Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXXI · 9:23pm Aug 8th, 2019
Turn out the lights, the party’s over. I write this first thing in the morning, as I always write my review blog introductions, at my desk at work. In this case the act doubles as a chance to ignore the large pileup of emails I’ll eventually have to dig through. Vacations are never long enough. They’ll be long enough when I retire. Not that I should complain; I’ve got a great job.
So, first thing I see when arriving at my door is the box of books FedEx misplaced. Turns out FedEx screwed us all over more than I thought. Expecting five or so books of the paperback Bulletproof Heart, I instead opened it to find four copies of paperback BPH, a hardcover copy (which I’ll be keeping for my own since I gave my original to the Bookstore), and five copies of Audience of One (i.e. more than half my order of that particular book). Before any of you jump on this, waving your hands in the air and crying “gimme, gimme gimme!”, I’m not selling any of these until I hear back from Aquaman on how many pre-orders I received so that I can deal with those first. Except for you, Psyonicg, since I agreed to sell you one before I even considered this need.
I see a lot of people are posting horse swag blogs, and I intend to do the same, hopefully this weekend. Assuming I don’t go see my parents, which they are not-so-subtly hinting they want to happen. We shall see but, frankly, I’m not all that interested in getting in the car for another 3-hour drive. I mean, I just drove ~3,400 miles, I’m not eager to add another 250! Still, they’re family, and I’m sure they want to know all about my pony convention thing directly, so I might just bite the bullet and make that last leg. It’s not like I haven’t made the drive a hundred times before. POST-WORK EDIT: Yeah, I’m going. It’s my birthday this weekend and I should spend that with family. Guess I’ll be doing the swag blog after the weekend.
Anyway, I suppose it’s time for me to stop avoiding my real job. I’ll let you all read some reviews while I go about sorting all these emails trying to figure out if any of them are, y’know, important. Office didn’t burn down or get sold while I was gone, so surely things can’t be that bad… right?
Right.
Reviews.
Stories for This Week:
Dead and Loving It by Trick Question
In Celestia We Trust, All Others Pay Cash by Georg
More A Mother Than Most by DEI Caboose
The Alicorn Curse by chillbook1
She And Her by RainbowBob
D=S-M by MegatronsPen
It's Always Sunny In The Everfree by Jack of a Few Trades
Sunset Shimmer Lends Pinkie Pie the Wrong Thumb Drive by Sporktacles
Great and Powerful by Between Lines
You Can't Break Me Discord by Piquo Pie
Total Word Count: 68,576
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 3
Worth It: 7
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Dead and Loving It
2,788 Words
By Trick Question
This is a collection of three minifics, all written for the same Writeoff contest. They include Trixie showing up at her own funeral, Luna’s response to Celestia faking her death, and the Flim Flam Brothers running a funeral parlor.
Yes, they’re all as entertaining as you’d expect. My favorite was the second one. I agree with Luna that it was completely worth it.
There’s not much to say. These are all great comedy pieces, none of which will take more than a few minutes to get through. There’s no reason not to read them.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Back to Normal — Pretty Good
Flash in the Pan — Pretty Good
In Celestia We Trust, All Others Pay Cash
2,787 Words
By Georg
A simple excursion for ice cream leads Celestia to a terrible realization: she’s broke, and has no idea how to handle her own funds. (Un?)Luckily for her, Luna is far more adept at these kinds of things. Now if only the general public hadn’t caught wind of her financial situation.
I am entertained. As one who is big on fiscal responsibility, this tickled me in all the right places. Watching Celestia flounce about like a fish out of water upon learning of her financial situation provided me no end of amusement. One can only hope she’s learned her lesson regarding being too generous. Perhaps Rarity can give her some pointers.
Underlying this, however, is the unfortunate reality of how easily spooked the stock market is, or how the smallest thing of little consequence can lead to a collapse. Georg is creating a humorous display out of the concept, but that humorous display lampshades a troubling truth.
At any rate, this is a fun little story at Celestia’s expense. And really, all the best stories are at her expense. Or Twilight’s, I suppose.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A War of Words - The Opening of the Guard — WHYRTY?
City of Monsters — WHYRTY?
Drifting Down the Lazy River — WHYRTY?
Diamond Tiara Buys a Little Sister — Pretty Good
The One Who Got Away — Pretty Good
More A Mother Than Most
6,212 Words
By DEI Caboose
It’s Hearth’s Warming, and the family has gotten together once more. But Twilight Velvet must face facts: she is not Princess Celestia, and she will never mean to her daughter what the princess does. She’s not exactly okay with this…
This is exactly what you’d expect: Twilight Velvet feels inferior as a mother and Twilight Sparkle decides to tell her why that’s a load of crap. I won’t deny that the moment Twilight walks into the kitchen to see her dear, sweet mother sobbing was a touching one. The author also did a great job of working through Velvet’s thoughts so that the strength of her sorrow can be fully felt. So on those points, very well done, author.
The only part that gets to me is the ending. Not that the ending is bad. It’s really not. It’s just too quick. We just spent some 4,000 words listening to all the reasons Velvet is a failure of a mother, from her own head. You really want me to think Twilight can take all that self-doubt and fear away with just a couple sentences? Yeah, no way. This was a scenario that called for a much longer, more demonstrative argument from Twilight to make her mother understand, and she didn’t give it. I fully expect Velvet to go right back to the bottom once her daughter leaves as a result.
Other than that, the story is generally quite good. It does suffer from the writing style, which has a number of odd grammar mistakes such as words being used in the wrong tense or words that don’t mean what I think the author intended. The worst part is the author’s habit of using long, complicated sentences that don’t read smoothly. They often require another look or two before the intent becomes clear.
Still, not a bad story. Velvet’s situation is certainly emotional, enough so to hit at my feels. With a bit of tweaking and a longer conclusion, this could have easily landed high on my bookshelves. As it is?
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Same Box — Worth It
The Alicorn Curse
3,344 Words
By chillbook1
Recognizing her gradually worsening ability to save the day, Twilight does some research and discovers the titular curse. In order to offset their incredible, godlike powers, all alicorns suffer a near-zeroing of their luck and practicality, making them essentially useless. Twilight calls bullcrap on that.
I wouldn’t put it past Celestia to do something spectacularly dumb such as this, which is why I find it so amusing. That being said, the topic isn’t played entirely straight as everyone’s behavior is a bit too off, so it loses a couple points there. Still, it’s a silly story for silliness’s sake. Who am I to complain?
Read it if you want some humor at Twilight’s expense. All the best stories are at her expense. Or Celestia’s, I suppose.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
She And Her
3,035 Words
By RainbowBob
Holy wow, it feels like an eternity since I last reviewed a RainbowBob fic. Me and Bob go way back, helping one another with our stories and even collaborating at one time on the Them series. It was saddening to see him leave the fandom, but his reasons were solid and I can’t deny it was the right decision for the time. So what fresh horror has this lover of lovecraftian darkness churned up this time?
To my surprise, nothing at all. This is a warmhearted, wholesome fic. By RainbowBob. I never thought I’d see the day.
Anywho, this is the story of how Applejack became Winona’s owner. There are no surprises, no hidden meanings, no dark backgrounds. It’s just a filly having to pick a puppy out from a litter. From a certain perspective, there’s nothing new to this story. We’ve all heard it, done it ourselves, or can at least imagine it. Obvious premise is obvious. On the other, it’s filly Applejack meeting puppies. I mean, c’mon, are we really gonna say no to that kind of imagery?
If you’re a fan of AJ and need your medically required dosage of Jackibetes, there’s no reason not to read this.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Eternity — Pretty Good
Feed Them — Pretty Good
Foreign Complications — Pretty Good
Mortal Coil Foiled — Pretty Good
Burn The Fallow Land — Worth It
D=S-M
37,543 Words
By MegatronsPen
I have no idea what that equation is supposed to stand for or how it relates to the content of this story.
As these things go, Celestia is dead. She was murdered by powerful magic while trying to save Twilight Sparkle. Twilight, too, was grievously injured to the point of hideous scarring. Now Twilight is struggling to get by, filled with rage at the loss of a mare she loved as more than a mentor. The guilty party? A griffon…
I must admit, this is a far better story than the last one I read by this author. That being said, it is a crapsac; characters will die, sometimes brutally and torturously, as some hidden power works to divide the remaining Princesses of Equestria against one another. The Mane Six are not exempt from this, which is your sign to go in warily.
Twilight’s downward spiral into madness is, to some degree, believable, but honestly? If you love Twilight from the show, alicorn or otherwise, it might be best to steer clear. I don’t see her descending to the state she does in this story given the events that have happened, I just don’t. How she dealt with the griffon? Okay. The train ride? Not so much. I’m willing to acknowledge that as subjective and won’t let it seriously affect my rating for the story, but it warrants saying.
MegatronsPen appears to have a love for blatantly unnecessary gore and violence, which I’m sure will be a big turnoff for a lot of readers. Still, I was willing to tolerate it, because the scenario being gradually unrolled by the plot is very interesting and I’m curious to see where it goes. The author could have made this story even more riveting and kept far more of a viewership if they’d toned down the ridiculous brutality, but tastes will be what tastes will be. There’s a potentially awesome story under there, provided the author can focus on it. And to be fair, they did for most of the story. It wasn’t until the big train scene that things went downhill, and even then only because of its excessiveness.
This is an interesting story about one pony’s descent into madness, and is the prequel to a coming war. It’s actually quite good, all things considered, and I have every intention of reading the next story should the author ever decide to revive it. I just hope MegatronsPen can resist their more base urges in the future, not that I have much hope for such.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Maggots and Apples — Worth It
It's Always Sunny In The Everfree
1,244 Words
By Jack of a Few Trades
In collaboration with FamousLastWords
Sunny Days accepts a dare to stay in the Everfree Forest for two hours. It doesn’t go the way she expects.
A short and simple story that ends up being a bittersweet sadfic. I’m honestly not sure if there’s meant to be any real message here. It’s basically just Sunny Days making a new, unexpected friend. There’s nothing wrong with the story, but neither does it seem to have much purpose.
It would be different if I understood how this encounter would affect Sunny in the future, or why it was so important to her as an individual. But instead it just… is. If that’s good enough for you, then there’s no reason not to give it a go. Maybe you’ll get more out of it than I did.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Without Another Word — WHYRTY?
Hindsight — Pretty Good
Double — Worth It
Sunset Shimmer and Pinkie Pie are teamed up for a literature project, and it is understandably exhausting for the former. So when Pinkie heads out with their project on a thumb drive to finish up that night, Sunset decides to unwind the good ol’ teenager way: pornography. Except that the thumb drive containing her stash is… missing.
Uh-oh.
This was everything and nothing like what I expected. I’m sure that my long-time readers have by now realized that I’ve got a thing for sex-based humor, the more awkward the better. This story certainly scratches that itch (if you’ll pardon the phrase). It’s got Sunset (and Princess Twilight in a cameo) being humiliated by the situation, it’s got Pinkie being totally cool with it (do we really expect anything less?), and it even has Pinkie singing a song about fetishes (for once, I regret there’s no accompanying music). So yeah, I’m not complaining. This is my kind of humor.
What I didn’t expect was for Sporktacles to play it straight with the narrative. To me, stories are only so funny as the narrative makes them out to be. As such, I’d rate this definitely more “Slice of Life” than “comedy”, because the narrative makes zero effort to emphasize the situation. The best comedies are those where the narrative on its own is witty, creative, snarky, or something that makes a silly or awkward situation all the more so. This one has none of that.
So yes, I was entertained and generally enjoyed the story, but it needs something more to hit that comedic gold bullseye. Still, I can see no reason not to recommend it. If the idea of Pinkie and Sunset (mostly Pinkie) discussing (and singing about) pronography while somehow managing to keep things teen-rated sounds like something that will make you smile, by all means give it a go.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Great and Powerful
3,472 Words
By Between Lines
A life-weary Trixie learns that sometimes all you really need is an adventure.
I do so love Trixie. I consider her highly entertaining to both write and watch, and she may be my favorite character for the former. This story features both the depressed and the happy Trixie, both as a primary plot point and a direct self-contradiction. It works out surprisingly well despite the total confusion the second half brings with it.
It’s hard to say much without spoiling things. It’s also difficult to say how well this lesson is showcased. I mean, there is a lesson, but it feels like it’s overshadowed by the mystery. When the story ends there will be a lot of questions, and I’m not sure all of them are good ones. Are these mentioned characters ones we should know from somewhere? Are they OCs Between Lines made for another story and this is just part of the continuity? Is there some story somewhere that helps all of this make sense?
Or is this something that just is, and we are meant to accept it at face value?
The answer to that last one will go a long way to determine who likes this story and who doesn’t. Personally, I enjoyed it. It was interesting and mystifying in good ways. But there is, of course, that desire to know more, more, more, and I fear that desire will go unfulfilled forever. Again, some of you may think that’s fine, and others not.
You’ll just have to read it yourself to find out which you are.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
You Can't Break Me Discord
4,717 Words
By Piquo Pie
The Discord of the human world has broken free, more or less in exactly the same way he did in Equestria, and has successfully conquered the entirety of the world. The only creature on the planet not corrupted by his magic is Sunset Shimmer, whom he left for last due to her delicious defiance. But Sunset is proving an even tougher nut to crack than he expected.
This is, for all intents and purposes, a retelling of the history of Piquo Pie’s version of Sunset Shimmer. It’s nothing we haven’t seen before, but it does go in one or two unexpected directions, such as having Sunset not entering the mirror immediately after her fight with Celestia.
The story isn’t bad, but it doesn’t quite approach its conclusion in the right way. This is supposed to be a story about Sunset facing down Discord in a final act of defiance and using her past experiences for strength. Except that the ending has all her friends get in on the act when nothing in the story has had anything to do with them. Sunset gives this big speech that isn’t backed by the events of the rest of the story, so it seems to come out of nowhere. Not to mention her randomly manifesting the Elements of Harmony in a clichéd, yawn-inducing manner.
Piquo Pie was doing decently despite the obvious subject matter. The story was good enough to keep me interested and moving from scene to scene. Then we get that ending and I’m all “wut?” So yeah, this could have gone better. But it’s still a decent, if predictable, review of Sunset’s pony life, and I won’t blame anyone for trying to do something with that material.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Dear Diary: Sunset Shimmer's Best Friend — Pretty Good
"And Then Rainbow Dash Was a Colt," and Ten Other Really Awkward Stories — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
Of Gems, Silver, and Books. by Twi-Fi
Involuntary by Vivid Syntax
A Friendly Letter from Chrysalis by HiddenMaster
The Equestria They Don't Want You To Know: Lyra's Guide to Conspiracies and Secrets by TooShyShy
Stopover in a Quiet Town by Matthew Penn
Megalomaniac by Spider8ite
Don't You Dare Forget the Sun by SapphireSparks
Paper Prince by JLB
Atop the Platform by the7Saviors
Undead Robot Bug Crusaders by Banjo64
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"...and for that, we are grateful."
Why didn't you say so?
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/288272/do-humans-get-wingboners
5102389
I would also like to humbly point out that eleven out of my fifteen stories are pretty much all about awkward sex-based humor, mostly in the same vein as the one you reviewed.
Dead and Loving It is great, and I’m glad you enjoyed it! (Speaking of: hi 5102384!)
Thank you muchly!
5102423 Well I’m glad I don’t.... um.... look! A moose!
Ye gads. This is close to the first couple of fics I’ve done. Just don’t go too much further back. Quality drops fast.
5102427
Paul has certainly chosen some unusual Trick Question stories for his reviews thus far. One rare comedy venture, one story I pulled because it was so poorly received and I don't think I landed the ending, and one of my oldest and most controversial fics which was the source of half of the hate comments I leave up on my wall.
Based on this he'll probably review Geldings next.
I had pretty much the same reaction to "More a Mother than Most." The idea was fine, but the writing quality wasn't quite there. And "The Alicorn Curse" was really hit or miss. There wasn't a lot of middle ground. People I've talked with about it either found it consistently amusing or wondered what was supposed to be so funny about it. It hit me about the right way, so not spectacular, but not bad.
I have no idea if this is true, but I feel it's supposed to be "Despair=Suffering-Meaning".
5105297
That... actually makes a lot of sense.
5105297 5105303 I caught the reference straight off. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing.
5109970
That's supposed to be a reference? Where does the equal and the minus come into play, then? They can't just be arbitrary, and I don't see how they fit in with that at all.
5109999 Well, that's what I *saw* as the reference. Any time insanity and the letters DSM show up together, I'm kinda leaning in that direction already. I'm a little CDO⁽*⁾ like that.
(*) It's like OCD, only with the letters in alphabetical order like they should be.