Drake's 100th Review · 3:01am Feb 22nd, 2019
Well, not really - see I was basing that number on the number of reviewed stories in my folder, but at a look at the GDoc it turns out that the actual number of reviews is 103 - it's just that four of them have been removed from Fimfiction since my reviews.
So... here is my 104th review, taking a look at a work a dear friend has often spoken of - Novel-Idea's A Study on Chaos Theory
To preface - this is part of an AU continuity with numerous other stories, but I was told after the fact that each story is meant to work on its own without reading the others. I appreciate this, but that also means that when I get to my critiques, I'm not gonna accept "this was explained in another story" as an explanation, no offense, Novel.
This story depicts an AU in which Sunset, Twilight, and Moondancer, all began friends at the School for Gifted Unicorns, and are working on a magical project for Celestia. During a prior experiment, Sunset and Twilight briefly joined souls, creating a bond that allowed them to see each other's memories, and afterwards they brought Moondancer on for help. The fic explores the relationship dynamics between the three as they evolve from friends into something more.
The fic is fantastic at exploring the complex emotions of the three, namely that two mares have affection Twilight but are also very good friends with each other and her, and taking things to a romantic place complicates things (the fic loves that word and rightfully so, it's a simple and apt one to use). While this is an AU, the ponies are still recognizable as the ponies we know, though they are not 100% the same. Twilight is believable as herself, though she's more Sci-Twi than Pony Twi, right down to the bangs and glasses, and Moondancer and Sunset are recognizable. There's a supporting cast of Cheerilee, Coco Pommel, Coloratura, and Minuette, and they work very well. The OC Raven is here and is also well-characterized and interesting.
The magical experiment and the romance dynamics are parallel plots; while the romance ultimately serves as the story's climactic action, the magical experiment is still important too. This is part one of a larger story arc and the fic does a great job laying out the groundwork for a deeper myth arc while still telling a self-contained story. There are strong hints that we're building up to the Elements of Harmony (before the epilogue confirms it), with the supporting cast definitely exhibiting the personality traits of the Elements, but not in an in-your-face way. There's also hints of some shape of Sunset's demon form rising, and maybe even Star Swirl's unfinished spell, while the epilogue teases Nightmare Moon. Again, these are background elements, there are plot threads to be picked up on in later stories, but the story works just fine as a self-contained narrative.
There's lots of fluff, humor, fluffy humor, character angst, and growth. Not much to say in-depth on those, just that this story has those things and they're good.
I do have a couple critiques. One is Sunset's backstory. The fic is very vague on what happened in her backstory, we get enough to piece together she used to be a power-hungry bitch but then redeemed and still feels guilty over her past self. But we lack details, particularly if she did something specific that she's guilty about or just her overall behavior, and what happened to her to redeem her. The presence of the evil voice in her head, and Sunset directly referring to it as "her evil pony", furthers the confusion - did Sunset turn into a demon in the past? I don't think so but I'm not entirely sure.
Now, I don't mind it when a fic teases backstory but doesn't give all of it, because it helps as a form of worldbuilding, establishing stuff happened before in the past but we don't get or need details because they aren't a focus of the narrative. It fleshes things out by making the world feel deeper, that these characters have history with each other. The problem with it not working here is that Sunset's guilt complex is a major motivating force in her actions. She chooses to give up her own happiness for the sake of others because she feels she's unworthy of love and friendship, but we have trouble connecting with those emotions because we don't know what she did that was so awful she feels this way. It would work fine for the canonical Sunset, but this is an AU - the characters have to be re-grounded in this new canon, and the fic is great at that in most other areas, but it falls off here.
My second critique is Celestia - she's the other major factor in keeping Sunset and Twilight apart. She warns them that the soul-bonding they experience can artifically amplify emotions, so the affections they feel to each other may not be genuine, just an aftereffect of their experiment. This was interesting the first time it was brought up, but it kept being brought up by Sunset and Twilight's inner thoughts to justify why they shouldn't pursue a romantic relationship, they convince themselves to trust Celestia and think what they feel isn't real. I don't mind the idea itself, but I feel like it would have worked more organically to keep the two apart if they each separately came to this conclusion and acted upon it, rather than Celestia telling them so. I don't think Celestia did this on purpose but I'm not sure, the epilogue implies she may have as part of a larger plan concerning the Elements and Nightmare Moon. I await the sequel to see how this develops, but here it felt like a plot device to keep the two from acting on their attraction.
A final note, not a criticism but a note - I was fully sold on the Moondancer x Twilight ship for the first 3/4s of the fic or so. Maybe it's my inherent Sunlight bias talking, but I never really saw them becoming the "winning" couple, due in part because while I totally buy Moondancer's interest in Twilight, I never really got the sense Twilight was into Moondancer as anything other than a friend. I kept waiting for the rug to get pulled out from under this ship and Sunlight to happen, but it didn't. Now, I say this is a note and not a criticism because for all I know, this may be intentional - to break them up in the next fic, to be commentary on romance and love, to build on their relationship in the future, or something else. I also say it isn't a criticism because the last few chapters do a great job of selling them as a couple who are happy together. But up until then, it very much does seem like Twilight is letting herself be talked into giving Moondancer a shot, and then tries to convince herself she could love a mare she really only sees as a friend. But, again, I'm sure this will develop in the next story in some manner.
Overall my critiques are minor though, this fic does a great job exploring its concepts and characters and setting up a larger narrative arc to continue both. This was a great read and I eagerly await the sequel.
I love this AU. This one made me very mad at some characters because of things I know or guess about the background elements from the other stories. And wow, poor Sunset
This world is one of Starlight's alternate realities. We don't know which. Celestia is almost certainly trying to keep Sunset and Twilight separate because she's interfering with her plans for assembling a set of element bearers, never mind that they've got a whole Soulmates thing going on. Because despite what she knows this is doing to Sunset, she's got a world to save.
Raven isn't an OC, she's Raven Inkwell.