Thank You For Into The Mirror, Everyone

Wow, you guys. I'm really speechless right now.

I never expected Into The Mirror to gain such popularity. I hoped, certainly, because I wanted the link in the Author's Note to be visible. But I knew it wasn't necessarily realistic. Thank you guys so much for getting this story to the featured page and helping me shed light on such a difficult issue. It really means the world to me.

I am so happy this story made It to the featured page because I know it means more people are going to see the link in the Author's Note, and maybe somebody will click on it and see something they didn't before. Maybe they'll see symptoms in themselves or a loved one. Maybe they'll want to learn more about Eating Disorders and become an advocate. Best of all, if someone is suffering from an eating disorder and decides to get treatment, it could potentially save their life. That makes me feel incredible.

Eating disorders are a tough illness to treat. If you have Bulimia, the illness isn't visible with your body. The emaciated form of anorexia is. It's easy to miss them, even harder to live with them. My own experiences didn't tell me something was wrong and I needed treatment until two years ago- seven years into my illness. I was a binge eater and a bulimic. I learned so many tricks to hide my illness from unwanted eyes, because it felt like something that was mine, and something that nobody else could take from me. But I decided to go into treatment because when I saw how much I was hurting those I loved, it made me want to stop. I learned a lot about myself there, why I felt I didn't deserve to eat. But I learned that I was wrong. Everybody deserves to eat, and everybody deserves to feel beautiful.

Eating disorders seem so simple- they seem to be you hating your appearance, but they run so much deeper than that. For me, I was taking out my shame and anger on my own body. I hated my body for housing me, because I couldn't stand the person inside it. I hated the me under that skin. And I had to learn how to love her again. I still struggle with that today. It's hard for me to know that when shit is hitting the fan and I feel trapped, that the bathroom is ten feet away from me and I could just go in there, and purge my feelings, or take a laxative and feel okay again. The conscious decision not to do that is harder than anything. I had to learn a different way to deal with things than doing that, and so now I do that instead. I write, I listen to music, I go to therapy, I watch movies and shows I like, and if it gets really bad I'll go into the backyard and smoke a cigarette, just looking up at the sky, listening to the quiet, and reminding myself that I deserve to eat.

I wrote Into The Mirror to try and give a voice to those who, like me, struggle to love themselves and take it out on their bodies. Whether you're anorexic, bulimic, a binge eater, a night eater, or even OSFED (other specified feeding or eating disorder), I hope you all know that you are beautiful as you are, that you do deserve a good life full of blessings and great things, and that you absolutely, unquestionably, and undboubtedly deserve to eat and nourish yourself. And if you happen to be reading this blog post and feel as though you need permission to eat (because sometimes I still feel like that), then let it be known that you do have permission. Not just today, but everyday.

You are more than your weight, your BMI, the number of calories in a piece of food. You are more than just a body. You are a beautiful person with gifts to share with the world, and you are worthy of love. You are so important, and you are enough as you are. You deserve to eat, and to love yourself.

Thank you guys, for everything. Keep loving yourselves- because you deserve it.