Turnabout Storm Parts 57-58 Updated · 3:55pm Oct 4th, 2018
Part 57 - Revealed Racers is the chapter that you'll either remember for Phoenix's long talk with Trixie, or all the Frozen references. As I agree with the benefit of hindsight that I royally overdid the latter, all but one has been removed. And the only reason I kept that one was so I could turn around and subvert it:
Phoenix shook his head sadly. “So there’s no one out there who loves you? No one who cares about you? I doubt that,” he said, trying a different tact. “There has to be somepony. A friend? A relative…? A parent,” he closed in just by watching her reaction. “Your father?”
Daddy… was all Trixie Lulamoon could think in answer to his question, fresh tears welling in her eyes. I threw away the second chance you gave me. How can I ever go back to you again? “It doesn’t matter now,” she said in a very quiet voice.
“Yes, it does,” Phoenix insisted. “Take it from me, Trixie—there are times you have to set your pride aside. And holding grudges like you have against Twilight doesn’t lead anywhere except to more pain,” he told her. “Best advice I can give you is what was once told me when I was badly hurt—just let it go.”
“Let it go. Let it go?” she pantomimed, raising her head and giving him a look despite her growing fatigue and fluttering eyelids. “Oh, come off it, Wrong! Do you really think it’s that easy? That I just have to adopt some stupid slogan, sing a sappy song and then everything is okay?” she asked derisively, her head falling back to the pillow, leaving her staring up at the ceiling.
You know, when she puts it like that… “Well, no, but…”
More than a few of you should be happy to hear that that's now the only Frozen reference left. Hopefully be a bit less jarring or overt this time.
I say again that the idea of Trixie having ice powers actually preceded my first viewing of Frozen. The idea came from the desire to make Trixie and Twilight opposites, both in powers and in outlook. Frozen only solidified it. Nevertheless, as I'm not as into the movie as I once was, I recognize I hit them way too hard. So they're much more muted now and I'm cleaning them up as I go. I can only think of one other Frozen reference I'll probably keep later, and I'll flag it when the chapter is reached.
Other changes to the chapter include that I dialed back to the perspective shifts between Phoenix and A magically-hidden Luna as my prereaders found them too jarring and inconsistent as a narration device. So some of those have been removed and others have been more completely couched in terms of Phoenix's perception. The only perspective shift that remains now is the one at the very end, with the trailing section.
Part 58 - Of Mares and Men was the chapter where Twilight goes to talk to Shining Armor. The main thrust of changes here was to dial back Twilight's anger towards him a bit, and more clearly explain why she was upset with him, as it was simply the latest in a long string of him missing get-togethers or not telling her his plans. I also tweaked Shining Armor’s explanation as to why he'd given her a bodyguard to hopefully let it make more sense to both Twilight and the reader:
“... And that’s the main reason I asked Night Storm to follow you, Twily. There are factions in Canterlot who got wind about the murder—or should I say, accident—even faster than the Princesses. And more than a few started speculating that, if Rainbow Dash were found guilty, then she could be ‘replaced’ as the Bearer of Loyalty.”
Twilight’s eye twitched. “But… but… it doesn’t work like that! You can’t just replace a Bearer like… like some sort of goldfish! There has to be a bond between the Bearers for the Elements of Harmony to function!” she told him, thinking she’d never try to replace Rainbow.
“You know that, and I know that, Twily,” Shining soothed. “Or, rather, I know that now. But the nobles in Canterlot don’t. And it was one of them who signed off on Trixie Lulamoon being named prosecutor for this case.”
“Who?”
“The worst of the lot, actually,” Night Storm muttered. “None other than his royal prissiness, Prince Blueblood.”
Twilight was very glad she didn’t have anything in her magic grip, as it was very likely she’d have shattered it. “And why in Celestia’s name would Prince Blueblood sign off on Trixie being the prosecutor for the case?”
“Because he wanted to be the replacement Element Bearer after Rainbow Dash was banished,” Flash Sentry told her.
Twilight stared at him in disbelief. “Blueblood thought he could be the Element of Loyalty?” she asked deadpan, scarcely able to imagine what Rarity’s reaction to such a suggestion would be.
The four stallions looked at each other, then back at her. “No, Twily. He wants to be the Element of Magic. You,” Shining Armor explained, causing his sister’s eyes to widen.
“Near as we can tell, he thinks if he could catch you in a compromising position or maybe breaking the law to help your friend, he could discredit you in the eyes of the Princess and take your place, maybe using the Element of Loyalty as a stepping stone. That’s why he approved Trixie Lulamoon for prosecutor; because he thought she’d be the one most likely to get under your fur and make you do something stupid,” he explained as Twilight’s expression went from stunned to aghast. “He seems to think that ‘bearer’ is little more than a title or power granted by the Princess, and if he replaces you or Rainbow, all your power and influence, both magical and otherwise, flows to him.”
Twilight’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean, ‘influence’?”
Shining chuckled at that, his subordinates smiling as well. “You and your friends don’t seem to realize all the clout you have, Twily. You purified Princess Luna, allowing her to return to the throne. You yourself have the ear of Princess Celestia, something that not very many ponies can claim. If you asked her to give you and your friends titles of nobility for your services to Equestria, she’d probably do so without a second thought,” he explained, Twilight’s muzzle dropping further with each sentence her brother spoke. “In fact, a lot of nobles are surprised you haven’t already done so, and even more think you already have done so, only in secret.”
Twilight reeled. “We could have that much power…?”
Delta chuckled. “For all your booksmarts, Twilight, you sure don’t seem to know a lot about how Equestria works. Maybe being the Princess’s personal student insulated you from it, but trust me, there are a lot of powerful ponies out there who are jealous of your power and who covet it for themselves.”
“He’s right, Twily,” Shining Armor sighed. “Anyway, that’s the gist of things. We’re all here on a top-secret op from the Princesses, and I assigned guards to you because Blueblood’s up to something and I didn’t want to leave anything to chance. Nobles have a lot of reach, even in a place like Ponyville,” he said, relieved to see the anger in his sister’s eyes ebb.
And there you are. Thanks as always go to my prereading squad of AJ_Aficionado, Silentwoodfire, and Denim_Blue for filling up the google doc with comments and pointing out a few things I was then able to correct. You're invited to check out the updated chapters as always, and at this rate, we should easily be done with the story revamp by the end of the year.
So Blueblood was planning something, is that what Shining is trying to say?
"Twily".
Also I really liked the Frozen refs and found them to fit. When an episode has a "theme" they riff on it constantly.