Fic Reviews: Thank You Mistress · 6:44pm May 23rd, 2019
Okay, I’ll be the first to admit I’m a sucker for a good Twixie story. Or good Sunlight story, or good Tempestlight story. This story is… none of those things. Thank You Mistress is… something.
This is one of the few fics that drove me into a furious rage upon first reading it. Why exactly? Well, let me give you a passage from the story just to give you an idea.
"Shut the fuck up." Twilight spoke darkly. Surprising the ponies assembled.
"You ponies are on thin ice as it is with me. It would be wise of you not to ask me to harm my own pet." Twilight said.
Someponies clearly saw how pissed off the princess was and started to back off, but then a particularly stupid pony said something that made even the angriest pony there cringe back.
"Oh, so you made her a slave to make her pay for what she did, huh?" He said with a smirk. Twilight sent him the most insane death glare he had ever seen in his life. He gulped and backed off, but not quick enough. Much like Starlight did with the waiter, Twilight shot the stupid pony with pure magic, which sent the pony flying out of Ponyville.
"EVERYPONY, STOP THIS BULLSHIT AND LEAVE TRIXIE ALONE, OR FUCKING ELSE AM. I. UNDERSTOOD." Twilight screamed. Everypony hastefully nods and dispersed quickly. Derpy Hooves ran up to the princess.
Does… does that sound like the Twilight we know and love? The kind, forgiving Princess who only goes into a fury when properly riled? No, this Princess Not a Twilight has a hair-trigger temper, who just shouts and screams like a little bitty filly who was denied their candy.
I dare say she was possessed by her own version of the Nightmare, if I were a sane pony and watching her. Sadly in this story, that’s not the case. She’s like this naturally. Nope no possessions here, just the writer wanting to protect his/her waifu in Trixie. So we get psycho-bitch Sparkle.
Wow Twilight, you kiss your mother with that mouth? Honestly, Vel, if I were you I’d disown your daughter right now. The scary thing is, every action in this story is supported by all the other Princesses, including Celestia. She even allows our Not a Twilight to put ponies to death if Twilight wants. Yes, our loving mother Celestia, -who I must severely question her sanity even more as the story goes on- allows ponies to be executed for no reason other than they insult Trixie or any of Twilight’s harem.
Oh, and it also has Futa Twilight. Did I forget to mention that? ...Basic anatomy people, girls don't have boy parts. (Seriff’s probably raging now, I know it.) Now, before you bring up Hermaprodites, let me quote Wikipedia.
For example, the great majority of tunicates, pulmonate snails, opisthobranch snails, earthworms and slugs are hermaphrodites. Hermaphroditism is also found in some fish species and to a lesser degree in other vertebrates. Most plants are also hermaphrodites.
As for ponies, I'm pretty sure the only way you can do that is if you get a sex change.
And ONE MORE THING!
"Before you found me, Mistress, I wanted to kill myself. I was in so much suffering, I thought it was the only way to end it." Hearing those words, Twilight grew thousands of times more protective of her Trixie. To the point that she could honestly see herself killing somepony for so much as sneering at her most loved one. Starlight as well, grew even more protective over the blue mare, as those words her friend spoke struck a cord with her, one she hadn't told Anypony about. The words of her blue friend also helped her make the decision she was mentally debating with herself over all day.
"Trixie, I'm not so sure I feel comfortable treating you like my pet anymore." Twilight said.
"NOOOO." Trixie screamed. clinging to Twilight in desperation.
"NO PLEASE, MISTRESS, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG AFTER ALL?! I'LL BEHAVE PLEASE, MISTRESS, PLEASE! THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME WAS GETTING TO BE YOUR PET!!! I CANT LOOSE THAT, PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GIVE IT UP!!!" Trixie begged Twilight. "Please Mistress, I love you! I love pleasing you! Don't make me give it up, PLEASE! I can't loose you, too! Twilight's protective instincts over Trixie magnified even more after that. She pulled Trixie in to a kiss, while just as passionate as their normal ones, was meant for a different reason: to calm Trixie down.
"Shh, It's okay, Trixie I will never leave you. I won't bring that up again, please forgive me for making you think that." Twilight pleaded with Trixie."Of course I forgive you, Mistress! I love you! I could never be angry with you." Trixie said, a little confused that her goddess would ask her lowly pet for something as important as forgiveness. Trixie doesn't voice her confusion, however because she was scared that it would make her mistress doubt being her mistress again. Her owner's words calmed her down quite a bit so she was able to regain her rationality, but she was still horrified at the thought of her mistress leaving her for any reason. Even if the thought of her mistress abandoning her was absurd (which it was).
"Now, my pet. You have been very good today, so I will let you pick your reward today, it can last for however long you want it to as well." Twilight informed Trixie, trying to get her most loved one's mind off of what just transpired. Her plan worked as she saw Trixie's ears twitch at those words. Starlight then felt a little sad that she wouldn't get to share in on her teacher and her friend's love once again, but continued to massage Trixie's back.
Now uh… correct me if I’m wrong here but I’m pretty sure it’s against every moral code someone should possess and a given rule to keep suicidal subjects out of a BSDM relationship. Also… wow… Way to treat a touchy subject with dignity author! For Fuck's sake…
It takes a lot to piss me off, like really piss me off but fucking congrats, this story won the golden kewpie doll. And it only gets ‘better’ from here. It's telling when Rainbow Dash acts like a rather rational pony over half the time in this story. It's telling when Rainbow Dash is one of the more sensitive ones. ...Oh, joy.
You know Sunset Shimmer in canon right? Strong-willed mare, right? And her friends, nice people, mind you ones who make mistakes but nice people. Sorry, not here. Should you really be surprised though? Here, they suddenly decide, for the sake of the plot to drive her out and back to Equestria for... whatever reason. Like, I kid you not. This is what the ‘story’ has reduced our beloved bacon horse to.
"Dear Princess Twilight,
This may sound strange to you, but, do you still like me? Are we friends? Or do you also secretly hate me, like everyone else did? I guess I'll get this out of the way. I-I love you Twilight. I have since you forgave me back then. It turns out everyone at CHS was just pretending to forgive me since they all jumped at the chance to get me arrested. I heard I'm wanted, Twilight. There is price on my head. Please don't hate me too, Twilight. Please respond, Twilight. Please help me. Also, even if you don’t want to see me again, could you do me one favor? There’s a unicorn in the village I grew up in, her name is Starlight Glimmer. If you could, would you tell her I’m sorry. Sorry for vanishing without a word, sorry for never writing, and well, just sorry for everything. And Twilight, thank you, for everything.
-Sunset Shimmer
After she signed her name, she waited with bated breath for a response from her only remaining friend. Ten minutes passed, Twenty. Finally, when Thirty minutes had passed, Sunset Shimmer began to cry, Even Twilight had forgotten her existence it seemed. Then the book began to vibrate. Hope filling her heart, she stared at the book as it vibrated with a soft magenta glow. After a few minutes of staring, she opened the book and began to read Twilight's response.
And it only goes downhill from there with Flash acting like a complete bastard for no reason and even at one point, Sunset said he tried to rape her.
Gimme a moment. I’m trying to comprehend this story’s logic. Including this particular lovely bit. Tempest Shadow, I think we know what she's like. Gruff, rather broken but rarely lets it show. Here she acts like an excitable schoolfilly with a love for torture. Which Twilight allows. Yes, Twilight allows torture in her own home, deciding to pay evil unto evil.
...What?
Ya know, I think I’m going to do the only rational thing here and step out with my final tally.
0/10
*removes sunglasses*
Sweet Celestia...
Is this by Sonic-Applejack2005, by any chance?
While I have not written anything BDSM related, I at least KNOW how it works... as someone who's a little into that... I'm full of shame right now.
But last time I checked, suicidal subjects are kept out of said acts, the only real dramatics I can even think of that would be fitting is if maybe some people don't exactly like their lifestyle, but that's really all that comes to mind. Also, usually people practice these sort of things, and have safety measures put into effect so no one is actually harmed during said acts. And also, last time I checked...
... okay yeah Twi-Twi's not a raging psycho, that ain't right. For a sec, I thought that was her being over the top as dom but... no, it's not.
... what am I even saying, I'm rambling on and on, but... yeah this doesn't sound too good. I could write a BDSM story better than this...
5063254
No, it's by a different author but I will not give up their name so you can go and dogpile them.
5063256
Made enough sense to me.
5063258
OK then.
5063252
Remember Celestia actively encourages the acts in this story, including the torture. So I wouldn't swear by her name here.
5063259
Still though...
...
... okay, how did I miss the factor of getting an A-okay of sentencing to death.
Or a magic dick spell. Damn it Merlin....
But yeah, this fic, yeesh. I do recall a good maid Trixie XMistress Twilight fic that was a whole lot better
I hate it when people do things like this. Seriously people Twilight is a paragon of friendship and one of the better morality wise.
5063276
I'd love to be inside the author's mind and browse around to try and find out why she was turned into a raging psycho hypocrite.
You make an excellent point with Twilight's behavior. While she has been seen to lash out in the past, it's rarely ever at the level that this author is portraying her. This is because that it doesn't match with her character. Twilight always tries to approach conflict in a kind and dignified matter (much like a princess should) and she know better than to act on senseless aggression. That's why whenever Twilight ever does reach that level of anger, it's so much more impactful. If you've managed to piss off Twilight Sparkle, you know that you've messed up SUPER bad. Having her being so hot-headed and downright rude is not doing anything for her character.
I’m not gonna lie, I’m more interested that earthworms are hermaphrodites, then that story.
...
Wtf...
Witaf...
5063313
Let's face it, if this was the canon MLP universe everyone would be terrified of Twilight. They wouldn't say it aloud in fear of having her magic turned on them, but they would be more than a little scared of her.
5063352
Well... http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20150114-the-strange-sensational-world-of-leopard-slug-sex
5063402
Still though, I like to imagine that Twilight picked up her kind and forgiving nature when she was learning under Celestia. Which really demonstrate how much of a positive (almost motherly) influence Celestia has had on Twilight. It's fics like these that try to bastardize Celestia's kindness just as an excuse to make a character better really grinds my gears.
5063406
Yeah, Celestia here doesn't seem to give a damn what Twilight does.