• Member Since 20th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen 27 minutes ago

Phoenix_Dragon


Just a friendly cyborg dragon-bug thingy

More Blog Posts27

  • Tuesday
    Some Whisper and Starlight arts.

    I entirely forgot to post these up, but Alienz_Tea over on Reddit made some beautiful pictures of Whisper and Starlight that I wanted to share!

    First up is Starlight, looking all perky and ready to go! And of course she has to have her Lancer, which Alienz_Tea gave a unique and very detailed take of!

    Read More

    8 comments · 213 views
  • 3 weeks
    Non-pony writing and titles

    So I haven't done any new pony-words in a while, but I've still been writing. In fact, I've got a story that I'm hoping to get professionally published. Probably still a while away, even if things were to go miraculously smoothly, but it's a possibility that I'm really psyched about. There's just one problem:

    I'm not sure what to title it.

    Read More

    15 comments · 217 views
  • 26 weeks
    The Chrysalis translation (Spanish)

    So there's another translation of The Chrysalis in the works! Bloo-D00 has started the impressive task of translating the story to Spanish on their DeviantArt account ( https://www.deviantart.com/bloo-d00/gallery/all ). They've already got the first 18 chapters out, which is some impressive work!

    Read More

    5 comments · 348 views
  • 68 weeks
    The Chrysalis translation (Russian)

    The Fallout: Equestria fandom seems to have a sizable Russian-speaking population, so MrBrightsideTF2 has started the impressive task of translating my story into the Russian language! I've got to admit, I'm rather flattered that someone would go through that sort of effort for my story!

    Read More

    5 comments · 462 views
  • 120 weeks
    No more books.

    Well, it was a good run. Lulu just sent out a message stating that they will not allow fanfiction, in any form, to be sold through their site, even privately, and that they're shutting down my account there. As of now, every book is offline.

    Read More

    44 comments · 1,580 views
Oct
16th
2018

Journey's End · 2:25am Oct 16th, 2018

The Chrysalis is, after all this time, at an end. It's been a long time coming, but we're finally there, and I feel like looking back on everything that's led to this three-year journey.

To start with, I want to give thanks to my partner Mekhazzio, for all his help with proofreading, editing, and bouncing ideas off of, to Backlash91, for some awesome fan-arts, and of course, to everyone who read my silly little horse stories.

I've previously discussed why I came to write the story. I've always had a fascination with changelings, so it wasn't at all surprising that one of my first thoughts after reading Fallout: Equestria was, "what if there were changelings?" The basic idea of a story formed then. Following on the tail of the original, I wanted a changeling protagonist that was a newcomer to the wasteland, so they discover it along with the reader. I settled on the idea of a pre-war changeling being preserved and waking up in the Wasteland, and that's about where it stood for the longest time; a neat idea, but one that I probably wasn't going to write.

That changed when Fallout 4 was announced, and it, too, featured a pre-war character waking up in the Wasteland. Coupled with a coincidental blog by Kkat pondering about changelings in the Wasteland, the idea that had been simmering in the background suddenly came to a boil. Within a couple months, I had a simple outline covering all the major events of the story, and got to writing. I posted the first two chapters shortly before Fallout 4 came out (And I'm amused that the posting of the last chapters similarly happens shortly before the next Fallout game).

When Fallout 4 did come out, and I started playing it, I was quite amused with any plot-points I found in common between the two. I wanted to point this out to clarify something: The Chrysalis was not conceived of as "Fallout 4 in Equestria". If anything, it was more New-Vegas in its inspiration, with the desert-like setting and basic plot. But that basic plot, that of a personal quest turning to allying local factions against a common threat, is also one of the ways Fallout 4 can go. The overall outline, detailing Whisper's progress from waking up in an abandoned research facility to the detonation of the Pale Sands megaspell, remained the same, but as I played through Fallout 4, there were little details I added or tweaked. So, while I didn't set out with the intent of writing Fallout 4 in Equestria in the same way that Fallout: Equestria was largely Fallout 3 in Equestria, it kind of fits the bill, and I'm rather pleased by that.

Many of the details are fairly minor, and didn't change much in the way of the story's plot. For example: they were always going to wipe out the raider gang that killed Emerald, but Boomer with her B.E.L. and crude power armor was inspired by the bastard of the same name in Fallout 4. Seriously, screw that guy. :twilightangry2:

Speaking of the outline, this is one of the areas that I learned from my previous stories. The Chrysalis was always going to be a fairly long and complex story, so I wanted to do it right. When I was writing A New Way, I had only a very sparse outline (About half the length of the shorter Without a Hive!), and that lack of detailing meant I had spent less time figuring out how things worked later in the story. The result was that I faced the awkward position of doing rather dramatic changes to the plot of an ongoing story essentially on the fly (To the point that the "good guy" and "bad guy" changeling leaders changed places!). I also know you can't plan too rigidly, because there will be developments that come up in the middle of the story that might not fit perfectly with my simplistic earlier planning.

I think I hit the sweet spot for this story. I got all the important "beats" of the plot in place, with notes on needed and possible details, and then used that as a flexible framework to build the story on. I had a clear idea of where I was, where I was going, and how to get there, while leaving myself plenty of room to tweak and adjust things as I went. It worked perfectly: I was never lost as to where we were going, I could make sure everything I wrote was in support of the overall story, and I could focus on simply writing the scenes as they should naturally develop rather than worrying about how I'm going to tie it all together.

...Which isn't to say everything went according to plan. Outlines are guidelines rather than rules, and while I followed the outline in general, there were places where things changed. Whisper's reveal is completely different (Mercs trying to silence them for Big Gun rather than being overwhelmed or captured by raiders). The Enclave Loyalists originally didn't exist, with the shootdown of the Cumulonimbus being merely a cool visual and a way to introduce information about the civil war going on above the clouds (And am I ever glad I realized their potential early enough to work them in!). Tracking down Banger was a bigger deal, though it still didn't produce anything useful for nailing Big Gun. The subject of the former partner who took Dusty's rifle was originally resolved when he found her in Trotsen, and they found Banger either there or in World's End. There was originally a plot point about incomplete Celestia Two and Three megaspell chambers, but they were cut, since they couldn't possibly contribute anything to the fight until well after a victor was decided, and the megaspell threat was already covered much more effectively by the Pale Sands balefire bomb. The original idea for Trotsen had more investigation and uncovering of changeling Infiltrators, which would have taken far longer and been much dryer, and a sub-plot about tracking down and potentially recovering a ambushed/stolen convoy got cut and summarized in a few comments by various ponies. Similarly, the original plan at Mareford was for Whisper to sway people to the alliance of factions through manipulation and subtlety, but it didn't fit well with the other changes I had made leading her to more openness. Fortunately, I realized I could show the threat Serenity posed with a coordinated mass-assassination, which not only had grave personal stakes for Whisper, but also set the scene of chaos at the negotiations that led to her revealing her own nature

There were two other changes I wanted to address in a little more detail.

The first is Pale Sands. Originally, I had another character who would be joining the cast: Smoke, the last survivor of the Pale Ponies. The Pale Ponies inhabited the test-shelters near the Ponytown test site, and had a nearly religious connection with death. The unusual zombie-ponies inhabiting Ponytown were from the radiation caused by the Celestia One tests (Which had been tested on a nearby patch of desert the Pale Ponies call the Glass Fields). Most of them are ancestors of the living Pale Ponies, brought to the Glass Fields near the end of their lives, so they could guard their descendants. Basically, my brain took a bit of death/pale-horse (Largely thanks to hearing a certain Johnny Cash song at the right moment) and a bit of Children of Atom, and mixed them together. It was a cool bit of lore that I really liked, but when I went to introduce Smoke, I realized that she contributed absolutely nothing to the plot, while adding probably another ten thousand words or more to the story. As much as I might like to show off the cool stuff I came up with, I had to recognize that keeping her in would be bad for the story. Sorry, Smoke. :fluttercry:

And the second and biggest change... well, let's just put it simply: in the original outline, Whisper did not survive. Events went much as they did in the final story, but she never planned on ending up in those vents. She went along with the raid into Serenity to free the ponies, but when Serenity launched a counter-attack, Echo was injured, and Whisper took to the vents to avoid being killed. This would have led to an eventual face-to-face meeting with Chrysalis, told as a real-time, raw recording. No narration, just dialogue. I even planned on naming the chapter Audio_File_049, instead of the existing chapter-name scheme. The epilogue would then be of a young Queen Ephema (The Second), having just finished listening to Whisper's recordings, and having a discussion with one of the other cast (I was originally planning a somewhat-mellowed and sober Sickle). The original thought was to cast it as an act of sacrifice for her hive, with some callback to Whisper's earlier comment about how only a "great queen" would give her own life for her hive. The recordings would serve as both a journal of her travels and recording the ways of Infiltrators and their hive (I'd planned on Sickle mentioning that she didn't care for the story, as "too little fighting, too much 'how to be a changeling'" to reinforce this to young Ephema).

While I had liked the plan at first, I grew increasingly dissatisfied with it. It kind of felt like I was going with that ending just because Fallout: Equestria ended with a theme of sacrifice. Yeah, it drove home Whisper's dedication, and her willingness to do the right thing by her hive even if it cost her, personally, but I just didn't find it satisfying. It left her new hive with only the sparse recordings she had left, and her former companions, for guidance, inevitably losing a lot of their history and skills. It killed off a character I've come to love, and who would have a great degree of influence over the future of the region. But most importantly... it didn't make sense. The series of events required to get there stretched credibility. Notably, Echo is over-protective of Whisper and her salvation-for-ponykind potential. If a Serenity counter-attack showed any signs of being a credible threat, Whisper would be the first one out, not the last.

So I'd like to thank Echo, for making the end a lot better than it could have been. I much prefer a living Whisper, and she gave the final bit of leverage needed to sway my mind. Writing the epilogue and the future-history of the setting convinced me that this was absolutely the right choice to make. :twilightsmile:

Incidentally, it's a bit daunting looking at the stuff I cut and realizing just how much longer the story could have been if I hadn't. As Whisper said, “Was it not long enough already?” :twilightoops:

Speaking of things that I changed my mind on, you might have noticed that I slipped some cryptograms into the author's notes of several of the early chapters, giving little teasers or extra bits of lore. You can probably blame Gravity Falls for planting that seed of an idea in my brain (In fact, the first one was an intentional reference to the show), and it seemed rather fitting with Whisper's interest in cryptography. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to go over very well, so I eventually stopped. I don't think people liked being left out of something, and I can understand that. I figured that, with the story complete, it might be a good time to show what you might have missed, so... here's the plaintext for all of them, spoilered just in case:

Chapter 7
ROT13

NOT WHAT THEY SEEM

Chapter 8
Ceasar cypher

LAST MESSAGE REPEATS

Chapter 9
base64

User "CoolBugz", last remote login: 73,750 days ago.

Chapter 10
ROT23 encoded in base64

Objective secured. Returning home.

Chapter 11
UUEncode

We're set for Sunlight Square. See you tomorrow.

Chapter 12
UTF-8

Report status.

Say again, report status.

To anypony on this net, report in.

Chapter 15
Substitution cypher, key AFSDVKJLHOIUWEGNBYPQRTZMXC

But who turned on the siren?

Chapter 16
Viginere cipher, key "patience" (This is the note Whisper found and summarized in the chapter)

THIS IS BULWARK ASSUMING COMMAND. WEATHER HAS GONE ROGUE. FALLOUT NOW SPREADING WEST AND NORTH. RADIATION LEVELS ALREADY ELEVATED. OUTPOST IS NO LONGER TENABLE.

THREE OF OUR COMPANY HAVE FALLEN TO RADIATION POISONING. ALL OTHERS SUFFERING EARLY SYMPTOMS. NO RADAWAY AVAILABLE.

INTENT IS TO HEAD NORTH, FIND MEDICAL SUPPLIES, AND SEARCH OUT FRIENDLY FORCES. WILL JOIN IF ROOM EXISTS FOR US.

IF NOT, INTENT IS TO SURVIVE AS BEST WE CAN UNTIL OUR QUEEN RETURNS.

DESIRE LEFT A PERSONAL NOTE BEFORE LOSING CONSCIOUSNESS. MESSAGE FOLLOWS:

TO ANY INFILTRATORS RESPONDING TO THE RECALL, AND ESPECIALLY RIPPLE, WHISPER, SHADOW, AND DAGGER:

TURN AROUND. GO BACK TO EQUESTRIA. SEARCH OUT CRYSTAL LIFE TECHNOLOGY FACILITIES. INFILTRATORS HAVE BEEN CONDUCTING A SPECIAL OPERATION TO SECURE A CONTINGENCY PLAN FOR SURVIVAL. FIND THEM.

DO NOT RETURN TO THE HIVE. THERE IS NOTHING LEFT.

I LOVE YOU ALL.

Chapter 21
ROT23 encoded in base64

We may have a complication.

Chapter 23
ROT23 encoded in base64

Asset not responding. Presumed lost.

Incidentally, whenever one of the messages were from a in-setting faction, rather than my own comments, I made sure that faction used the same method each time. Just a little thing that amused me. :twilightsmile:

So, I think that wraps it up for The Chrysalis. If there's anything you'd like to know, please ask! I'll be happy to share.

The obvious question, one I have to ask myself, is "What next?"

Short answer: I enjoy writing. Of course I'm going to write more stories. :twilightsmile:

Before you get your hopes up too high, though, I'm afraid my imagination has taken a detour from the subject of my recent stories. I've got a new idea burning in my brain and insisting on being written, but I'm afraid it's not a pony story. It's set in the real-world, and is near-future sci-fi (With plenty of cyberpunk and transhuman elements). I've already started writing, in fact, having put out a good ten thousand words in the time the finale of The Chrysalis was in editing and revision. If it turns out good enough, I might even try getting it published! And I have to admit, it's not untouched by my changeling obsession and general arthropodal interest; the protagonist goes by the screen-name of "BTL" or "Beetle", which is a good deal more important than just a name. She also takes comfort in a colorful cartoon of woodland critters mostly aimed at younger children. :twilightsmile:

That said, there's a good possibility I'll return to ponywords in the future, and with the rate of progress I'm making on my current story, it might not even be that long. I've got a few ideas. There's the possibility of another story set after The Chrysalis, with one of the ideas being a joint expedition by the NCR and the newly allied territories around Mareford (Including the Whisper Hive), heading up north to investigate the Crystal Empire. I also still have an idea for a story called Crusader Aerospace, which I just need to work out a good story for instead of just a basic idea for a story (And yes, it's "Cutie Mark Crusaders space program yay!"). Heck, I might just come up with a short one-shot idea just for the heck of it. I mean, I'm less than three thousand shy of breaking a million horse-words. I practically have to.

Anyway, I think I've rambled on long enough. That's a might wall of text up there. If you have any questions, please ask away! And again, I hope you've enjoyed my story. I know I did. :twilightsmile:

Comments ( 47 )

I'm really glad you enjoyed writing this and look forward immensely to any future projects.
Will you be posting a link to this new cyberpunk thing or will that be a "once it's finished" thing?
I'd really like to read it, sounds pretty cool just from the concept.

On another question, could I possibly try and make a proper e-book out of this? I just love this story so much and it deserves that much (and maybe even print a copy of it).

This story really did have an impact on me and I love having authors explain the meaning behind their words, so thank you once again.

Hey, I just finished reading your story, and I wanted to say that I really enjoyed it!

I thought that the epilogue finished most of the character arcs nicely. However, I was curious about Starlight's ending. It seemed to me that she wanted to become a mother herself, did I miss interpret this or was she simply satisfied raising Whispers' children? Another reason I am asking this is that I remember Whisper stating that she purposely makes her forms sterile. This information did not seem relevant to the story unless it was supposed to be a future tie-in to a greater relationship between Whisper and Starlight.

4953801
The cyberpunk story will be a "once it's finished" thing; I'm at least entertaining the idea of having it published, but if that doesn't work, I'll find some way of sharing it. Assuming I think it's worth sharing, of course. :twilightsheepish:

Feel free to make an e-book out of this! If you do, I hope you'll send me a link. I'd love to have a copy of it, too!

4953804
That's a question even I've been wondering about!

She's certainly gotten some mothering in with Whisper's "kids", and it was very intentional that one of them referred to her as "momma Starlight". Whether she's had any children of her own... I haven't decided. As you noted, the comment about making her forms sterile was because there is the possibility of pregnancy otherwise.

...But, while I haven't made a hard "canon" decision there, I think Starlight would love to have a kid of her own some day, especially if it was with Whisper. :twilightsmile:

4953805
If I manage to you'll hear of it, and that's fine with the other story thing, I could wait years for this to finish and I can wait until your next amazing story is done!

Comment posted by Keystroke Cascade deleted Oct 16th, 2018

Absolutely staggering writing here mate! Enjoyed reading from the start to the explosive finish.

I am not sorry for that pun

jxj

The Chrysalis is, after all this time, at an end. It's been a long time coming, but we're finally there, and I feel like looking back on everything that's led to this three-year journey.

man, it really has been that long hasn't it, it always feels weird when long stories like this end.

I've always had a fascination with changelings ...

honestly, i think your responsible for my interest in them as well. Without a hive was really formative for my headcanon on changelings, and i've always liked your intelligence/counterintelligence stuff.

. She went along with the raid into Serenity to free the ponies, but when Serenity launched a counter-attack, Echo was injured, and Whisper took to the vents to avoid being killed. This would have led to an eventual face-to-face meeting with Chrysalis, told as a real-time, raw recording. No narration, just dialogue. I even planned on naming the chapter Audio_File_049, instead of the existing chapter-name scheme.

that'd be interesting to see sometime if you ever feel like exploring that a bit more.

... a story called Crusader Aerospace, which I just need to work out a good story for instead of just a basic idea for a story (And yes, it's "Cutie Mark Crusaders space program yay!").

That sounds interesting/disastrous.

as sad as i am to see this end... im glad it was made. not many changling stories out there after all. i might still be back a few (dosen) chapters, as i have been too busy to read latly... but i realy look forwards to finish reading this story!

I want to know how the pale pony stuff was going to go and what else we'd find about End of the World.

Both of those were plot stuff I'm sad to see cut, but unlike someone else I think you were willing to cut material rather than make the fic into something the ending always looks like it's just beyond the horizon.

It always sucks when a story ends, it feels like it is an end to that world. But no story can last forever. Though I do have to finish The Chrysalis and another FoE I was reading.

Every story is like looking through glass, into another's life.

There is a quote that works here.
"One who has never read has only lived one life while one who has read plenty has lived a thousand."

I’m certainly looking forward to reading this now that it is completed. If only I didn’t have so many fics to choose from! This is probably going in my top ten to read in the near future. Maybe top five as I’m biased with having my own changeling oc.

What ever happened to Bloodbeak and her zebra pals?

I did enjoy it, yes, and thank you for writing and sharing it, again. Good luck in your future endeavors! And just in case any of them make their way here, I've followed you. :)

I loved the ending instantly heard the fallout 1 narrator ehen reading it. Way to little bittersweet stuff but its ok for that setting. Gonna miss this story it was hell of good read

Waghablaargh? How did I miss six chapters? Agh!
[edit]
Five! Just five! I had the review for ch45 written up and just never got around to posting it...
[edit again]
Oh, you posted three of those just yesterday? Welp, that explains a thing or two...

Man, what a trip this has been, and I only joined the journey in the last year.

The little epilogue snippets were great. Part way through them I started to get this sense of nostalgic accomplishment, an odd thing for a passive observer to feel. Then I made the connection with the endings of fallout games and a few others that I played in the past, and it made more sense. All that to say that the story was tied together wonderfully.

4953870
I envy you, getting to read it for the first time. It's been a treat, you will enjoy it.

YOUR STORY WAS EPIC! I am currently re-reading it, (currently at chapter 32) I appreciate all your hard work!

and I cannot wait to see if you do more in what I dub "the whisper verse"

4953870
I have a completed Fallout: Equestria story too! [/shamelessplug] :rainbowwild:

(And a changeling story too, I guess, heh.)

4954074
Yep I know! I followed you a while ago. Got some stories in my read later list.

4953831

That sounds interesting/disastrous.

The instigating event I had in mind was accidentally knocking the valve off a high-pressure helium tank (intended for party balloons) and sending it through a building, leading to, "Hey, this gives me an idea!" Among the events that follow include the investigation of potential propellants, including such fun things as magically-purified (98-100%) hydrogen peroxide, chlorine triflouride (:twilightoops:) and other exciting chemicals, as well as such interesting aerospace terms as pogo oscillations, CATO, and RUD. Things go well. :twilightsheepish:
4953850
The Pale Pony stuff, sadly, was basically just some lore. It would give a bit of a look into them and their history, but none of it contributed to the plot. Smoke would basically just be an exposition piece to let me babble on about some cool bit of background information that didn't affect what was going on. She'd be involved in some way in the battle of Rotwater Creek, but that was about the only way I could think for her to contribute to the story. About the only thing she did do was back in the infirmary of the Cumulonimbus, where she still appeared unconscious until she killed a Serenity soldier in power armor (But no face-mask) with a scalpel she'd stolen. It was a cool "badass" moment for her, but it basically turned the tense hold-out for Echo's return into a bit of a deus ex machina. As much as I like showing off the cool things I thought up, it really didn't work, and would have just padded out a part of the story where we really needed the momentum.

World's End had a little more, but most of it tied to the original thoughts I had for Banger. World's End was established as something of a sanctuary, by ponies who had lost their way of life through whatever means (Generally by being exiled from their homes for something they did), but instead of going bandit or raider, decided to band together and form a new settlement, under the idea of being a second chance for outcasts. They're remote enough from other settlements to not have many problems, though occasionally someone finds out that some wanted criminal is living there, trying to make a new life, and that leads to tension (Hence their poor reaction to Dusty saying he was looking for someone). When I had Banger as part of the story, he was probably going to be found there, leading to tension between the settlement and the crew. Whisper and company would want him to implicate Big Gun, while Banger wants to stay there, with the town backing him up. But in the end, I'd changed how the interactions at Mareford went, and after Big Gun had turned his mercs and corrupt Rangers on the crew, Banger just wasn't important any more. Plus, the whole sidetrack to deal with that meant a big interruption of Whisper's journey home, which really felt like a bad choice.
4953872
I suppose I was a little vague with that, huh?

Seroon's tribe wasn't involved with the force that raided Serenity, so the last we see of them is tending to the surrendered changelings, followed by the mention of Seroon in the epilogue. The position of him and his tribe is basically unchanged from what it was before the army; he's still looked to with respect, and his tribe is living happily in Mareford. They continue working with the changelings, and as suggested in the epilogue, help with easing tensions and improving relations. Possibly because they're also an example of outsiders welcomed by those ponies, and when Seroon points that out to those same ponies, they're inclined to listen to him. :twilightsmile:

As for Bloodbeak, she sees the tribe as something like her family, and probably sticks with them most of the time... but I imagine she's happy to hop in Starlight's motorwagon any time she comes by and go on a brief salvaging adventure with her. :rainbowdetermined2:
4954074
Multiple complete fics, even! Including one-shots that seem so rare among Fallout: Equestria stories. And even *gasp*:pinkiegasp: comedy!

4954139
Honestly you made good choices... But I can still wish.

4954139

And even *gasp*:pinkiegasp: comedy!

I found out I have problems keeping that out of my writings, actually. It just comes naturally :rainbowlaugh:

[edit]

Wait, I even have a Fallout Equestria Changeling story... huh. :applejackunsure:

Absolute YES. Fell in love with this tale right from the start, and absolutely sad, but elated to see it finished. Haven't felt that feeling of a good story ending and wanting MORE in a long, long time. Thank you for this!

D48

Do you have any plans to return to the world you built with your first three stories? I can definitely understand seeing that series as complete, but there's always room to write more if you want to even if it is just cute one-shots.

Incidentally, it seems to me like it would make sense to use that as the setting for the CMC story to help flesh it out a bit, although actual interaction would probably be limited for obvious reasons.

4955071
The CMC one would most likely be in the same setting, though it would probably only show in a few minor background details that generally wouldn't matter. There might be a sighting of Sky tagging along with Rainbow Dash,.

I've also had a few vague ideas for the setting, but nothing that's really coalesced into a good story concept.

D48

4955077
Thanks, that's about what I was figuring for the first one. It makes sense to connect it to give yourself some fun tidbits to help flesh out scenes like that, but it won't really affect the story in any meaningful way.

As for the second, the beauty of one-shots is that you don't really need more than that vague idea. All you need to do is write up one good cute/funny scene to show off that idea, add a bit of setup, and you have a solid one-shot. If you're lucky it'll turn into something bigger or inspire you to come up with a better concept, but even if it doesn't go anywhere you've still have put out a story we'll all enjoy which is an unambiguous win.

4953805
Still working on the ebook, just have to ask the question of if you want any proofreading done or just have it left as-is?
I should be able to have a pre-release version soon too if you want to check that out!

4956875
I'd love to see it!

As for proofreading, I'll leave that up to you. If you do, I wouldn't mind getting feedback on what needed to be fixed so that I can fix it in the original, too. I'm kind of embarrassed at all the little typos and such that got past me. :twilightblush:

I had a brilliant idea. Shadowrun, but instead of all the high-fantasy races, people turn into the races in MLP.

I'm sorry, is this a story? If it is, is it on your profile, hidden, or somewhere else? I see that you have 4 stories, but I see only three.

4982509
You probably have "view mature" turned off in your settings. The story this blog post is about is rated mature because of violence and language, so it wouldn't show up if you have that turned off.

4982593
Oh, ok, thanks. I'll check out the story, then...

Oh man. I's been forever since I checked up on what you've been doing :rainbowderp:

While FoE stuff isn't my thing, your other stories have convinced me that you're a fantastic writer, so hearing that you're branching out further, even beyond ponies, is great! The Deus Ex series got me deep into the transhuman aspect of cyberpunk, so your non-pony idea is definitely something I'd pay to read! :twilightsmile:

You're someone I'll be checking on every once in a while even if you're interest in ponies fades away, and I'm sure others here feel the same. So if it ever does and you leave this site, don't forget to tell us where you're going so we can stalk follow you there :pinkiecrazy:

5041407
Glad to hear it! And while I doubt I'll be losing interest in ponies any time soon, I'll make sure to leave some news here if I'm up to anything you guys might want to know about. :twilightsmile:

Aaand now I can finally respond to this legitimately instead of just browsing the comments, since I finally finished The Chrysalis.

Yeah, I think you went a bit over the top with some of that encryption stuff, heh. but it was fun nonetheless :twilightsmile:

The interesting thing about the end was, to me, that you set it up in such a way that I actually felt like there was a chance that Whisper would not survive. The narrative structure before made that impossible, and then there's this change where she says that this recording may be the last, and it honestly made me feel uneasy. So, well done there, the added suspense certainly worked.

5058620
Yeah, the cryptograms were kinda fun, but in the end, I didn't really miss them when they were gone. :twilightsheepish:

And I'm really glad to hear that the suspense worked at the end. It was one of the things that I was the most worried about, especially with how the ending differed from the original concept. Given how good Whisper is at all the sneaky stuff and how thoroughly she prepared, I was really worried that the ending might lack any sense of danger.

Thanks again :twilightsmile:

Thanks for all the insight on how the writing process went.

5192848
Heh, no problem. I like writing, even if it's just a blog post. Let me know if you have any questions you'd like me to answer! :twilightsmile:

Fallout: Equestria - The Chrysalis

That name immediately caught my attention. I'm a fan of changelings, though not as much as you, and a FoE story with them sounded so appealing to me. I also love long fics, so the word counter just added to the attractiveness. All in all I was really looking forward to reading this.


Now that I have read it, let me spill myself here. Initially, I was just going to comment at the end of this story, as I usually do, but I got swept in the action along the way; I started to love this fic.

However, that was not a case from the start. I came here for changelings, and got impatient when I got none for the longest time. First chapter had an amazing opening, all praise goes here, it got me invested deep immediately into Whisper's story. This was followed be her forcibly feeding on Starlight's magic few chapters later. Then silence. Up until chapter 12 I didn't get anything changeling-related. Worse yet, until then, her being a changeling was irrelevant and could've been written out. You were slowly losing me as a reader until ch. 12. The great opening was enough to see me through the hard times, thankfully.


There was one singular moment that almost made me nope out of the book immediately. Currently it is the only bit that I still don't like in the whole story. I am talking about the reason for Sickle to stick around, or more like, the lack of it.

“I figured I’d tag along, see what happens.”

“This was fun, and I’m betting you fuckers won’t go a week without stirring up some shit. (...) You cunts are a lot more entertaining.”

This was her assumption after a single mission together.

I suspected there was something underneath that behavior, some hidden motive. She had that one scene where she stared at Whisper for the longest time before pinning her against a wall. Without that though I probably would've left right there.


Guess who my favorite character was. She is entertaining as hell, a very unconventional character, quite original. ___Sickle___.

Whisper, the main protagonist, the voice of the story itself. One thing that amazes me above all else is how reasonable she is, never driven by emotions nor preferences, always analytical. Not a single time did she waver, except for the ending, and it was beautiful. Killing Queen Chrysalis the Sixth had my heart going crazy. Plus, the scene where Calypter showed up, the only one where Whisper was pretending to be angry, again analyzing the situation and using a calculated emotion to get desired results.

Dusty and Star. They were there. They contributed to the story. Had little improvements, but otherwise unchanged throughout the story. Now that I think of it, Echo changed more than they did. She had her great contributions during the war. Alliance with her signaled the beginning of the late game. Early in the story, though, she seemed like a cheap mystery device to keep readers invested, like when she disassembled that pony at Paradise Beach.


At first impressions, both Rust and Gemstone were too friendly for my taste. It later got apparent why, but it still added to my early repulsion.

Emerald was such a great mystery, and I didn't see it coming. I knew something was up when she insisted on leaving rust. I was suspecting her death. You pull a landmine in the doorway - very fitting for Boomer and a good reason for using up most of their healing supplies. The singular potion and bandages left just screamed that there was going to be a choice between healing only one of two injured companions. I was so blinded, looking so much for the clues on her soon-to-be perish that I completely ignored the changeling clues you gave us. I got rekt by a book, which ended up with me jumping around the house with how well you played me.


It was interesting to see how you answered the premise of the story about a changeling in a world with no love. That is why Gemstone felt off at first. It was already changed by Emerald, from before we even got there.

Starlight was a lucky hit for Whisper. It was that one in a million chance to find a cheerful pony in the gruesome wasteland.

And Serenity had their pods.


The finale of this book was accompanied by feelings I have never had before. It was so intense, with Whisper catching up on her recordings. And holy hell! It was written wonderfully! I feel like I transitioned from reading a story in a book to a wartime journal. The Rotwater fight was spectacular. With how complex the fight was, you managed to make it easy to follow. Quite a feat if you aske me.

The following action after The Rot was quite one-sided. The more the ponies were winning, the more nervous I got, expecting the worst. The tension kept getting stronger and stronger, strengthened by the knowledge of the balefire bomb still in Serenity's grasp. Then released with a click.


You have cut quite a lot from this story. I love how you made the pale ponies seem like a location you forgot to visit. I sometimes forget most writers base their writing on a game (duh). I don't care about fallout games, haven't played any. The little content we got about Pale Sands seemed like another loose end, tied hastily at the end. I guess I lack that perspective.

Thank god you decided to not kill Whisper. Not only because she survived, but also because, like you said, it made more sense. Additionally it enhanced the meaning of the failed Mareford assassination attempt.

I agree with all your decisions to cut content, especially about the Trotsen investigation.


Coming back to the subject of changelings. I love how vague they were in the show, how many holes they left for writers to fill (pun totally intended). Your changelings are very different from the other stories I've read, and that is why I love the species so much.
Most notably they have:

  • red blood and organs, first one for me with those characteristics,
  • the disguises are very strong - hard to take off. Early, after their first encounter with Sickle, Whisper was left with a huge, gaping gash in her belly. In other fics, that would've undone their disguises,
  • use up a lot of magic when changing their size. With examples like the racoon, rat, changeling queen and alicorn being more draining,
  • an ability to add, remove parts, like a horn. And they need it present to use magic,
  • all "female",
  • alter their physique slightly,

they are packed with changeling lore, not to mention how they reproduce.


I like how you managed Whisper and Starlight's intimate relationship. I imagine Whisper being about four years older than Starlight, around 24 to Starlight's 20.

“I want to have sex,”

That was quite a shocker for me. Starlight being so forward and all. I expected a timid, shy crush on Whisper. Morning of that day started with Starlight wrapped in their sheets, and I was so certain that it was quite sticky under them, intentionally or through a dream. That the moment Starlight rose from them, Whisper would be able to smell it. That's just my deprived mind talking, filled with too many clops. What I love is that you never mentioned their sex again. Not distracting us from the adventure with "and they had sex" every few chapters. It is left perfectly open for us to decide how much of it is left unspoken, or how crazy it gets, you know, like the hellhound thing.

When you mentioned Whisper's ability to make her disguises sterile, I had suspicions of future pony babies for Starlight in the epilogue. I missed to register the fact that their species weren’t biologically compatible. Though wouldn't it make it possible for two pony-disguised changelings to have a foal?

I better conclude this before I say anything more sinful.


"We’re trained to not see changelings"

I took that advice to heart, tried not to waste my time suspecting anyone.

I often contemplated on what characters are you going to kill. Sickle was a big target right after you told her backstory. She was starting to be too friendly with Whisper, and thus too useful. And Starlight, after we got a serious relationship going. That would've been the strongest moment to strike us.

There was that whole discussion about the encryptions you dropped. It was an interesting idea, but as you have already realized, flawed. I don't think I have to elaborate on that any more, you already know everything.

Before Serenity even showed up, I thought Big Gun was going to be the main villain.

Before the war even started I was looking forward to seeing ponies fighting with a pony-disguised changeling army. But with the limited amount of love Serenity had, it was not a possibility.

This story was very clear and easy to follow in general.

There was one comment where someone pointed out how you managed to make a mare presenting her rear disgusting. That is quite a feat.

I think chapter's 1 name "Ash and Dust" is a reference to Imagine Dragons' Radioactive. Right?


It has been 3 days and I miss Whisper. And I will miss how, throughout the whole book, she didn't let emotions get better of her. Always analyzing, strategizing, finding the best solutions and missing all her shots. Just in case I didn't make it clear, I love this story, it is one of my favorites. Thank you so much for writing this masterpiece and good luck for the future.

5679860
Quite a thorough writeup! Thank you so much. I've been enjoying your comments the whole way through reading the story, seeing all the parts you felt worked or didn't work. I've always appreciated feedback, and you've been giving a lot of it, and of good quality. Thank you :twilightsmile:

(I feel sorta bad writing such a short reply to such a long message, but please know, I really do appreciate everything you wrote!)

5679932
You wrote a whole 3-tomed book, the least I can do is give feedback on it.

Oh, I forgot to ask you which of your stories should I read next?

5679965
Oof, I dunno. The other three are all a part of a series, and while Fragments was the one I wrote first (and its age probably shows), I've also been told that Without a Hive makes for a good first-read (and I think it's the better story). So one of those. A New Way follows up on both of those, so I'd definitely recommend that be kept for last.

You know, there's a few times where I just sit down and take a look back at some of the best stories I've read and grow a bit nostalgic, and this is one of those times. It's so rare to have a good story with a changeling POV character (let alone one in the FO:E setting!) and even more rare to see one finished. It's really strange to look back and see that it started back in 2015 and ended four years ago now!

This story brought a lot of joy each time a chapter came out, and to this day it still has to be in my top three stories on this site! My only regrets are that I haven't really found another story that comes close in terms of both quality and premise, and the fact I unfortunately never did get a printed copy of it.

Thank you for writing The Chrysalis! I'm excited to see the new original story you're (hopefully) still working on, and maybe more horsewords in the future!

5691997
Thank you! And yeah, it's kind of surprising to me any time I realize it's been four years since this story finished. It doesn't feel like that long! But I guess that time has been pretty busy.

Still working on the new original story, with plenty of ideas for more. Progress has been a little slow, since I've been doing some heavy school stuff that eats up so much of my time, but I'm almost done with that. Still taking a lot longer than I would have liked :twilightblush:

In any case, thank you for the kind words, and I'm really glad you enjoyed the story so much! :twilightsmile:

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