Review : My Little Pony Meets Equestria Girls

My Little Pony Meets Equestria Girls

By Cutest Boxer Puppy Ever

Have any of you saw the Everfree Forest bloopers with the Rainbow Dash scene? Well here it is you are all waiting for with MLP meets EqG.

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Crystal Aura’s Opinion

The story was very short. Felt like it was fast-paced. Didn’t have any smooth flow to it. Could’ve been written better. There were just too many grammatical mistakes in the story. And to be honest, I felt that all of them, except EqG Twilight was acting OOC.

The story could be written better with a different plot altogether as it didn’t even make proper sense, to me atleast. The young filly’s dialogue in the story actually didn’t make sense when she said that “You can’t fly free like a bird.” Honestly, where are the pegasi?

And later on, how did Shimmer teleport the filly back when they were in EqG World? These questions were the first to pop out on me as I couldn’t get a rational answer to any of them.

My best bet ; hire an editor to look it over. Or you can make a completely different story.

It seems to me that this story has potential, but it’s lacking way too much of it somewhere. And there needs to be better description of the scenes in the entire story. Everything seemed fast, there was no time for the reader to actually process the entire story in an appropriate manner.

Overall, nice, but a lot of revising needs to be done for this story to be enjoyable.

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Details

Word Count : 1.3k

Current total views : 1.8k

Current rating : 20 : 19

Series : MLP:FiM, Equestria Girls

Type of Story : Crossover

Characters : Main 6, Crystal Ponies, Main 7 (EqG)

Tags : Adventure, Drama, Mystery

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Comments

Xanderfox

Why is it divided into 2 chapters? Neither the format or length justify splitting it in two.

The Shadow

First off, I love the picture that you used for this. The image alone of Spike looking at his doggy counterpart like "Really?!" Is hilarious.

That being said, this story is honestly a confusing mess. There is so much wrong with these two chapters, that I would make up an entire chapter myself just talking about it.

I would suggest either doing some SERIOUS editing to this fix it, because it almost reads like someone who was drunk tried writing it, or get a damn good proofreader to help you out with this. Because, as of right now, I have to give this a serious down vote.

If you can somehow fix this mess, that down vote might be removed. But right now....yeah, no.

Halira

I suppose this isn't bad. I love the concept and love the cover art. Needs a bit more.........fleshing out. As a suggestion I would recommend writing just a brief outline of what you want to happen then start making a more detailed outline of each event and use that. You'll find writing longer more involved chapters becomes much easier this way where you can easily crank out 2000 words and feel like you have barely written anything.

Comments

[TheMysteryMuffin]

Review by TheMysteryMuffin

There was a story in this, which I could see in Boxer's writing. I can imagine a story of the Equestria Girls meeting up with the ponies we know and love by running through the mirror. There was a beginning, middle and end. The idea is there.

But one thing that I felt while reading this was that it was very fast-paced and short. I would, unfortunately, have to agree that this story was rushed. There could be so many other possibilities for how the characters act when they meet one another and what they got up to.
I usually like to stretch things out in stories so I would have prefered for this story to be written out in more than two chapters. And maybe some more interaction between the ponies and the EqGs. Like, how Pinkie from the show shares her excitement and laughter with EqG Pinkie, and Rainbow Dash is competitive against her EqG self. Spice the story up a little.

Overall, a light-hearted read, but I would have prefered a longer story, which stretched out more action and doesn't become cramped or rushed.