical butchering, watch mother. Though it's also extremely grisly and graphic. So maybe don't.
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* snerk *
No, because he's Jewish.
Like the authors of the Torah.
From which the story of Noah was taken.
Because (and this may have slipped your mind) a movie based on a story from the Bible isn't automatically a "Christian" movie.
Also, Darren Aronofsky is a giant weirdo whose movies are super challenging. And with this one, he was determined to avoid all the watered-down Sunday school imagery of other imaginings of this story. Because, at its heart, this is a movie about God murdering the world and this one guy and his family being forced to watch Him do it. And that's pretty messed up, so making a grim apocalypse with rock monsters kind of makes sense.
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I actually agree. But... It could have used far better dialogue, and it sure as hell could have used a better art department and practical effects. As well as pacing, and something borrowed from apocrypha. The Nephilim. THAT would have justified partially God's actions. Making this a horrific story is not a retcon. It is peeling back the centuries of watering down to bring in more worshipers to see the story for the cautionary terrifying tale that it actually is.
This was a mess. Why are 'Christian' films often so bad? Notable exceptions do exist, such as Ben-Hur and The Miracle Maker, but there seem to be a lot of bad Christian films recently.
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I'd always assumed the film's title (mother!) was supposed to be shouted.
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I believe it is, yeah.
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How strange.