Harry Potter and the Undercurrent of Sexual Tension Between Our Two Lead Female Characters · 1:40pm Apr 9th, 2019
“Knock knock!” Starlight Glimmer poked her head through Twilight Sparkle’s office door. “Hey, you have a moment?”
“Hm?” Twilight looked up from the notes spread across her desk. They were, as usual, stacked in neat piles and ordered by both subject and sensitivity. A pewter manticore paperweight guarded students’ personnel folders, jammed up beside a mug of empathy cocoa that had long since gone cold and standoffish. A harried set of quills shed downy fluff onto the polished mahogany desk, forming little drifts against the spines of the many books Twilight perpetually left out for reading.
Twilight’s expression brightened. “Oh! Hey Starlight. Sorry, did I miss our lunch? I was going over the essays from the comparative cultures capstone class. Did you know yaks consider any mathematics above algebra to be a form of witchcraft? Actually, now that I’m saying it out loud, isn’t that probably why Yona keeps bringing bowls of blood to the trigonometry lectures? Gosh, I really should apologize to her. Do you think—”
“I think Yona will be fine either way,” Starlight said. She sat on one of the plush cushions Twilight set out for visiting students. “If you’re not busy, I wanted to go over the lesson plan for…” Her eyes, which had been wandering across the chaotic sprawl of Twilight’s desktop, chanced across the spine of a thick book and got stuck. It was not bound in cloth or wood, like most Equestrian books, but rather a shiny, glossy paper that held color and images perfectly. “Oh, is that a human novel?”
“Huh?” Twilight followed her gaze, and her expression brightened. “It is! Sunset included a bunch with the last set of DVDs. Apparently it’s a series for foals, and the language and style is definitely a bit simpler than I’m used to, but it’s still pretty interesting. If you’d like, you can have it when I’m done.”
“Sure. Sounds neat.” It sounded more than neat – it seized her mind and refused to let go. All the DVDs and mixtapes and greeting cards and screen-printed t-shirts Sunset had sent them from the human world were like catnip to her. If she’d been a cat. And now, without her realizing it, there was another shipment! And Twilight was hoarding it to herself! It was all Starlight could do not to toss her papers in Twilight’s face as a distraction and escape with the book right then. She took a deep breath, another, and smiled.
“But first, this lesson plan…”
* * *
The rest of Starlight’s day passed in a blur. A slow blur. More a smear, really – she trudged through each interminable class like her hooves were mired in a wintery mud. The lesson plans were the furthest thing from her mind, and it was only thanks to her zealous over-preparation that the students noticed nothing amiss. She recited the lectures by rote, read each question from her notes without the bother of thought, and smiled automatically whenever her pupils spoke.
It was bad teaching, she knew. She ought to do better. Those young minds deserved better. But all she could think about was that book of human stories on Twilight’s desk.
She had to have it.
She would have it.
“Now then,” she said, her lips reading off the question while her mind chased itself in fantastic circles, “Who can tell me the amplitude and period of this function? Yona?”
The colt – no, the boy – on the cover, he was riding a broom! Through the air! Could humans do that? Could ponies do that? They could, she supposed, if they were enchanted correctly. Humans didn’t have magic, but they had technology. Perhaps their brooms were so much more advanced than Equestrian brooms that they had evolved the ability to fly through the air. It was a dazzling thought, one that stunned Starlight and left her barely able to breath.
Yona didn’t notice. She swirled her hoof through the bowl of blood on her desk, wiped it on her forehead, then tipped her head back and uttered an inequine wail that scattered the other students to the wings. Her body convulsed, bent, twisted in a way nothing with bones ought to be able to twist, then settled back into its normal overmuscled shape.
“Negative four cosine two pi theta,” she said.
Starlight checked her notes. “Mm, close. It’s positive four cosine two pi theta. Remember, cosines are at their maximum at the y-intercept. Now then, how do we determine the y-offset of the function? Sandbar? Don’t think I haven’t noticed you passing notes!”
For twenty more minutes she guided her students through the basics of trigonometric functions. But all the while, her mind was locked on that book on Twilight’s desk.
Harry Potter. What a deliciously human name.
* * *
It was exactly two seconds after the final bell rang that Starlight Glimmer appeared in Twilight Sparkle’s office again.
Literally appeared. She teleported in with a flash. Before her eyes had even cleared of spots she had her forehooves on Twilight’s desk.
“Hey,” she said. “Are you done with that book?”
“Uh—” Twilight blinked up at her.
“Great thanks bye!” The book was right where Starlight had seen it hours before, holding down the starboard side of Twilight’s desk, and she snatched it up with her magic. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone! She gasped in a breath. She was a sorceress! This book was about her! She charged her horn for a teleport back to her room in the castle when another magic field rudely barged into her personal space, snaking around the book and disrupting her hold. Rather than risk a partial teleportation that might end with bits of the book spread in a microscopically thin layer across half of Equestria, she cancelled the spell.
“Hey.” She tugged at the book. It wobbled closer toward her. “I mean, if you are done, I was just going to borrow it for a bit.”
“I am, in fact, not done with this book,” Twilight said. She stood and set her own forehooves on the table, coming muzzle-to-muzzle with Starlight. “It’s an essential primary source for my research.”
“What research? It’s a novel! You can’t do research with novels!” She tugged it close enough to snag with her hooves. The cover felt warm, and she pressed it against her breast. Soon!
“Maybe you can’t!” Twilight pulled the book back. Their magics vied, until the book quivered in the air between them. “But this is unique! There are only a few human books in all of Equestria and I need this one as a reference. The author has an unusual style that flouts modern literary conventions regarding adverbs. Adverbs, Starlight! You can’t mess with adverbs! But she does!”
“Well, if you’ll just let me borrow it for a few hours, I’m sure I’ll agree.”
“How about next week?” Twilight managed to get a hoof on the book and forced it back down onto the desk. “I should be done by then.”
Next week!? A tiny piece of Starlight’s soul died. She flopped onto the desk and scrabbled toward the book with her hooves. “No! Please! I need it tonight!”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Twilight sat back in her chair and slid the book into a drawer, where it vanished with a soul-deadening thud. “Just, like, watch Star Wars again or something. Finish that fanfic.”
“Ugh.” Starlight slumped onto the floor. “I can’t. I’m stuck. I need something new.“
“So get unstuck.” Twilight sat back in her chair. “It’s just writing, not research. It’s easy.”
Starlight gawked at her. “Easy? Easy?! You don’t know the first thing about writing! It’s like… like pouring your soul out onto the page, for all the world to criticize! It’s a lot harder than research!”
“That is hyperbole, and you know it.” Twilight lifted a stack of papers and tapped their edges on the table, bringing them into line with each other. Not that they weren’t already perfectly ordered – Twilight just liked squaring up their edges to micron perfection. “Writing… fiction is by definition easier than writing a research paper. There’s no rules! You can just spit out anything you want and nopony can tell you it’s wrong. I could do that all day.”
“Oh yeah?” Starlight stood. “Prove it.”
Twilight blinked. “Huh?”
“Prove it. Write a story of your own! Write something based on that book, if it’s so precious to you!”
“I…” Twilight frowned. The gears in her head spun fast enough to actually shake the tips of her ears. “I… I could do that. And it would be great! I’m an intelligent, literate mare. I’m a librarian! Librarians probably make the best authors!”
* * *
So it was that Twilight Sparkle found herself that night, seated at her writing desk, a blank page spread out before her and an inked quill hovering in the air, ready to explode with genius.
There were unicorns in the Harry Potter book, though quite different from Equestrian unicorns. Apparently humans had some misunderstandings about them. Something about preferring virgins? Twilight snorted at the idea.
What Harry Potter needed, she realized, was real unicorns. And who better to introduce them than a unicorn herself?
Yeah, that could work.
This was going to be great. Inspiration struck her like a meteor out of the night sky, and she set her quill to the page.
There once was a unicorn witch named Unit Circle...
It's time for new episodes of everyone's favorite Saturday Morning Cartoon, The Starlight & Pals Magical Half Hour, starring everyone's favorite pony, Starlight Glimmer!
Little does Starlight know, but Twilight has some experience writing fiction of her own! Just not fan-fiction. But really, how hard can that be?
This is amazing and you should feel amazing.
Also, I don't suppose one of them could just ask Sunset to send another copy of the book?
5041464
Those books are, like, $10 each. Sunset's not made of human-money.
In Sunset's defense, humans aren't made of human money either. I keep trying though.
Either I will invent the first golem powered entirely by greed, or I'll pay off my student loans. Either way is a win.
Send her golden bit ar a few sunset will not have to worry about money
5041464
Haven't you seen Ticket Master? We can't just conveniently send copies of things to resolve a dispute. We need at least 10-15 minutes of screen time dedicated to prolonging the non-conflict first!
Ahh yeees. This gunna b gooood
I exhaled more sharply than usual through my nose.
5041464
Usually I'm confident to consider other writers on the site my peers, and am able to accurately judge relative talent.
Not so with CiG and Jaxie. I'm always just in absolute awe. Like, who thinks of these things?
Shameless plug for Naked Singularity too
I'm hooked.
Though I'm deducting points for using the inferior American title.
Just a few points.
5041590
I dunno, Sorcerer's Stone is alliterative and the Stone doesn't have a lot in common with philosophy.
5041593
Nothing to do with current philosophy. Most of the philosophers of more than a couple centuries back fancied themselves alchemists, and to most of the rest of the population, those basically meant the same thing
5041593
Philosopher is from the greek "philo", puff pastry, and "sophos", anti-virus software–
Ok my wife is telling me this bit isn't funny, so to be serious: philo is "love" or "lover" and sophos is "truth". The Philosopher's Stone was believed to turn material to seek out its truest or most perfect form. It reputedly could transform base metals into gold or silver and grant immortality.
5041597
5041635
That's all very interesting, thank you. That always bothered me.
Heh, nice. :)
5041472
A few days later at Grey Mann's office...
5041506
...
"My, my, sister." Princess Luna waved her hoof around to get a cramp out of it during a lull in their hoof-shaking. "I had no idea how popular your parties are. I think the entire town of Ponyville is here tonight."
"Shut up," muttered Celestia. "Darned kid."
5041826
I love you Georg, this is exactly the shenanigans that I'm talking about!
5041828 You just have to flip a personality bit from 1 to 0. What If Twilight Sparkle were HYPOmotivated instead of HYPERmotivated by Celestia's requests, much like any teenager being told to do things. "All right! I'm at Ponyville to do this checking up for the Summer Sun thing you wanted me to do! So can you untie me now and give me back my book? What do you mean, I get it back when I'm done with the job you gave me! That's unfair!"
5041472
I think this world already has way too many golems powered entirely by greed!
5041464
That line is a work of art
Well that was a trip and a half.
I really like your treatment of the show's primary protagonist Starlight Glimmer here, but was it really necessary to include your OC as well? This "Twilight Sparkle" seems pretty shoehorned in, TBH.