• Member Since 10th Feb, 2014
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Muggonny


Use words wisly, for they are limited ~ Legacy [02:10]

More Blog Posts280

  • 2 weeks
    Pink Scorch #2 IS OUT

    TNo, I Don't Want to Face Overwhelming Odds (I Just Want to Sleep)
    A band known as Underlord performs a series of black magic rituals in the form of rock concerts in an attempt to summon a primordial deity. Pink Scorch will stop them for $6.50.
    Muggonny · 13k words  ·  22  0 · 177 views

    GO READ!!!

    GO UPVOTE IT!!!

    HELP PROMOTE IT IDK I JUST WANT IT TO PERFORM BETTER THAN THE FIRST FIC.

    1 comments · 44 views
  • 3 weeks
    Pink Scorch #2 - Action Preview

    Pink Scorch stepped forth just as the beast, much like herself, took on a new form. Its body had a weird egg-shape with stout legs. When it turned to face her, four iridescent eyes glowered at her. It opened a ring-shaped mouth, revealing rows upon rows of teeth, and its tongue shot out. 

    Read More

    0 comments · 43 views
  • 4 weeks
    Scary stuff going on rn

    The part of Texas that I live in is currently experiencing the 2nd worst wildfire disaster, and growing. Over 850,000 acres have been burned, and several towns/cities close to me have been evacuated. The fire's spread slowed down, just as it was about to hit a neighboring city, although an entire subdivision was forced to evacuate.

    The fire is visible from my hometown.

    Read More

    0 comments · 73 views
  • 4 weeks
    SHINING ARMOR IS A TERRIBLE DAD - 2024 COMPETITION

    Shining Armor is a Terrible Dad
    2024 Competition

    Read More

    6 comments · 534 views
  • 5 weeks
    So, where's Pink Scorch #2?

    Hey there! February is almost over, and I said before that I will be releasing the new Pink Scorch by the end of the month. This will be a multi-chapter story with a fully developed plot and new characters. So, what's the progress on it?

    Around 7,000 words.

    Read More

    1 comments · 95 views
Apr
7th
2019

[Review] Damage Control · 12:37am Apr 7th, 2019

__________

Freglz is a talented writer.

Damage Control is a decent story.

Now, don’t get me wrong with my usage of the word “decent”. This is a story far from bad; one with notable quality. If it were written by anyone other then Freglz, it probably wouldn’t be in the shape that it’s in. Hence, why I think Freglz has such an excellent grasp on writing in particular.

Damage Control features Fleetfoot as the main character. What strikes me most about this one-shot, is it’s HiE and written in the first person perspective. This is usually where we get a chance to explore the human character through the pony world. However, the story is written from Fleetfoot’s perspective. By seeing the human through her eyes, we are given an opportunity to channel her character through him and learn how he has impacted her life since arriving in Equestria.

Irrealavant image that's only here to make this review seem a little more interesting.

What I love about this is it’s a chance to show the impact a human arriving in Equestria has on other ponies. It a concept not too often explored in this genre (At least from what I’ve seen, forgive me if I’m being ignorant with this information.), as these stories tend to focus more on the human interacting with the ponies and the impact they’re having on his life.

While letting a pony have the stage in an HiE fic is a nice change of pace, it is moreso the opportunity given by the human that makes this a nice touch. We are told that he has been in Equestria for more than over a year, we are told that Fleetfoot saved his life when he first fell from the sky. We are also told they’ve shared a few passionate moments together. It is to my belief that this human character acts somewhat like a filter for us to dissect Fleetfoot much better, as we are given internal monologues that captures her perfectly, many of which relate to him.

Freglz captures these characters in a way that seems almost effortless. Both work off each other perfectly. Without the other, they most likely won’t feel as good. This also goes hand-in-hand with the fact that they’re a couple.

While I’m not one for mushy one-shots such as this—and there were definitely some mushy moments—I couldn’t help but enjoy the story because of how natural it all felt. In your typical romantic one-shot, two characters are randomly shipped together. Character A is sad about something, Character B is there to comfort them. Most of the time these stories end in cuddling. While I can enjoy such things on the merit of cuteness alone, this story took that cuteness and added a unique quality to it.

For instance, we are not told that they share a bond. This information builds up over the course of the story. It begins with Fleetfoot throwing her bag at the back of the character’s head as he’s dancing to the song Pleasure. This escalates to her giving him an open invitation. This escalates to him rejecting said invitation and complaining about having a bag thrown at his head. A few things happen, they talk about some things, we learn more about them, and we begin to see the bond they have together. It’s a relationship that feels natural, one that I can enjoy because of the story's flow.

Another irrealavant image.

As much as I would like to spend this entire review praising the story, however, there are a few things that bothered me. Most of this had to do with a few basic errors that made the solid writing style feel less than professional. These are basic errors an editor could fix.

Those complete and utter asshats

Never bold words just to put more emphasis on them. If the rest of the sentence is italicised, simply unitalicising the word will do the trick, and it will read just as right.

The error that jumped out to me most, though, was near the beginning of the story. This is when we see Fleetfoot flying home after a rough time in Manehatten. She's tired, frustrated—sexually frustrated, would be more precise. We learn all of this about her over the course of just a few paragraphs. This would be a solid opening if it didn't right away transition into the new scene.

Now, I get that this sounds like a nitpick. I'm picking on the story for having a scene transition, why wouldn't it be a nitpick? Well, said transition is pointless as it's the only one in the entire fic. Matter of fact, it feels as if this opening can be rewritten to fit in better. Keep all the important information, throw out the transition, have it began with her setting down in Redcliff rather than her flying to Redcliff. Trim the fat, basically.

“You want me on top?”

How Freglz got me to write this review.

One last thing that bothered me is that there was an obvious fetish placement. It wouldn't be that bothersome if this story were, perhaps, rated M; but in a story that's moreso focused on quality then making us horny, it was pretty eye-rolling.

“But… why would anypony like teats?”

Should I be the one to break it to him that teats don’t fully develop until pregnancy? So unless Fleetfoot and this human wanked it in the butt and had some hideous hybrid offspring of a child, or unless there's something she isn't saying, this is also incredibly inaccurate.

This has nothing to do with judging one's sexual taste (I'm the goddamn scalie boy after all.). It just held no significance compared to the rest of the story. Maybe if it was somehow reincorporated into something meaningful (If possible. God knows Freglz will find a way.) or into something that fits more in line with the story, it would be fine. Even making it M rated and adding in a few spicy scenes would work. Just don't expect me to appreciate a fetish moment in a story I'm supposed to enjoy for its quality writing.

Yet another irrealavant image.

Overall, I deem this story a decent read and one you might get a kick out of. Freglz is a talented writer who's fairly new to this site. I would love to see him develop his skill some more, as I think he does have greater potential. If you want to read this story, go ahead and give it a shot—it deserves one.

Rating: 8/10

Report Muggonny · 419 views · #damage control
Comments ( 7 )

This review is pretty gay, bro

Oh come on, tiddies make it at least 9/10.

ROBCakeran53
Moderator

Another good author for such things, Admiral Biscut.

5040315
Well, Silverglow's Journal sounds good. Guess there's something new to start. I've also had Pinkie Pie Vs. the TSA in my Read It Later for the past three years. Good excuse to check that out now.

Oh, hey, didn't he write My Little Dashie?

ROBCakeran53
Moderator

5040348
Yeah, he's done a lot of good slice of life fics, be it just pony, or HiE, or even PoE. You just gotta keep an eye out, because some of his fics are kinda troll fics, but they're still good in their own rights.

Also yes, ask him if he wrote MLD. He'll love it.

5040646
Nothing like smoking a joint with good ol' troll beneath a bridge. Okay, I'll check him out. :)

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