It finally happened. I'm sorry · 2:35am May 28th, 2019
And what is it that happened? Well, it's a long story. One that I'm not so proud of. It happened on May 8th. Depression had hit me hard. There was and still is a lot of stress going on with my life among many things. And with the death of my mother I guess I just snapped. This may not surprise many of you based on some of my most depressing blogs but I guess some of you were hoping I wouldn't go to this point. I was hoping I wouldn't either but I did. What I did exactly was I tried to end my life. I was texting my brother, who means the world to me and is my best friend, goodbye and telling him how much I loved him and that I was sorry. He told his Guardian (After my mom's death, we haven't lived together since. He lives with his girlfriend's oldest sister and I live with my boyfriend's family) they informed my boyfriend's aunt who caught me in the act. I was then taken to the hospital then put in Pine Rest, which is a psychiatric ward house. A mental hospital basically. I was there for about a week. It was a new experience. While I was there, I learned a lot about myself and about others. I made some of the coolest friends who we're dealing with a lot like me. I also found out that I have borderline personality disorder. They put me on some medication to help me with the depression. I called my boyfriend during my time there and he told me that his mom do not want me living with them anymore. I'm not going to lie, it killed me. I never felt more alone. I felt like I screwed everything up based on one decision. Luckily, my sister talked his mom into letting me stay with them. My sister checked me out after a week and I stayed with her for about 2 days then went back with my boyfriend's family. They're not so happy with me with what I did and most likely won't want me to stay with them for long. I was hoping I could tell you all this sooner but it was a little bit hard to. It's not something I thought I would share with anyone. I'm only telling you this because I feel like this needs to get out. I feel like there is a lot of people on this site that feel very similar to what I did and feel like they're alone. But you're not. Even if you feel like it, you are never alone. Now I'm not saying I'm all better and everything is all good with one sappy talk like they tend to show in My Little Pony. But I'm getting there. I'm still fixing a lot of stressors. However, there is still a lot of good things that I'm trying to do and am doing. I know there's a lot of you that are going through a hard time and might not have the easiest life. It's okay though. You can make it through. I know it's going to be hard and you're going to hurt but they are others like you and want to help. I'm one of them and if you ever are hurting and want someone to talk to, send me a message and I'll talk with you.
As of this moment, I am feeling better and those thoughts are out of my head. There's still a lot I have to do but I'm working on them. Example, posting the next chapter. It's all done. I just got to edit it. I was going to work on it over the weekend but I went camping with my boyfriend and his family. Just got back today and will be working on it tonight and hopefully it will be out by tomorrow. Thank you for reading this long blog, if you made it to this point and for being very supportive. I know this is just a fanfiction site but it means the world to me when you guys give me hope and wisdom through the comments. It brings me joy when you guys really like what I'm writing. It really shows how much I have improved with my writing because this is something I want to do for my future. Last week was my last week of high school and my graduation is in a few days. I'm so excited and for the first time ever, I am really looking forward to the future. So once again thank you all so much. And as always....
Till Next Time!!!!!
*hugs*
*hugs*
I'm glad you're still here.
5065758
Me too.
*hugs* Hope you'll be okay from this point forward
(So I'm not gunna do what I normally do) There are several times that I have held a gun to my head or a knife to my wrist, but every time I have realized that to me it was the coward's way out.
Just... stay strong keep moving and don't ever give up.
5065762
I don't plan on giving up. And if you ever need someone to talk to send me a message. Thx
When your mind is a spinning sea of emotions, sometimes the darkest thoughts can seem to take control.
When they do, remember how much your mother loved you when she was alive and still does now.
She never wanted anything bad to happen to you, so when you feel the darkness rising inside you, try to remember her love and it will guide you through.
*hugs* You deffinally need more of them to feel better friend.
Friend, Iām glad your still with us. Please never do anything like this again. I hope you only get better