Hello again!

So, after sleeping on it for a little while, I came to the conclusion that I really wasn't happy with how I handled the unpublished chapter. It's been mostly rewritten, but not edited yet. If you guys aren't sick and tired of me yet, you could probably check it out. For now, I'm tired, and I'm headed off to bed. Goodnight!

What I Am: Chapter XXX

Comments

[Dj7291993]

This version is better. There is a lot more build, and it makes more sense with the urgency to get everything else in place first, rather than spending all of their attention on the omniscope before telling the other nations.

[Cogsworth Wingthrop]

Defiantly better. I like the longer chapters. Only a couple minor quotation and capitalisation errors. I am on a tablet, it is hard to help edit, sorry.

[Cogsworth Wingthrop]

Although, now that I think about it. I do kind of miss Alex making it clear what will happen to Hazalk if he crosses the ponies. That and Hazalk seeming to instantly understand the sun is their weapon. I was looking forward to when it "dawned" on him.

[Spamotron]

5076699
I think you're forgetting the whole "dance of sun and moon," performance Celestia and Luna did for Alex. Hazalk already had his "holy crap they control their sun," moment.

[Cogsworth Wingthrop]

5076718
True, thought they still do not know it is the sisters. I was referring to a scene in the previous draft of this chapter. Where he is asking about the weapon they have.

I guess a middle ground between the two is what I would suggest.

[Knight Breeze]

5076719 Methinks you should take a look again at this point. Did not add where it 'dawned' on Hazalk, but I did add something else that I think you might enjoy.

[Cogsworth Wingthrop]

5076725
Oh make no mistake, I did enjoy it.