AO3 Alert: Yeah, this month has been kind of dark for me. · 5:16pm Sep 30th, 2018
I mean... I just turned 28.
I'm still in the top hundred follower count on this site, even though the ponies seem to be avoiding my muse, or maybe it's vice versa. And it's not like I want to stop writing pony, they're so nice and... heartwarming. Even when they explore the dark. There's hope there.
But... I'm barely getting by on my Patreon and monthly donations from my parents. And that second one is probably going to stop after this year--not that they don't care about me, more that the economy and their work situation has put them in a place where they can't dump 500 dollars a month on me. That's my rent money, and about as much as I make with my current patrons.
And my computer's stuttering. It takes it a while to remember that it can connect to the internet. I don't have the cash to get it repaired, or to buy a new one.
I want to go to the last Bronycon. But nobody's contributed to the campaign--which makes sense, because, well. There are other more important things to spend money on. Other people who do need help. Actual help, not just... a chance to get to go to some place that celebrates a subculture.
And it's not just what's going on in my life that's weighing me down. It's... the downward spiral of the current administration. The way that my vote, once made, has so little impact. The people who suffer and get tossed aside because somebody in power makes a law nobody wants. The attempts to control an increasingly connected world and keep it factionalized, keep people locked away...
I don't think I have depression. Then again, the difference between depression and burn-out seems to be mostly one of scope and permanence... I could be wrong, feel free to yell at me if I am, I'm used to it.
Anyway, so I tried to get something pony out. I really tried. But... no, I could only make another chapter of The Wager. I mean, maybe I'll get something out today. I really want to wrap up Sunscarred. I just have to get through that last chapter. It's...
....I don't know. This month hasn't been good, and next month is looking... well, not bleak, there are some high points coming up. But they're just high points, not something that improves the overall situation.
Same. I'm entirely self-reliant, which isn't to say that I'm thriving or doing well.
I have to put my life together yet again before I can even think about BC and I'm likely going to miss out on EFNW.
I deal by vomiting out hilariously stupid blocking and then expanding that into actual prose, ad getting mad at negative criticism.
Don't force your muse. That never ends well. Of course, if she's being completely unproductive, that's a different matter, but you don't have to force pony if your productivity currently lies elsewhere.
As for the other stuff, all I can tell you is to keep an eye on it and do what you can, but try not to stress out beyond your ability to impact the situation.
I hear you, man. My muse just isn't with me most of the time lately, but I think I've finally realized that it's because I just flat out need to either take an extended hiatus or not write ponies for a while. The fact that the project I just released the first two chapters of today (which is in a fandom I've never even written in before) is the most jazzed I've been about a project in a long time seems to be indicative of the real problem...
But yeah, a lot of people are feeling what you're feeling right now. There's a general malaise creeping across the nation, if not the world, and a lot of it is sociopolitical and existential in nature. The last couple of years have shown us just how ugly the world really is, and the constant daily reminders aren't helping anyone's mood.
All I can say is step back, take a break, take stock, and focus on something that makes you truly happy, something that nobody can ruin for you.
4945990
...even yourself?
Oh boy, do I feel you on this. :(
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Oh, I know how you feel with the computer stutter. Had to replace my HDD because it began to fail (dropped my laptop), but now its having a heating issue half the time. Heh, fun fun.
Also, having had depression myself a few years back, I think you don't have it. Just in the dumps it appears, which is very understandable considering what you are dealing with.