The Six Things I Learned at Bronycon · 11:18pm Aug 4th, 2019
It’s been an exciting, surreal, and in many ways traumatic week. It hurt a lot. There were points I wished I could cry when I’m sad. There were points I did cry, because I was happy. I realized how many of the friends I made at BC will be friends for life.
This blog post is about how Bronycon went for me. Only some of it is about little ponies.
I work for a famous technology company, and the day before I left for Bronycon, I got my performance review at work: “Needs Immediate Improvement.” For those of you who don’t work in a corporate context, that means “you’ve got two weeks to shape up or you’re fired.”
So, I might not have a job soon. Might not. I’ll be doing my best to turn things around. I’m not giving up yet.
But the first day of Bronycon, I was so stressed I threw up and then slept for thirteen hours. My sleep was filled with nightmares.
The reasons for my review were interpersonal. For the last year, my team has been doing maintenance and upgrades on a database that powers a product that the company canceled. We are updating a system that supports nothing. You may wonder why.
The reason is that boss’s-boss promised the senior executives we would, and doesn’t want to “make waves” by changing that plan. It would draw attention to the fact that we canceled the product this system was supposed to power, which is embarrassing.
This frustrates me. This upsets me. Assuming you become an adult at 18 and retire at 60, the company has pissed away 2.3% of my entire adult life because my boss’s-boss is a coward. I wore my frustration on my sleeve, spoke snappishly and curtly, and my coworkers felt I was acting like an asshole. They were probably right.
I’ve smiled in the face of life-threatening injuries, but I didn’t know how to smile at this. When I arrived at Bronycon, all I could do was hope it would take my mind off things.
So I helped set up the Bronycon Bookstore (AKA, the Golden Oaks Bookstore). It took two and a half hours to get the books out of their individual containers, sorted by author, set up that way. Bloons was the brains behind the whole thing, while I provided the manual labor. Hardcover books are heavy and the vendor hall was hot. I broke a sweat.
It was deeply satisfying to watch the Bookstore go up. I didn’t know it at the time, but over the course of the con, we’d sell out every book in that picture and more. In total, the bookstore moved over $30,000 of merchandise, and made many authors very happy.
Aquaman gets all the credit. The bookstore was his idea, he made it happen, and because of his, a great many people I respect realized just how good their writing is. I was happy for everyone whose books sold, and proud of the small part I played in making that happen.
The first thing I learned at Bronycon was: My writing and our writing community matters more to me than anything I’ve ever done at work. Running a multi-million dollar project has less emotional significance than setting up some metal frames for a con bookstore.
I realized that first truth while sitting in the hotel room after setup, hoping I wouldn’t have nightmares again. I did.
Art makes me happy. That’s the second thing I learned. Just look at that scarf. I’ll never wear it—I live somewhere much too warm for scarves. I’ll never even be able to show it off, because my friends in SV are either not bronies or not great fans of visual artwork. It is, in every practical sense, useless.
But it seeing it made me happy because it’s pretty. I ended up getting it
The first day of the con was good. I did a panel on comedy (that was mostly serious), and contributed to a serious story (where I mostly made jokes). We had an early writer’s dinner where we mostly said nice things about Skywriter until he got embarrassed, whereupon we switched to saying nice things about Cold in Gardez.
It was good. And after, WandererD and a few other dear friends abducted me away. I don’t remember if I told them how bad a state I was in, or if they sensed it, but either way they kept me among good company, and I wrote a bit.
I got more writing done during Bronycon than I have in the two months before it. Being around friends pushed me to actually write, and made me feel comfortable with my work being imperfect.
I need external help (friends) to achieve my dreams. That’s the third thing I learned.
I’m a far-left socialist. Cold in Gardez is a moderate who leans slightly to the right. We co-write a series called The Starlight and Pals Magical Half-Hour, which often covers philosophy and politics.
We don’t agree on much, except that nuclear power is great and we need more of it. But I deeply respect him, and I’m pretty sure he respects me, and we work well together as writers. I like the little series we’ve created, and I hope we create more series together in the future.
When discussing Starlight and Pals on the second day of the con, I slightly misquoted Che Guvera: “Above all, always be capable of feeling deeply any injustice committed against anyone, anywhere in the world. This is the most beautiful quality in a [socialist].”
It’s a quote I always found inspiring, and even somewhat unassailable. Who would disagree with so noble a sentiment? Naturally, CiG did. “Charity begins at home,” in his words. It is better to give to the people whom you love as a person than to distant figures you only intellectually care for.
As I sat in my hotel room after, drinking and looking at the ceiling, I came to a fourth realization. Most people genuinely don’t care about the outcome of their actions outside their instinctual “monkeysphere.” My friend skinning his knee is a tragedy, but a million dead foreigners is a historical footnote.
Of course, I don’t think CiG intended it that way, but it felt apropos to the moment. My coworkers probably really don’t care that the work we’re doing is useless, because they’re still getting paid. They aren’t interested in feeling outrage, or being awoken to the injustices of the world. They want to push buttons until it’s five, go home, and watch TV. From their point of view, I was the asshole, because I was getting making trouble over something that didn’t matter.
I think this makes them bad people. That is, morally bad people. Maybe that’s the far-left socialist in me showing. But regardless, getting angry at them over it certainly didn’t change their minds. It only made them dig in harder.
Getting angry rarely makes people change their minds about anything. Lesson five: Outrage is useless. It is an emotion that creates the illusion you have done something about your problems.
On the third day of the con, I got to do two great panels: It's in Our Hooves Now and Distant Worlds. I think everyone had a lot of fun. I started to feel better. There was time to hang out with The Hat Man, who insists on giving me editing credit on his stories even though I only edited like, four chapters a million years ago. He's very nice.
I also got to hear about some kind of meetup that might be taking place next year. It won’t be Bronycon, but it’s a chance that, maybe, I’ll get to see my BC friends one more time.
This can’t be the last time we see each other. I volunteered to help organize things. This community matters to me, and I want to keep writing.
I didn’t attend many panels on the third day. I did spend a lot of time with my friends. And for awhile, I wasn’t worrying about work. I cared about these people enough to focus on them, and to focus on that glimmer of hope we might get to hang out one more time.
Plans forthcoming, of course. Still need to see if we can actually make this happen.
I care about my Brony friends so much. They matter to my life, and I don’t want our friendship to end because the convention did.
The last thing I learned. And people say my stories don’t have happy endings.
Not much happened on the last day of the con. I went to Quills and Sofas. I reflected on people I wish I’d gotten to see more, like Aragon and Present Perfect (god they were hard to find). The band downstairs played My God Nearer to Thee shortly before closing ceremonies, just like the band on the Titanic.
I didn’t have any specific plans to stay with the community prior to BC. I figured I’d keep hanging around FiMFic and a few Discord servers, and write whenever I felt like it, but I accepted that this was the beginning of the end. I assumed I’d move into original fiction, and maybe quit fanfiction all together.
Now I feel differently. To quote Shakespiracles at the writer’s dinner, “I’m going to ride this wagon until the wheels fall off, and then I’m going to get out and push!”
Then he proposed a toast to pony and we all drank.
Hey Jax?
It was an honor playing with you.
Sounds like you had a lovely time. I hope your job situation turns out fine!
God, you could feel the energy when Shakespearicles made his toast. I think at that moment, a bunch of us pledged to ride that damn wagon to Tartarus and back and then some. I'm not ever going to forget these four days - the four best days of my life - and as long as we stay together and push, this ride will never end (even if we're reduced to second-class citizens huddling in a corner).
To My Little Pony, and the stories it's spawned. May our typewriters continue to click away until the sun itself burns out, and then keep going because the ride never ends.
Did you... did you mistype a zero? What?
Wish I spoke to you more.
But I wholeheartedly agree with the Worlds Strongest Writer.
And if a comment from me makes pushing easier? So be it, I'll comment till my goddamn lungs collapse.
~Skeeter The Lurker
5099584
I did not. It was crazy.
It was indeed the highest honor to share this time with all of you. Thank you all for letting me be a part of it.
For the criminally short amount of time we were in the same room as each other Jaxie, I still thoroughly enjoyed it. (Couldn't find the spark in Q&S with all the Pastel Pastures stuff going on, and every time I thought about going late in the evening, my old man knees would start trembling and threatening to completely move out
)
All you young folks staying out until the wee hours and then rising with the sun are insane
Hm. I thought you did a panel on the second day, too...
5099595
I did two! But this blog post is more about getting my feelings order than a recounting of events in chronological order.
I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to say hi, particularly this weekend but also in the more general sense.
For me the bridge between your and CiG’s points on others is working to expand that sphere of people you care deeply about until in encompasses everybody. That’s best started with people in your immediate social group, but shouldn’t end with them in the long term. Don’t let your best friend starve, but don’t let them remain the sole focus of your emotional investment either.
My fingers are crossed that your job situation works out.
Jaxie, I have been on that train you are currently riding at work. And more than once.
Three things:
1) The people firing you are wrong.
2) They will end up firing you...
3) ...into a much better job.
And you will look back and say WELL I GUESS THEY SHOWED ME, DIDN'T THEY?
5099605
Now that's a statement of exceeding truth.
~Skeeter The Lurker
It was a pleasure to meet and work with you Jaxie. At no point did you strike me as someone who was dealing with all this, which only shows your strength. Best of luck in the future, and I hope we'll cross paths again.
Especially if it's in writeoff combat.
It was great spending more time with you Jax, and especially brainstorming new ways to spread the joyous message of Starlight Glimmer to the world. Once we both get settled back in our respective homes, we'll need to start polishing those ideas up a bit further.
Amazing! You guys did a great job with the bookstore, and I was pleased to meet a few folks I have followed for years in the flesh. Roughly how many volumes did you all lug and sell?
Also thanks for sharing your lessons and story, and I hope your work situation works out for the best.
For lack of willingness to write a longer post (because fuck, typing on a phone keypad is slow and I can't use voice-to-text right now,) I'll opine that all of the memes and some of the panels really seemed like they wanted to reinforce the idea that this is the end of horse show and horse fic.
And in light of the panels I went to and the community I got to talk to, I don't give a shit. If anything, I feel like my writing is going to be even *more* important. *more* satisfying and *more* enjoyable than ever before, for reasons too long to get into (again, phone). I think I actually (will) care more about the cartoon in hindsight than I do in the present, and can't wait to fall back in love with the show I honestly love.
Also if you wanted to hang out with PP more you might want to learn how to play Sentinels of the Multiverse
Is it too much to hope G5 will lead to a resurgence of the fandom, and we'll get together for yet another Bronycon? Because I sorely miss I wasn't able to attend, for I would have loved to meet as many of you as I could.
It was great seeing you again. I keep repeating that because it's true. I only wish I could meet you halfway in terms of your acumen and eloquence on the topic of the craft. As it is I just smile stupidly and keep repeating the fact of my pleasedness. I hope this is enough.
What a ridiculously simple sentiment that I have never had words to express until right now.
It was an honor and a pleasure getting to see you. Don't think I got to say goodbye. Who knows, I'm not leaving just yet, so maybe I will. But if not, well, I know what you look like now. :D And for some reason, that matters.
One of my lingering regrets from last year's con was not getting to chat with you more in depth (I was a bit overwhelmed with everything, being my first Con and only second real vacation without family attached), and thank you personally for the kindness you showed me once upon a not so long ago. I didn't utilize, but I never forgot it, and I never stopped being grateful for the gesture.
And, for what it's worth, my job is giving me a migraine already and I haven't even started back properly yet. Cheers to employment!
You're a good man, Charlie Brown.
It was good to see you again! I did not know about the work stuff, leave it to dickwad bosses to make their shortcomings your problem.
It would be neat if that Sweetie Bot made it to a production model stage, but it seems like it's moving pretty slowly to me. Didn't it look like that a year ago too? The way its eyes swiveled around the room shows promise...
5099594
I certainly wouldn't imagine it happening outside the con, especially for four consecutive days. They must put something in the water.
This was my first time at Bronycon, or any Brony convention for that matter. And I was only able to attend Saturday. I have been to a few other general sci-fi and anime cons. But BC was amazing. Didn't really speak with anyone, but it was nice getting to put some faces to the names I know. Made me really regret not attending sooner. I saw something on EqD a while back that some folks are hoping to start something in Ocean City (I think) next year. I hope they succeed, as I don't think there are any East coast conventions now.
I was basically in a similar situation job-wise about the years ago, tho in my case I was just completely burnt out and apathetic about work. Luckily I was able to get another job which rejuvenated me even though it was a startup that didn't make it. I'm now with another extremely well funded startup and it's great! As others have mentioned these situations often have a golden lining!
I do know what you mean about having a chunk of your life go into work that goes nowhere. I graduated college in '89, and for the last 25 or so years have been a professional software developer. I've often worked for startups that folded, so honestly the vast majority of the work I've done has just disappeared. But I get most of my life satisfaction elsewhere - family, hobbies, etc. So it hasn't been too upsetting. I actually tend to laugh about it!
your "fourth realization"
I don't think being upset about wasting working time on uselessness has anything to do with being a socialist, on that scale i'm a hard core individualist and would feel just as slighted.
Glad you had fun at BronyCon! and I don't know what other cons are out there but I know for a fact there are more then just that one, it is just the best know because it has the name (and may have been the first but I don't know about that)
I know I will always be around for the stories so long as you authors keep writing them.
The fandom shall last... forever!
My Aunt works for VMWare, so if things go south, maybe I can give you a lead somewhere? I'm in the pet care field myself, but I am extremely conscious of the fact she works for a famous company and might be willing to help someone qualified.
And on an unrelated note to that, I wish I had been able to attend a con. Always wanted physical copies of some of my favorite stories.
I really wish I could have gone! There's so many people I may never get to meet but oh well. And I love that scarf! Both of them actually or are they the same? Will you be selling additional copies of your book online somewhere?
Whenever you reflect like this, I get the sense that you've built up substantially more potential than me.
I think you're misunderstanding CiG. I think you're doing it because you underestimate the difficulty of understanding why people want the things they want. People might care about the smaller scale, near-to-home because (1) they genuinely care less about people more distant, (2) they believe they cannot have much impact on people more distant, or (3) they do not know if their impact on people more distant is worthwhile or net-positive. There are probably other reasons. You seem to be assuming #1 to quickly and too broadly.
Even for purely functional reasons I can see tremendous benefit in having people focus on the smaller scale. Companies have entire incentive structures to convert employees' small scale wants into something that works towards larger-scale goals, a task that would be much more difficult if every employee had their own grand vision of what the world should be. If employee wants can't be converted into something worthwhile, that is more a problem with the company and it's processes, less with the employees. The company and its processes can be changed much more easily and much more scalably, relatively speaking, than its employees.
The more I hear about year’s con, the more I regret not being able to make it. Ah, such is life.
Glad to hear it was a good time and therapeutic for you. Hope the wellbeing carries forward.
This convention was pretty great. Based on everything I've heard, it's left a lot of people feeling thoroughly rejuvenated, including myself. I'm glad that feeling found its way to you as well.
And sweet jeebus, that bookstore. What a smashing success.
It was a wonderful con! And I managed to get a copy of your short stories collection! Thanks for inspiring me!
The bookstore sounds like an absolute and complete success! Whee!
Your realizations about the importance of beauty, and the uselessness of outrage, ring very true to me. I think you've figured out something important there, and I hope it'll be fruitful in your life. Good luck with the job situation, too!
5099574
You remember when I stared writing fanfiction to win a bet with you?
It's one of all the little ways you've changed my life. They matter so much.
5099578
It did, and it almost certainly will. Thanks for reading, and I hope you like my writing in the future. It's not over yet. :D
5100032
Awww
Some little, some profound, but this was a special one, I think. All I have to do is glance over to my shelf to see that.
5099583
You could. He put words to what we were all feeling. He gave a hell of a speech, and it made him the lightning rod for all our excitement.
I feel the same way, with one exception. Don't call it the four best days of your life. I don't think it's even your four best days in the pony fandom.
We will never see Bronycon's like again, but the best days of us as a community have yet to come. We'll write more stories, better stories, stay friends, and grow as people. I'll always look fondly back on Fallout: Equestria and Past Sins and the like as the stories that brought us together. But are they our best stories?
I don't think so. We've written better stories since then. And the best stories are the ones we have yet to write.
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/383/733/d66.jpg
5099585
Ditto. There wasn't enough time in the con, even with four days, to give everyone the attention they deserved.
So do I. It's not over yet. And BC won't be the last time we get the chance to see each-other.
5099592
No, thank you.
I still want to see you write that Raven Quill story.
5099594
Back at you. Still wish we'd gotten to play together in the traditional Q&S round of Secret Shipfic Folder.
I'm not a young person! Nor am I an old person. Young is 20s, old is 40+, so as someone who just turned 30, I am merely a person.
5099601
You know, there will be other chances. Bronycon is gone, but the ride isn't over yet.
This is probably a good approach for real humans, and I suspect it is what CiG actually meant.
It almost certainly will -- I'm good at landing on my feet. But hey, if it doesn't, it'll be in my blog. :D
5099605
5099606
Thanks, guys.
I suspect this is so. The timing is not great -- right before I'm getting married is not a good time to be looking for a few job. Plus, it's always better to leave voluntarily than involuntarily. So I'm still going to do my best to keep my current job, and to make something of it while I'm here.
But, I know there are companies out there where I can find work that matters -- that makes the world at least a little better, for at least a few people. I just need to find them.
5099608
You've read my stories and it's never once occurred to you there might be something wrong with my brain?
Oh, hell yes. I am going to vanquish you!
5099628
Right back at you. There's always time for best pony!
5099649
I'll let Aqua answer these questions when he has time to do his official blog post. I don't have all the data + I wouldn't want to steal his thunder.
I think it will. More stories to come.
5099659
I'm still holding out hope that G5 will be good. A lot of the ideas Hasbro has sound cool, and the new animation style is very nice. But it's important to remember that G4 wasn't good. G4 was legendary. G5 could be an excellent show in all regards and still never return the fandom to its glory days.
But that's okay. There will be other cons, and the fandom will survive.
You might have the chance yet.
5099666
You'd have to dumb yourself down pretty hard man. I know you didn't want Princess Celestia Hates Tea to be in the Best Fanfiction Ever panel, but it was, because it deserves it. Contraptionology is still my #1 fanfic of all time.
More than enough.
5099686
What is beauty, if not the power to make people happy simply by existing?
It does matter. And I think we'll get to see each-other again. There will be other cons, and Q&S targeted meetups I'd love to see you attend.
5099698
Man, you didn't have to say anything. I know.
So many people in the fandom have been kind to me when it mattered. All I can do is pay it forward.
Sadly, the portal to Equestria didn't activate before the end of the con, so it looks like we're back to work.
You too. Let's not have this be the last time we meet.
5099700
Yeah, it's been moving slowly, but I want this to exist so bad.
I'm even wondering, when Spot Mini enters production, if it might be possible to do a case-mod to adjust the look.
5099713
My first Bronycon was magical. There really isn't anything else like it.
And yeah, Seaquestria is starting in Ocean City, EverfreeNW is out on the west coast, and it looks like there will be some writer-specific cons starting up next year to keep the Q&S people together.
I'm really happy to hear that. Four years ago I was working at AOL, and I got to feel what it's like when your soul slowly dies. If I'm allowed to ask (can PM me if you prefer), what startup are you working for now?
This is the state I need to achieve. Like many young + ambitious techies, I put a lot of my sense of self-worth into my job. But that's not sustainable, and it's never made me happy. Writing, Bronycon, community -- those are the things that make me happy. I need more of them.