Things that make me laugh · 7:46pm Dec 16th, 2018
My works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it’s gone.
I'm the kind of girl who would fall flat on my face, get up, laugh my head off, and say " That was fun!
“Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.”
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.”
Life isn’t passing me by, it’s trying to run me over.
Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?
Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.
Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?
Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hate that.
Paper may beat rock, but cannon ball make big hole in paper.
The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!
Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Life is just the Grim Reaper procrastinating
Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.
This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.
I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?
I’ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate.
It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full just drink it and get it over with.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.
So what if we act like immature idiots? We’re having fun.
Aren’t the ‘good things that come to those who wait’ just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out”?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?
Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?
Life sucks and then you die.
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?
“When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade”
Don’t mess with me I’ve got a stick.
Darcy- "Come to Cloud Tower. We have COOKIES!" Bloom- "Nah, Alfea has cake." Darcy- "ooh! Can I be a fairy?!"
I smile because I have no idea what’s going on!
I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends
I ran with scissors, and lived!
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder
I’m the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
Of course I’m talking to myself. Who else can I trust?
Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.
When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling
When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Sing “I’m Off to See the Wizard” when sent to the Headmasters office.
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.
If con is the opposite of pro, is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
More later on!
i worry about you really REALLY worried about you
4981968
You and every one else
4981982
true
4982006
Why are you worried?
4982047
eh just don't want to lose one of my first bestie
4982052 ummm what? My memory is a bit wannky after a head injerory. So how were you and I besties?
4982056
I changed my name a few times but we are friends
4982057
Ok cool