We're Back! A 25th Anniversary Retrospective

Though I missed doing a retrospective by several months, considering the majority of the story takes place around Thanksgiving, it makes sense I make this retrospective here. I’ve had fond memories of this film; my grandparents on my mother’s side of the family had this in their house and my siblings and I would watch it often in each visit. That or we hung out in the basement or watched Nick Junior Cartoons and a few others movies they had. With the passing of my grandfather and his possessions and house become sold/auctioned off, this is the strongest and most heartfelt memory I have. Would I make fanart of this? Perhaps on New Years Day, as this was first released then.

After a very jazzy opening credits sequence, we find ourselves in Central Park’s golf course. A baby bird named buster, having enough of his siblings' BS, decides to fly away. Unfortunately, he wasn’t taught by Bottles the Mole but soon catches up with an unusual fellow. A Tyrannosaurus named Rex, voiced by John Goodman was playing golf and just so happened to meet the bird. When he heard that Buster was running away, he decides to tell him a story from a time long ago….

Literally. We pass through his eyes into the fires of the past. The prehistoric kind. While chasing his quarry, the living terror was interrupted when a spaceship crashes through the swamps. He investigates the strange anomaly, coming across an alien named Vorb, voiced by Jay Leno. Yes, you heard correctly, Jay Leno. It doesn’t matter if you recognize him or not. The alien lures the Sharptooth, almost decapitates him, and force feeds him several pounds of Brain Grain and turns him into the huggable creature of today.

He meets up with other huggable dinosaurs. A Triceratops named Woog, voiced by Rene Levant, a Pteranodon named Elsa, voiced by Felicity Kendal of The Good Life fame, and a Parasaurolophus named Dweeb, voiced by Roger Rabbit himself Charles Fleischer. Having a Lunch Club meeting with hot dogs, the group remiss about the life and times they had out in the wild.

“Let’s face it, we evolved…” Remarks Dweeb.

The following evening, they are brought before Captain New Eyes, voiced by the late Walter Cronkite (considering that I am living in Saint Joseph today, this really tickles me inside). The reason for his actions is because his Wish Radio revealed that children in the present time (well, what was the present time) love dinosaurs and would like to see them. Some kids have other wishes, and the dinosaurs agree to strip themselves from their natural habitat and move to the future.

Now in New York City, they are given a mission: find the Natural History Museum and steer away from Professor ScrewEyes, so aptly named because he lost his eye long ago. Given parachutes and a floaty, the dinosaurs are dropped off into Hudson Bay. A boy they dropped in named Louie offers to guide them to the Museum if they can stick with him to a circus being shown in Central Park.

But New York never sleeps, and so Louie and Elsa go on a scouting mission, not that they get discovered so easily in the air. They find the perfect disguise: an unoccupied float to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. They come across another miserable child named Cecilia, voiced by Yeardley Smith. Seeing that her parents are out of town often, and without a saxophone to play with or Fairy Godparents, she joins with them as they enact their plan.

Which results in the only song in the movie. But my God is it catchy as hell!

But the song number botches up the plan: Manhattan knows dinosaurs walk among them, and Louie and Cecilia get separated from the dinosaurs. The four find a poster of their hated enemy hosting the same circus they are going to in Central Park. Before they can warn them though, all of New York’s Finest are hot on their trail. Hilarity ensues.

The kids manage to find the Circus, and come face to face with the Ringmaster, Professor Screweyes, voiced by the late Kenneth Mars (he was to be voiced by John Malkovich; I’ll get to that in a moment). He has them sign a contract… in blood… Before coming across the dinosaurs. The deal is permanent unless they can work something out. If the dinosaurs can take the Screweyes’ remedy, Brain Drain, and perform instead, the kids would be free. They remorsefully agree.

“Don’t be scared. It’ll be alright. It’s no more than a bad dream.”

Wanna understand how Screweyes lost his eye before we move on? Well...

The kids wake up the next morning and are given pancakes by Stubbs the Clown, voiced by Martin Short. A clown he is, Stubbs cannot perform his acts unless he can make the Professor laugh. After some coercing, the kids find that their saurian friends turned feral and need to find a way to get them back.

The next evening, the kids sneak a part into the show, one of masked creatures and visual effects. The dinosaurs are dragged to the center of the arena on an elephant dragged platform and give such a scare to the public. But as with many shows involving animals, it goes awry. But before Rex can eat the Professor, Louie tries to coax the dinosaur.

“The no bad happen!” Cecelia begs.

Friendship is magic… not by a rainbow death beam, but by a hug. Despite being in their natural state, the dinosaurs return to their cuddly, sapient selves. Captain Neweyes comes to the rescue and takes them away (Stubbs however, goes at it alone, pursuing his career as a circus seal in the far future).

Screw Eyes, however…

Haunting, isn’t it?

The dinosaurs finally reach the museum, much to the reprieve of the curator, Doctor Bleeb, voiced by Julia Childs (yes, the chef herself). Children of all kinds gather around the dinosaurs, seemingly forgetting the fear it caused their parents. But all seems forgiven in either case.

And that story encourages Buster to stay and suck up his problems while Rex makes his way back to the museum (just how he would do so without attracting a big crowd.

The verdict? Because this is one movie that I hold in my heart, I have a few words I can say.

While I personally don’t think so, I can understand why my older cousins think of this movie as weird, if not disturbing. Perhaps the Nostalgia Critic summarises this best as

“This is the Land Before Time on crystal meth!”

The strangest thing is that I’ve heard that the movie would’ve been deeper, something along the lines that gives a proper lesson. One animator, the one who was probably involved with the deleted scene up above, mentioned once that a lot of scenes he worked on were also cut from the final product. Remember how I mentioned John Malkovich? Well, he left and, supposedly, to this day, disowns this movie because of the decisions they made.

The soundtrack itself contains several parts that aren’t even in the film, even more so than The Land Before Time. Here are two for example,

If I were to change anything, I would probably

1. Go with a different introduction. The first piece in the soundtrack, “Primeval Times” indicates that the movie would’ve started off as the book, though the opening credits would probably take place in space as Captain Neweyes makes his way to Prehistoric Earth.
2. Add a few more dinosaurs. The original book also had a Diplodocus, a Stegosaurus, and a Deinonychus. Louie can stay, though he wouldn’t be in the cliche relationship with Cecilia.
3. This is something I just noticed. Whether intentional or unintentional, why not have the dinosaurs fulfill the wishes of the children while on their journey to the museum? Call it plant and payoff.

Overall, I hold this higher in my heart, but I won’t lash out at you for having a different opinion than my own.

"And that's the way it is."