• Member Since 28th Aug, 2011
  • offline last seen Last Friday

Cold in Gardez


Stories about ponies are stories about people.

More Blog Posts181

  • 18 weeks
    Against Literalism

    “I think I see it,” Rainbow Dash whispered. She squeezed as low to the rocks as she could and crawled forward over the tumbled-down ruins of the jungle temple. “It’s just up ahead, in the nave.”

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    18 comments · 840 views
  • 20 weeks
    Who loves Sci-Fi (Spoiler: It's this guy)

    So, in the ten years I've been writing pony fan-fiction, I have had a persistent dilemma: I love sci-fi, but the MLP universe is intrinsically a fantasy setting. Many noble stories have bridged that gap, including some of my personal favorites (Kkat's Fallout, Iceman's Friendship is Optimal, and Arad's Stardust, as a small sampling). But except for a few scraps in my

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    17 comments · 538 views
  • 23 weeks
    Some original fantasy writing

    Normally when I write original fiction, it is strictly fiction – that is to say, not 'genre' fiction (i.e. science fiction, fantasy, etc). But I do love me some fantasy, so when the opportunity came to produce an original piece accompanying a favorite old game world of mine, I could barely pass up the chance. So if fantasy is your jam, you may enjoy this.

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    12 comments · 582 views
  • 26 weeks
    Romance Novels

    “What if,” Spike said, “Ginger Gypsy hadn’t been afraid to confess her love? Would you still hate her so much?”

    I frowned. “Hate is a strong word. I never said I hated her.”

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    24 comments · 761 views
  • 28 weeks
    Back to a more normal posting schedule

    Hey folks,

    I just published a pretty huge chapter in my favorite story, The World is Filled with Monsters. I have a good plan for the rest of the current act, and the rest of the story to follow.

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    27 comments · 614 views
Jul
31st
2018

Love Poison No. 9 · 2:04pm Jul 31st, 2018

“...and it was in that vital moment Ginger Gypsy realized her mask, the carefully schooled edifice of flesh and bone that she had trained for years to guard the secrets of her heart, had at last betrayed her. That those were tears leaving hot trails down her cheeks; that her lips, so long practiced to sneer in derision, now curled in pain. ‘Goodbye,’ she whispered, though she knew Buttercup had long passed beyond the sound of her voice. ‘Goodbye.’”

So saying, Twilight Sparkle turned the last page of 45 Reasons Why and closed the book, setting it gently on the coffee table in front of the couch. After a moment she lifted her glass of wine for another long sip.

“Wow,” Starlight Glimmer said. She lay across the couch’s other cushion, reclining against the armrest with her legs curled loosely beneath her barrel. Her own glass of wine floated somewhat unsteadily beside her, swimming through the air in time with her attention. “I mean, it’s a little, you know, over-dramatic, maybe,” she paused for another sip and cleared her throat. “It kinda hits you right here, you know? That place in your chest where you feel things.”

“Your heart?”

“Yeah, that’s it.” Starlight finished off her glass and concentrated hard on setting it down on the table, where several empty bottles stood guard over it. A magnum of Reisling, still half-full, filled the air with a heady, fruity scent. She very carefully lifted it and splashed a bit in her glass. Apricots assaulted her nose. “More?”

“Uh.” Twilight considered her options, which seemed at this point to consist of varying levels of being drunk. Since she’d already crossed that bridge, there didn’t seem like much reason to stop now. “Sure. Not… not too much, though.”

Starlight giggled at something. “Okay, princess. Just a smidge for her highness.”

“Stop that.” Twilight batted at Starlight’s tail and giggled herself. She couldn’t help it – she was in a giggly mood. That realization brought on a moment of introspection, followed almost immediately by a touch of the melancholy drifting that so often afflicted her in times of deep thought. She shook her head to banish the feeling and nearly tipped out of her seat.

“So, what did you think?” Starlight asked. She apparently didn’t notice Twilight’s attempts to capsize their couch.

“Oh, um.” Twilight blinked rapidly and focused on the book. “Well, for a romance novel, it seemed to flout some of the major conventions of the genre. Aren’t… aren’t the lovers supposed to end up together at the end? But that didn’t happen. Instead they just drifted away.”

“I think they failed the author’s test. If they deserved a happy ending, they should’ve earned it, but they didn’t. Ginger Gypsy couldn’t open up and be honest, and Buttercup was too concerned with her own dreams.”

“And Ginger Gypsy realized it too late.” Twilight licked her lips. They were sweet with the residue of the wine. “That… that’s the worst thing, I think. That she realized, at the end, what she could’ve had.”

“Yeah.” Starlight stared into her glass, as though some secret swam beneath the surface. “Did… have you ever felt like that?”

“I, uh.” Twilight cleared her throat. No. Of course not. That’s silly. “Yes,” she blurted out. As soon as the word escaped she gasped, as if to draw it back in, but by then Starlight’s ears had already perked up to full attention.

“...really?”

Well, too late to back out now. “I mean, sort of. It was just a crush! A silly filly thing. Stupid, really. Why, to think!” She forced out a laugh.

“It’s not silly.” Starlight took another long sip and closed her eyes. “It was Celestia, wasn’t it?”

Emergency! Abort! Abort! Twilight swallowed. Finally, she nodded.

“I figured.” Starlight mumbled. “She’s perfect. So wise and kind and beautiful and, uh, perfect. It’s common for students to have crushes on their teachers, you know. Unreq… unrequited feelings.”

“It’s still silly.” Twilight took a deep breath, willing herself to calm down. “What about you?”

“Oh, um.” Starlight studied her wine intently. “I’ve, uh, had relations before, but love? No. No time for love when you’re conquering the world, right? Ha ha.”

“Really?” Twilight scooted a bit closer and set her hoof on Starlight’s. “You mean you’ve never felt anything for somepony?”

Starlight’s eyes fixed on Twilight’s hoof, and for a long moment she stared at it in silence. Finally, she jerked back to the present. “Well, uh… since you mention it…”

“Yes?” Twilight leaned forward.

“There is one pon— mare, who I’ve, uh, had feelings for. She’s so smart and kind and perfect, but she could never love me. How could anypony love me?”

“Starlight!” Twilight’s voice cracked like a whip. “Don’t you dare say such a thing! You deserve love just as much as anypony! You’re smart, and funny, and being around you makes me, uh, feel like I need to be better. That’s… uh, lots of ponies could find that attractive!”

“But I’ve made so many mistakes. I’m not a nice pony. I’m not—”

“Shh.” Twilight silenced her with the tip of her hoof on Starlight’s lips. Her aim was a bit off so she kind of smooshed them a bit, but the effect was the same. “Starlight, you… you’re perfect just the way you are. You try harder than anypony I know to be good. And that… I…”

Starlight grasped Twilight’s hoof. “Yes?”

“Well, I mean, I’m just saying, like, hypothetically, um, if we were alone on an island—”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, just kiss already,” Rainbow Dash said. She finished off her half-full glass in one chug. “Fuck. It’s like watching balloon animals try to have sex.”

“That’s it, I’m cutting you off,” Rarity said. She floated Dash’s glass and the nearest two bottles of wine away. “You have to let them move at their own pace. Besides, I think they’re cute like this. Also, language, darling. Fluttershy is with us.”

“I’ll language you.”

“Sorry, Rares, I gotta side with Dash on this one,” Applejack said. “These two’re just gonna sit next to each other and blush and stammer ‘til judgement day at this rate.”

“Hey, we’re right here,” Starlight said.

“Sometimes I have to help my little woodland critters find the right mate,” Fluttershy said. She’d acquired Applejack’s stetson at some point, and wore it so low on her head that it concealed everything but the tip of her muzzle. “They’re not all smart enough to do it themselves.”

“Okay, first off, Starlight and I are not woodland critters,” Twilight said. “Second, why are we the focus here? None of you have special someponies.”

“Maaaaybe you’re just fun to tease,” Pinkie Pie offered. “Or maybe we’re all so afraid of our own lack of relationships that we hope by focusing on you to distract ourselves from the slow, impending realization that every year we grow older but never seem any closer to achieving the markers of adulthood that our parents’ generation mastered so easily and who now expect us to follow in their hoofsteps despite all the complications of modern life that make marriage, home ownership and parenthood so much harder to achieve.”

“Hey, have you met my parents?” Dash said. She eyed her stolen glass, now cradled in Rarity's hooves, like a slightly drunken hawk.

“Okay, listen,” Twilight said. She rose to her hooves, wobbled a bit, and held her wings out for balance. “I’m only going to say this once.”

There was a pause while she sorted out her thoughts.

And then she threw up all over the coffee table.

Comments ( 35 )

“Oh for fuck’s sake, just kiss already,” Rainbow Dash said. She finished off her half-full glass in one chug. “Fuck. It’s like watching balloon animals try to have sex.”

:pinkiehappy: "No it's not! This is!"
(unspeakable squeaking)
:rainbowderp: "Pinkie, that wasn't an invitation!"

Also, Pinkie got a little too real at the end there. Still, it's nice to have the occassional philosophy-free slice of life in this series. Though given the alcohol content, I suppose this particular slice is tiramisu.

4911057
Ain't nobody more real than Pinkie :pinkiehappy:

Darn it, CiG, now I'm gonna have that song stuck in my head for the next hour.

Ah Twilight, so eloquent.

I live for endings like this.

“Sometimes I have to help my little woodland critters find the right mate,” Fluttershy said... “They’re not all smart enough to do it themselves.”

And that's how sexual selection for intelligence works :twilightsmile:
(which Fluttershy messes with)

A bold statement, Twilight.

Utterly hilarious and pretty much in character for all of them.

Beautiful. Also, at least Twilight wasn't kissing Starlight when she... ended all conversation. :twilightoops:

“Sometimes I have to help my little woodland critters find the right mate,” Fluttershy said. She’d acquired Applejack’s stetson at some point, and wore it so low on her head that it concealed everything but the tip of her muzzle. “They’re not all smart enough to do it themselves.”

BWA-HA-HA-HAHAHAHAHA!

“Maaaaybe you’re just fun to tease,” Pinkie Pie offered. “Or maybe we’re all so afraid of our own lack of relationships that we hope by focusing on you to distract ourselves from the slow, impending realization that every year we grow older but never seem any closer to achieving the markers of adulthood that our parents’ generation mastered so easily and who now expect us to follow in their hoofsteps despite all the complications of modern life that make marriage, home ownership and parenthood so much harder to achieve.”

i2.wp.com/walkswithin.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/That-escalated-quickly.jpg

4911058
4911057
Isn't it Pinkie's job to blurt out things that are true but nopony else is willing to say? Or is that baking? I always get those two confused.

In Vino Veritas.

Pinkie got a bit deep there.
And Twilight's final thought was hilarious.
I was so so waiting for Starlight to inadvertently crush Twi's feelings and hopes by saying she wanted Trixie.

I can empathize with Twilight. I'm in the same sort of situation.

It's comforting to seeing she would handle it as eloquently as I would.

Pinkie was hysterical!

Great as always, CiG!

God damn you, you perfect human

Best story. For such a happy pony, Pinkie sure has a way with uncomfortable truths

...Why on Earth have I not already been following you? Some terrible oversight, surely.

4911216

That was the other direction I thought about going. But sometimes I'm in no mood to be cruel!

Man, this is great. Definitely got some laughs out of me.

Meanwhile off-camera, Trixie and Sunburst are going at it like crazed weasels.

“Maaaaybe you’re just fun to tease,” Pinkie Pie offered. “Or maybe we’re all so afraid of our own lack of relationships that we hope by focusing on you to distract ourselves from the slow, impending realization that every year we grow older but never seem any closer to achieving the markers of adulthood that our parents’ generation mastered so easily and who now expect us to follow in their hoofsteps despite all the complications of modern life that make marriage, home ownership and parenthood so much harder to achieve.”

"CLOSED-CAPTIONED FOR THE SUBTEXT-IMPAIRED."

"Crow, isn't that...ableist, kinda?"

"Oh, trying to be an 'ally,' there, Mr. Bipedal Locomotion?"

"I can't help the way I was born, Tom..."

4911059

now I'm gonna have that song stuck in my head for the next hour.

🎶 I held my nose,
I closed my eyes!
I took a drink! 🎶

It’s common for students to have crushes on their teachers.

Oh nooo...

Fluttershy said. She’d acquired Applejack’s stetson at some point, and wore it so low on her head that it concealed everything but the tip of her muzzle.

Okay, that's ridiculously adorable. Fluffle Heart (or whatever her name is) is going to have to have words that that adora-pone.

This whole piece makes me wonder why Aragon doesn't do more romance.
Oh hang on, he does do romance and romance gives their full consent.

Cold, I need you to do me a favor. Collect all of these into a story. Publish the story. Then I can favorite and like it and be happy. Can you do that please?

4912666
Hmm, okay, but I don't see these entries? Have you just not published all the chapters yet?

Speaking as someone who would normally hate this ship...

More, please! :pinkiehappy:

Loved this one

Ha ha ha!

Also, I object to the Starlight & Pals anthology format, because no matter how much I like some of the individual episodes, I can only give the whole thing one updoot.

I have no constructive comment on how to fix that, just a useless complaint. :twilightsmile:

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