A rant of mine, both meaningless, and pathetic at the same time. · 4:25am Feb 15th, 2019
I hate these sorts of days.
The ones that are just shitty.
Nothing needs to happen, in fact, if something does happen, it is less shit.
But you just get reminded of how seriously fucked some people are.
And then you just feel sad. Depressed even, as you look at those you care most about and wallow in knowing that there isn't anything you can do to help.
So you just have to be there for them, and you know that is all you can do. And yet you feel so fucking shitty that you can't help more. And you feel guilty that you aren't trying harder.
All whilst the world continues around you. Nothing changes, and no breath is wasted by others.
Sure, some might feel bad in sympathy, but the problem doesn't go away, and the dark corner of your mind still cries out that you should be helping.
But you can't. Others may give honeyed words in saying that you are not to blame for any of it, and yet, the voice never goes away. As the world cares not for yourself, time passes and dates come and go like unimportant numbers that go unnoticed by all but those who made them. You. You made the numbers, you know that you are being silly, and yet as you sit there, at a train station leading to nowhere, that you need to move on. You try and try and try to get out of the hole you dug for yourself, sometimes making it deeper, sometimes making progress. And yet, even after you escape the hole of depression and hate, part of you wishes you could have stayed. Your heart wishes it could’ve had a bit longer. Perhaps to heal, perhaps to not. The chance had come and gone, leaving you at that train station with only a bag of responsibilities and a list of missed opportunities. And yet, all the others walk on by as if nothing happened. As if their bags weighed nothing at all. And you remember that you were once like them, and that you know, that soon enough, you would join them again. And the world would keep moving, the clock will keep ticking, and for a while, you would be alright. But with time, you would fall back into the hole, and the cycle will begin anew.
Fuck these kinds of days.
Solemn Statement: There are times when I think of everything it... Saddens me.