Fic Reviews: The Mom Six

Okay, been a bit since I reviewed a fic, -And I blame a lot of that due to schoolwork and househunting- so I suppose I should get back in the game again eh? Me, reviewing fics for your possible amusement. So, what's on today's chopping block agenda? More after the break.

...Actually, I can't link you to this story as it's rated M. Mind you, I can link you to the author. So there. https://www.fimfiction.net/user/194494/FabulousDivaRarity

(Trust me, there's a reason I put Pear Butter here aside from giving you a totally cute image.)

Okay, first off, the author's note.

This one goes out to all the amazing Mama Bears out there. Wether biological, adopted, or even AB, You are an inspiration for your children and a pillar of strength in times of distress. You are your children's hero and they will always think of you that way. Time and distance never break the bond of mother and child. It never will.

Okay, look I understand what you're trying to do here, and maybe fluff isn't so bad -God knows quite a few of my stories aren't wall to wall action- but I still will have to look at this objectively. Understand?

An average day in Ponyville would not prove to remain so. Today, Twilight Velvet, Mrs. Shy, Cookie Crumbles, Cloudy Quartz, and Windy Whistles were coming into town to spend time with their daughters. While everypony else was excited, Applejack couldn’t help but feel left out of the fun. In her mind and a few faded photographs lived the memory of her mother. She missed her more than words could say, and she wished more than anything to have her mother back.

Lucky for her, Somepony was coming to change that. That morning, She was out bucking the East orchard, when she heard a fluttering of wings. She turned, thinking it was Twilight or Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy almost never flew anywhere and preferred to come on hoof to the orchard in order to see the animals. She turned, and was completely shocked to see Princess Celestia standing before her. She bowed respectfully.

Okay, abysmally dull -and I might point out your mileage may vary on this- as a starting point but it does set up the story. So job done there I suppose. But listen, I want an opening that catches my attention. It starts off well enough, but when you go off listing each of the moms my mind just goes to sleep. Seriously, we know their names. (Well, I would assume so) so there's no need for an introdump. You could easily say just that each of the mane six's moms were coming to town. But what really strikes me is all at once. Why all at once?

(I may use that again here in a sec.)

What, do they have weekly tea meetings and such? They all fly in different social circles, really and I can't really picture Fluttershy's mom really talking with anypony nor Cloudy Quartz leaving the farm. But then again, the Mane Six are good friends so C'est la vie right?

“Howdy, Princess Celestia.” She said.

“Good morning, Applejack. How are you doing today?”

“I’m just fine.” She said. “What can I do for ya, Princess?”

“Twilight informed me of what was happening today. I know how much you and your family have suffered, and knowing how many times you have helped to save Equestria. I wanted to give you something in return for everything you have been through.” She said.

“You mean like money to fix up the farm?” She asked. Celestia chuckled.

“Something better.”

“Like what?”

“Turn around.”

Applejack heeded her words, did as she asked, and froze.

Standing in the orchard were Pear Butter and Bright Mac.

“Ma? Pa?” She asked, shocked.

“You bet it’s us, Sugarcube.” Said Pear Butter.

Applejack felt tears well up in her eyes as her heart exploded in joy. She threw her hooves around her parents, sobbing.

“I missed you so much! I have so much to tell y’all!” She said, weeping happily.

“We can’t wait to hear all about it.” Said Bright Mac.

“Come on back to the barn. I can’t wait to see Big Mac and Applebloom’s faces when they see you!”

“Sure thing.” They chorused. Applejack turned to the Princess.

“Thank you, Princess. From the bottom of my family’s hearts. I will never be able to thank you enough.” She said.

“You’re most welcome, Applejack. Enjoy your time with your family. I must get back to Canterlot.”

“Goodbye Princess. And thanks a bunch.” She said. With a bright smile, the princess of the sun flew away.

Flat look Whut?

Like seriously... WHAT?

Now lecture me on why this is wrong. Seriously, someone lecture me on why this is wrong! Actually, strike that from the record, there's no need. I mean, my first question would be to ask how Celestia brought AJ’s parents back to life and if there are any negative consequences for doing so. Because seriously, you don't mess with life and death man!

And my next question would be why can't she do so for... Oh, everyone else?

Because obviously, they haven’t suffered as much as Applejack. Obviously.

(Seriously, if you can't detect the sarcasm here then I pity you.)

Yeah, this is fine.

Across town, Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Fluttershy had all gathered at the train platform. Twilight looked around. “Has any pony seen Applejack? She was supposed to be here.”

“Darling, I really don’t blame her for not being here. I can only imagine this being extremely hard for her. We mustn’t be rude and force her to come.” Said Rarity.

Gee, no duh! The captain obvious award goes to... Rarity!

“It’s settled then. We’ll go see her after we get our moms.” Rainbow finished. They all nodded.

So you then bring your moms with you on this day? Yeah, real sensitive. Anyways, I'll skip ahead a bit really.

The trip took a while, with everyone buzzing happily and chatting with one another. But finally, they made it. Twilight knocked on the door. She could hear voices inside that stopped when she knocked. Applejack answered.

“Howdy, y’all!” She said brightly.

“Hey Applejack!” Said Rainbow. “We came to see if you were coming to the castle.”

“Aw shoot, I’m sorry y’all. With everything that happened this morning I forgot about that.”

“What happened this morning?” Asked Pinkie. Applejack’s grin turned huge.

“I have someone I want y’all to meet.” She said, and led them inside. They saw a Tan pony with curly orange hair sitting at the table. “Everypony, this here is my Ma.”

They all collectively gasped. “But… How…?” Twilight asked.

“Princess Celestia brought her back for me. Pa too. He’s with Big Mac in the orchard.”

“I can’t believe it! The magic to do something like that must have been incredible! I wonder if she could show me-“ Twilight babbled until Velvet put a hoof over her mouth to rein her in. Twilight blushed. “Sorry.”

ALSO TOTALLY UNFAIR TO EVERYPONY ELSE! No, I will not stop going on about this. This is a prime example of Protagonist centered morality, and if you don't know what that is...
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ProtagonistCenteredMorality

It's only natural for a writer to see things from the protagonists' Sympathetic Point Of View. Due to their frequent role as narrators and Point of View characters, a protagonist's perspective tends to make an impression on the work more than any other character's—their thoughts will overlap with narration, their feelings will shape the setting, and their priorities will dictate the plot. The way events are treated will be colored by how they relate to the protagonist, the things they love, the people they care about. It's hard to imagine a story told otherwise.

But then sometimes this point of view seems to spread like an inkblot and color the way everything behaves and thinks. The work lapses into Protagonist-Centered Morality—a state where, on some profound cosmic level, the very fabric of the fictional universe seems to be seeing things from the protagonist's point of view. Every single sympathetic character, the symbolism, the narration, judge characters as worthy of praise, condemnation or indifference depending on how much favor they carry with the "good guys". The protagonist themself can seemingly do no wrong, and even if there's anyone at all who would beg to differ, they're obviously a bad guy.

Seeing similarities yet? Look FabulousDiva, I don't want to be harsh, but I have to. This story has problems!

So introductions are made, and the mares head back to the castle when suddenly...

One by one, the mothers exited their respective rooms, but all quickly met up in the main hallway. They made small talk with one another as they searched the castle for their daughters. Finally, they looked in the kitchen, only to see their daughters gathered together, each holding a picnic basket.

“SURPRISE!” They shouted. All of the mothers looked at one another, then at their children, all smiles.

Just then, there was a crash, and clouds of dust obscured their vision. When the dust cleared, the mothers were in shock. Their children were In a cage. Twilight tried blasting it, but it was no good. Rainbow tried to break it, but the bars were reinforced. The mothers raced for their children, but suddenly they were being pulled up through the wreckage to the sky. They all called for their mothers, and looked at them with fear.

Windy Whistles didn’t hesitate. She flew upwards in a straight shot. She reached for her daughter, and almost got her hoof, but the cage disappeared, and there was no trace of it left but the wreckage of the castle. The only thing that happened after that, was the echoing of menacing laughter.

Windy flew there, frozen, and slowly sank onto a cloud. She had been so close. She hadn’t been fast enough to save her baby. The knowledge cut her like a knife. Mrs. Shy flew up to her and put a hoof on her shoulder. When the shock faded, it was replaced with a cold, hollow sensation that came from the deepest depths of grief. It was in direct contrast to the fiery anger that was raging inside of her simultaneously. She pushed the grief aside, boxed it up, and decided to revisit it later. The rage inside of her took hold, and she flew down to the other mothers.

Well, that was a drastic change in tone, wasn't it? ...Wait, isn't this fic noted to be slice of life? shrugs This has got my attention so I'll continue on anyways.

“We have to get them back.” She said, a fire in her eyes. They all nodded determinedly.

“We need a plan.” Said Twilight Velvet. They nodded. “Spike! Can you come here please?” She called.

Spike appeared, aghast at the mess. “What happened?! Where are the girls?!”

“They were taken, and we need your help to get them back.” Said Velvet.

Spike nodded. “Anything. Whatever you need.”

“We need you to send letters to our husbands telling them what’s going on.” She instructed.

Spike nodded. “I’m on it.” He said. They each jotted down their addresses and husband’s names for him, and he hurried off to write the six letters.

Ah Spike, always the one to be at everyone's service.

“Now, we need a plan.” Said Twilight Velvet.

“But what can we do? We don’t even know where they were taken or who took them.” Said Mrs. Shy.

“There has to be a way to track them…” Said Velvet. Then an idea struck her. “The map!” She said.

“A map?” Cloudy Quartz asked.

“Twilight showed me her friendship map. It’s magically enchanted to send them on friendship missions across Equestria. I bet with the right spell, we could use it to track them!”

“That’s a great idea.” Said Windy Whistles.

“Come on, ladies. To the library!”
Together, they scoured the library for answers. Luckily, Twilight Velvet knew her daughter’s filing system and easily found the spell books. Windy and Mrs. Shy went and grabbed the higher books, Twilight Velvet and Cookie Crumbles used their respective magic to whiz through the books, and Pear Butter and Cloudy Quartz did the same at a slower pace. When all the books were down, Windy and Mrs. Shy joined them. After a half an hour of searching, Twilight Velvet pounded a hoof on the table.

“I’ve got it!” She said. The mothers all turned to her. “Come on!” She said, racing to the throne room. The other mothers followed, sitting in their daughter’s respective thrones. Twilight Velvet took a deep breath. “I hope this works. For our children’s sake.”

And so it actually does work believe it or not. Now, you might think this is where I might shout and scream on how convenient this all is, but this does bring up an interesting thought experiment -not to mention the map having summoned Starlight and Spike in the show- really. I mean, could theoretically anypony or any creature for that matter use the map? I imagine it's easier for relations of the Mane Six but it does bring up some interesting questions.

So, everyone manages to locate the girls and everyone grabs something to help. Pear Butter grabs apples actually, knowing them to be a potent weapon. ...Well, why not? If Applejack inherited anything from her mother aside from her looks it's undoubtedly her bucking skills.

...Plus, this is a thing.

"Come On! Ringo Arms! Desire Forbidden Fruits!"

Okay, now that I've had my little joke...

The six of them ran all the way to the train station. Windy Whistles wanted so badly to fly her way there and get to her little one, but she knew it wouldn’t be fair to the others. As the train pulled out of the station, she looked around at the scenery around her, thinking one thing:

Don’t worry, Rainbow Dash. Mommy’s coming.

And on that heartwarming note... I'll actually continue on believe it or not. This story does have me marginally interested after all, and besides it's not every day you see me go into the second chapter of any story I review is it?

Alright... cracks knuckles Chapter Deux!

So, the Mom Six manage to find Celestia, and corral her and the guards into searching the castle.

Every floor, every corridor was searched, until finally, they reached the final floor. They all began searching, spreading out. It was Cookie Crumbles who eventually spied a door on the floor, and called for the others.They opened up the door and went down inside. The dark path was lit only by the horns of the two unicorns in the group. After a seemingly endless trek, they saw light. The unicorns put out their horns. They whispered quietly to one another, and all agreed that one of them needed to come forward and see what was there, and if their kids were there, to send someone to alert the princess. It was Pear Butter who volunteered to go.

...Okay, so how has this gone unnoticed for such a long time? I think Chrysalis would have had an easier way to invade if this was really here. Might want to check on that Celly. Also, take note. Run-On sentence alert!

It was Cookie Crumbles who eventually spied a door on the floor, and called for the others.They opened up the door and went down inside.

“There isn’t much time. He’ll be back soon. You have to get out of here before he takes your wings and magic too.”

“Who is he?”

“Tirek.” She said.

“I’m not leaving without you, Twilight.”

“None of us will leave you.” Said Mrs. Shy.

“We know about the danger, and we don’t care.” Said Pear Butter.

“You will not be alone.” Said Cloudy Quartz.

How the hell did Tirek escape Tartarus? Shouldn't he have been more heavily guarded than before? Alright, I'm calling it!

“We will lose everything before we let anything happen to you. We will protect you, no matter what it takes.” Finished Windy Whistles. Rainbow looked up at her mother with awe. The big part of her said that this was where she got her bravery, and her little self just kept thinking that her Mommy was the bravest pony she ever knew.

Okay, credit where it's due... Badass boast there. And I read Spectrum of Lightning by Seriff Pilcrow -Gee, wonder what he'd think of all this?- so I'm no stranger to one of the Mane Six's moms being completely kick-flank.

Cookie Crumbles soon returned with the Princess, and they all set to work on breaking the cage. But nothing seemed to work. Not even Celestia’s alicorn magic. They realized that it was magic proof, and general strength would simply not do. They were still trying to figure out how to get through the cage when loud footsteps sounded. Celestia, Cloudy Quartz, Pear Butter, and Twilight Velvet made a line in front of the cage, ready to attack at any moment. Windy, Cookie, and Mrs. Shy stayed closer to the cage to protect their children.

Lord Tirek came, his form large and menacing. “Princess Celestia.” He said with mock respect.

“Tirek. I see you have escaped Tartarus yet again.”

“No thanks to you.” He replied. “After you imprisoned me, and weakened me, I thought everything was over. I stopped eating for a time, and one day I was small enough to fit through the bars. I collected the magic from the cage and chains, and I grew strong enough to break them. And Cerberus was easy enough to distract. All the food I didn’t eat needed to go somewhere. Unfortunately for him, most of it was spoiled. He was too busy throwing up to stop my escape. So I collected magic, this time in much smaller amounts, enough to keep Discord from noticing me, and grew stronger. After that, my goal was simple. To take down Princess Twilight and her friends, and in doing so, make you suffer. Killing two birds with one stone.”

...Oh, so that explains things. I can only assume Tirek overcame the armed guards presumably there shortly after? Just for a taste of awesome...

Fluttershy squeaked sadly at the terrible metaphor. The Princess stayed stone faced.

“You will not prevail, Tirek. I will not let you win.” She said.

Velvet stepped up. “And neither will we.” The other mothers nodded, looking angry. Tirek laughed.

“You think you can stop me?” She asked.

“I know I can.” She said.

Tirek fired a magic blast at her, but Celestia deflected it with a shield. Twilight Velvet maintained a shield that kept everything external out, but let things from the inside get out. Pear Butter armed herself with apples and began to buck them, aiming for Tirek’s eyes. Cloudy Quartz began firing a hail storm of rocks. Some aimed at his face, others aimed at the ground, knowing that the perfectly round ones would make him slip like marbles left on the floor, should he take a step. And if Pear Butter got a clear shot, that’s just what might happen. Celestia and Tirek continued their magical battle, trying to draw him away from the cage, but he stayed put. He knew that if they got out, he would lose his leverage.

Meanwhile, Cookie and Mrs. Shy were reassuring their children, but Windy was preturbed. If magic couldn’t open the cage, and strength couldn’t either, what could? Something had to be able to break that cage. But what? Something unnatural. Something nonmagical. Something with incredible force.

And then, like magic, she knew exactly what to do.

“Buttercup, I need a perfect shot!” She called.

“I’m on it!” She said, and bucked two apples. They made an almost perfect arc toward Tirek. They just barely missed his eyes. She gathered up two more apples and bucked them, lifting her legs just a tiny bit higher. The apples made contact with their target, and Tirek was momentarily blinded. Celestia shot a blast of magic at him, causing him to stumble just enough to slip on the rocks Cloudy Quartz had strategically placed. He hit the ground with a thud, and Celestia used her magic to release all of the magic and powers of flight that he had stolen. He was weakened again, and she made magic cuffs that inhibited his powers appear. She chained them on him.

“I will personally see to it that he gets back into a cage in Tartarus.” Said Princess Celestia. Nodding, Windy Whistles stepped forward.

Still has nothing on Spectrum! Velvet but... Not bad on their parts.

“We’ll open the cage.” She said as Twilight Velvet lowered her shield. The Princess nodded, and then took the fugitive back to his imprisonment.

“You figured out how to open the cage?” Asked Cookie.

Windy nodded. “I think so.”

Velvet nodded. “We trust you.”

Windy Whistles started flying, going higher and higher and even higher than that. When the ponies and cage below her were smaller than ants, she started to fly faster than she ever had. Her adrenaline and protective maternal instincts were racing through her body, accentuating every nerve and subtle movement. The wind made her mane fly back from her face, and her lips were flapping as she gritted her teeth against the almost unbearable pressure. But she did not let it stop her. She would save her baby no matter what it took. Images of her daughter raced through her mind, and somehow she was flying even faster than she was before.

The pressure kept building, worse and worse as she got closer to the ground, until she thought she might explode. Suddenly, the barrier was broken, and just before she hit the ground, it happened.

A loud boom was heard, and the force of that was enough to break the lock on the cage. It was a sonic rainboom. Though instead of a rainbow color, it was orange with a bit of blue. Rainbow watched, astonished, and her little self momentarily took over. “Mommy.” She whispered with wonder and more pride than she could ever put into words.

Look, I know some of you may scream at me for this but maybe just maybe the Sonic Rainboom isn't just Rainbow's special thing. It's entirely possible any pegasi -especially one who knows the maneuvers by heart by presumably studying them- could pull it off. Just thinking aloud here, ignore me.

Now this is where the story slows down again, and Rainbow rushes over to her mother fearing she's gone all Mufasa on us with the fathers -who only show up just now!- comforting Rainbow and explaining what's going on. An excerpt.

“Mama? Mama?” She tried, the second call more drawn out than the first, and shook her a little harder this time. Windy didn’t stir.

It was at that moment that Rainbow went over the edge. Her little self had shot through the barrier she kept over it in public and now flooded her system. Any semblance of her bigger self vanished in an instant, and her lip quivered.

“Mama. Mama…” She whimpered, and started to cry. She wrapped her wings around herself, trying to feel some comfort.

...Okay, definitely getting flashbacks to the Lion King here. But in all seriousness, this seems like a drastic snapback to Rainbow. I'd have to consult psychiatrists to see if this is actually possible.

He glanced at his wife’s saddlebag. “If I know your mommy, she packed you a few things. Let me see what there is.” He said, and went to open it. Inside were diapers, two story books, and Rainbow’s Daring Do doll. The other side held wipes and powder, a pacifier, and a bottle. Bow nodded in satisfaction. “Perfect.”

Bow stood up. “Hop up, little trotter.” He said, and she obeyed. It wasn’t the first time she’d flown on his back, but it would be his first flying her and carrying his wife at the same time.

Twilight stepped up and whispered, “The Castle.” Bow nodded, scooping up his wife.

“Ready now? Here we go, on the count of free. One, two, free.” He said.

Bow took off, and Rainbow squealed happily for the first time since her mother passed out. She giggled all the way to the castle. Spike was there to have the doors open. Bow passed him, and Rainbow pointed to her mother’s room. Bow gently laid Windy down onto her bed and gave her a kiss, Rainbow still on his back.

“Blow her kisses bye bye.” He said. “We’ll let mommy rest for a while.” Rainbow did just that. Then, with one last look at his wife, he took Rainbow to her own room so she could take a nap.

And on that note, I end this review. But not without a proviso. Seriously, this story had this tone for one chapter, and only one chapter and this story then goes back to just cuteness and fluff. I'm sorry FabulousDiva, but you sincerely make me doubt you have any concept of tone, pacing or anything like that.

In the end, what do I rate this story? 3.75.

Comments

[Johnny B Mediocre]

having had a look at this author's gallery all I can say is

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I mean the fact that it's a primarily diaper-based fic collection should've given the quality of the other stories away tbh, so I'm not too surprised