I think I made a mistake with Scarlet.

(Tl;dr, the intro was too slow and boring. Might inject a shorter prologue before the first chapter to make the start more engaging. I want opinions from you.)

Hey, guys.

So, I've been thinking, and... I may have made a bit of a mistake in terms of Scarlet. Not for writing it itself, oh no, I am very much into the premise I have laid out. However, several of my previous stories, most recently Bug in the Basement, were featured pretty quickly after being posted, something I took as being a sign of me doing something right. Scarlet, however, did not accomplish this, and even though I am only 5 chapters in, out of all of the stories I have put up in recent times, it has fallen much shorter than I was expecting, and my morale took a blow.

I took some time to ponder it, and I think I figured out where I went wrong.

Let me walk you through my thought process here, just so we can be sure we're all on the same page.

Exhibit A, Little Glimpses. That story began with a mystery right out of the gate, with a filly Twilight being contacted by a mysterious figure spouting cryptic nonsense, and the bombshell that Rainbow has been adopted by Princess Celestia. Not an exciting start, per se, but it is a thought-provoking one that clearly kept many people interested in the long-term narrative. This is evidenced by the fact that I am now writing the fourth story in the Little Flashes series, and people are still reading it.

Exhibit B, The Bug in The Basement. That story began with an incredibly tense and even dark situation, with Clypeus going into labor immediately after the big love explosion in Canterlot during 'A Canterlot Wedding, part 2.' This is an intense entrance to the story, and with Clypeus' emotional state and panicked reactions to all of it, I imagine a lot of the audience became quite invested in her, the fate of her egg, and the nymph inside who the story revolved around.

And lastly, we have Exhibit C, Scarlet. In this story, we begin with the main character, Scarlet Frost, coming out of a brief flashback of cryptic events as a student is asking her questions about some ancient events. The whole chapter revolves entirely around establishing the world and our protagonist's place in it.

Not very exciting in comparison, is it?

In retrospect, the way much of that was presented was insufficient to hook the audience or keep them interested. In short, it was boring. And so, despite the audience of watchers I have accumulated over my time on this site, the story's launch was something of a dud when compared to my flagships. Not everything can be a winner, of this I am well aware, but the ding or two my ego and pride took was both humbling and demoralizing at the same time, and really made me question what I did with the previous stories to make them work as well as they did.

That in mind, I ask any of you who may have started on Scarlet and then bowed out due to said lack of engagement, if a different beginning would serve better to get you interested? Something more exciting to get you asking questions and curious about the world and the characters? I have a few ideas in my head for a prologue I could inject before the current prologue, but I don't want to commit to anything without first the input of my own readers, and secondly the input of my editors.

I am very much invested in the overall premise of Scarlet, so I would much like to know what I can do to make it the best story I can. I look forward to hearing what you guys have to say on the matter!

-Skijarama / Tone Shift

Comments

[Torus]

I will admit, while I haven’t read all your stories, out of the one’s that I have read and listened to on your channel, was just a tad bit weak in my opinion. Though that’s just me.

[JMP]

Personally, I enjoy world-building, but maybe if you want a more exciting or action-oriented prologue you could hint something about the war Scarlet fought in?

[Midknight Defender]

Honestly, I haven't even started it. Unless the synopsis is really interesting, I tend to throw new things on my hidden Read It Later shelf until they've gone a fair ways so I have a good chunk to read in one go when I finally sit down to it.

Then I have a shelf full of story leads I can mine for reading material when I finish reading something big and have no idea what to read next, and can prune stuff that wound up being false-starts as I do that.

A chapter or two at a couple thousand words doesn't last me very long at all, and I'd like to at least have a couple hours of reading to get a storyline set in my mind so it doesn't get all jumbled up with something else unrelated (except by being ponies) because then that just makes everything confusing.

[MixMassBasher]

I'll admit that chapter one kinda drag too long with chapter two starting to sound interesting.

For Little Glimpse. The first few chapters was great because it hook readers with the wham line of Rainbow being adopted by Celestia which led to a ton of questions by readers

[Your resident Night Owl]

hey skajarama iv been lurking for about 4 years mostly one your you tube Chanel and i have to say i really do like this story its interesting. and i'm bad at spelling. but you do what you think is best eather way all be here you read and complement your
awesome work no matter what thanks for what you do!