Mar
25th
2019
More edits to the latest chapter of SAPR · 6:07pm Mar 25th, 2019
So, since nobody liked the revisions to that scene and they were even more vocal about it than they'd been before, that entire scene is now gone. It has been excised and it didn't happen, the chapter now starts with Gilda. This will give me more time to consider how to achieve the same ends by better means without bringing a halt to forward progress.
Thank you all for your patience and your frankly expressed views.
What was wrong with the revised scene? It was brilliantly tense, fluttershy showed her strength of character for resisting the offer abd even offering sympathy to Salem, who is a tragic character in her own right. It was nearly perfect even if it had me on the edge of my seat squirming.
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Personally, it wasn’t the scene, or the revision, that I had issue with, but rather the method of how Salem “brainwashed” them. Sonata would have made more sense than the “dark water” or “Grimm hijacking”. Since hypnotization is the sirens forte, and Salem was already sending her to Cinder.
5032669
Yes, but there isn't time for Sonata to have gotten there yet since it's only been a couple of days since she was despatched.
5032679
I could be way off, but for some reason I was under the impression it had been closer to a week.
tfw you downloaded the OG chapter and decide to keep that alongside the new edited one.
Screw the uncomfortable and their uncomfortableness, life's not all Fluttershys and Rainbows.
5032686
Everything from 'The Day After: Sunset' to 'The Intelligence of Roman Torchwick' is one day. Then 'Prepare for Your Brightest Journey' and 'Lovely Hearts' are the next day, with everything from 'Setting Out' to 'Memories' being the day after that, and we're now on day four...so, yeah, you're closer to being right than I am. Still just a little too soon for Sonata to arrive (and I wanted to make a big deal out of it when she did).
5032729
No, I totally understand you. I guess, I was just expecting Sonata to be the one to pull the “brainwashing”? But I’m glad I had my math was sort of right.
Honestly, that was my only issue. I loved the rest of it, in all its uncomfortableness.
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Well, a lot of other people thought that even Sonata's powers would be too OP, so I'll have to think about that.
5032729
Still, RWBY isn’t about sunshine and rainbows only, not by a longshot. If some people get angry just because you demonstrate that they can’t get their happy ending alone by counting on friendship and teamwork alone, because the enemy is cunning and not above using dirty tricks to get what they want, then it’s their problem. I’ll admit, I didn’t like what happened with Penny and Pyrrha during season 3 either, but in the end Remnant isn’t some sugarcoated, idealistic place where the “heroes always prevail over the villains”.
There are always those ppl who get moody when a story doesn’t go the happily ever after trope, don’t mind them too much, if the criticism isn’t justified. I liked this turn of events, though I guess I can understand when people say that Salem’s method of brainwashing came out of nowhere.
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I feel like those people need to go back and rewatch Rainbow Rocks, cause the sirens were shown to be pretty powerful with hypnotic voices. They had everyone in the school, faculty and students, at their mercy except for six people, who just barely defeated them. But that’s just my view. Regardless, I am looking forward to seeing what comes next. This story is easily in my top favorites.
5032749
That wasnt the issue, it wasmore like that if a villain who has been alive for hundreds of years has this thing that can brainwash people with a high chance of death and cares nothing about the lives of humans, then she'd have way more minions that the 4 than are shown in canon.
The sirens were only able to wear down the humane 6 over a period of weeks, there wouldn’t have been time. And all they did was poke at tge cracks of their relationship until they snapped. A direct hypnosis would never work.
5032762
That’s why I said “came out of nowhere”, because the implications countered Salem’s number of assets. Though I think she only offers her aid when she truly thinks that somebody could be useful for her goals in one way or another. Salem certainly doesn’t care about the average random hunter or huntress.
It seems to me that most people didn't have an issue with the brain washing itself, so much as that they thought it would make Salem way too OP, since with the abikity to create mindless thralls out of whoever she wanted, she should have overrun Remnant a long time ago.
To me, this indicates that there just needs to be a very high utility factor for using this power. Something that allows her to acomplish that end, but only allows her to use it in only the most absolutely necessary of senarios. One idea I had was that since the water came from the pool of darkness, what if, since the God of darkness is no longer present, it represented a non-renweable resource, once it's gone, it's gone, and can never be used again, which would make Salem extremely reluctant to use it. Or since the pool is really big, maybe something even more rare, like the heart of a dragon Grimm, or a piece of Salem's own soul/magic, since if Ozpin only created 4 Maidens in all his years, that must be an extremely sacrificial act, otherwise he'd have made an army of maidens by now.
Salem just has to sacrifice something big to get Fluttershy for this scene to make sense, something she wouldn't dish out if it wouldn't get her her grimm general.
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The problem is unless we completely disregard canon it just made no sense. Salem has been at this for millennia, if she had some way to mind control people then you can bet Ozpin would be aware of it and have the means to counter it since it's a heck of a trump card and not something Salem would just sit on. The other problem is that Applejack and Fluttershy would immediately be examined after the rescue and a blood test would instantly reveal they had been injected with something.
There were just too many problems with this method, the only way mind control makes sense if it's something she's only recently gained a way to do. It's simply unbelievable for her to have always had this mind control juice sitting around and for this to be the very first time she ever decided to pull it out.
5032918
I really don't think that you'd have to disregard cannon to make this work. If it was as easy as it was in the original scene, with the grimm just stabbing them, or if she could do it all the time with the dark pool water, then yes, I concede your point, that would be cannon breaking. However, if she has the ability to do this, and it costs her something very consequential, say a portion of her magic power that she couldn't get back, then she wouldn't be able to use it very often, if at all, and only made the sacrifice in order to gain the ability to control the Grim through Fluttershy. Also, who says Ozpin doesn't have a counter for it, either through his own magic, or through the pool of light, or something else. Ozpin having a counter for it wouldn't render the ability useless, and could also help explain why it isn't seen more, since Ozpins counter would make it less useful to make sleeper agents, but perfect for creating her Grimm general. As for the blood tests, given, this is a fantasy world that tells meaningful science to take a hike, but actual blood tests have to test for something, and if this mind control is magic based, there's no reason to assume that it would show up on a standard blood test. Only Ozpin or a maiden would be able to recognize the effects if they were magic based, and if this ability rarely gets used, he'd be much less likely to be on guard for it, especially since he is not infallible and can make mistakes, as cannon has clearly shown us. Bottom line, as long as there is a significant cost associated with using the ability, giving a good reason for Salem not to spam out mind controlled slaves you can get around the cannon breaking aspects of it, especially if you make this distinct from what Salem did to Cinder.
I didn’t think it was bad, though I understand if you're concerned with making Salem too powerful. If you want to keep the ‘double agent’ plot thread alive, maybe just keep it going without revealing the details as to how said double agents were turned? Salem’s very old, very powerful and very ruthless, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn she brainwashed a prisoner or two with or without grimm steroids. Plus, the ‘how’ would be left up to the reader’s imagination.
Was wondering when this plot thread would show up, and happened across this blog post by chance.
Whelp. 5 months too late I guess.