i don't know anymore · 5:09am Sep 15th, 2019
it feels like whatever i do if even i do anything don't matter anymore or never mattered my high school basically extorting me for money holding my diploma hostage when your mother is in rehab and your biological father stopped caring and forgot about you, you feeling like you failed the one who took care of you. to your elementary school friend being at the top of the class of 2018/2017 in high school with her father bragging to my auntie how she's at the top. it hurts when your little brother says he hates you it hurts when get hurt for doing anything to wanting something getting punch in the mouth to minor pains. and it doesn't help where you find your other auntie in the bathroom on the toilet dead as she bled out. the trauma change you so much to the point where you become so worried that you could give yourself a nervous breakdown to the point of pushing people you care about away. to the point where a,ll the friends you have who actually cares about you is online and that's only two people and hell they could not even care about you. it really hurts that your so god damn lazy and won't do anything but you cry out and want to stop being lazy but can't because you won't. it's just not fair where people have good or even perfect lives but theirs you who has to deal with shit after shit and your just slowly crumbling to the point of not caring anymore. i'm just so tired so so tired i want to give up i want to just stop it all and you wanting to tell your family but they'll probably shrug it tell me to get over it or just not care so you keep smiling and smiling make everyone happy make them laugh even if it's at your expense just bottle it up all inside. and even than when your a pervert and don't want to be one when you could make one mistake when you have ADHD and can't just focus when your GPA is low and when your grades aren't above average and when your ACT score is 14 when your fucking big brother score is thirty fucking one you got so much expectations you can't meet. when your FUCKING emotions aren't in check like now spilling my problems not like anyone cares. than yone of your two friends have a fucking girlfriend irl and the other is rich and have people look up to you and respect to you. your just the small bug that hangs around them because your deluded that they want to be your friend that they are your friend but in actuality their not they'll forget you when leaving this sight they'll forget you years later. so i just want to stop stop everything maybe maybe i just so tired.
You may want to try writing your worries on the forum of this group:
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/200615/anti-depression-ponies
People over there, may be able to easy the pain, somewhat
5121342
Thanks I’ll check it out
I don't know what I can say that will have much weight. You without a doubt have things much worse than me. Other than the fact that we're here to talk to you and to try and stay strong.