Out of the Hospital · 12:34am May 17th, 2019
Huzzah! The doctor at urgency care let me know I overreacted about the super dangerous, physical stuff, even took an EKG, and agreed with me that I should get off the Letuda. I even finally got someone to actually say "Yeah, I think you have bipolar and that's what I'm going to put on here."
And then I overshared as you why that diagnosis means so much to me. Understand that I do have it and I was just honest with him, but the last time I really talked to someone about how long I've been broken who could get it was at job Corp with a psychiatrist... a psychiatrist who told me you can never get disability through depression and that her thought I was just faking it to try to get disability. And, well, I talked about this recently in my blog about being broken in the wrong ways. The ways people will acknowledge and that will lose me jobs, opportunities, and a chance at the future.
But being labeled as bipolar, something that fits so painfully, painfully accurate... well, people take that more seriously. They recognize it as a disease more. They understand that I may never fully recover, and while i would love to recover and kick off all of this mental health crap...
I've been fighting and hanging on for over three years now. I'm so tired of just being told to keep trying and praying that my depression will back off enough so I can see a way to having any sorry of future. And, well, that light hasn't changed much since I was back in job Corp, splitting my head open because of filling out applications and not being able to study without the start of a mental breakdown.
Back when I was told that accepting that I was worthless and broken was just going to get me suspicious glares and laughs as no one cared. And... I guess I feel like that might change now. Not quickly, but maybe.
But yeah, I'm safe, off the dangerous drug, and have an appointment with my general care provider on Tuesday, and my psychiatrist the Tuesday after that.
Sorry you had to go through all that, glad you have answers that work for you!
I do hope you get better, I understand things have been rough on you.
glad your ok, and we always have your back.
Hope you get okay, and be safe.
I said it before, but I'll say it more forcefully this time. Fuck. That. Doctor. If she didn't want to do her fucking job just because she'd decided, all on her own, what your motivations for getting diagnosed bipolar were, then I wouldn't ever bother with her again.
Now you should be able to get the help you need, despite that doctor's "help."
5059900 Fortunately that doctor is now a year and a half into my past, but you are absolutely right. FUCK HIM.