Feghoot Reviews · 7:11pm Jul 29th, 2019
I've been a judge for the Fimfiction Feghoot Festival, and had to read ten stories for it. In the interests of national security, I can't tell you the details of the judging process or else I'd have to kill you. But I have been authorized to do reviews for the ones I read, so here we are.
Sugarless Gumption by FanOfMostEverything
An overall very amusing tale. The set-up immediately warns you hijinks are about to ensue, and they do, and they're very enjoyable. In terms of a final pun to build up to - which is the idea of the contest - the story is a bit weak because the final pun is kinda wince-inducing with how cheesy it is. But it makes up for that with another pun that is simply inspired. Seriously, "ghost peppers" is a much better pay-off than what the intended punchline was. Either way, still funny and punny.
Recommendation: Very amusing all-around.
This story starts with a stock but effective cliche to hook attention and demand you keep reading, and because it's effective I don't mind. But after that, this story made me want to stop reading it at every turn.
The matter at hand is that this is not the FiM cast as we know them - this is the college-age EqG Uncensored versions of them, as ponies. There are explicit references to writing fanfiction and going out to bars with intent to go home with somepony and have sex, and there are VERY awkward jokes about pedophilia and incest. The latter two are lampshaded in-universe with Spike saying "I didn't mean it like that", but his comment is poorly worded in such a way that I don't know what he did mean if not that. The result of this style of humor is a disconnect between who the characters are supposed to be and what they're acting like.
Beyond that, the story is told in Applejack's first-person POV, so the narration is written in her country drawl, but it's used inconsistently, and even if it was consistent, it's still a pain to read. And unfortunately the content of the story isn't very engaging even if narration wasn't hampering reading - putting aside my distaste for the tone, which some may enjoy, the story is mostly just switching back and forth between watching the cast plan a girl's night out and then dealing with the morning after. And then a courtroom scene out of nowhere, because Discord. Even for Discord antics, this doesn't really work very effectively. Also, the appearance of a single OC with an unusual name, coupled with the name of the story and the inexplicable focus Applejack has on a particular furniture piece, give away the final joke, which isn't that funny anyway.
Recommendation: If watching ponies act horny and scandelous, and then hungover and confused, sounds amusing, this is the story for you. But it isn't the story for me.
Make New Friends by Fallowsthorn
This fic is framed as Discord telling Twilight a story, so I’m intrigued because you know Discord is gonna pull something and some of the names he comes up with are very strange. Everything that happens in this story is in-service to the final joke. And unfortunately, it isn't funny. The intent is that if you say the sentence aloud, it sounds like something else. Except it really doesn’t; you have to say it in a particular rhythm for it to match, and the sentence it’s supposed to sound like is completely innocuous and inoffensive anyway. If not for an author's note explaining the joke, I wouldn't havce gotten it, and even then it wasn’t immediately clear, I had to say the sentence out loud several times to understand. Story is otherwise eh, Discord is just dicking with Twi because he's bored, and the story he tells in service of the ending punchline is convoluted and full of holes.
Recommendation: Skip this one, not much to see here.
Egghead On The Go by bahatumay
I got a bit skeptical when the first acronym popped up, because “oh, tell me that isn’t the joke, that the acronym spells out something dirty and immature". And yes, that's the joke. But then it keeps going and starts getting funny again as Sci-Twi comes up with increasingly complicated and ridiculous project names to justify her naughty acronyms that she doesn't even realize are naughty. It helps that Rainbow and Sunset are in on the gag. The final joke is more of the same, which is a letdown - this is the kind of thing where you expect some police report or parental sitdown, where Twilight uses all the acronyms as she explains what happened, but instead we get Rainbow just using two of them for a one-liner. But the story leading up to it was still good.
Recommendation: Good if you're the kind to giggle at dirty words
It's a brick party. It's going to get weird. by Lofty Withers
This is a weird one. The idea is that Rainbow invites Twilight to a “brick party”, so at least you keep reading wondering what that is, and fortunately it isn't just a one-liner answer to the question "what's a brick party?". The final punchline is actually quite clever, and could be very funny in a story that did a better job setting it up. I liked how the separate elements of the story all fed into the final joke that contextualizes it all, but those separate elements are otherwise a bit disjointed and confused, like "why is Ahuizotl here?" "Why is attention being drawn to a construction site?" "seriously, what is a brick party?" When you get to the ending then you see how it all tied together, but up until then it's just kinda messy in laying the pieces out in preparation for springing the punchline. The story otherwise has several technical errors and several random events that don't tie into the final joke, so they're just here because, like TwiPie being a thing and Minuette getting a cameo.
Recommendation: Great joke, poor set-up.
The Miss Equestrian Champion Beauty Pageant by MicahDebrink
Set-up is interesting with Twilight being put in charge of a beauty pageant and doing reforms on it because the focus on sexuality disgusts her - fortunately, regardless of which side you fall on in that discussion, the fic doesn't dwell too much on it. The story is otherwise bare-bones but effective, has a couple humorous asides and decent jokes as it builds up to its pun involving Sweetie Belle and Button Mash… which is awful. Not in a good “oh, that’s awful and I love it” way, it’s just a weak pun. I appreciate the author included an author’s note to explain it, because I didn’t get it otherwise. Even a commenter noted that for the pun the story was going for, it didn’t use the right acronym for the wordplay it wanted. If it had used the right acronym, I like to think I would have gotten it on my own, and it also would have demanded an advanced vocabulary which is both fitting for Twilight and would make the joke seem more clever.
Recommendation: A few minutes with a thesaurus or dictionary to fine-tune the final joke would have made it land a lot better.
At the Swimmin' Hole by SockPuppet
This story has a tone problem. On its own, the story is a slice of life bit about the Apples going camping, and it was enjoyable with some nice show continuity, a few jokes, and some emotion. But it ends with Apple Bloom being very horribly injured and the family having to call an ambulance, which is played dead serious. This unfortunately hurts the final joke because they're making about a filly that just broke three of her legs. It’s a pity because the pun is pretty good, but set up like this, it’s framed as someone making a very insensitive joke about a very serious situation, and there were ways to set it up without having to make Apple Bloom's injuries so severe.
Recommendation: As a slice of life story about the Apples going camping, pretty enjoyable.
Peace of Cake by Flutterpriest
This story involves Rainbow getting Twilight to change the color of beer served at a party for Anon over a misunderstanding that is the story’s final pun. And it’s a bad pun. It’s not the worst I’ve seen, I understood it when I read it, but that’s the problem - it’s one of those things where if it was said out loud, you wouldn’t mishear it like Rainbow did, the pun only works when presented in text format, so the joke falls apart on arrival. Otherwise the story is “meh”, it relies on Rainbow having an intimate knowledge of human liquor and using proper terminology for different types of alcohol, and for the final joke to work we have to assume Anon lives in Ponyville but works in the human world in international politics, both of which raise a lot of questions. A commenter made a much stronger pun that made me laugh much harder.
Recommendation: Another pass
Ree Sai Koh Lin Wod by Doug Graves
Story kinda meandered getting to the finale, which was a pun that, strictly speaking, is inapt, but hey, for a pun it works. Though for the wordplay joke that it was used for, the substituted word was not one that's difficult to rhyme, it's actually quite easy to rhyme, so another word could be swapped in and an entirely different story written to justify the workplay. I say that because I'm just curious why this was what they went with when, as I say, the word used was used incorrectly. Otherwise, eh, it's not awful, a bit of oddities in character voicing and some talking heads, but it held attention.
Recommendation: Not awful but not hilarious, take or leave it.
The joke told here was great, the problem was the story wrapped around it was less than 200 words. You could easily make a stronger narrative around this to set up the joke better without dragging, as-is this is basically just two ponies telling each other a two-line joke with narration of what they're doing at the time.
Recommendation: If you have 30 seconds to spare, it'll make you laugh a bit.
I'm sorry, I was under the impression that it was a feghoot contest.
To be honest, I came up with the spoonerism first and worked backwards from there. I've had Equestrian ghost peppers in my headcanon for so long I underestimated the impact on the unsuspecting. Still, glad you enjoyed the story overall.
While it's disappointing to get a pass, I understand your reasoning, and wholeheartedly acknowledge that I wanted to win the non-existent prize for the most forced pun.
I like your review for Smashed. A long story gets a long review XD
Thanks for the thoughtful review! I feel you make entirely valid points, alas I didn't see it myself...
Thanks for the review! I'm curious what you mean by the pun is used incorrectly, unless you're taking 'braise' to specifically mean cook in a closed container as opposed to an open pot/cauldron. Because she is, quite literally, braising the barn. I.e. cooking it, letting it simmer for a while, and then eating it. It's meant to be absurd.
I suppose I could have gone with 'glaze', but braise is too close to the original wording to not use.
5096279
More or less my meaning, yes. I also thought of a story where AJ gets Rainbow to Rainnuke it, "together we can raze this barn!"
5096299
No argument that there are a dozen other words that could be replaced there (my favorite is racist barn) but I've never seen any 'braise' ones. Maybe after the barn is razed and braised they can give it their friends to appraise.
5096307
For all that work she does enduring AJ's brays, Rainbow needs a raise and some praise.
5096212
While I am not one of the judges, for what it's worth, I liked it and LOLed.
comes up.
As my first attempt at something like this, I think I figured it out by the time I finished, but had no idea what I was going for at first.
Since you do reviews, do you take requests?
5096531
Sorry, no.