Railguns and Roaches · 4:49pm Jan 9th, 2019
Cockroaches are one of the most dangerous monsters both Earth and Equestria has ever encountered. They spread diseases, yuckness, fear, unrest, chaos, order, peace, love, tolerance, quesadillas, vaccines, self-awareness, TV Tropes, bad grammar, Oxford commas, constant abuse of punctuation marks, Christianity, monogamy, democracy, Polytheism, optimism, nihilism, communication, communism, liberalism, capitalism, flat-earth conspiracies, moon landing hoaxes, JavaScripts, sapient A.I.s, Cortana, and most dreaded of all, hate of ponies. Because of that, war against them is inevitable. Nuclear weapons are not an option since they are immune to them, so it will be fought the traditional way: The Badass Way.
Here are some tips on dealing with them:
Before preparing yourself, it is important to know the everything they are immune to and the three they are not: Mom's sandals, railguns, and insecticides.
The first one is the most reliable, ever-present, and effective weapon of choice. If you still live with your parents, that is. For those of you planning to (finally) live away from your parents or already have, you may want to consider other options.
The second one is highly recommended for its high concentration of badassery (0.67 Schwarzenegger/kg), coolness (~20%), and awesomeness (4 nanoEverything/kg). However, it cannot be found in commercial stores and needs to be made by yourself if you have a degree in engineering or commissioned if you have a degree in being very rich. Thus, this option is only available for those who prefer using the 24-hour format and is closed for those who use the metric system. Those who use Dvorak may want to explore other options.
The third one is my weapon of choice over others and possibly your only one. It is commercial, environment-unfriendly, and portable. However, many people and ponies use it wrong, so let me tell you how to use it correctly:
- Hold the insecticide with your dominant hand.
- Aim its
muzzlenozzle towards your target. - Put a lit candle between it and your target.
- Know what I meant by "it" in the previous step.
- Burn your hands because it is incredibly dangerous to play with fire and flammable stuff-spewing stuff without a license and without knowing what oxidation means and how it works.
And with that, I wish you a roachless night/day (choose according to time zone).
Anyway, there are two things I wanted to ask: 1) are cockroaches canon in the show? 2) How to treat second-degree burns with the nearest hospital 20km away and no means of transport?
This was a pretty funny blog post. But seriously did you hurt yourself trying to flamethrower cockroaches?
Hmm, using flamethrowers on cockroaches, now theres an idea!
Just keep the burn cool, clean, and protected. It's going to blister, so you might need some bandages or gauze. Neosporin or other antibiotic ointment is highly recommended to prevent infection. If you have tea tree lotion, that can help with the pain and itching. Depending on the size and severity of the burn, it should be better in a week or so.
First of all, how dare you.
1) Throw some dirt on it*
2) Windex*
* Disclaimer: Fake medical advice is fake, not "alternative facts".
4994007
No hand was hurt during the process of writing this. My floor and my flatmate's bike did, though, so a lesson was learned.
4994136
I didn't know antibiotic ointments exist. Many thanks, tho.