• Member Since 23rd Mar, 2016
  • offline last seen February 2nd

The Bricklayer


Slow down, you're doing fine, you can't be everything you want to be, before your time... -Vienna, The Stranger: Billy Joel. (Any Pronouns)

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  • 116 weeks
    Happy New Year

    And let's make it a good one eh?

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    Happy New Year

    And let's make it a good one eh?

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  • 125 weeks
    *eye roll*

    me checking the dislike ratio on my new story

    Glad to know bigotry is still alive and well in this fandom.

    It's glad to see some of us didn't watch the same series as I did.

    8 comments · 637 views
  • 128 weeks
    So where I've been

    Okay, uh... how do I begin this? Well, I suppose I should start with the obvious. Yes, I've been distracted. If you follow me on Archive that should be obvious. And if you don't, you totally should btw. Yes, I'm shameless.

    Read More

    1 comments · 509 views
  • 134 weeks
    Final chapter up

    Been a hell of a ride, honestly. I just apologize for dragging it on for so long.

    1 comments · 388 views
Feb
18th
2019

Fic Reviews: Numbers · 2:31am Feb 18th, 2019

Okay after that last piece of... well, whatever you can call it I reviewed, you'd naturally expect me to review something good right? You'd be correct on that, actually. More after the break.

ENumbers
Filthy Rich has always considered himself to be a good parent. But when Miss Cheerilee requests a meeting with him, he may have to face the fact that his darling daughter isn't as perfect as she seems.
Pastel Pony · 2.3k words  ·  1,372  16 · 18k views

It originally was going to be an Admiral Biscuit story, focused on one of my favorite background ponies Written Script, but I couldn't figure out a way to do it. So, Seriff Pilcrow tossed me a few recommendations to review, and this came up. (Hey, it was either this or Pride of the Apples by Lightningsword.) May still do that, actually. That, and a Pony of Shadows based story.

So, Filthy Rich. Not a character who gets a lot of love in fanfic, really. But then again, he's not really someone we know a lot about, really is he?

Now, we open with this, which actually is quite intriguing, and pretty much sets up Filthy's entire character just in a few short lines.

Numbers.

I know a lot about numbers.

I know how to solve equations, and figure out the best profit. I easily work out percentages. I can organize data into charts that look good, and impress ponies.

My numbers and I have impressed a lot of ponies...and made them like me.

I’ve studied all the high-society etiquette, learned the farm slang.

It’s part of my job to make ponies like me.

That’s what makes a good businesspony...

And I am a very good businesspony.

...Numbers will only get you so far in certain places though.

Sure, it’ll help you walk away in a firm financial state when your personal life comes crumbling down, but profit doesn’t ease the pain when your wife runs away to Prance with some two-bit fancy-looking unicorn.

However, I have discovered that those numbers come in handy during a custody battle …Judges like to see that large ranking salary when it comes to providing for a foal. I suppose that counts for something.

Numbers helped me keep my daughter...and she is the one thing I have done in my life that I am most proud of.

Now, before you raise a hoof against me, I want you to check the date this story was written on. It's like that Rainbow/Spitfire story I reviewed a while back. This was before we even knew a damn thing about Spoiled Bitch Rich, so for all we know she could have been like this, dead, or a nice parent actually unaware of Diamond's doings at school. ...Hell, come to think of it, I wouldn't actually put it past Spoiled to pull something like Filthy's wife does here. She is an opportunist, that mare. Or am I thinking of Chloe Bourgeois' mom? Meh. Anyways, on with the Motley.

Now, the main problem I have with the story comes up a few times, and it's Ms. Cheerliee's characterization.

Cheerilee slumps pitifully. “I’m… I’m afraid the issues I wrote to you about last week have been persisting. Diamond Tiara’s… problems with the other students have been getting more and more out of hoof, and despite trying most suitable punishments, I’m having trouble trying to find the right disciplinary actions to get through to her.” She lowers her gaze. “Perhaps I never will.”

“I’m afraid she would and has, Mr. Rich. The other children are terrified of her, I can see it. Do you think I don't know my own students?” Cheerilee sinks down and buries her face in her hooves. “I...I don’t know what to do anymore.” She shivers for a second, before bursting into tears, sobbing as she tries to speak. “I-I’m at my wit’s end. I can’t get through to her, and I can’t… I can’t remove her from the school just for teasing, the area regulations only allow for expulsion due to physical bullying. If… If you c-can’t find a way to m-make her stop, I d-don’t know what I’m supposed to d-do anymore.”

It's moments like this. Okay, I get Cheerliee's at the end of her rope here, and maybe I'm being nitpicky here, but there's none of that confidence and professionalism I'd expect of Cheerliee here. Sure, she's at her wit's end, but I wouldn't expect her to be a stuttering mess reduced to near tears really. She's a teacher right? I'd have expected her to know how to deal with bullies, unless Diamond is some sort of childhood sociopath which is a whole 'nother problem for this story if that's the case. Cheerliee, and maybe this is my personal headcanon speaking here -I dunno- but I'd expect her to be slightly more confident and actually perhaps handing out suggestions on how to deal with Diamond. School teachers are hard to shake, I know that much. But it's Filthy's characterization that saves the fic really.

Tiara?
My Tiara?
...my daughter never hurt anypony in her life.

How can she….?

No.

“No…” I whisper. I stare at Cheerilee and then let out a slightly nervous chuckle. “I’m sorry, Miss Cheerilee. I thought I just heard you say my daughter bullies her classmates.”

He's lived with this illusion of his daughter being this perfect angel for so long, that when his reality shatters around his eyes, it's legitimately heartbreaking, without giving away too much. I wouldn't want to spoil you completely. But anyways... That, I applaud the author for.

So, the final tally? 7/10.

Comments ( 5 )

Huh. This story actually looks intriguing. Nice job, Brick. You did something and you did it right. And so did the author, from the looks of it. A novel idea, if I do say so myself.

5015622

You did something and you did it right.

...Half wondering if I should be offended here. Thanks, I guess?

I read this story long ago and I will say it does show a side that some fans had about Filthy Rich that he was just too busy with his job to properly raise his daughter. I enjoy the lesson he gives his daughter in Paper Promises. Really Spoiled Rich should have been there from the start to show how she is a bad influence on her daughter because it would have made the end of Crusaders of the Lost Mark far more impactful.

Stories that exist before that episode mostly do a good job some of the time explaining why Diamond Tiara is the way she is. Diamond Tiara is a complex character in the right hands of some writers. Personally I would love to see what you would do with her.

5015631

Stories that exist before that episode mostly do a good job some of the time explaining why Diamond Tiara is the way she is. Diamond Tiara is a complex character in the right hands of some writers.

This, all of this.

Personally I would love to see what you would do with her.

I have tried actually, it just didn't go well as I'd hoped. I do want to revisit, and rewrite that story... someday.

5015632

Well hopefully one day an idea could take hold. I had an idea that is somewhat flesh out but, I cannot write, that would have had Diamond Tiara in a Power Rangers Samurai story like your Wild Access one. She would have been the new head of the house but she just doesn't have the nessary leadership qualities at the start and one of the other Rangers would have become the field leader until she had provided herself to the team. It sounds interesting in my head but my previous attempts to write tend to come out as garbage.

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