Friendship is Card Games: Apinkalypse Now and The Vines That Bind · 12:25pm Dec 2nd, 2018
This week, we have consecutive single-issue Season 7 follow-ups, one of which I have been very eagerly anticipating.
Apinkalypse Now
Or, as I like to call it, “The Saga of Pinkamenagos, the Reveler.” After all, we have a party person who makes her way into a divine realm and briefly claims godhood. Thankfully, no one will have to stab a divinely forged spear into Pinkie’s chest. And Celestia won’t have to stab that same person with the same spear.
Theros Block was complicated.
Hmm. What does plaid taste like?
While I’m amused by how Pinkie running and shouting doesn’t make either Fluttershy or Discord bat an eye, I do have to wonder what got into Gummy. He almost never shows this degree of activity. Does he have a vet appointment, or did he have some grand philosophical breakthrough?
The goldfish appear to be planar antibodies of a sort, consuming foreign contaminants before they can infect Discord’s domain with their own takes on chaos. Fortunately for Pinkie, she’s a natural when it comes to reshaping the realm.
Wait, is Fluttershy claiming that she built Sweetfeather Sanctuary on her own? She designed it, yes, but she’s far from the only pony involved in the actual construction process.
Maud and Discord have met, but I can understand him choosing to forget the encounter (or pretending the sick burn never happened.)
Discord’s near dissolution in “Discordant Harmony” contributing to this story does make sense. If Discord were on some kind of chaotic probation, then it would be easier for Pinkie to wedge her way into his niche as Spirit of Chaos.
Of course, things that make sense may actually be less likely to apply to Discord. Hmm. 
Oh, that’s where Silver Quill got the Piloon.
“And just what part of reality distortion and molecular rearrangement do you find simple, Twilight?” Well, given that this is Twilight Sparkle you’re talking to, most of it. 
Still, nice to hear some quasi-canonical description of the mechanics of Discord’s chaos magic.
Sadly, there doesn’t seem to be any officially recognized dislocation paradox.
Very interesting to hear Twilight refer to Discord’s residence as his “home dimension.” Sure, it could refer to a demiplane he created to serve as his home, but the usual connotation there is the place an extradimensional entity hails from. This implies that Discord is an outsider in the D&D sense. Or perhaps the Pathfinder one. He does resemble a protean with legs. His later complaint about stationary, unmoving planes of existence seems to support this.
Of course, one could also read it as fodder for making him a planeswalker. Especially given that recent D&D supplement set on Ravnica.
I do appreciate Starlight looking through a book on montages during one.
So… nautical magic has a spell for navigating to alternate realities. This sounds tantalizingly close to a pony version of the Weatherlight.
Hmm. From the sound of it, Discord didn’t need to be on probation. Pinkie’s chaotic enough on her own for this dimension to latch onto her, making her the Yawgmoth to its Phyrexia. All hail the Mother of Parties. 
“Pinkie is ulitmately a normal earth pony.” Debatable, but I see what he means.
Weird. That fine art homage gave me the Munchies. 
The elastic contrail was a funny gag.
Huh. I guess the throne wasn’t just for lumbar support. Though I see Pinkie’s taken the horns off.
Also, looks like the carnivorous goldfish are performing an Eerie Procession over her.
Holy cheese, Pinkie was about five inches away from recreating the events of Mandatory Fun.
You know, I do want the rest of the Mane Six to ascend to alicornhood some day. Not necessarily on the show, but at some point in their lives and adventures. Just, you know, with their sanity intact.
Also, neat to note that Princess Pinkie’s cutie mark triplicates, with six blue and three yellow balloons. To say nothing of her cotton candy cloud mane and tail.
I do love how Rarity’s the one who’s exasperated with the “member of the Mane Six becoming superpowerful and evil” plot line. And this time she has to put up with it from the outside.
You might object to Pinkie losing, given that the conditions of the contest were “First one to run out of ideas wins.” To which I respond, it’s chaos. Did you really expect it to stay consistent from start to finish?
And perhaps the best part, from a Magic player’s perspective? Discord, embodiment of impulse, chaos, passion, and all things red mana… had to play a very blue control game. Hold back, counter everything, exhaust the opponent’s resources, and seize a quick, decisive victory. It’s wonderfully ironic. It’s even there in their colors at the end, red and blue.
Oh, hi, Gummy. Where were you during the showdown?
Rarity managing to slide into a “paint me like one of your Prench girls” pose is pretty darn fantastic.
It’s a real shame we can’t see Starlight’s face as Pinkie summarizes the comic. I’d love to see her reaction to the idea of Princess Pinkie Pie.
This may be the best pony comic. I sincerely wish it had been an episode. Replace “What About Discord?” with this and I think the world would be better for it. If I really scraped every possible bit of inspiration, I could probably make an entire card blog using just this issue. But, given how the schedule works out, my schedule will go more smoothly if I include the next one as well.
The Vines That Bind
Funnily enough, we’re building on another Fluttershy episode. In this case, “A Health of Information.”
I’ve never liked the idea that “Mage” was actually part of Meadowbrook’s name, as opposed to a title.
Oof. For all that Thom Zahler can write an incredible chaotic adventure, his efforts with Zecora’s lines leave something to be desired.
Wait, the blue flu is real? I thought Discord made it up.
Uuuuugh. Fillydelphia plus Agnes Garbowska equals more “civilized” dragons. At least they don’t factor into this plot.
Wait, you’re telling me that someone’s been able to keep clear, continuous historical records from the days of the Pillars all the way up until today? Convenient as those are for the story I’m going to have to call bullhonkery. Those would be the longest, best kept historical records in all of Equestria.
So… there’s this unfathomably valuable plant that could revolutionize all of Equestria, and this Vine mare—whose name I have yet to hear, she’s just “Aqua Vine’s descendant”—hasn’t gone because she can’t fit it on her calendar. I mean, I can hardly criticize anyone for procrastinating, but this seems like the kind of thing you make time to do.
… Oh, the story actually addresses that.
“Is this the flower to cure them all?” Oh dear. Do more than orcs guard its black gates?
Wow. Credit to Garbowska, she really knows how to make a horrid looking pony plague.
I do love seeing Fluttershy in action. Nothing like asking the locals for directions.
Wait, a plant with flowers that big that thrives on salt water? No wonder Meadowbrook got its relation with salt wrong. Sodium isn’t exactly well known for its positive effect on plant life.
Still, this certainly explains why no one’s tried growing it in captivity until now. Aside from the peril of harvesting the thing, the conditions for cultivating it seem unforgivingly precise.
You know, goggles would probably be a huge help when retrieving magenta blooms. Seriously, send in Rainbow Dash with a decent pair and she’d literally snatch it in one fell swoop.
Given where they are and how Twilight’s acting, do you think we could call these the Cliffs of Insanity?
Whoa! Fluttershy with the weather magic. Most unexpected and very nice to see.
… Twilight Sparkle wants to leave a mark on history.
Twilight Sparkle wants to leave a mark on history.
Twilight Sparkle.
Wants to leave.
A mark on history.
There aren’t enough ways to format that sentence to properly express how idiotic it is. Putting aside the question of her uncertain immortality, she’s already achieved so much in the past few years that ponies might worship her if they were more religiously minded.
Mind you, this can work. Twilight exists in an oscillating state between humility and arrogance, and she’s clearly leaning more towards the former right now given how she’s focusing on the great mares of history. And the Princess of Friendship does still have an unfortunate habit of going off on her own at times, to say nothing of her obsessive tendencies. Still, that motivation is so utterly back-asswards that it’s giving Cranky Doodle a prostate exam.
It’s kind of ironic to see Meadowbrook characterized as this ultra-determined loner when we know she was both part of Equestria’s first superteam and the prototypical entity who gave way to the Element of Kindness. I suppose we’ll see how closely Legends of Magic hews to the idea.
Ah yes, the “length.” Distance’s answer to the moon when it comes to vague but narratively serviceable measurements.
So… why couldn’t telekinesis factor into harvesting the plant?
Uh, ladies, I appreciate the spirit behind your encouragement, but maybe don’t talk while you’re pulling a rope with your mouths.
Hmm… It may be premature to ship the great herbalists’ descendants, but I’m tempted to anyway.
In all… Well, it’s really not fair to compare this story to its predecessor. It’s much lower key, a slice of life to Apinkalypse Now’s adventure, even with the scenes at the cliffs. Still, there are definitely some parts that could stand some polish, from Twilight feeling she hasn’t contributed to society to Zecora’s dialogue. And never learning just what the bloom is capable of is a bit bothersome, though it wasn’t the true purpose of the story.
Now, let’s see what we can concoct from these ingredients:
Bee Sharps 2W
Creature — Insect Band
Flying
Finale — Whenever you sacrifice a Song, Bee Sharps gains double strike until end of turn.
”Of course bees play music. How can you dance without a tune?”
—Discord
2/1
Decontaminate 3WW
Sorcery
Choose two —
• Destroy all artifacts.
• Destroy all enchantments.
• You lose all poison counters.
Meadowbrook didn’t believe in half measures.
Counterbreeze 1U
Instant
Kicker 1U (You may pay an additional 1U as you cast this spell.)
Counter target spell with one or more targets. If this spell was kicked, you may instead choose new targets for that spell.
Sphenopalatine Pulse 1U
Sorcery
Target player puts the top three cards of their library into their graveyard.
Gravestorm (When you cast this spell, copy it for each permanent put into a graveyard this turn. You may choose new targets for the copies.)
Helium Cell 2U
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature doesn’t untap during its controller’s untap step.
2U: Return Helium Cell and enchanted creature to their owners’ hands.
It strips both freedom and dignity.
Salt Spray 3U
Instant
Creatures your opponents control get -X/-0 until end of turn, where X is the number of Islands you control.
Draw a card.
Twilight had been attacked by condiments before, but Pinkie was usually involved.
Immense Skywhale 4UU
Creature — Whale
Creatures you control have flying and can block only creatures with flying.
Forms from across the Multiverse populate Discord’s realm, along with countless original creations.
6/4
Toxic Lichen 2B
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant land
Enchanted land is a Swamp.
Whenever enchanted land becomes tapped, put a -1/-1 counter on target creature its controller controls of that player’s choice.
Bridleberg Plague 2BB
Enchantment
At the beginning of your upkeep, proliferate unless an opponent discards a card or sacrifices a nonland permanent. (To proliferate, choose any number of permanents and/or players with counters on them, then give each another counter of a kind already there.)
Sudden Activity R
Instant
Target creature gains haste, loses defender, and attacks this turn if able.
After months of an all-sugar diet, Gummy finally found himself facing the consequences.
Gaze into Chaos 3R
Sorcery
Shuffle your library, then exile the top card of your library. If it’s a land card, put it onto the battlefield and return Gaze into Chaos to its owner’s hand. Otherwise, cast that card without paying its mana cost if able.
Be careful. The chaos won’t just gaze back.
Defend the Title 3RR
Enchantment
At the beginning of your upkeep, target creature you control with the greatest power among creatures you control fights target creature you don’t control.
The life of a champion is one spent proving why they’re the champion.
Pinkie, the Usurper 3RRR
Legendary Creature — Avatar
Alicorn (This card is also a Pony Pegasus Unicorn.)
Flying
If a player would draw a card, that player exiles the top two cards of their library instead.
Each player may play cards they own from exile that were put there this turn and don’t have the same name as a spell that player cast from exile this turn.
5/5
Pinkie’s Unseen Usurpation 5R
Legendary Sorcery
(You may cast a legendary sorcery only if you control a legendary creature or planeswalker.)
Untap all nonland, nonlegendary permanents. Gain control of them until end of turn. They gain haste until end of turn. You can't sacrifice permanents this turn.
Minutes ago, one quirky mare stumbled into mad godhood.
Mark on History 2G
Enchantment
When Mark on History enters the battlefield, you may exile a nontoken creature you control.
At the beginning of each upkeep, if you control no creatures with the same name as the exiled card, create a token that’s a copy of the exiled card.
Some ponies will never be forgotten.
Stubborn Stability 2G
Enchantment — Aura
Flash
Enchant creature you control
Enchanted creature has hexproof.
”Altering that mare is like trying to move a boulder with a feather duster.”
—Discord
Dimensional Lens 2
Artifact
T: Add C.
T: Look at the top card of your planar deck. You may put that card on the bottom of your planar deck.
”Light can always escape from a plane. The trick is getting it to come back.”
—Ditzy Doo
Self-Playing Ensemble 4
Artifact Creature — Band
Finale — Whenever you sacrifice a Song, you may pay 1. If you do, create a token that’s a copy of Self-Playing Ensemble.
And the beat goes on.
2/2
Devoured by Goldfish UB
Instant
Destroy target creature. That creature’s controller creates three 1/1 blue and black Fish creature tokens.
”Not the worst way to go in these parts. At least mortal language can describe what happened.”
—Discord
Close the Book 2UB
Instant
Counter target spell. That spell’s controller puts a card from their hand on top of their library.
Pinkie threw every idea she had at Discord. He just made sure nothing stuck.
Aqua Vine, Horticulturalist 2GU
Legendary Creature — Pony Druid
You may look at the top card of your library any time.
2: Reveal the top card of your library. If it’s a land card, put it onto the battlefield.
4GU: You may cast the top card of your library without paying its mana cost.
Fillydelphia flourishes with the fruits of his research.
3/3
Angelic Cannonade 4RW
Instant
Create a 4/4 white Angel creature token with flying. It fights target creature you don’t control.
Pinkie’s angels go where ammunition fears to tread.
Coastal Cliffs
Land
T: Add C.
T: Add U. Activate this ability only if you control a Mountain.
T: Add R. Activate this ability only if you control an Island.
The earth and the ocean argue too slowly for the mortal mind to follow.
I am an enormous fan of Proteans, and Discord is perfect for a Protean Lord of some kind.
And now I’m imagining schools of voidworms where one of their alternate forms is Carnivorous Goldfish. I mean in the Maelstrom it only makes sense to have an aquatic form if you aren’t an omnimorph right? Works for both flying and liquids.
The icons of power in a realm of chaos actually matter? I’m as shocked as you. Must be a perception thing, the plane’s locus of power is a throne because it’s appropriate.
Ironically I’ve actually always pictured Proteans as very blue along with their obvious red. They are full of insight and sheer boundless creativity. And they’re very smart. They just believe in formless strategy and adaptation, and creating opportunities through disruption. “Chaos is a ladder” and all that.
Which means that a successful Protean plays a stone wall game while putting out cards that can combine in many different ways depending on what is appropriate. Much multipurpose things that are hard to predict. Like devoured by goldfish, either it’s removal or it’s three turn two 1/1 attackers. Or lots of sacrifice fodder, or something else entirely. It’s perfect.
Who knows? Maybe Discord decided to make it real after that episode?
Squee!!!
I have to check this out! I've been meaning for ages to make Ravnica into a 3.5-D&D setting, and that is going to be a nice starting point!
We didn't have red alicorns before, did we? Now we're only missing a green one.
I’m... intrigued. This is certainly one way to get my attention.
It took me a second read but I realized that the "First to run out of ideas" was Discord tricking Pinkie into a metaphorical Rope A Dope maneuver. He even suspiciously challenges her in the middle of a ring, and the challenge ends with him dressed in a boxing attire.
The entire thing was actually a battle of attrition.
And yet she still can't catch a cab.
4975493
One could argue that Cadence is red, given her magic is about a passionate emotion; and crystal genesis would be an earth-element thing, which usually goes to red.
Tia and Lulu being white and black respectively are no-brainers.
Flurry Heart is too young to tell, though she might be red as well given most of her magic so far has been used to cause havoc and destroy artifacts and
landscastles.FanOfMostEverything made a good argument for Twi being a 5-color in Elementals of Harmony.
Twilight Sparkle has some deep insecurities. Ask her about a piece of information, and she's ultraconfident even if her sources turn out to be bunk. Ask her about HERSELF, though, and she's still Little Miss Child Prodigy Must-Get-100s-Or-All-is-Lost.
BTDT.
Anyway, in that context her doubts about making history are solid characterization.
Pinkie's Unseen Usurpation - Yeah, that casting cost is justified. Even with the land exclusion, that one is, "If I can cast this spell, you lose."
Yeah, "Apinkalypse Now" was a really solid story for me. It had a simple concept, but executed it so effectively that I was having a lot of fun throughout the whole thing. The fact that Pinkie remained her same, chipper self while promising to bring chaos upon everypony's lives was surprisingly creepy, and the explanation of Discord not having full-power due to the events of "Discordant Harmony" was a nice touch.
As for "The Vines That Bind", I think I like it more for what it's trying to do than what it actually does. Seeing Fluttershy and Twilight switch roles from "A Health of Information" is interesting, but it feels like that aspect wasn't quite ironed out enough before going to print. I think if maybe Twilight's transition to becoming obsessed with this plant were a little smoother, I'd have enjoyed the comic a little bit more.
4975493
We already had Mi Amore Cadenza...unless you meant mono-red, in which case, I think this is indeed the first of those (though we'll hear from Flurry Heart, Princess of Explosions soon enough...).
Anyway, onto this week's batch:
Decontaminate: ...I'm really not so sure about that third mode.
Gaze into Chaos: This is a really fun take on red draw-smoothing!
Mark on History: I have a rules question pertaining to this card: if the imprinted creature has a kicker effect, do I get a chance to pay the kicker cost when Mark on History triggers?
Self-Playing Ensemble: Oh, this could pair very well with the last finale keyword we saw before this week...
Aqua Vine, Horticulturalist: Oh, I can already tell this guy will be a fun commander. On a completely unrelated note, there are minus 2 results for Aqua Vine on Derpibooru.
All told, this was another fun batch of cards, even with my reservations about Decontaminate. I can't wait to see what you can conjure from Legends of Magic!
P.S. I can't seem to locate this post or Wings Over Yakyakistan in the archive...
I'll have to check out "Apinkalypse Now" since it sounds like something I'd enjoy, and I like most of the Discord comics.
Are some writers trying to make that a thing? That's just silly. Plus, her mother just called her Meadowbrook, as I recall.
Discords' throne actually being important, and that it was right there on Equestria a few times when he was doing his mad god routine, implies that part of how he does what he does is through planar overlay. Physically merging his realm with another to bring his power there. Not to mention various chaos rules.
So I was going to say you didn't need the "at any time" clause for Aqua Vine, but apparently that is the current Oracle text for that effect. Activate crochety old man voice! Back in my day, it just said "You can look at the top card of your library" with reminder text if you were too dumb to realize that meant whenever!
Also I would totally build an Aqua Vine deck were it a real card.
Apinkalypse Now was probably a good comic, though I don't think I really gave it a fair chance at the time. For fanfiction purposes, I was quite put out by the idea that Discord's power came from his chaos dimension rather than anything innate to him, so I went into the comic already prejudiced against it. But I think after having made a clean break between my writing and canon, I can look back on it with a little more objectivity, and yeah, it's a decent enough execution of an admittedly compelling concept. Still not one of my favourites, but I liked it well enough.
The other one I just don't care about. I wasn't the biggest fan of season seven in general, as you well know, so the direct tie-in issues were of very little interest to me in the first place, unless they had a really solid idea behind them like Apinkalypse Now or Wings Over Yakyakistan did, and even then they could still screw it up. Vines That Bind was not a compelling concept to me, especially since I'm pretty sure the comic somehow came out before Meadowbrook's episode did (yes, even considering all the leaks), and what little interest the comic did manage to draw out of me it killed immediately with that line from Twilight. I think it was only a few more issues after this one that I dropped the comics entirely.