Things that really make very little sense in Meaning of Harmony, and other ramblings about the story

I know, it makes no real sense to make blog post about things that make no sense in a story about magical talking ponies, but hey, I like rambling about my stories and this seems like a fine place to do it. In the story, there are several moments that, upon closer inspection, make little to no sense. So far, no one has pointed them out, but they do still bug me. I harp on the show for making mistakes like these, so it's only fair I turn my criticism on myself as well. With that said, let's dive right into it.

As early as the first chapter I start off by throwing loads of magical theories around based on very little. At the time I wrote that, I had planned for those theories to hold some water, but they really turned out to be just theories in the end once I decided on my 'arrogant wizards' angle. Yeah, I really hadn't thought much about that other than having a vague idea about making a story based on the laws of thermodynamics. As a result, the whole existence of the rainbow power is a bit odd. The wizards clearly say they want to make more Elements, so why would they only allow a single set of ponies to obtain keys for the rainbow power? Why would they make it so that, upon activating the rainbow power, a massive castle would arise? It certainly doesn't seem like something a bunch of arrogant wizards would think to do. In short, I shot myself in the foot by going with the plot I ended up going with.

Next, the kickoff of the plot. Activating five Forges will allow them to enter the sixth. Why? When the Elements were originally created, they were created all at the same time. It doesn't make much sense to assume that an incomplete activation of five of the Forges would somehow allow them to enter the final Forge. Yes, the magical resonance is a thing, but how, if the way the Forges work is entirely lost to time, would any of them know or even guess that this would work? By Celestia's own admission, the Forges predate her by far. It makes no sense that they would think this, and it makes even less sense for it to work.

Chapter two, the book scene. As with the magical theories in chapter one, I intended to have Sunset's remark about settlements in the past be relevant. Again, they weren't, because I hadn't really come up with anything useful about the Forges yet when I wrote that part. I just needed that scene to set up the beginnings of Sunset and Twilight's eventual relationship upgrade, so I made something up on the spot and completely ignored it later. In my defense, between me writing that part of the chapter and me actually finishing the chapter (and the next one, since I originally wrote them as a single chapter) was a gap of three years. This one, and I guess the one from chapter one, aren't that bad because in both cases, the ponies involve admit they're just theorizing, but still.

Here, I'm going to set aside the nitpicking for a bit and just ramble about my thoughts and ideas while writing this chapter. The second chapter was pure hell to get through. There's a reason it took me three years to actually finish it. I always have massive problems with ending scenes and with deciding what I will or will not actually put in the story, and at no point was that more clear than when I was writing this chapter. Just getting through the train ride took ages, but that's absolutely nothing compared to the amount of outtakes I have for the rest of that chapter, clocking in at well over 4000 words and copious amounts of profanity in the outtake headers. Among other things, I seriously toyed with the idea of having Discord appear while Sunset was off on her own after waking up in the outpost on their way to the mine. (A scene which on its own was the source for about six outtakes).

After not giving Discord a scene yet, I then spent untold ages performing a plot exorcism by removing most of my horrifically oft-repeated mentions to friendship in the chapter. Honestly, I ended nearly every scene with a mention of it and it was beginning to get out of hand. I used such charming outtake headers as 'tubular bells intensifies' 'head rotates 360 degrees', 'green vomit everywhere', and one was a reference to someone's mother performing certain acts in a place filled with fire, which I'm sure everyone who's ever seen The Exorcist knows.

Chapter four, then, I erased in its entirety about three thousand words in, although ultimately I did end up using most of that cut content in the final version of the chapter. Other than that, I don't really have much to say about it. It wasn't really meant to be a heavy chapter, but I did feel the pacing was becoming too slow at this point, something I resolved to change for future chapters.

Chapter five. I redid the start around five times. For some reason, I just couldn't get going, not in the least because it took me ages to come up with a good name for the village near the swamps. I was adamant about not taking anything from the show beyond season four as canon, so the entire depiction of the swamps from season seven was right out. Of course, I did still need to make the swamp dangerous somehow, which wasn't always an easy thing. Seriously, my solution to this problem was introducing aggressive ants. ANTS. Yes, real-life ants can be quite dangerous, but I don't buy for even a second that a group including an animal expert and two magical prodigies who can create shields strong enough to deflect magic capable of leveling a building wouldn't be able to deal with them. But yes, ants. Obviously. Even when writing it, this frustrated me, to the point that this is actually one of my outtakes:

“Can’t you, oh, I don’t know…cast a spell that will allow everypony else to simply walk on the swamp without sinking in? You have a cloud-walking spell, don’t you?” “Rainbow, stop bringing logic into a story about magical talking ponies. For Celestia’s sake, this is supposed to be a dangerous area. If I just used magic to make all of us able to walk on the soggy ground all of the suspense would be gone. Now shut up, keep flying, and be good and look at the will-o-wisp when it shows up, okay?!”

Oh, the things that could have been. Right then, next issue with this chapter: the journal. Celestia sends over a book of spells used by Star Swirl. This book contains a great deal of magical knowledge, including the translation spell the ponies need...and it is thence never used again. I think I refer to it once more later in the story, but after this grand entrance it becomes useless right away. The reason for that is simple, and I'll address it during chapter six.

Chapter six, is up next. The first time Atonement is mentioned. Twilight's rather blasé about it, Sunset immediately latches onto it. In any case, neither has ever heard of Atonement as an Element. Keep that in mind for later. I don't have many complaints about my handling of the Forge, or the setting up of the camp afterwards even though that scene is blatant padding. I did consider going even further with the tent puns, but I decided against it. I do feel the need to mention that this chapter, too, has tons of outtakes, including a version of the hydra fight where they do, in fact, create a giant illusory copy of it.

After the hydra encounter, Sunset makes a point of mentioning combat magic and showing off why a horn beam isn't really a good tool for anything but breaking down a fortification. This, like Star Swirl's book, serves no further purpose in the story, and the reason for both of those things is this: there were supposed to be more fights down the line. When I wrote this chapter, I had outlines made for the chapters to come. Both Zerzura and Hippocampus would turn out to have guardians the Mane Six needed to defeat: sand scorpions and angler sharks. I decided against that because in retrospect, I found both of those things to be utterly stupid and not making any kind of sense. Zerzura relied on its illusion, Hippocampus on its underwater location. Neither needed any living defenses, which certainly wouldn't live for millennia anyway. The removal of those fights, though, rendered the spell book and the combat magic training entirely useless. I could have probably come up with more uses for the spell book, but I really wanted to show Twilight and Sunset as the skilled magic users they are, not just taking cues from an ancient wizard.

Finally, at the end of the chapter, there's one of the scenes I'd been working towards ever since I began working on the fic. The scene where Sunset and Twilight finally overcome their nightmares by sleeping close together. While I think the scene was decent enough, I still don't feel like it fully captures the weight I intended it to have, let down a bit by the nightmares that came before it. It was supposed to have been a bit of a darkest moment, mentally, for Sunset, but I feel that here it was still more in the 'somewhat inconvenient' category. That undercuts the impact this scene has, despite being intended as being pivotal to the story.

Right then, the desert in chapter seven. In real life, deserts are very dangerous places. But Sunset's talent, as per chapter one, is solar magic. It makes no sense for her to be bothered by the sun, and since it is her special talent it's not too far-fetched for her to divert the worst of the heat away from the group. That does mean I now have a scene in which nothing really happens, and which is thus mostly padding. I ended up trying to give some more background to Sunset as a result, but still the scene doesn't add all that much. Strictly speaking, the law of conservation of detail dictates that it shouldn't be there.

Next up is the use of the journal to find Zerzura. Really, what are the odds of that? The pony who wrote that journal worked in the swamp. Why in Celestia's name would he include a detailed way to get into Zerzura? But of course, my story would hit a brick wall if he didn't, so he did. Hurray for contrived coincidences. I did quite enjoy the scene afterwards, though, with Sunset and Twilight having a talk beneath the stars, although as ever my ending of that scene was quite shaky. You'd think I'd be better at it by now.

At long last, we've reached my minimal description of Zerzura. It really was supposed to be this magnificent place, but for the life of me, I couldn't think of anything that worked. Not just 'I made tons of outtakes', but truly 'I have zero ideas that I think would work'. In the end, I went for the minimalist contraption you see in the fic, and I just lampshade how anticlimactic it is with a more-or-less valid justification. Even now, I'm still not satisfied with the way that turned out.

Chapter eight shows what I came up with in lieu of the sand scorpions. An illusion. How delightfully original. Given this Forge's location, it made some sense, sure, but why would it work? Sunset thinks they'd set off defenses if they activated it while the illusion was active, but just what would those defenses be? Seriously, I did not think that through at all and I just handwaved it. Obviously, I can't objectively judge my own work so I can't tell how clear it is that I had no idea what I was doing there, but to me it stands out tremendously. I kind of like the way Sunset handles the magic, because I like nerding out over the way magic might work, but the situation itself feels off, as if it doesn't really fit in with the rest.

After this scene, we arrive at a very important moment. A moment which, much like the scene at the end of chapter six, doesn't carry the weight I want it to carry. The idea was to have this misunderstanding (a plot device I hate, but which would serve its purpose here) and drive a wedge between Sunset and Twilight for a bit. What came out was just above 'petty', which is exactly what a scene like this, using this plot device, does not need. My biggest gripe in stories with the misunderstanding tool is that they're petty and useless, easily solved by talking to one another. Yet here, I went for exactly that. That said, I did make sure to have Sunset point out how petty and immature she was being, to drive home the point that she knows she's being irrational.

And now, we reach another rather important point. This is the point where I try to flesh out some backstory, and this is also the point where the amount of things that don't really make sense starts to increase. Sunset asks for a bunch of scrolls involving the name 'Parallax Dream'. All well and good, but these scrolls are written in the same language as the journal, for which she needs Star Swirl's spell. Celestia admitted to not knowing that spell. How on earth did she decrypt the scrolls and scan for Parallax's name without knowing that spell? Does she have a spell which can locate names no matter what script they're written in? I'm forced to conclude it has to be something like that, because I certainly don't explain it anywhere. Also, Celestia clearly never read these scrolls herself, or she would probably have made the same discovery Sunset makes later in the story. For all the flaws I give her, she's not stupid.

The scrolls themselves don't give a whole lot of hope for Sunset's quest to discover if Atonement is actually a thing. When I was writing that part of the story, I didn't intend for that to be the case, but as I wrote the other scrolls, I realized that none of it was very convincing. That meant I now had backstory on my hands which didn't do a great job at being backstory. Sure, history is filled with theories that are wrong, but this one...it's just contrived. Six positive, one negative, equals balance? How in the wide, wide world of Equestria is that a thing? Obviously, I needed seven Elements, and I really wanted Atonement to be the one, not Forgiveness, because I really do feel that all positive without counter cannot ever be truly balanced, and Atonement implies that you have done wrong yourself, rather than implying somebody else has done wrong like Forgiveness does. I hint at that with the 'there might be other positive Elements', but both in and out of universe, that line fails to have any sort of impact. In short, far from clarifying anything, I'd written myself more into a corner.

Chapter nine was a pain to start, as ever. I redid the intro so, so many times. At first, I wanted to write the whole 'hiring the boat' sequence in a bit more detail but the more I tried, the more that didn't go anywhere. I decided to skip it, and looking back I'm kind of glad I did, because I went kind of overboard with the entire magic sequence once they got to the Forge, and then again with the whole flashback. The flashback sequence, incidentally, was meant to showcase what an actual wizard duel might look like, not relying on horn beams, although of course Parallax did use one since his aim was to destroy the Forge, not to kill Comet Trail.

Chapter ten. Remember when I just said 'Celestia clearly hasn't read the scrolls herself'? Yeah, here I imply that she has. How would she do this if they're written in a language she can't translate? And aside from that, if she did read the scrolls, why not at least investigate the option further? As the ruler of Equestria she should be duty-bound to check it out, lest she destroy everything — which she ended up almost doing. These are the kinds of questions I'd be asking if I had just stumbled across the story, rather than having written it myself, so like I said at the start, I should be asking myself these questions as well. Honestly, all I can think of now is that she's stubborn as a mule and that she fully believes her way to be right based solely on vague magic. That's exactly the kind of the thing she gets flak for from a lot of bronies in canon, I guess, but I didn't really want to portray her that badly. Misguided, yes, lethally stupid, no.

Next up in the chapter is my awkward transition from Sunset being worried to what basically amounts to a shopping montage. Almost as if I had no real clue how to switch between those things, so I just glued it together and went with it. Then, though, comes a scene I just wanted to write: the arctic training. Really, all of that was taken from the Top Gear polar special and as with many other things in this fic, it was supposed to have a point. The group was meant to be in the frozen wastes for a longer period of time, including spending a night in worsening conditions. As the writing went on, though, it became kind of difficult to reconcile that with the events actually happening in the chapter and so I scrapped the idea, but I didn't go back to remove the now-orphaned training scene. On a rare, more positive note, I do kind of like the way the events after the activation of the Forge turned out, including Celestia's big damn heroes moment. Seriously, in the show she never gets to show off despite the fact she's supposed to wield godlike power. Even if it was just for a single moment, I wanted to give her that opportunity.

We're almost at the end now. Chapter eleven. Here, too, I wanted to hammer home the point that Celestia, despite what we've been shown in the episodes themselves, is terrifyingly powerful. I really wanted there to be an in-universe reason she's seen as being powerful, rather than just being Worfed every single time she appears. Something else to note in this conversation is that my outline for the chapter said that here, Celestia would reveal that the dark force was just something she'd made up, but in the end I went with my even older idea that she really doesn't know what she's dealing with, and that's how we get to Destiny magic. In my headcanon, Twilight's spell in Magical Mystery Cure was also a form of Destiny magic, even though it was never really called that. I see Starlight's cutie mark spells as a very specific subset of Destiny magic, and in my headcanon that part of Destiny magic is in fact her special talent, but since Starlight doesn't exist in this fic I won't really mention that again.

In any case, the Destiny magic thing was something I intended to be a bit of a taboo among wizards because it's so incredibly dangerous, and it's also at this point I decide to take a stab at the notion that Celestia decides who gets to be an alicorn. I've never liked that idea much, especially because destiny does seem to be a thing in-universe, and having Celestia act as a physical agent of it just doesn't sit well with me. The solution I came up with is contrived, maybe, but I still prefer it as an explanation over 'Celestia can make ponies into alicorns'.

Now, of course, we get the moment where Sunset has her 'What the hell, hero' moment, towards Celestia. This is something I'm just rather fond of doing, in a 'Dumbledore has his flaws too' sort of way. Venerable, powerful characters have often made great mistakes in their lifetimes, and you can bet that whenever I write such a character, they will have made rather large mistakes. I never really want them to be evil or otherwise malevolent, but I do want them to carry some burden over decisions they have made. And really, in most other media you see the same thing. Basically, it's a trope (there's probably an actual trope for it, but I can't think of the name) I rather enjoy using, so I will whenever I can.

The library scene, then. Sunset's meeting with Discord was kind of shoehorned in, but I really wanted the two of them to meet at some point, ever since I played with the idea of having them meet in chapter two. Honestly, I don't think I write Discord too well. I am really not very good with anything that could conceivably be called 'wacky' or 'zany' or anything you might use to describe Discord with (or Pinkie, for that matter). I can do brooding and edgy, and sometimes lighthearted fluff, but I can't do funny or comical. Still, the scene did have a point, unlike many other one-off scenes, and that point was to show that Discord used to be less powerful than he is now, and that he was responsible for keeping the Everfree Forest free from pony control. I felt like that was something he'd do, because it isn't necessarily a benevolent act.

And now, finally, we arrive at the truth that I had hoped to reveal in chapter eight: Atonement is a real thing. I don't have any real problems with the documents Sunset finds, but then Scroll Seeker appears, and things get a bit screwy. See, Scroll Seeker effectively knows too much. Sure, she doesn't know that her knowledge about the ancient past is so important today, but it's still a bit odd that she would know so much more about that period of time than, for instance, Celestia. Again, it doesn't paint Celestia in the best light if she didn't look up all available information before resorting to a form of magic capable of wiping out existence.

Unlike Celestia, Scroll Seeker mentions a time before the whole 'six is magically powerful' thing and she seems knowledgeable enough that you could easily make the point that this sort of knowledge, though sort of specialized to this field, is at least available enough that a centuries-old monarch (or diarch in the periods Luna is around) would have heard of it at some point. Sure, she leads a busy life, but material from the Expanded Universe show Celestia as being a studious pony much like Twilight, and she seems like the kind of pony who would like to know about the history of her nation before she ascended to its throne. I don't know, it just feels like too much of a plot hole that a historian, even one working in the very library that stands in the place the Cataclysm occurred, would know so much more than Celestia, especially given how relevant all of this is to the story.

By now, we've arrived in chapter twelve, and I'm fairly rushing through it after Sunset concludes her conversation with Scroll Seeker. Token interaction with Twilight, check, token travel scene, check, token walking bit, check, more walking and Forge description, check. Really, the one part of the chapter I actually think I did well is the entire meeting with Destiny/Entropy at the end. I think it's sufficiently metaphysical without becoming too unclear. It's just that the chapter up to that point feels so rushed. Everyone aside from Sunset and Twilight has long ago become background, of course, but it's even clearer here than it was in the rest of the story. I especially feel bad for Spike. Half the time I forget he's even with them.

After the one proper scene, I kind of rush through the denouement to hastily clarify what just happened, because heaven forbid anyone has their own interpretation of things.

So what do we end up with at the end of this rant? Ultimately, I do think the story turned out okay, at least. I've written and read worse ones, but I've also read far better ones. I do, absolutely, plan to write both a prequel and a sequel, but right now I'm caught up in a RWBY fanfic, as well as a bunch of other things, so when either of those will finally end up being written I can't say. I guess that concludes this ramble. If you've read all the way through, I'm impressed. I think it's longer than the entirety of Broken Mirror.

Comments

[Silver_Linings]

I just finished reading this story and I have to say overall I really liked it. I'm glad there will be more. I will admit I'm a sucker for the sunlight ship though so I'm a bit bias.

As for your self criticisms of your writing. I will agree on a lot of points but add that it doesn't really take away from overall quality imo. There are a few disagreements I have however.

First your thoughts on the desert and combat scenes. I think those are absolutely a positive part of the story. Sure they don't fill their original narrative purpose but they are necessary. Details like those are how you show relationships growing. How you earn later emotional beats that you need to feel real. It's part of why Twilight and Sunset growing closer feels natural and why the rest of the mane 6 and Sunset acting like friends later doesn't feel forced. One example being where they reveal to Sunset they know about the feelings between her and Twilight. That interaction feels like they have grown to be good friends and the desert scene helps earn that by showing the reader that happening.

Another thing would be what you called a misunderstanding trope. At least to me you made it clear Sunset knew Twilight didn't mean it the way she took it. It wasn't so much a misunderstanding as Sunset dealing with irrational feelings poorly. There is nothing wrong with the way this played out to me. New love often causes such feelings no matter how little reason there is. Sunset's feeling and reactions to them as well as her remorse later don't seem a tropish misunderstanding to me as much as pretty well portrayed fresh love.

For my final thought one thing stood out to me about the story you didn't hit on. Sunset hiding Celestia's secret. That's a huge deal. Something I belive Twilight’s other friends would tell her for good reason. The fact Sunset not only agrees to not tell Twilight but actively lie about it (only time ever Celestia had used it) is a major mark against Sunsets character and her growing relationship with Twilight. Sunset should demand Celestia tell Twilight. Now I don't know if this is one of the stress points for a sequel or what but it needs to have major repercussions for Sunset and Celestia in order to not feel just a bit icky.

[KatonRyu]

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Thanks for the elaborate feedback! It's always interesting to see other's opinions on my writing and I'm glad that the oddities in the story didn't detract from the quality.

You're entirely right about Sunset's lie to Twilight, and that is indeed why I didn't mention it here. Something like this deserves to be elaborated upon, but I felt that doing so in this story would make it feel rushed because the main plot has been dealt with at the point the lie occurs. I want a tense situation like this to be solved well within the frame of the larger plot, without hijacking the entire story to do so or simply tacking it on as an aside. Because of that, I decided to simply leave the implications of this act as they are now, and to incorporate the real resolution into the sequel story so I'm free to do it justice. As of now, though, I'm still working on formulating the plot for the sequel in my head, as well as working on several non-MLP stories, so it'll be some time before that story will arrive.

In any case, thank you again for sharing your thoughts!