Poker Player's inside thoughts · 4:30pm May 23rd, 2019

"We're here live at the Equestrian Final championship of Appaloosa Hold 'em Poker. Our final four contestants aren't giving anything away. Faces so still, they might as well have been carved from stone."

Okay, Rainbow. You got this. And when you win, you can finally afford to buy that new kidney you need.

They cannot read you at all, Rarity. You are a sphinx. You are smooth, like the wind.

I have...no idea...how to play this game. I should have been out a long, long time ago, but I keep winning!

Breathe, Fluttershy. That's the key. AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGH! I CAN'T TAKE THE STRESS!

"And starting with the first few cards, we have the king and queen of hearts and the ace of diamonds."

Gah! Nothing again? I'm sick of waiting for a good hand! Time to bluff my way to victory! "Ten thousand bits."

"Oh, my! Looks like Rainbow Dash comes out first with a hefty bet. I wonder what must be running through everypony's heads."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGHHHHHH

Mmm, cupcakes...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH

"Nothing but calm calculation on all of their faces."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"Let's see what the players do, starting with Rarity."

"Call." Keep it together. You are calm, like the wind.

"Call." What does call even mean? I am literally doing what Rarity does.

Keep...it...together...F-Fluttershy. Make Harry the Bear proud. "Call."

"Fillies and gentlecolts, we have a poker game on our hooves! Now comes the next card with the ace of clubs."

AAAAAAAH!

Okay...the bluff didn't work...time to bail. Gggggghhhhah! How can I just throw away ten thousand bits? No. I need this. Time to scare the fillies away! "Fifty thousand."

"Another stunning bet from Rainbow! But look at those faces they all have! Completely still. What is raging behind their heads?"

You wanna play? You wanna mess with this?! I am fierce! Like the WIND! "Call."

Okay, Rarity put in two blue circles and six red ones, so... "Call."

"Call." What am I doing?! I have a two and a seven! That's not good!

"The final card will be flipped over now. And oh, my, the king of spades!"

AAAAAAAAAAAH

NO! FOLD, YOU FOOLS! I NEED THAT KIDNEY! "All in."

"Hundreds of thousands of bits are on the line here! But those faces! Still utterly calm!"

MWUAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA! YOU WANNA DANCE, RAINBOW? IMMA BOUT TO GET CA-RAZY UP IN HERE! LIKE THE WIND! "All in." THERE! YOU THOUGHT I WOULDN'T DO IT, DIJA? LOOK INTO MY EYES, YOU DIRTY COMMIE!

"Rainbow and Rarity are giving competitive glances now! What is raging in their heads?"

Yeah...that's right...if I lose this I'm going to find you and break your knees...like the wind!

"All in." Look at all those circles. I wonder what they mean?

FOLD, FLUTTERSHY! FOLD NOW! AND CUT! YOUR! LOSSES! "All in." WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

"Every last poker chip is in. It's tome to show the cards to see who goes home with a million bits. Rainbow will show first. Uh huh...a six and a seven. Apparently she was staking everything on a bluff that didn't go out well. I wonder what she's thinking right now."

I'm going to have...a flamingo kidney...

"Rarity next. All right! A queen and a king! This puts her on the prospective path to victory!"

I AM THE WIIIIIIIIIND!

"Fluttershy...still hasn't shown her cards yet. Fluttershy? Are you..."

Thump

"Oh, my, Fluttershy's unconscious. Could we get someone to carry her off?...And EMTs are taking care of it now. Wonderful.

"And finally, Pinkie will show.

"Uh...Okay, so apparently, Pinkie Pie was playing with Uno cards?"

Yahtzee!

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