Why We Fight · 12:10am Feb 8th, 2019
Why do I write?
Why do I write what I chose to write?
I've been asked this question a few times, and I think I should put to paper the answer to it.
So, why do I write?
The things I write are not going to be popular. Partially it is because I lack the talent and the skill - of all the many blessings the cruel gods have denied me that one I covet above all else, the talent with words. But also, at least in part, it has to do with the style chosen and the subject matter that I intended to discuss in my fic.
I am not going to earn money with my writing (much less than I would have I invested similar time and effort in my career), I am not going to change the fandom, I will lose that which is most precious to all of us -- the time of my life, and I stand to gain nothing.
So why do I write?
The reasons are three:
1. I write because I cannot.
I have trouble coming up with stories. For quite some time I knew that, and that just has been a fact of my life, ever since me and the guys first sat down to play a game of Dungeons and Dragons and I realised that though I know many stories, many more than my friends, I seem to lack that one spark that separates borrowing from stealing. So I write because I refuse to accept that. I write because I believe writing is a skill, and I believe that even a talentless hack such as myself, though effort and perseverance can write a competent book.
In my writing career, my highest aspiration is for someone whose literary opinion I respect to read my work and say "It is a book. It has all the attributes of a book. It has characters that aren't one-dimensional, it has a plot that is reasonably paced, the world that is believable and a story that argues the idea without beating the reader over the head with it. It is a book I may not have bought should I have found it in a book store, but I would not be surprised or appalled that I have found it there."
At that point, my writing career would reach the highest possible point and I would no longer need to write.
2. In writing, I walk the road not taken.
My writing -- the Sunset Shimmer prequels and sequels are a story that is personal to me. The prequels are the road not taken: what would have happened should I have been a bit more stubborn, a shade smarter, a touch more willful in trying to force myself to do what I thought was my duty and my destiny, but was not. The sequels are the story of the road I took.
In writing, I process this, and perhaps I could warn those few readers I have away from following the same path.
3. I am tiny. In the field of culture, a vast ocean of all that has ever been -- is -- written, filmed and spoken, I am not even a speck. My viewership of scant hundreds is so tiny it can barely be said to exist.
And yet, I wish to write my contra to that culture.
I wanted to write a story where the protagonist finds servitude above freedom, crosses the lines we would abhor to cross -- and insists that she is right to cross them, where the protagonist is an unapologetic monster. And I want to show how she is right... and also show how she is wrong, without reliance on the myth of the self-defeating nature of evil.
I want to write about the monsters that we all know that we sometimes need, and what the price of being that monster is.
To be honest -- I do not think I will achieve those goals.
I will not learn to write well or to make stories I can truly call my own. I have largely moved on away from the events I wished to process when I began writing, I do not need the crutch of the fic to go on. And it is, of course patently ridiculous to belive I could possibly contribute something that would alter the course of mass culture, however insignificantly.
But those are the reasons I write. Those were the goals I set when I first opened the Word file and typed the first letter of what would be my big fic.
So long as you continue to enjoy writing, that's all what really matters. You put a tun of effort into your work and it's easy to tell how much it means to you and your dedication can be seen in how many full story you have.
You are a good writer, Chudo.