Fic Reviews: The Root of All Evil · 1:39am Feb 19th, 2019
Okay, two reviews in less than 48 hours? Heresy! ...Okay, in actuality I had more time than I usually do today, and I needed something to do that didn't involve me risking creative burn-out writing wise so... here you go.
Okay, the major problems I had with this story from the get go... Well, I'll just say them straight out. A, it's brutally simplistic, and B, it feels like the author's talking down to us, treating us like we're stupid. Here's what I'm on about.
"Hey, if we work together, we can do better, right? I mean come on, there's never been a baddie we couldn't face!"
Fluttershy looked to her timidly.
"Yes...but this is the Pony of Shadows, Pinkie! The cause of all the bad in the world! That's worse than anythingwe've ever faced!"
Twilight frowned with determination.
"Fluttershy's right. It will be worse. But, while that ancient evil may be sealed away now, there's no guarantee that will remain the case."
See what I mean? Like we don't know the Pony of Shadows is evil, no duh! This is also one of the most brutally simplistic paragraphs I've ever read. I'm not quite sure how I'd do it at this juncture, but it needs... well, it'd probably need a bit of spicing up. Like describe where the Mane Six are, what's going on around them. Seriously, we get very little idea as to where they are exactly in the world. We only get vague descriptions of dark clouds, which doesn't tell us much, and then we get hit with this.
"The Temple of Darkness."
Like, what else could it be? The Temple of cuddly goodness? Very on the nose, there. You don't have to tell us this author, we can infer what kind of place the Pony of Shadows would live just by his title.
Her friends followed, and soon, before they even reached it, the ancient doors slowly creaked open, dust falling off them for the first time in millennia. It was dark within, more like a cave than a temple, but they continued all the same. Then, without warning, a torch on a nearby wall was lit. Then another, and another, and another, until finally, they stood in something far more worthy of the name temple. Pillars, murals, centuries-old architecture, this place was ancient by every measure of the word. And yet, one thing was strangely absent.
"Well? Where is he?" Rainbow remarked.
Twilight too was disturbed by the fact that their quarry was missing, but she said nothing, and instead continued towards the far-end of the chamber. There was a large piece of art there, that of a towering pony-like figure, bathed in darkness, facing down six others. Twilight knew those six, the heroes of legend who had fought it, and even died to contain it.
"Something's...not right."
And that was when it happened. As Twilight and her friends all gathered together, looking to the picture, Twilight's gaze fell upon their shadows. But, ever so slowly, another shadow made itself known. It rose slowly, towering above the silhouettes that the mares cast upon the wall, and even the air itself became icy. Twilight, and all the others, they could feel it now, that they were not alone. And with slow movements, they turned. When they did, they stared wide-eyed at he who stood before them.
"Welcome...to my home."
The Pony of Shadows, standing taller even than what the mural had depicted. A being of pure darkness, menacing and dangerous. Yet his voice had been calm and measured, more like a Grandfather than a nemesis. But Twilight, who had faced many enemies before, did not hesitate any further, and so readied herself.
Okay, credit where it's due, this does feel rather spine-tingling, and somewhat suspenseful. But that last line, it feels like a run on sentence to me, and probably could have been chopped into smaller bits.
"Princess Twilight...the story you believe in so strongly, the story that led you and your friends here to, as you say, 'vanquish' me? None of it was true!"
Applejack walked beside her alicorn companion.
"That's a lie, Twi! He's tryin' ta get under yer skin!"
"Oh, I assure you, this is no lie, young one. This is the greatest truth you will ever hear! And Stygian is a stallion of his word."
So melodramatic, this Pony of Shadows.
"You know, considering that I'm being more than hospitable to those who came to my home to try and kill me, I'd suggest you take a more diplomatic tone than that, Princess."
Twilight's expression did not change.
"No matter what you say, nothing is going to convince us that you aren't a danger to our people."
Stygian did not smirk, or sneer or look in any way happy, yet he simply nodded respectfully, and so began to slowly stand tall and walk around the collected mares.
You know, Twi, the Pony of Shadows has a point. But that's where I take issue. Twilight and for that matter the rest of the Mane Six who seem to conviently disappear pretty quickly have to act like idiots for this whole plot to work right now. Seriously, all of Twilight's diplomatic training seems to fly out the window, and it's the villain of the piece who has to lecture her on this. I say villain very loosely, for this is where the story's saving grace does kick in.
"My dear child...you believe I am the cause of your people's shortcomings? Have you not been paying attention?"
He turned, looking her right in the eye.
"You make the same error Starswirl once did. I did not cause ponies to be as they are. Ponies...caused me."
Twilight was incensed.
"That's a lie!"
Stygian shook his head, albeit very slightly.
"No...it is not. When that battle began, I had no intention of making Starswirl and his colleagues into my enemies. But they saw the connection I had with the darker side of pony behaviour, and they came to the same swift conclusion..."
He grimaced.
"...that I must be the cause of it."
Aside from the melodramatics of this whole exchange -my god, is this theatre?- it makes the Pony of Shadows actually fairly interesting. From here on in, he explains that ponies assume he whispered in their ears, so to speak that he caused every little evil thing that happened over the years. But instead, he's sorta like Hades or Fox's Lucifer. He only represents dark, he doesn't control it.
"I do not cause your people to hate one another. How could I? And nor do I seek them to be harmed, as you so assumed. The Tree and I, we represent light and dark, but we do not control it."
A hearty laugh.
"Did you not wonder why your Elements did not hurt me? It is simple? I am not evil, and nor do I cause evil. Thus, the power of the Tree cannot do me harm."
A long sigh was heard from him.
"You ponies look to one such as I, you see the darkness from which I am born, you recognise my connection to the evil in your hearts...and you all invented a story. A parable to tell for generation after generation. To the world, I am the source of all that is wrong...because nobody ever tried to ask if it was true."
This isn't actually a bad interpretation, or should I say reimagining of the character. Makes him more interesting than the Nightmare Moon knockoff we got in the show. I won't spoil the rest of his conversation, as I can't give you every joy in this story. But let me say this, it reminds me of this spiel from Lucifer.
"You also rule a world, Morpheus. A world of sleepers and dreamers, of stories. A simple place compared to hell. I envy you. Can you imagine what it was like? Ten billion years providing a place for dead mortals to torture themselves? And like all masochists, they called the shots. 'Burn me.' 'Freeze me.' 'Eat me.' 'Hurt me.' And we did. Why do they blame me for all their little failings? They use my name as if I spent my entire day sitting on their shoulders, forcing them to commit acts they would otherwise find repulsive. 'The Devil made me do it.' I have never made any one of them do anything. Never. They live their own tiny lives. I do not live their lives for them."
Sadly, the story itself is framed by melodrama, brutally simplisticness and the Mane Six -Well, Twilight really as the rest of her friends seem to vanish for most of the story- having to act like idiots for it to even work. It's like the author is explaining the issue, but in such a way it feels like an after-school special.
Look, I'm not saying the story is without merit, as it does have it's moments, but it's not the best thing in the world either.
6/10.
Huh. Executed well, this would actually be a great source of inspiration for writing villainous pieces. Have you ever read fics where the bad guy has a point, and he makes you wonder what his eventual end should be? I did that in Pony of Vengeance, but have you seen it for yourself anywhere else?
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Honestly, aside from Fallout Equestria with Red-Eye commenting on how Littlepip may just be as bad as he is in some ways, not really.
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I really liked Red Eye too. I mean, he was a jerk, but he was such a well-executed jerk. I could see how he was doing what he could to save the land. Given the choice between the Enclave and him, though, I'd choose the pegasi. But the Brotherhood of Steel trumps all. They're big jerks, but they give you a bunch of really cool stuff.