Highlights from BronyCon 2018: The Ponies’ Court

Previous Highlight: Family Feud

In which Twilight Sparkle takes a vacation diplomatic voyage, Starlight Glimmer gains her first foray as a judge, and son_of_heaven176 learns that even a JD isn’t enough to get ahold of sense when Pinkie Pie is involved.

Sunday, July 29, 2018: Last Day of BronyCon 2018

After Family Feud was over, I ran across Pink Flash and DarkWind, who, oddly enough, had been there for the last question. We talked about how nonsensical it was that the teams didn’t think of guessing the remainder of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, alongside some other topics, and eventually, the three of us took seats for the Ponies’ Court.

The setup was this: Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer were both getting ready for another session of court. However, at the last second, Twilight dropped the gavel in Starlight’s hooves, revealing that she was, in fact, scheduled to leave on a voyage that was totally not a vacation! And as Twilight had to go on her relaxing vacation totally boring diplomatic retreat, Starlight Glimmer would be in charge of that day’s court proceedings. But not to worry, Shining Armor will be there to help keep order! But make sure not to let Discord ruin things! Okay, so long, goodbye!

And before Starlight could say another thing, off Twilight went.

Fortunately for Glim-Glam, Twilight left behind a scroll with the instructions of how the Ponies’ Court went. The parties would show up and tell their stories, the audience would ask questions, and then a verdict would be handed down.

The first case was Diamond Tiara v. Trixie. (At BronyCon, they miscaptioned it as Trixie v. Diamond Tiara. For future reference, captions in trial-court cases always take the form Plaintiff v. Defendant. You might find the names switched on appeal, depending on the circumstances, but at the trial level, it’s always the plaintiff’s name first.) The case was thus: Diamond Tiara had hired Trixie to provide some fireworks for a party that Diamond Tiara was throwing. However, the fireworks instead injured poor DT. Trixie said that it wasn’t her fault; the pyrotechnics were defective.

One of the audience members asked Trixie to produce the receipt for the fireworks. Trixie instead gave us a “magic show”: Ta-da! The receipt is invisible! Same with her license to operate pyrotechnics. Other questions were asked, such as where Trixie got the fireworks (it was either a back alley or Pinkie Pie; I forget) and why DT hired Trixie in the first place (I forget the answer).

Memory serving, Trixie was held to be at fault when everything was said and done.

Another case was Thorax v. Iron Will. In this case, an aggressiveness seminar went awry: Iron Will punched a juvenile changeling in the face, and now the poor thing just doesn’t look the same anymore!

I forget the questions that the audience asked, but needless to say, Iron Will was held liable for this one.

One of the cases that stuck out in my mind was this: Pinkie Pie v. Pinkie Pie. It started off easily enough: Two Pinkie Pies showed up, both claiming to be the real one. Apparently Pinkie went into the Mirror Pool again! But as Starlight struggled to get the story out of the two Pinkies, even more Pinkies came out of the woodwork. There was even a male Pinkie in the group! (No, not my roommate!) Of course, logician that I am, I thought that I had a foolproof solution. All of the fakes went out of the Mirror Pool, but clearly only the real one would remember going into it in the first place! Brilliant!

Feel free to start laughing now.

It went exactly as I should have expected. I asked the Pinkies, “Which one of you went in?” Of course, each of them claimed that it could have been her (or him).

After a few more questions, Starlight left it to a vote. She had given each Pinkie candidate a nickname, and the audience was to cheer for the Pinkie whom they thought was the real one. And as she went down the line of Pinkies, there were varying amounts of cheers for each of them. Even the male candidate had some cheers! Memory serving, there was a runoff between the two who had the loudest cheers in the first round, and when everything was said and done, justice was served.

I hope.

And with that, that was the end of the sessions I had on my schedule for the day. I had planned to check out the Charity Auction, and then the Closing Ceremonies after that.

I checked out the Charity Auction for a bit. DustyKatt was the auctioneer, and they were selling all types of stuff. I did not intend to buy anything (I didn’t have a lot of money left anyway, and I needed to make sure that I still had enough for the inevitable baggage fee the next day), but nonetheless, the bets were quickly getting way too rich for my blood. I then decided to head to StableTop Games instead. As for what happened afterwards…well, that will have to wait until next time.

Author’s Note: I have figured out that there is actually a recording of the Ponies’ Court on YouTube. I did not refer to the video as I typed this, so any discrepancies are due to gaps in my memory.

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