Obligations vs. interests · 2:38am Aug 2nd, 2018
Come, join me in my lair. Sit down on the bones, and I shall tell you a story of an inspiring writer.
Pen Ten was a writer with an endless supply of ideas for new stories. As soon as he'd write one, he'd already have ideas for ten more.
He had a fangirl named Obligia who loved his stories. In time, they drew closer and grew ever more intimate with each other.
Pen Ten loved his writing more than anything, yet writing did feel a bit lonely at times. But that was no longer a problem, now that he had a faithful companion. Despite being close to her more than anyone else in his life, he never told her his well-kept secret: He was a man that could do no wrong. It was the one feature he was powerless against. He could not change it. All he could do was avoid situations where that feature would come into play. It was a minor issue, for how can a man detached from the world ever do any wrong, to begin with.
Yet, things were not meant to last as they were. As their love grew, so did a bundle of cells in Obligia's tummy. She was pregnant and happy about it. So was her family and all her friends.
Pen Ten smiled when he heard the news, but there was a seed of worry in his mind. The life he once knew and loved would have to take a bow before the new one.
The child was born at the start of the winter. Pen Ten turned out to be a great parent. Dedicated and knowledgeable. He had dedicated all his time to reading various books on upbringing and proper parenting. He was almost the perfect parent, and every day he came closer to perfection.
Yet, every time he looked at his dusty typewriter, he felt a pain in his chest. He knew of all the ideas in the drawer of the oak desk. They were calling for him, begging to be written. But he could not come to their rescue for he had obligations in his life. Every minute he'd waste on the stories would be a minute when he sacrificed his obligations.
He did try one time to finish a story. It was when his daughter Duta was enjoying her bath. He thought he was not needed and let her play with her toys. It was the day when his daughter almost drowned. It was a blemish on his parenting. He knew that if he wouldn't dedicate himself fully to his duties and obligations, many more would come with time.
When his spouse was arranging his writing room into a nursery for the second child, she turned to him and asked, "Is it okay if I sell this big old typewriter? You haven't touched it in a decade. And this heavy desk is taking way too much space."
He felt the tightness in his chest like never before. Yet at the same time, his dark secret flared up, and he was powerless to oppose it. With teary eyes, Pen Ten replied, "Sell it. Sell it all!"
When Pen Ten crieed himself to sleep this night, your dreams intertwine with his own. You see him sitting in a corner of a tomb with his head wedged between his legs.
He looks up at you with teary eyes and whispers, "I'm not sure I'm okay. I miss my old life. What do I do?"
What would you say to Pen Ten?
I wouldn't say a word. I'd listen. I'd listen to everything he needs to talk about. All the things he isn't talking to Obligia about.
4912626 There's nothing to talk about. He's a good person and he lives a good life. Nothing is amiss.
4912643
If nothing is amiss then why is he questioning his situation?
4912716 Indeed. He should be happy about his situation. Why seek a solution to an unseen problem? Why fix what appears to be perfect? He has no right to be sad.
4912766
To say that he has no right to be sad is an opinion that he doesn't seem to be on board with.
4912772 He hates sadness. He wishes to get rid of it from his perfect life. There's no reason for sadness. It is an uninvited impostor. Yet, he does not know how to banish it. Sadness lingers like a chain around his wrists.
4912774
Then he is a good person who feels guilty about feeling sad?
4912793 Yes, pretty much. Yet he does not know how to stop feeling guilty, nor how to stop feeling sad. So, with a heavy heart, he just keeps living his perfect life.
4912820
But it's not perfect.
If it was perfect, he would not feel this way.
4912774
He should watch
Inside out !
4913048 Regardless. It's his life, and there's no escaping it.
4913073 He'd rather write a story than watch a movie, but he cannot afford to. There is more than he should be doing to keep his perfect life in order. He lacks time even without watching movies.
But if he were to watch it, what would he learn?
4913125
I'm starting to suspect that there is no 'correct' answer
4913127 It would certainly seem that way. He's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.
4913287
Then the best thing for him to do is take a decision while it is still his decision to make.
At least that way he can say that any suffering is from his own making, and thus it is something in his hands to do something about.
4913297 But would that not increase the guilt even more? It's hard to make a good decision when you're stuck between a rock and a hard place.
4913340
It might increase his guilt and would hurt regardless of what decision he makes; but doing nothing is gonna hurt a lot more in the long run.
4913394 Doing nothing would allow him to continue living his perfect life. Doing anything else would hurt others and his perfect life. Why do you think doing nothing is a bad decision?
4913445
If his life was perfect, then he would not he in his current situation.
If he simply does nothing, the rest of his life is going to be echoes of "what if I did x or y" and his sadness is just going to grow.
4913525 Perhaps you're right. Alas, his decisions are limited. His curse prevents him from doing wrong.
Maybe sadness is his destiny. It should be alright. His curse might be the cause of his distress, but it will also protect him from ever acting on his sadness. He should be okay.
4913555
But what is his definition of what is 'wrong'?
4913628 Whatever hurts others is wrong. Whatever is generally perceived as wrong is wrong.
4913679
Then does he not consider himself to be a person?
4913686 No. He's a force of good in the world.
4913850
I would argue that he is a force of Law in the world but not necessarily a force of Good.
4913933 A force of fulfilled obligations and expectations then. Either way, there is no place for self-interests in such forces.
He does what he feels obliged to do. He cannot not do what needs to be done. The problem is, the things that need doing take 100% of his free time.
The only thing he needs to give up is the idea that he's infallible. Get him to move beyond that, and see that he can do more than focus his energies obsessively into a single thing at a time -- develop a head for all seasons, as 'twere.
He's already proven that he isn't perfect, through a lack of good judgement; he simply needs to recognise and accept that fact, and allow that realisation to open new doors to him, instead of shutting the ones he's chosen to believe would be inaccessible to him were he to accept it.
4915237 But isn't embracing one's imperfection a step away from improving oneself? If you admit that the goal is impossible to reach, have you not just given up on said goal? How can you hope to pursue something if you've already given up on it in advance?
4915298
The key difference is in choosing to accept one's lack of perfection, and make something of it, rather than settling for it. In point of fact, refusing to accept one's imperfection is settling for it, because perceived perfection is in and of itself a point-blank refusal to acknowledge that one can make mistakes or in any way be in need of improvement. It's a fundamentally flawed position.
Fun fact, it's also one of those delightful questions that the Buddhists have been pondering for millennia: can one truly ever be enlightened, if one has the hubris to believe one is enlightened?
4915310 The thing is, this man can see the mistakes he makes. He does not wish for them to be a part of him, so he fights against them. Is that not a noble fight?
4915313
Not if it's ultimately self-defeating.
What form does the fight take? Refusal to acknowledge, or the attempt to better and overcome? Therein lies your answer.
4915322 If a mass murderer refrains herself from ever killing, is she really a mass murderer? It's not what's on the inside that matters; it's the thing you do on the outside that counts. And he does wish to eliminate as many mistakes as he can at expense of all of his free time. He wishes to become a man who rarely makes a mistake, and he focuses all his efforts toward that goal.
4915468
Aha! And here we see the moving target ploy in practise. First he wanted to be perfect, now he's comfortable 'rarely' making a mistake. Which is it? He can't have both, and I can't answer a question if the parameters of it keep changing.
(Also, no; the inner and the outer selves are intrinsically linked in how they interact with and affect one another and thus cannot be distinguished along the lines you describe. There is only the self -- the actions and impetuses that make up that self are one and the same.)
4915729 He wants to come close to perfection. However, not even he believes that the pure perfection is possible for a human. To simplify things, he just hates making mistakes. Making no mistakes would be ideal. Making only a few mistakes would not be as good, but it would still be better than the situation he's in now where he does make some mistakes from time to time.
A person can feel something and do something else. If that wasn't so, nobody would ever visit a dentist. Usually, what needs doing is the right thing to do, not what you feel like doing.