Let's have some fun at my expense · 2:13pm Nov 21st, 2018
Depression's been raising its ugly head, and I don't see myself having any more reviews this week, so instead, I want to share something I shared on Discord a couple days ago. It starts with my current project to sort out over 15,000 MLP porn images on my hard drive, when I come across this...
Meet the Bane 6.
Yes, I called them that thinking it was clever.
The word after each character's name is their Element. You can maybe see where this is going.
My, let's say, third-ever ponyfic idea was an "Elements of Disharmony", because everyone was doing that back then. Specifically, because midnightshadow wrote a story called The Elements of Discord and I didn't like his evil versions of the characters. So made my own with blackjack and hookers! Welcome to Hyracotheria. <.<;
The story goes that Princess Luna is kidnapped in the middle of the night and taken through the Dark Mirror -- title drop! -- to a world where the sun and moon hang motionless in the sky, everything's coated in mud, and the ponies are vaguely familiar. Except, well, the mares are stallions, and vice versa, and the good'ns are now bad'ns, which means there's a lot of bad'ns. Oh yeah, and everyone's chromatically inverted from Equestria; run that picture above through an image filter and you'll see what I'm talking about. (Monochrome hair is the reverse of a rainbow, just fyi. :V)
There, the mane six were supposed to face their inverses and their own demons while trying to figure out just what was going on and how they could save Luna. "What was going on" is that the citizens of this dark, inverted world really really hate their "light side" analogues, because everything those ponies do makes life on this side of the mirror worse. And since, a thousand years ago, their princes -- Solaar and Umbra, in case you're wondering -- killed each other in a climactic battle, leaving the sky static twilight, they're trying to find a way to bring their Nightmare back using the light-side Princess.
It gets better. So, about the Bane 6. One thing you're not seeing is that ponies in this dimension don't have cutie marks; they have death masks. Because cutie marks aren't xtreme enough! XD Each pony has a picture splayed over their face that's a symbolic representation of how they will die. Guttler, for instance, is actually way fatter than the image suggests; his death mask is a pale, shapeless blob, and in the final, climactic battle, he ends up suffocating on his own fat. <.<
Funnily, as I look through the notes on this story, everyone who dies does so by their own hand, more or less. Like, Boiling Point blows himself up; Black Hole overcharges a spell, losing a magic battle to Twilight, and implodes. Snake Tongue... dies by his own venom? And apparently lives at a place called the Hibernaculum, where he raises snakes? What the hell?
Oh yeah, and let's not forget what their Elements actually look like in physical form: a "Lecter-style" facemask, wing bindings, a choker, blinders, shackles and a crown of fucking thorns. Good lord.
The two characters I actually want to talk about are the ones who don't die. Breakstaff is fun: you can barely make out the X-shaped scar over his throat. After surviving whatever that was, his tongue was removed, so he's mute. He also ends up helping out the mane six near the end of the story because, hey, betrayal, right? :V
Deadweight was then the actual star of the show. He's small and depressed, and though I haven't gotten to write it a lot, this is definitely my aesthetic. He's not really that evil, just sad, and though he's willing to go along with his companions' evil schemes, meeting the mane six, and especially Pinkie Pie, awakens something in him. During the final battle, he and Pinkie just sit off to the side, because he's not willing to fight nor let her interfere, and they just sort of talk and become friends. Then he helps them escape with Luna, and as they're all leaving, Breakstaff shows up and is like "I'm proud of you", because betrayal, right? :V And then Deadweight goes through the mirror with them and loses his death mask and changes his name and goes on a quest to find a cutie mark because I just really like small, depressed horses, okay? XD
...Wow, these notes are so old, they reference things people said on Ponychan and Derpychat. c.c;;;
Anyway, the point is, this is all really stupid and edgy and needlessly dark, and it's hilarious. Did I mention that "evil" Canterlot is called Devil's Lot? And Ponyville is "The Empire of Dirt"? Oh yeah, and let's not forget it's right up against the Everbright Forest, where everything's colorful and happy and Prince Solaar's ghost resides in a castle, waiting to help them. And I've got this list of edgy inverted names for characters. Like, the CMCs -- who strangely don't have an edgy group name -- are Cottonmouth (because snakes, remember?), Sabotage and Frog Throat. What? In Dirt, the mane six are helped out by the Lame and Impotent Duncey and his assistants, Sugar and Spice, because this was S1. Oh, and there was also Ragtag (Diamond Tiara) and Bad Star (Silver Spoon, but why???), who help them overthrow the Emperor of Dirt (Mayor Mare).
Okay, but I kind of love "Charnal Groove" for Vinyl Scratch. I don't know if he would have been important to the story at all, but by gum, I made sure he had a name! Because this was S1!
And now, against my better judgment, I'm going to top this all off by posting the first chapter, which was all I had written, without editing or even rereading it. Drink up!
Part 1: And They Shall Dream No More
Fire.
The black sky, parched, swallowed the stars, helpless to stop it.
The ground was cracked; it shook beneath her hooves.
Another gout of flame, taller than a castle, threatened to engulf her. She staggered back. That was when she noticed the cries.
"Help! Save me!"
She searched in vain, strained to hear better where they might be coming from. But all around was darkness wracked with flame.
"Where are you?"
"Save me, please!"
The sun began to rise, but it was black and consumed light and warmth rather than producing it. From behind it, two enormous eyes opened in the sky. They glared hatred upon her.
"You are mine!" intoned a voice, slowly, viciously. "You are both mine!"
Evil laughter began to fill her ears. She wanted to run, but her hooves were trapped by clawed hands that rose up through the earth. The laughter metamorphosed until its source was unmistakable.
Nightmare Moon.
The hands dragged her into the fire, and she screamed soundlessly.
"Princess Luna!"
Twilight Sparkle woke suddenly, the words spoken in her own voice ringing in her ears. She looked around quickly. No fire. No hands. It had all been a dream. She let her breath out slowly.
"But what a dream..." Suddenly, she became aware of a sound like distant rain, which she realized was the receding hoofbeats of a group of ponies galloping at top speed. She didn't have long to contemplate this before Spike called her.
"Twilight! Twilight!" He sounded frantic.
She shook herself and rolled out of bed. "What is it, Spike?"
"Twilight, it's a letter from the Princess! It's like five in the morning and it knocked me out of bed. You need to read this now!"
She did, and once she had finished, knew what needed to be done. "Spike, go wake up Pinkie Pie and Rarity. I'll get Applejack and Fluttershy, and send her for Rainbow Dash. Tell them what was in the letter, and hurry! It's an emergency!"
The baby dragon nodded and took off as fast as his tiny legs could carry him. She felt like he understood the gravity of the situation at least. This early at night, there would be nopony awake, which meant quick travel but promised irritable friends. She didn't care; this was too important to wait. Fluttershy was easy enough to scare up, literally, and after sending her to rouse Rainbow Dash, she made for Sweet Apple Acres. Her cowpony friend was a much heavier sleeper, but a little levitation ensured that Big Macintosh and Granny Smith were not disturbed. She met the rest of her friends, blinking sleep from their eyes still, at the mouth of the forest. Behind the sleepiness, they all looked grim.
"Did the Princess tell you how this all done happened?"
Twilight shook her head. "She just said that she'd be here."
"Look!" Rainbow Dash pointed skyward, and the form of Princess Celestia, silhouetted against the full moon, swooped in and landed next to them. She shook her head impatiently as they bowed.
"There is no time for formalities, my little ponies. We must make haste to the old castle!"
"You mean where we fought Nightmare Moon?"
"Princess, can ya tell us what in the hay is goin' on? Who's doin' this?"
The Princess's face was taut and grim. "I will explain, Applejack, but we must press on. We haven't a moment to lose!"
Press on they did, as the never-familiar darkness of the Everfree Forest pressed in around them. They moved as quickly as they dared, sometimes at a canter, sometimes at a full gallop when there was no debris to trip them up, following their regent's lead. At length, Celestia began to explain.
"Early this morning, six strange ponies appeared suddenly inside the castle walls. That is the only explanation for how they could have gotten in; no one saw or heard anything until they were in the castle proper. What guards were on duty reported that the intruders, all stallions, fought like mad ponies. My forces marshaled, but could not stop them from their goal..."
"Princess Luna," Twilight said softly.
"I have no idea why they would want to take my sister, but I swear I will do everything possible to get her back! By the time the kidnapping had been reported, they were already well on their way south to Ponyville. I had to guess that they were heading for the Everfree Forest, for all that is evil in this land seems to become tangled up in this place at one point or another."
"But why the castle ruins, Princess?"
"Luna's connection to that place is undeniable. And I have a suspicion, from the reports I heard..."
She stopped, because suddenly the darkness had closed in all around them. Large forms, indistinct and constantly shifting, leered from the shadows and surrounded the group. Celestia's face contorted in rage and her horn began to glow.
"We haven't got time for this. Hie thee from my sight!"
With the shout, her horn flared into intense light, brighter than anything Twilight had ever conjured or seen outside the sun itself. The shadows shrank back, whimpering, and fled their presence immediately. Twilight and her friends were momentarily awed by the show of power, but the Princess was already running for the castle.
"We're almost there!"
They crossed the rope bridge over Misty Canyon and through the Vale of Leering Trees, with the ruined castle's parapets peering up from the treetops. They did not even stop as they approached the castle itself, Celestia's power blasting their path clear.
Twilight, like her less athletic friends, was now struggling to keep up, and panting hard. "Princess, what was the other thing that made you think of the castle?"
Celestia's face was unreadable. "Long ago, before even my time, Equestria was a much wilder place. Clouds moved by themselves, plants and animals lived and grew without any help, and ponies had no control at all over the weather. The Everfree Forest is the only remnant of that dark time.
"At some point, a great power, its true nature lost to history, split the world in two, creating a second Equestria and transporting all the wildness and randomness that made the lives of early ponies so trying there. The two worlds grew alongside each other, mirroring one another, but never meeting. It is from this second, mirror world, that these six ponies came, and it is to that world that they have taken my sister."
The Princess took a deep breath. They had stopped, finally, at the steps leading up to the ruined throne room. "There is a portal, a mirror specifically, which exists in both worlds simultaneously. Harnessing its power allows one to travel between the worlds. Used properly, it can take one to any point in the world they wish to go. Otherwise, the destination point will be quite random. I am sorry to say, it seems the inhabitants of the dark Equestria not only know about the mirror, but how to use it to its fullest potential. It is this mirror which resides now in the basement of this ruined castle, placed there after I banished Nightmare Moon. I thought it would be safer if it was not easily accessible."
"So we just need to go through this mirror and find Princess Luna, then, right? Sounds easy enough!"
"It will not be that easy, Rainbow Dash. The other world will no doubt be frightening to all of you. Worse, each and every pony who lives in our Equestria is represented by a mirror image in the other world. They will have powers and personalities that are completely different from yours, and they will no doubt do everything in their power to stop you from rescuing my sister."
"Princess..." Twilight stepped forward, looking into her mentor's eyes. "I get the feeling that there's something you aren't telling us."
The Princess smiled wanly, and tears sprang to her eyes. "Oh, my little ponies... What I ask of you is more than any princess has asked of anypony has ever asked in a thousand years. You see, to go through the mirror... you must visualize the darkest day of your life. You will have to conjure up your worst memories and relive them in order to pass through. It's a terrible thing to have to do, and the mirror will try to drown you in these memories and so trap you in limbo. I have known you all for long enough that I do not want to think about the danger you will have to face, but I must ask you to do this. For Luna's sake."
Twilight looked back to her friends. It was plain that they were already remembering the times in question. One by one, they looked at her and nodded.
"Leave it to us, Princess. We'll get through the mirror and rescue Princess Luna. I don't care what it makes us think or see or feel, we'll be okay as long as we're together."
"Then let us wait no longer. I will lead you to the Dark Mirror of Hyracotheria."
She took them to a staircase off to the side, that went down into the catacombs beneath the castle. The walls were dank and musty, but in better repair than those above ground. The musty darkness grew more oppressive as they moved ahead, but hoofprints in the dust told them they were going the right way. After a few twists and turns, such that none but the Princess would have been able to find their way out on their own, they came to a massive iron door at the end of a hallway. It filled the end of the tunnel like a beast in the back of its cave. It was surmounted by steel bands and numerous padlocks, which the Princess removed with a single spell.
"I am the only one in Equestria who can open this door. Once you have gone through the mirror, I will replace the spell until your return. You will be entirely on your own."
The ponies filed through the door somberly, but the Princess held Twilight back.
"Twilight Sparkle, there is one last piece of information that I desire you to hear alone. It is up to you whether or not you tell your friends."
"I understand, Princess."
"You are racing against time, not just to save Luna but all of Equestria. When I banished Nightmare Moon from this world, I was able to take over her powers and raise the moon in her stead. However, with Luna snatched from me, I had no time to make the transfer. It will take all my strength to keep day and night changing as they should, but in the meantime, no pony in Equestria will be able to dream."
"No dreams?"
"Dreams are my sister's domain, and they are an ancient and forgotten magic that I cannot replicate by myself. Things will be fine here in Equestria for a few days, but night after night without dreams will quickly begin to take its toll. Without dreams, the mind grows weary and irritable. If it lasts long enough, madness can take hold. Every pony in the world is counting on you, Twilight Sparkle, and your friends. I hope you understand why I chose not to tell them this fact."
"I do. Don't worry, Princess, we'll get Luna back for you." She reached up and gave her mentor a brief hug, then paused. "Princess, there's something I ought to tell you. Before I woke up this morning... I think I heard those ponies running for the Everfree Forest, and I had a dream..."
"What sort of dream?"
"I dreamed about a terrible place with darkness and fire. And I heard Luna's voice yelling for help, but then it became Nightmare Moon's voice. Princess, it was horrible!"
"I fear that may have been an omen. I think my sister called out to you for help, Twilight Sparkle, and shown you a vision of what was to come in the dark world. Stay strong; you know what is at stake."
Twilight nodded, feeling suddenly unsure of herself, and joined her friends in front of the mirror.
"It would be best if you called upon the Elements of Harmony before you all went through," Celestia said into the room. "Be prepared for anything, and be careful, my little ponies." Then the Princess disappeared from view. The door creaked closed behind them and boomed shut. They could hear the sound of the bars and locks being replaced. Rarity already had a light spell streaming from her horn, and Twilight added to it.
Applejack, standing in the center of the room, pulled a sheet off a large object. "Well, I guess this is it, then."
The mirror filled the room with malevolence.
Everything about it was wrong. It was like standing in the entire Everfree Forest all at once, condensed into a space smaller than a room. The frame bent and twisted at strange angles, the face seemed warped and smooth all at the same time. When they approached it, the images shown back to them were hideous and deformed mockeries of their true visages. Rarity and Fluttershy shuddered. Even Pinkie Pie, who had the idea to make faces in the mirror, thought better of it when her first attempt was reflected back as an enormous mouth full of razor-sharp teeth.
"Twilight, this mirror is no fun!"
"It's not supposed to be fun, Pinkie. I can see why the Princess doesn't want even us to have to use it."
"Ugh, Twilight, this thing is... unspeakably awful. Can we please just get this over with?"
Twilight nodded. "All right. First thing's first. Do we all know what our worst moments are?"
Sullen faces nodded back.
"Last year's applebuckin' season."
"The Grand Galloping Gala..."
"Photo. Finish."
"The Best Young Fliers competition."
"My surprise birthday party."
Twilight drew in a deep breath. "All right. Focus on the bad parts. But remember, we'll all be together. And after all, those things turned out all right in the end. If we get too scared, we can use that to help us once we're through. Are we all ready?"
"But wait, Twilight, what about your bad memory?"
"I..."
She's only here because the Princess likes her. If it wasn't for Celestia, you wouldn't be anypony worth noticing, Twilight Sparkle!
"I don't want to talk about it. It happened before I met any of you, anyway. We need to get through this mirror, we can't waste anymore time."
"All right, on the count of three, everypony! One..."
"Two..."
"Three!"
They surged forward. There was a pause; a sucking; a coldness.
The mirror had them.
Probably not the best idea I've ever had. :V Oh god, I reread it. D: Well, it looks like I predicted both Luna's dreamwalking and Equestria Girls. If Star Swirl's mentioned, I actually started writing this after S2, after all. And I had some ideas floating around for this to begin a series of stories about the mane six -- or maybe just Twilight? -- going through a series of mirrors to different realms and doing stuff there. I don't know what else would have happened, but if it had been just Twilight, it would have turned out similar to Jugemu, of all things.
So there you go, The Dark Mirror in all its stupid, stupid glory. And the point of all this?
If ever you feel like you've written something dumb and everyone's making fun of you, just remember that, once upon a time, my 28-year-old ass thought this cringey edgefest was a good idea. XD
The death masks are, on paper, a clever reversal. Instead of showing the meaning of a pony's life, it shows the means of their death. Yes, this is hilariously over the top at time, but there are some interesting parts to it.
I assume every fandom has it's own version of S1 and the clumsiness that goes with it.
4971147 Over the top? I'll give you over the top.
"The horror! The HORROR!" Rarity cringed away, nearly curled into a ball and trembling. "No," she whispered. "Stay away."
Skull chortled and took a step forward with a clicking and jingling of piercings. "So you don't like my outfit? I made it myself. I call it... Skull Fashion." He lifted one foreleg and shook it to let the tiny silver skull piercings touch with the fairy-like tinkle of tiny bells. "I've got skulls embroidered on the kneepads, skulls on the shoulderpads--"
"Bladed," whimpered Rarity. "I noticed. But that's not it. I can't believe you... monster!"
"Yeah," gloated Skull with another step forward. "I used tiny little skulls to decorate the bigger skulls."
"Still not it," gasped Rarity, twitching and trembling as if she were trying to tunnel out of the corner of the room. "Your coat... That terrible, horrible shade of fuchsia. And your orange mane! It's unnatural!"
"Don't care," said Skull, taking one last step to tower over her. "Now, before I end you and get back to the rest of the losers, you got any last requests?"
"Just one." Rarity stopped trembling and looked up, studying him with an experienced eye. "Blue, I think. Cerulean blue."
"Cerulean?" Skull blinked a few times as unpracticed neurons in his brain fired. "Do you expect me feed you or something?"
"No, Mister Skull." Rarity stood up with the coiled fire hose behind her expanding with pressure, and the nozzle pointed firmly at Skull's face. A few dark blue droplets of water dripped down from the tip, most likely from the five or six empty packets of Goops Permanent Color Changing Formula scattered around her hooves.
"I expect you to dye."
Not even such a bad idea, though, isn't it, this mirror thing.Well. I don't know. Sweet-sweet-info-via-dialogue-dumping Celestia might not have helped chapter one much. But you're right, the e d g e is real.
4971155
Two questions.
What is this, and where does it come from?
Does this mean you’re not planning to finish and publish?
Edginess aside, a lot of the ideas are sound in theory. Reminds me of all the mirror universe stuff from the various Star Trek series; just put a goatee on everypony and they’re good to go.
4971147
Agree on the death masks, regardless of edginess.
4971155
*Slow Clap*
Now we need Goldfinger (the song) ponified.
I honestly expected worse. Still, seems to be something to manage with care. I got a cut reading it (I know, I know, I'll show myself out).
Hey guyz, I’m 13, and this is my first fanfic, so please be nice. No mean comments!
Oh my... it seems that their version of the elements is extreme kink gear!
4971155
Nice touch with the play on words for Goldfinger.
4971155
I didn't ask for this.
4971161
I had a note to self to rewrite the chapter, with Celestia's infodump as a prologue. :B
4971180
Oh god, you're right D:
I swear I read this exact fic some 10 times before.
I notice that Evil Spike is entirely absent from your synopsis.
I approve.
4971183 Nobody ever does. Paradoxically, if asked to produce something like this, nothing happens in my noggin, but I'm working on it.
4971168 Me. And well, me. You don't know me very well, do you?
4971194
Can't say I do, but presumably, this is a fun you have here and there.
I read that as Breakfast Betrayl
I don't have the guts to post some of my super-early stuff. Also, "cringey edgefest" sounds like a trollrific OC waiting to happen
There are two types of writers in any fandom. One type is people who admit that they at minimum outlined and possibly wrote some of a incessantly dark multi-chapter fic that was wildly inappropriate for the source material’s tone and relentlessly overdramatic.
The other type is people who are liars.
(Mine started as a Hunger Games/Battle Royale rip-off and proceeded into a trilogy centered around a total war with invading centaurs. If I’m remembering correctly, the second-act low point of volume 2 was Rainbow Dash leading a pegasus mutiny and committing war crimes against a bunch of centaur civilians. A quiet death in G-Drive Purgatory is far better than that concept deserved.)
4971191
...Wow, shit, that's really funny. XD
4971339
...Shit, you're not publishing that? D: Dammit.
Please tell me Frog Throat was a Displaced version of Froppy.
4971462
No, he was Sweetie Belle. :B Kinda hadn't invented that anime back then!
I'll be honest, the death masks idea is actually a pretty cool way to twist the notion of cutie marks, and it being plastered on the pony's face makes it much easier to ostracize and shame people who're branded with stupid deaths (That one pony who runs himself over with his own wagon is probably a laughingstock).
Not saying it's not a bit edgy, but I thought that part at least was really clever.
Oh my god this fic, especially the dream opening! I will hug it and squeeze it and call it George. :V
Something that you definitely missed of the show going forward was the Everfree becoming a complete meaningless nonentity.
On the other hand, you definitely got "kidnapping princesses is super easy forever" thing down. :D
Oh, Lorde! That infodump
I actually had to re-read the bit about Celestia raising the Moon because I missed the part about why the ponies didn't lose their shit during the 1,000 years she handled that before. Glad that was covered, at least
<nine inch nails intensifies>
Well, dark and edgy info dumps aside, there's actually some clever ideas in there.
The long term solution, of course, is to break the fate link between Dark Mirror World and real Equestria so it is free to develop on it's own path. Hmm, I know a job for Discord...
My own take on the Elements of Strife has Anger opposite Laughter and Division opposite Magic (on the logic that 'magic' in context actually means Synthesis, 'makes it all complete' and all that)
There are cool ideas with Death Masks, could be even more interesting if it was the meaning of your death instead of just the means. Or both.
I kind of want to see Light and Fluffy Tempest now... Spring Showers as the general of the Wind Queen? She was saved from the bullying of her awful peers by a friendly Ursa Minor that taught her the value of friendship regardless of species. Break the fate link JUST after their shocking triumph over the forces of Grimdark to prevent their fated defeat.
And then he and Twilight can make out....woah, this one is more messed up then mine.
5653037
how did you find this it's been four years XD
5653123
My name gives me the special, magical power to venture into forgotten eras... well, either that or any user can do it, but that doesn't make me look as cool.
5653135
this tracks
5653167
In case you - or anyone - had any interest...
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/168/grimdark/thread/411783/a-grimdark-equestria-tyranny-is-power