The one thing I always think about

I don't know about any of you out there or what situations might be spread out before you, but, if you're like me, you find it impossible to think about what might happen next. You always have the troublesome thought poking around here or there that constantly has you fret about the day after tomorrow.

Being the age that I am, I guess it's not too big of a problem, seeing as it's the time when you've literally just exited your teenage years and you have no choice but to think about what you want to do. Life will always be there, and it's annoyingly inescapable, and as you get older, it only poses as a reminder that you've got two choices - either do something and get somewhere or sit down, stare at a wall and wait for doomsday. It's a shit choice, but it has to be made.

Other than thinking about tomorrow and the problems and other issues that might arrive with it, I find myself to be constantly looking back into the past. I think about my childhood, my parents, my family home that I took my first steps in, how it all ended up to where it is now, the people that I know I'm going to have to accept won't be there one day, happy memories and old friends. I'm in a very strong and relentless bind with it all, and I don't actually know the antidote in order to get out of it. Everyone might just tell me to quit my worrying and get on with it, but it's not that simple, is it? Nothing is.

If you want my honest answer, I don't reminisce for the sake of a good memory, I do it because it's a reminder of when times were less complicated and full of misery and bollocks that seems to be in abundance in this current day and age. True, back then, and given what month it is now, 9 / 11 happened when I was two-years-old, and it was probably the scariest and saddest news report that has ever shown on the news in human history. For those in the US, it was said to be the worst and most violent terrorist attack against the country. Point is, bad shit happens all the time, but times back then still had an upside to them. Granted, I can't give too many details because of how young and clueless I was as a toddler, but I still think it was a better time period to live in.

We all get a little nostalgic every so often, and I'm sure everybody wants to feel safe and happy in their own environment and the country that they live in. Those of us that are old enough to remember such things, when phones, digital cameras, advanced computer technology, social media and basically are digital items didn't exist, most things were stored on laser-readable floppy disks and electro-magnetic tape, but that was the beauty of it - we were still learning, and I find it ironic that when these new digital devices were created with the intent of brining society closer together, all it did was spread us further apart.

A very short story - I had one best friend in school, right, and this guy I'm still friends with now, even though we've hardly spoken in about two years, and we've know each other since we were both roughly eight, and we used to always get into trouble together. He started getting into trouble the moment he met me, and we were officially partners in crime, and I recall it as the best time of my life. I miss those days so much that I'd give up my left testicle to relive it again, and it really makes me eternally sad that those days are long gone. Instead of speaking to a physical person, whom is literally standing directly next to you, people would rather stare at a phone screen and text them. A lot of people in my secondary school did this quite a lot, and I'd watch them and be like, ''What's the matter with you? Don't you know you've got a larynx?''

But yes, I don't want to ramble on and become the next grandfather in line with his constant waffling, but I can't help but get my head out of the clouds for the good times in life. Knowing that those days for anybody are likely gone for good is heartbreaking. What I miss most is my family life and the memories I had, even if some were absolutely degrading and resulted in morphing me into this human-shaped chucklefuck behind this keyboard. It was more...peaceful, in a manner of speaking. People spoke to each other face-to-face and they got along...most of the time.

And I think that'll be it from me. I only wanted to get this one off of my chest and put my thoughts out there, despite how much of a grandfather-to-be they might make me sound. That's fine by me.

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With love, from England,

- FireRain 💛

Comments

[Final fantasy forever]

I think about that a good bit I do believe