I am so tired. · 11:32pm Sep 1st, 2019
And it's not your fault. Not my readers, not my patrons, not my friends... I could say it's society's fault, but it's not like anybody could have expected this.
A few months ago, I asked for help, and... I sort of got it. And I didn't just sit back and do nothing, I tried to find a job, followed up on leads, for two whole months I looked and applied and...
nothing.
And the well is running dry again. With my patreon income I can either choose to pay my rent or my bills this month. Either or. And a patron has told me that they'll have to drop off for financial reasons, which I don't blame them for but makes next month harder. I can delay paying my bills for a few days--only a few, because the rent is due the first of the month. But I feel like I have to ask for help again.
I am tired of that.
I am tired of asking for help--and getting it, getting what I need, don't get me wrong I really do appreciate it... I'm tired of just asking, over and over, and being given 'helpful' advice that changes nothing. Yes, I should get a damn job. Don't you think I've tried?
I've come to the realization that doesn't work anymore.
The system is burning. Everything is burning. There's no way out.
There's no way to get what I need but begging.
Don't tell me to get a job. I know. I know.
And it's impossible.
Don't say it's not. Don't insult me by pretending you have any idea what to do. I've listened. And it's great advice, in theory. In practice... it never works.
I know I have the skills. Writing, organizing, researching, compiling. Artistry, on occasion. I know if I could exercise them, monetize them, I could get by. The problem is that all the positions where I would be useful require somebody on the inside, some path, that doesn't exist anymore. All the job placement in the world won't help. All the resumes in the world won't help. Nobody knows what I can do, and they don't want to bother, because the way the world is run it's easier to treat people as disposable.
I am so tired. I just... I need money. And my income is gradually dropping, no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I just can't get it up.
I can't get a job. I can't get more patrons. I can't do anything to get the money I need.
Don't tell me to move. I can't. Not enough money.
Don't tell me to look for more positions. I've tried. Nothing.
Don't...
just...
don't.
It hurts.
It hurts.
It hurts.
I'm so tired.
....I am just so tired.
Just don't do it. Do something, ANYTHING.
Just don't do it.
Right, the system's rigged. I'm... going to choose to believe that you really have put blood, sweat, and tears into trying to get out of this situation through jobs, applying yourself, and the like. I won't insult you by doing thinking otherwise.
So, here's the thing. This here? This isn't working. As influential as you are, your patrons aren't able to keep up your income. Writing fanfiction simply isn't going to support you, and you need to accept that. Start there.
Knowing this - absolutely knowing that any solution you find here is temporary at best - means you're going to have to think of other solutions. Getting a job is impossible. Okay. What now?
I don't know where you live, so what follows might seem stupid to you - and in certain situations, they probably will be - but there are still options. Humanity may be dark and the system may be broken, but there are options for the UNEMPLOYED and HOMELESS. You aren't among them yet, and even if you end up among them, hope isn't LOST.
First of, there are welfare programs. The system sucks, but for those really suffering under its thumb there is help if you prove to the government you really aren't making much income. What they do varies from location to location, but more often than not they'll be willing to give you something if your situation absolutely is terrible. Yes, some of them come with 'find a job in X weeks' attached. But going to a welfare program gets you in touch with PEOPLE. And those people will often know agencies and things. They may hire you out as a temp to some place or something.
(Unrelated, be sure you've tried temp agencies and odd-jobs apps too. I have no idea if this has been suggested before or not. Craigslist can sometimes have large 'help wanted' things as well.)
And no welfare program? That's... a little hard to believe, but then again, I don't know where you live. Then turn your eyes to nonprofits. There are shelters, charities, churches and the like who's point is to help people in broken situations. Is it basically begging to go there? Oh HECK yes. But you're already begging here, and it's not working. It's time for more drastic measures. These places might even be better than welfare, since the people there usually aren't government secretaries, but actually care about the poor and the broken.
What's my point?
Well, your life sucks. And assuming you've exhausted all possible normal ways out, it's time to try some drastic measures. You've said it yourself, you need help.
Go get some.
I know how it feels. Job applications are a lottery. Sure education and expirience help but in the end its all chance. But know this just as you can't win forever you also can't lose forever and all you need is to win once. Hang in there. I once knew a homeless guy who got a job and used that to get a better job, now he has a girlfriend and rents a house. If you have any state run programs like Work One they help alot.
That's just horrible to hear. I can't believe they didnt hire you
Damn...
Well. Blackjack offered a lot more than I could. I can't say much beyond offering moral support, but I am.
5114944
Are any commissions open?
GMBlackjack said everything I wanted to say and more, so all I can say is I hope you can get help for your situation.
I feel this.
My friend, what you are feeling is capitalism working as intended. It is designed to wear down and destroy those of us at the bottom all in the name of keeping a few fat cats ever wealthier.
My advice: take what remaining money you have and get out of wherever you are. I know here in Southern California, rent is high, but jobs can be gotten, and I have a history of getting friends out here so I can connect them with my local networks of bronies, socialists, and musicians, and others. You got to get out of wherever you are now, because it is literally killing you.
Also, if you come out here you can probably donate blood on the regular which can put an extra $340 in your bank each month.
I hate to see friends suffering. I hope things improve for you. Good luck, comrade.
Would you mind posting a link to your resume? Someone out of your fans here might know a telecommuting position that doesn’t suck... too badly.
well, if your not willing/able to move the only other option is to reduce your financial burden by inviting someone else to live with you and pay part of your home/apartments financial cost so you can deal with what you have
I still think you can move, you just don't have the energy to, cause you've allowed the world to sink you into the emotional hole and have exhausted your willpower, you can do anything you set your mind to in this world if you have the will to put forth.
you've run your well dry, and so back to my first suggestion you dont want help but you need it..you need someone there with you someone to help you not just financially, but emotionally too
you need to not be alone, humans in general are not built to be lone wolves, were pack creatures we 'need' companionship on an instinctive subconscious level.
Your problem is that you are looking for a job, someone to employ you and put your talents to some purpose. A lot of times it is better to come up with your own and go get some clients instead of a boss.
Weaver, you're an awesome guy and you don't deserve the dirt that's been constantly kicked over you. I sincerely wish that you get the help you need, and that you keep your head held high; keep strong and carry on. All the best, and much love.
(cyber hug) I'm here for you if you need it...
All I can offer here is an internet hug, so:
<Internet Hug>