Recovery and Future Stories · 4:45am Feb 7th, 2019
I'm still waiting for the ketamine treatments to improve my mood, but I've only had two so far.
At least it's not ECT again...
I'm non-productive. I want this to change. I want to write again.
The main problem is I can't do anything at the moment because of the depression. The only activity I have been able to engage in is clicker games, which provide a false sense of progress by wasting my time. It's even hard to do my teaching work, let alone force myself to take a shower. (I have restarted my game group with some new members to force myself to be social, but it remains to be seen how quickly I can get back in the swing of things there.)
All that said, I'd like to think about what will get me writing again as soon as I'm able to function again as a proper werewolf dickbitch. I probably need to start with something more light-hearted in nature than my typical stories. I've contemplated completing my first fic to merit the Porn tag, as that might end up being less dark.
(Might.)
I have a few porn stories in progress that could fit the bill. No Wrong Way (Twilestia) is out of the question because it's super dark. A New Kind of Equality is a little too noncon. Mare-Faggot is only playfully abusive, so it might work. I've got an unnamed one I'm working on with reverse pedofoalia but it's going to be long and I'd rather not dedicate myself to something requiring updates when TSJ and Geldings still languish. I'd kind of like to do some Sporax, and I'm also thinking about an EQG one with Dash trying to yank a transgender Sci-Twi into a poly relationship with all her friends.
Okay, so... maybe those are all bad ideas. Other stories that aren't porn, then? I've got one called Fortune, a minific with Fluttershy which is dark, but very upbeat in theme. I'm working on a sequel to Self-Control that's even darker—right, forget I even mentioned that one. There's an EQG drama called Parity I was working on for the Sparity competition, but it's a little too heavy with emotion for me to handle at the moment. Princess Celestia's Trashy Erotic Novel is a comedy but I'm not inspired to work on it right now. I have an RGRE sendup that isn't timely right now because other authors are doing the same thing. There's a HarshJack story I'm not inspired by, a novella about personality mergers I don't have time or energy for, and a 1984 comedy but you can't really do 1984 in any way without dark references. One on Rarity and addiction... er, no. One called The Razor of Dreams is way too horrifying to work on.
I'm also writing a story called Belly Rubs which is a dark comedy about sexual abuse. I don't think I'll go there.
I... have issues.
Anyway, I'm not sure if any of these will be a good idea. It's surprisingly hard to write stories that don't remind me of my insanity when my stories are all motivated by my insanity.
How do I move forward when I'm crippled by my own bucking muse?
I read those tags.
Hope you feel better soon
Yeah RGRE and Beanis kind of own the site at the moment.
At any rate, I hope the treatments start to help.
Good luck.
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I'm not active anymore, but are you serious that Beanis is STILL going on ?? Wow hehe
Ouch. I know the feeling well. I know depression is holding you back at the moment, but if you would care for a tip or two, I would like to leave them in the paragraph below.
Before I write anything, I always, always always always write about how I'm feeling. Seriously, you don't know how good it feels! Since there is no weight on those kind of words—since they will soon be deleted—it then allows them to come more easily. Often, a bad feeling, once written, reveals the underlying problem in prose. Given form, I try to outrwrite this problem until it is solved, which bring me some relief.
With that done, and my feelings expressed, the words having come out on an express,because of that, I am now in a flow state: which makes everything that comes afterward easier to write. Often, I find that I write about not wanting to write the thing I am currently writing, and because of that, I write something else. Something forceful doesn't tend to be fun, so I go where the fun whispers from afar.
I hope some of that helped you in anyway—moreso the knowedge that someone, somwhere, cares enough to help by describing a method, even if that method isn't of any use. We may not know each other, but we are two people writing fanfiction about ponies still in 2019, so maybe we're linked by craziness? Ah, who the hell knows!
Keep as well as you can. Write if your muse ever decides to stop being a pain. People care.
~ Yr. Pal, B
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Yeah, not AS much, but you still see the odd beanis story pop up.
I really shouldn't have read that at work. I snickered at "a little too noncon" and "Mare-Faggot" didn't help. And then I imagined trials and tribulations of transgender Sci-Twi and her unwanted (?) harem. Don't worry, they didn't kick me out yet (after "dark comedy about sexual abuse" they may).
No, but this sounds great? And I hope that Princess Celestia's Trashy Erotic Novel happens at some point. You can't tell us that title and then keep it away forever. XD
Best to you.
What is the definition of insanity? How do I know I am sane?
I more or less like all of the ideas you put forward here because you are one of the few authors here (that I know of) who can take taboo, controversial or outright illegal topics and makes a great story out of it.
For what it is worth: if your "insanity" is what causes you to write such great stories... Then your so called insanity is a good thing according to me! Then of course we can question what insanity even is. Do know that you have at least one reader that appreciates your "Issues" as they make you a much more interesting pony
.
P.S
I do actually read those tags.
If you ever want to write a silly stupid shitty collab just to get the writing juices flowing again, let me know!
You've condemned whole game industry pretty harshly
My first thought on reading that was,
5009628 Computer games are a waste of time. Kids should be thinking about important things, like getting into the featured box.
Wrong! I read them, like, a week later