The Current Status of the Now: Fighting Ennui Edition · 9:26pm Jan 20th, 2019
My life is pretty shit, but I know I shouldn't whinge about it
I could be a Palestinian driving buses on the Gaza stripYeah, how bad can it be? Some people have it worse than me
I could be an Ipswich prostitute, or Gary Glitter's familyI have no right to cry, some people have it worse than I
I could be a thalidomide kid with something in my eye
As always with these blogs, this is going to be a bit confused and rambly. I apologise in advance.
My life has never been better.
Almost three years ago now, I made a blog post wondering what my life would be like five years from then. Well, there's still two years to go, but my life has already changed drastically. Mostly the way I hoped, too, if not the way I expected. Because frankly, I expected much, much worse.
I apologise for the silence for the past year. I know that the number of people who still even care on this site has been gradually going down, what with the show getting worse aging, and me not producing any site-relevant content for years now. And that's fine. Still, I figured those of you who still read these things deserve some explanation of what's been going on.
I've never had a particularly bad life. My life has never been hard. It's been fine, for the most part. My family has been teetering on the edge of poverty for as long as I can remember. We never had a lot of money and we could never afford any luxuries, but we managed to not lose our home, we've always had warm food and water, electricity, internet, and I was able to attend some of the more prestigious educational facilities in the region simply because we happened to live within walking distance. I don't know if all of that counts as lucky or not. We made do, is the point.
But growing up like this has affected me. I've never truly been happy. My family has never had a good relationship with each other. Physical and psychological abuse was the norm ever since I was a kid. I never thought I'd ever love another person. I think it all kind of broke me, a little bit. In a lot of ways, I'm damaged goods. I talk about this a little more in the blog I've linked above.
In the three years since the above blog post, I've finally finished my education; I got a degree in physics, and after a few desperate months of searching for a job 8 hours a day, I finally got exactly two calls, no more and no less. One was for a minimum wage call centre job. The other was a position as a researcher in my field at the other end of the country. I rocked the interview for the former. After managing to scrounge up the money for the trip for the latter interview, I went and only blew the first half of it. Then, a few weeks later, I had to go again because someone who was supposed to have talked to me couldn't make it to the interview last time. I was going in debt just attending these interviews.
So the bottom line: I got the call centre job. Better than nothing, I figured, and at this point I still had to hear the final word from the other job. So I signed all the paperwork and got ready to start soon. All I had to do was attend the obligatory company doctor's checkup, like drug testing and such. Just a formality that corporate required. Turns out, they managed to give me the wrong address and time; the doctor never showed when and where he (she?) was supposed to. A phone call later, we set a real date for the checkup for a couple of days later.
Then I got the call from the other job. I was hired.
So I sent an email politely telling the call centre to shove their minimum wage garbage job up their ass. Then I called and basically begged everyone in my family and group of friends to pitch in so that I could make the move for the other job (it was at the other end of the country, remember). I went heavily into debt, but I managed to find a nice little flat close to my new job, got a friend to help with transporting my earthly belongings, and within a couple of weeks I was away.
I'm writing this from that flat now, almost a year later. I'm still here. I'm fairly certain I make more than 90% of my age group. The job is great. Coworkers are great. Boss is great. Hell, even my landlord is great. I've got flexible hours, I'm working in my field, and for the first time in my life I'm middle class.
When I first walked into the corner store and realised that I was no longer nervously counting the coins in my wallet to see if I can afford dinner that day, I almost cried.
I did it.
For the first time in my life, I'm financially secure. For the first time in my life, I'm living alone. I'm independent. Free. There's nothing and no-one to drag me down now. I no longer have to listen to the rants about how pathetic and worthless I am, how I'll never accomplish anything, and how it's a shame that I'm still around. Slowly, I've been healing.
My life has never been better.
It's very easy to grow complacent once you've achieved your dreams.
I work. I eat. I sleep. I get paid. I can finally participate in those meme-worthy Steam sales, so that's fun. And then I work, and I eat, and I sleep, and I get paid again...
After publishing my first original novel, I took a break from writing. That was in December, 2016. At first the break, I figured, was to finish my education and focus on my thesis. Then it was to give myself more time to job hunt. Then I gave myself several months just to settle into my new life and to focus on my work.
In mid-2018, I finally started working on my next novel. I ended up writing a little bit into act 2 when I realised that I hate it. So, very slowly, I started rewriting it. I got a bit into act 2 before I realised that I still hate it. 2018 was almost over by now and I had nothing to show.
The thing about this particular novel is that it's the single most depressing thing I've ever written. It's truly, relentlessly dark. I put every character through hell. Over the course of 4 planned books, I build up a huge cast of characters, only to tear them down, again and again, so that I can see them rise above it all, only to be torn down again. It's a sad, painful, torturous story. And I love it. I do. I want to write it. But not now.
I realised that this really isn't the kind of story that I need right now.
Almost a year ago, I made this blog post pitching an optimistic science-fiction story. A couple of months ago, I finally decided to bite the bullet and drop the dark novel I've been working on for over a year, and jump over to this optimistic scifi one-shot. I've been making progress. Not as much as I'd like, but I have been. And I have no plans to stop.
This new story will follow a young girl who travels far away from home, chasing an opportunity at a better life, a chance to break out of her stagnant, lower-class life. Over the course of the story she will gain a brand new perspective on life, the universe, and everything -- and realise that the world needn't be as dark and terrible as some people say it is. It's going to be a story of science gone right -- a great adventure, and an examination of what it means to be human.
It's a bit of a personal thing, I suppose. I need this right now.
I'm hoping to publish the novel sometime this year. And when I do, you'll hear about it.
Expect me.
Wow. I'm not really sure what to say besides congratulations. Because, well, I can't really relate to much of what you've been through, except the job hunting struggle. I suppose I'm looking forward to seeing what might result from you channeling these personal successes into your art.
It's great to hear that you're doing well; congrats on achieving financial security!
While I am always happy to read dark sci-fi, I like the sound of this new story you're writing - hopeful and wholesome generally makes for a nice read. Best of luck with the writing.
Congratulations! It is good to know that you are doing well. I look forward to this new story as it is good to hear inspiring tales. It's also good to know that life does go well for some of us. I'm very happy that it has been successful for you.
Be safe, be well and be happy.
It’s so good to hear about a young person getting a positive result from all the hard work they’ve put into their education! I wish you the best in your career following my first love, physics. (I started in physics but was lured away by my second passion, computing, in which field I’ve happily worked for over 35 years.)
BTW, I loved your novel and look forward to your next written work with anticipation!
Majoring in physics is quite a gamble. I am glad things turned out well for you.
It's very, very inspiring to hear how well things turned out well for you. Wish you the best!
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Shitty job markets are just a symptom of western society in general, I think. I hope your luck will (has?) turn(ed) around, too.
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Thank you. I hope the new book will be worth the wait.
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Ah, computing. I did have to take a couple of programming classes, and although I never got much past Hello World and basic vector operations in c++, I think I had a knack for it. I could have pursued it... except that I actually hated it, haha.
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I suppose it was. Turned out pretty well, though. Let's hope my luck doesn't run out.
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One man’s cheese is another man’s rotten milk!