Where I went very, very wrong - an apology to everyone that I need to say and be sincere about · 3:18pm Jun 24th, 2019
I'm not somebody that makes mistakes very often, but I have to say something to everyone. Right now.
Look, I'm just going to come out and spill it - I done shagged up.
To get down to the point of telling you what I mean, I mean I failed as an author and writer. For that, I am so very sorry and ashamed with myself. I have been skimming through some of my old PM's, just for the sake of the good times when this site was new and everybody was getting to know each other. I've met some very amazing people, each with their own amazing personalities, skill sets and unique ideas with great promise and originality, and, to name one or two, Pizzema Forte and The Sorcerer. Those were two of the first people that I met on this site, back when I knew next to nothing about the rules of writing, grammar and basic story telling.
We used to message each other frequently, having friendly discussions over our individual projects, giving each other tips and hints, editing each other's work, voicing our opinions, the works. As I was looking over those messages, I couldn't help but relate them to what my writing skills are like today, and I feel as if I let both of them down. It feels like I've lost my touch as a writer, as if I've somehow fallen down and bashed my skull hard against the pavement along the way and knocked loose my creative energy. As a person, realising this, I can only feel utterly and brutally ashamed and disappointed with myself.
It's not only those two people that I feel like I failed and let down, it's just about everyone that I know on here and whom I've also had many private conversations with! People like Amethyst Dawn, HopeForTheFew, Anonpencil and Skyward Sword! I feel the same way when it comes down to the work I do outside of Fimfiction with my YouTube channel, reading people's stories and making them public for promotional and entertainment reasons! I sometimes listen to the final product and I think to myself, ''Is that how I sound? Man, this sucks.''
It's just...I never realised how much I've fallen behind and what I've overlooked, slipped up on and completely trashed. I'm officially disgusted. I work with a certain standard and rhetoric in place, but this...it's so degrading! I feel as if I've not given both my own work and the work of others the voice it truly deserves, and, for that, to the people who's work I've narrated on my YT channel and taken writing advice from, I'm sorry that I've failed you. I mean that, from the bottom of my heart.
I can only promise to do my best in the future, and I thought that I've been doing just that recently and turned things around from how I used to write and structure my words and develop my characters, worlds and atmospheres, but I'm sadly and regrettably mistaken. And all I can do is apologise for that, especially with A Pony in the Wasteland. I wrote it during a very rough, terrible time in my life when I had suicidal depression, and some of the author's notes on a few of the chapters are horrendous and rude. The only reason that they have been left like that is to pose as a reminded never to do it again, to never stoop that low twice.
All I ever wanted out of this whole thing was to be as good as I can at it while giving others something to lose themselves in and find enjoyment. I wanted to write as well as I could, be as professional as I could and make others happy. That is literally all I wanted to do, and it seems like I failed to do it as I intended, and it makes me feel sad and bad on the inside. I never once stopped to ponder about if I was doing a good job or if I was at all being considerate towards others and giving them what they wanted or giving them something that was sure to make them feel happy rather than sad. I never wanted to make anybody feel sad or depressed, and it's something I will take full responsibility for screwing up on, so I'm sorry for that, too.
So, as bad as I feel for it, there it is. I hope that I don't disappoint anybody else further, or myself, in the future with my writing, and I truly am sorry to all of you that I may or may not have let down.
====================
With love, from England,
- FireRain 💛
(That's what I get for getting so lost in my own head and world. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's somebody that I need to express my disgust with.)
Who? Also, nice to see a fellow Brit.
5079297
That last part refers to myself, by the way. And sweet! You're a Brit, too, eh? Funny, I actually always assumed that you were an American!
Most people I know are from the USA, so that's where that assumption came from!
5079300
Not so, old chap. Now, my friend Jimmy, on the other hand, he's a yank.
You have NOT let me down. Let me make that 100% clear. If you never wrote another word, if you wrote every day, if you never spoke to me again, if you decided to make art, cut your hair off, get tattoos, make your stories into interpretive dance, only write porn, the list goes on and on...
NONE of that would mean you failed me or let me down. No apology needed or wanted on this end, my dude. Just keep doing whatever it is you wish to do. I'll be around.
In all honesty you didn't let anyone down I mean look at me. My stories aren't that known because I can't focus on one story. Real life also has a play in it as well in fact here's a true fact of my real life. I am a real author who is working on a book so it can be published but in all reality I can't even finish one story on this site but you know what I am going to try because one of my friends once told me "Writing a bad story is better than not writing that story at all" and I believe him when you look at the creative process who is the biggest part of it? It's us the Authors you come up with a adventure and write it and the saying I like to live by is "The Author doesn't write the story but the story writes the Author" and indeed the person who made that quote was me but I live by it because when I write a story I am not at the computer or at my desk but I am in the story it self and I am only along for the ride. I have never ever not been at my computer or desk because I am in the book itself watching events unfold as if I was a character. The book writes its self and that goes for fanfictions as well. You have nothing to apologize for and you shouldn't be ashamed of yourself because you let the story unfold by itself. Do you think J.R.R Token the Author of Lord Of The Rings and The Hobbit was doubtful about his future as a Author as well? Yes he was in fact he was so doubtful that he rewritten the story so many times it wasn't funny but he learned that he wasn't the Author of the story but the story was the Author and he lived the adventure and saw everything in vivid detail. Authors aren't just people who write stories there people who create entire worlds in there head and just writes it down.
I Am Glad That You Are One Of Them. You Are More Than You Know And You Can Do So Much Better But You Have To Remember That You Your Self Can't Put your Self Down Because You're A Great Person And Fantastic Author!
5079308
I don't know what to say...
But I do especially feel somewhat bad towards you because you gave me permission to do those readings when I first started YouTube, and I always used to have a lot of fun doing said readings, but I never thought I did any of them justice. And trust me, I actually admire your work, Pencil, and I fully admit to being a tad envious of your writing skills and how you write adult and general humour. That, right there, is a quick way to make me like your style. Next to you, I'm pretty shit.
And I never really speak to you or many people that much because I never feel like I have the right to do it and be a burden. Like, I can't start a conversation or interact with anyone because I have no clue how to be myself around others, and I scold myself for it. It's stupid, I know. But thanks, really. It means a lot.
I'm not sure it's really my place here to make significant input, but I think you're being too critical of yourself here
5080142
Well, yes, because I realise how much I have disappointed certain people's expectations of me. When I feel like I didn't give it my all or that I didn't keep a certain standard, I shame myself for it. Can you really blame me for trying to make a good impression? Writing is essentially all I have, it's the only thing that means a lot to me above almost everything else, so I naturally don't want to suck at it, and I try to do what I can to make sure that doesn't happen.
5080264
I understand where you are coming from, but go easy on yourself as well