Something Has to Give · 7:59pm Nov 7th, 2018
This one might hurt a little. Here's some Coco to cushion the blow.
Very important discussion below the break.
I haven't quite been myself since January? February? I've had good days, I've had bad days, and I've had neutral days. I'm okayish. Just okay though. Maybe. But that's a conversation for my mom and therapist. Writing wise, I really haven't had a good year. It's kinda just been one thing after another. Irrelevancy, inferiority, and imposter syndrome have all been creepy their heads for months. I keep opening the site and thinking 'what am I actually doing here?' If I can't even place in a Sunset contest, what good am I anymore?
A lot of those emotions transfer over to school. I'm sitting here surrounded by people far smarter and far more enthused in our field than I am and I'm wondering 'what am I doing here?' It's not that I don't care about libraries and archives, but eight months before graduation, I realized... I kinda don't want to do this.
Despite the inferiority and imposter syndrome... I want to write. I want to be an author.
I know I'll never be as good as J.K. or Neil Gaiman. Heck, I'll never be as good as some of the authors on this site. I can't describe scenery like Cold in Gardez, or analyze human (pony) emotions to evoke visceral reactions like Monochromatic. But, I think I'm just good enough to get noticed. I've got stories to tell, and with enough time and care, I hope I can tell them well.
See, I do have a small iota of pride in myself.
Working over the summer at a 9-5 job made me realize, no matter what is is, I'm not going to be happy. Content, maybe, but dissatisfied all the same. This is what I want to do with my life. And it's dumb! I know it's dumb! If writing on Fimfiction causes me this much anxiety, why the heck would I want to step up and try to play with the big boys? Because it's the only thing that feels right.
But there's something stopping me every time.
It's Sunset. It's Fimfiction.
Guys, I have so many stories I want to tell! I could do this for fifty years and maybe get through my current backlog of ideas. But if I want to turn this into a career as well as a hobby, if I want to live the life I see in my dreams, then something has to give.
I want to read more so I can write better. And I want to learn to draw so I can bring my characters to life visually. And I can't do all that on top of school/soon-to-be career, fan-ficiton writing, and other life engagements.
This isn't me leaving now. That would be too soon, too sudden, and too unsatisfying. This is me telling you that there's going to be a major shift in my writing. There are Four things I have to do here before I put things down.
1. Finish Spectacular Seven. You really think I'd leaving without concluding that one? No, no, no. Above all else, Sunset's story will come to a satisfying conclusion.
2. Finish The Maker's Reject. I don't know why I'm so attached to this story. It's kinda amazing seeing as I wasn't even sure if it would get out of development. But, I really want to finish it. So, I will.
3. I owe Ebon Quill a story. And I will make good on that promise. Expect that sometime next summer.
4. A secret project. I'm putting my heart and soul into it though, and it will bring everything I've done here full circle.
Everything else is on hiatus. I'm sorry. They might update, if the mood strikes me to work on them. But, I'm drastically cutting things down so I can work on original material. When those four items are completed... I'm going to walk away.
For a while, at least. Until I'm off the ground. There are a lot of professional writers who do fan-fiction on the side, and I'd like to be one of them! But to get there, I have to put the fan-fictions down for a while. So, it wont be goodbye forever. One day, if you guys are still here, I'll come back. Because I really want to see all these stories finish, just as much as you do. I hate leaving something I love incomplete. But I have to move on.
Granted, finishing Spectacular Seven still might take me a little while. So, I'll still be around for some time. But, I will be... even quieter. I still want to make a few follow-ups, and I will be here to close out Season 9 and Generation 4 as a whole. Maybe I'll even be here to see Gen 5 start.
I just wanted to let you guys know. I like transparency. So, hold off on your goodbyes. There'll be time for that later. There's still a few more stories for me to tell. I might... publish a few stories, just to stake my claim on them. A promise that I'll come back. Maybe even a better writer.
I hope you'll stay with me in the meantime. You guys are awesome, and I can't thank you enough for the years of support. Take it easy.
Writer's block and life. The two biggest bullies when it comes to being an author am I right? I ain't have the piece if mind to write a damn thing in almost 3 months and that bothers me. I want to write more I really do but life bills family etc all of it gets in the way at the worst possible time. Your pain is shared greatly my friend though if it's any comfort? Feel free to ask us for help. I'd be honored to offer assistance to the writer who put a fire in my soul to begin writing again and I truly mean that. The offer is there if you want it; otherwise? Best of luck and do your best!
I understand. I sincerely hope this will lead to your name on bookstore shelves, and wish you the best of luck. (And if your muse nudges you towards the horses every now and again, so much the better
)
I'll always habe your back Albi! No matter what! I know you can go the distance!
While I appreciate the thought, please consider the story you started at the same time as I started WNM to be secondary to anything you need to do for self-care.
You will be missed on the site, and I look forward to purchasing your published works.
Shame to see you go, you will be missed.
Long Road to Friendship was the story that made me fall in love with Sunset Shimmer, SunLight ships and made me want to start writing again.
I am so glad I had read it, and I'm so happy to own a physical copy. I cannot thank you enough for writing it. I've been wanting to say that for a while but I've just been to worried to do so. Kind of embarrassed too.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I think you're a great writer, and whatever you write, I'm looking forward to reading it. Just please make sure you have fun while writing.
Respect Albi, for putting your thoughts and feelings in words and sharing them. Wishing you all the best on your journey. It sounds like it's going to be amazing
I'm probably sounding like a broken record (especially because I'm not good at words like these) but you can do whatever you want. You're obligated to nobody but yourself. If you want to take a break or even stop entirely you are allowed to do it. Yes, we would be sad at first, but ultimately we'd quickly get over it, because your happiness makes us feel better than some chapters you wrote without drive or passion. Just know that we'll always be there and accept and support every decision you make. And those that don't, well, you can care about these people even less. I'm fairly certain that even after MLP:FiM is over there'll still be people that solely come to this side to read your stories. You wrote one of only two fanfics that made me actually cry, if you want any proof of your skill.
So, we only really met once this past year at EFNW (And I also hang out over on Novel's Nook), but I'd like to say that quite honestly you were really cool to meet and while I know my words won't really make a dent in the wall of doubt that is imposer syndrome I would like to say that from where I sit, as someone who is also attempting to get into the wide world of being a professional writer, you my friend are going to do well!
Now that's the short version, which I put up above because honestly who wants to read my rambles?
But it's not crazy, wanting to do this as a job. Writing is, perhaps, one of the oldest and most noble professions in the world. Being a storyteller is something important, something special. Something that not a lot of people think of as important, nor do they really think is something worth investing in. But in many ways, we writers are the spiritual lifeblood of the human race. We tell, retell, reinvent, and remake the stories that have been passed down to us from those who came before us! And sometimes, sometimes we give the universe something new, something unseen before, something special that somewhere down the road, a young writer just starting out looks at and goes "I want to tell stories like this!"
And often, or at least I know from my own experience, we're really not happy until we're telling and sharing stories. Its who we are, and what we feel we're born to do. I mean, at least in my case I'm pretty sure if I was a pony I'd have a book stamped on my butt! And often other jobs just seem boring and honestly unsatisfying. Every single author, be it fanfiction or otherwise, has honestly told me that. Though some do the whole "I suffered through it anyway, because I'm an adult, and life is suffering" speech to me, others have told me that they followed their heart and are happier for it (and sometimes a bit richer, but the money never really seems to be the goal.)
Anyway, I'm rambling, so I'll offer you good luck one last time and potentially look out for your books when you hit it big!
Eh, so what? You're good at long term planning and even if you didn't get enough credit for it, you can deliver excellently nuanced villains. You do you.
I may be new to the fan base of your works but i have had nothing except a grand mixture of emotions except for like crying a stuff from reading your storys. long road to friendship an spectacular seven being my favorites. Albi i literally read like thoes two storys stright for weeks at a time they were mostly finished when i found them thanks for that waiting sucks. but as a writer myself a very very bad writer although i like to think im good. I'll say this i cant come close or even hope to write as good as you or most but i dont mind trying to tell a good story. espically when i feel like its going to be awesome till people snap about the grammer towards me but thats besides the point. the point im trying to make is as a huge HUGE fan of your work an others an almost gettting me to cry almost from one of your storys which sadly enough i cant remember which 1 sry bout that. (names ugh! heh.) My point is I've loved your work i look foward to seeing the end of spectacular seven (Albi i need that in my life.) i wish you all the best an just know i will still be a fan waiting patiencely for your work be it here or anywhere else i can read it an i will try to buy the stuff i can buy on here from you i think thats how it works idk an im 26 geez im old anyways hope you enjoy a fan rambling Albi honestly i just hope this brightens your day even if only a tiny tiny wittle bit. Later Albi. From a simple Fan passing by Flamelight Cinder. P.S! (I actually wanted my name to be Windshear but apparently it was taken sooo not fair.)
I'm very proud of you for realizing and embracing what makes you happy in life and what you want to do versus what you're currently doing. I've found that feeling myself and it's a great thing, and I'm happy you know what it's like.
I've always thought you more than a little crazy for writing so many ongoing, long-term stories at once. I completely understand cutting it down and thing it's for the best. It'll help you focus and as you say, when the mood strikes you, maybe they'll update.
You'll be a fantastic writer someday, Albi. We believe in you. Good luck.
I totally understand, this is so me and yet not so me and yet so TOTALLY me 15 years ago it isn't even funny.
Above all else, do what's best for you. Everyone who supports and respects you and calls you friend will be behind whatever you do.
I find that one of the best motivators for, well, just about anything, is pure, unfiltered, unadulterated HATE. Think of something you hate, people you hate, people whom you know would love nothing more than to see you fail. And spite them. FUCK those people, FUCK those things, and FUCK EVERYTHING in your way. Spite is honest to god one of the things that gets me through bad days since I just keep that burning hate for what I have to do inside me. It keeps me warm and it keeps me awake. Just spite the ones that would see you fail. Spite the things you hate. Conjure a mental image of everything you hate in this world, give it the metaphorical middle finger, or literal, and just give it a big toothy grin. You've got better shit to do than give up.
Do whats best for you, thanks for keeping us in the loop.
I'll be around for as long as you are. While I will miss your writing when you step away to focus on yourself and your career, I'll still follow you on this site. Long Road to Friendship and Spectacular Seven are absolutely fantastic stories, and you've had some other really interesting ones as well. And honestly, I see you as equal to the likes of Monochromatic. Both of you tell amazing stories, but with different styles and ships.
I know we haven’t talked in a while Albi but know that I’ve always admired you and your dedication and your skill as a writer. You can do so many great things and know that like all of us who follow you; I respect you greatly.
We all know you can become more and we all believe in you and we all wish you the best in all your future endeavours.
Thank you for being such an inspiration and we look forward to seeing your ideas come to life.
Just want you to know that you're basically what got me into MLP Friendship is magic and I'll never stop being grateful for that.
I am, and shall always be, a fan of your work especially Sunset of Time.
Tell us here when you become published!
Yeah. I'm in a similar state of flux: where I know I want to do a couple things for a living, but I'm having a hard time getting myself motivated enough to start.
But I know I'll be here, waiting to see what you do next. I really enjoy your stories, so I'll still hang around.
I believe I mentioned it before, but I found Long Road to Friendship on a very horrible moment, with very real events going on in my life, and it helped me get through it. It was so good, so immersive, it took my mind out of things out of my control. I could never thank you enough for sharing that story.
I believe you are a great author and I wish you the best of lucks becoming a professional. As many said before, you do you. What you already gave us is great, and you are finishing Spectacular Seven? Wooo! Thanks.
I will be around and I will wait forever, in case you ever feel like finishing Across the Shimmering Sea and Mechanical Soul.
We're behind you all the way!
I'm sorry for all the trouble you've had and I hope things get better. You are better than you think you are and whenever I feel down or in need of motivation I turn to your stories. I hope all your writing goes well for you and that you feel better about what you are doing. I'd love to read any book you got out there. Just keep your loved ones close and always remember that you are special. We all have our stumbles from time to time, even the greatest of writers out there. Just know that you matter. Thank you for all you have done and we happily await what comes next.
If I may rebuke:
Your stories are great, on their own. Constantly comparing yourself to everyone else isn't going to help you improve if you constantly view it as "they're better than me and I'll never get there". You might not be super strong in some areas, but that's fine, you're a human and we're all different. Your stories are ones I look forward to, regardless of the other stories and authors out there.
Also, I'd like to say, striving for happiness is a terrible goal. Sounds weird, I know, but you'll always be looking for something better and you'll never actually *be* happy. The best way forward is looking for challenges, something you know you can do, but something that still pushes you. In any case, I look forward to more chapters, and I hope you feel better
Hogwash. Every competition is a new story and a new challenge. Expecting to always be on top is insane, even for an objectively judged competition. Add in the amount of subjectivity found in writing, and of course you're not gonna place well every single time.
love your story's and I got a copy of Long road to friendship. I say you got the stuff and look forward moor of your work
For what it’s worth I’ve rather enjoyed your stories. I had to stop half way through the blog post because it reminds me too much of my own issues with words.
I wish you luck and fair weather with telling your stories.
I'll still be here, clearing up my Read-It-Later backlog. Don't forget about us when you need a break from original fiction
.
We'll meet again,
Don't know where, don't know when,
But I know we'll meet again
Some sunny day.
Keep smiling through,
Just like you always do,
'Till the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away.
And you know I'll say hello
To the folks that you know,
Tell them you won't be long.
They'll be happy to know
That as I saw you go,
We were singing this song
We'll meet again,
Don't know where, don't know when,
But I know we'll meet again
Some sunny day.
Keep smiling through,
Just like you always do,
'Till the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away.
I feel you man.
I'm willing to wait for things to get better for you before you update anything.
Remember: YOU ARE THE BEST SUNSET SHIMMER WRITER ON THIS SITE AND YOUR STORIES ARE WORTH IT.
We will be here when you return
I have a physical copy of Long Road to Friendship and it will always occupy a special place on my bookshelf at the forefront of my collection of fanfic prints. It was my gateway into EQG stories, the reason why I grew to appreciate Sunset as a character, and you are on one of a handful of authors whose work recently inspired me to pick a pen and pad again after years of letting ideas languish. If you continue with your work here, fantastic! If not, then I look forward to someday picking up something at my local bookseller with your name on the cover.
You took the time to offer me kind words, reasoned critique, and encouragement for my own writing. That alone made the effort of putting words to the screen worthwhile.
Oh wow. This post is just so me right now. I know you responded with a similar comment when I said I wouldn’t be writing as much fic last summer, but let me tell you just how much I identify with this.
1.) I have so much librarian imposter syndrome. I don’t have a library job yet, I don’t understand catalog coding, and I can’t remember all the acronyms. I’m still passionate, but I’m terrified someone will bring up an acronym in a meeting one day when I do get a job and I’ll have to ask what it means and everyone will laugh at me. It’s the worst feeling.
2.) FiMFiction holds me back sometimes, too. I had my novel concept planned in high school, and I only started writing it a year and a half ago. It’s only about halfway finished, because I put so much time into FiMFiction. Hence why I’ll probably retire before you.
3.) All your stuff about wanting to “play with the big boys” and not being as good as Rowling or Gaiman really resonates with me, except in my case, it’s a little different. I’m not just afraid to compete with them.
Let me put it this way: I’ve been watching My Hero Academia lately, and because it’s on my mind a ton, I’ve started to look at writing like the way they view heroes. There are the top 10 heroes, the pros who aren’t quite top 10 (but still superhumanly competent), and years upon years of students. I’ll be blunt about how writers fit into this model.
People like Rowling, Gaiman, and the like are the “top 10 heroes.” They’re the flagships always out saving the day. Other authors are established B-list heroes, the kinds that comic nerds adore but few others know about. Popular fanfic writers like you are newbie heroes gaining popularity. And I am some kid in probably my second year of superhero school, an apprentice superhero who knows my place.
Will I fantasize of someday being as big as Superman? Probably. Will I pick a fight with Superman? No. And really, that’s just it for me. I look up to the writers on FiMFiction because in a strange way, I’m on their level. Even if they’re one of the greats, I still have a chance of beating them in a contest. I know I can’t beat a metaphorical Superman writer yet.
I feel like that’s how your contest probably went, too. Your story was amazing, but FiMFiction writers know that they can bring the talent and match amazing stories. For what it’s worth, I really enjoyed it and all of your stuff. In fact, where you say you wish you could be as great of a writer as Cold in Gardez or Monochromatic, I think “I wish I could be as great as Albinocorn.”
Seriously, I’m not making this up. The instant I read the Spectacular Seven scene where Sunset quick-fire insults Moondancer, I wanted to write a scene like that with Coco. You’ve inspired me so many times, and I want you to know that.
I seriously hope that, when we both get published, I’ll be able to be your equal when it comes to writing. I’ll be waiting for that moment!
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I haven't made much of anything for a long time because of those bullies