Peace...what is it?

What is peace?

I haven't truely had it in so long. I hardly eat, I feel so tired, and I can't focus. I exercise and I study. Yet everything is inadequate. I can be great. I know I can. I can be strong. I've shown it time and again but yet everything makes me feel weak. I'm smarter than average and yet I feel dumber for not knowing enough.

I can do many things. I promise. I sing I dance I can be a theraputic ear and voice. I can be a fitness advisor. I know politics. I use to teach. I can cook. I can clean. I...I just don't know why its not enough and I'm tired of breaking myself, always reshaping reforming. Apologizing and feeling guiltly. Then there's the anger. Always angry at the people. The world. But most of all angry at myself.

I suffer under the sin of wrath. Fueled by the sin of envy. I want peace. I want to settle and live in peace.

The struggle never stops. The fighting. The arguing. The truth of the world is that it'll kick and punch and spit and it won't stop. It won't ever stop. Not for you or for me and there can never be peace.

That actually makes me sad. So I live. And I eat. And I work. And I toil. And I write.

Let me write at least. Give me some peace. And if not me let others do their writing.